


Loved or Feared

by Rudolphsd



Series: The continent of Scala ad Caelum [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Big brother Vanitas, Blood and Violence, CSA, Child Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Lots of Crying, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Sibling Love, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Vanitas Swears (Kingdom Hearts), Wayfinder Trio, heart hotel family, long fic, platonic physical affection the fic, politics written by a stem major, repliku goes by 'nixio', roxas the homicidal nine year old, ships are mentioned but are not a focus, talking about feelings, there's sorikai akusai and zexion x demyx but it's all really minor, wayfinder family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-01-03 07:16:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 57
Words: 154,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21175532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rudolphsd/pseuds/Rudolphsd
Summary: The Realm of Light and the Realm of Darkness have coexisted in peace for hundreds of years thanks to, in part, a temporary year-long exchange of royal representatives once a generation. Prince-knight Terra of the Realm of Light was sent to the Realm of Darkness almost a year ago for the exchange, but something went wrong. Unfortunately, no one can figure out what happened, not even Terra himself. Now, war is on the horizon, and everyone at the Land of Departure must deal with the past in order to face the uncertain future.Political/ royal AUWinner in the novel category of the 2019 Kumoricon fanfiction competition





	1. Prologue: It’s all wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning:
> 
> This story is about abuse, and thus contains depictions and discussion of physical and emotional abuse, as well as discussions and mentions of child sexual abuse (abbreviated to CSA in future content warnings). The event is shown only in flashbacks, and described only in terms of feelings and vague positioning (i.e. against the wall, bad feelings, fear). I have tried to keep it as non graphic and non gratuitous as I can possibly manage, but a character does briefly (less than a sentence) describe it in vague, crude words. Abuse, especially sexual abuse of children, is a sensitive topic, and I have done my best to handle it with care. However, no narrative is perfect, and I apologize for any mistakes I may have made along the way. This fic also has graphic depictions of physical violence, blood, and violent death, but they are very rare and mostly at the end. In addition, characters deal with suicide ideation, self-harm, internalized ableism, panic attacks, and PTSD flashbacks. I will do my best to label each chapter that contains any of these. If, for any reason, you’ve read this paragraph-long content warning and decided not to read this- that’s fine. Take care of yourself. Your mental health is important.
> 
> As mentioned above, this fic deals with abuse and abuse recovery, but no narrative about abuse is perfect. The time scale of recovery and removal from abuse especially should not be taken as a guide. If you want to learn more about abuse dynamics and recovery, I recommend Why Does He Do That? by Bancroft. For a more specific guide to unhealthy parental dynamics, I recommend Toxic Parents by Forward. The pdfs for both of these are easily accessible if your financial situation is difficult.
> 
> I hope you’re not too intimidated by this disclaimer. This is a character-driven story with a lot of platonic affection, love, and fluff. It can be gritty, but it’s not dark other than that. I’ll stop talking and let you read now- I hope you enjoy.
> 
> *Also, “Nixio” is the name I use for Repliku. I got the name from “A blank canvas” by Erisandmira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: blood mention

The instant she stepped into the Darkner throne room, Aqua knew something was wrong. Her heart had been disturbed nearly the entire eleven and a half months of the exchange, but she was not a Princess of Heart, so she couldn’t see what her heart was warning her about. Furthermore, Vanitas, their Darkner guest, was such a handful that she assumed her heart was warning her about him. But she knew the truth now, and the only thing to fear was in the Darkner castle. 

Her heart lurched when she saw Terra. He was wearing his armor, just as Aqua was, so she couldn’t see his face, but he was standing on the Darkner side on the room. When she and the two Princesses of Heart she was traveling with entered, he stepped towards them, but he froze mid step and stayed on the Darkner side. 

_ “You’re a prince-knight of the Realm of Light,” _ she wanted to shout. _ “The exchange doesn’t change that. Get on our side of the room!” _

Maybe he had forgotten protocol, but no, he had stepped forward. Something was stopping him. Aqua looked over to the throne, but King Xehanort had made no movements or signals that she could see. The two eldest princes had expressions of stone, but the youngest prince had the smallest of satisfied smiles on his face.

“Welcome to the Realm of Darkness,” Xehanort said. He did not deserve the title of King, and so Aqua would not grant it to him in the safety of her own thoughts. His voice was like blades scraping against rocks. “What business brings two Princesses of Heart and a prince-knight of the Realm of Light to our castle unannounced?”

Aqua stood from her polite bow and retracted her helmet into her armor crown. “There is urgent business we must discuss with _ prince-knight _ Terra.” 

“What business?” Xehanort asked.

“We are not required to tell you.” Princess Kairi was a decade younger than Aqua, but she practically glowed with an inner grace that Aqua could never even hope to achieve. “This is a private matter within the _ Lightner _ court.”

Nine years old, and Kairi had already mastered the art of saying multiple things at once.

Aqua resisted the urge to look at Terra. She was afraid of what her face might convey now that it was visible to the Darkner court.

Xehanort narrowed his cold, snake-yellow eyes. “Very well. Prince Ansem?”

One of the princes snapped, and a Heartless appeared.

“This will show you to a private chamber,” Prince Ansem said.

“With all due respect, Lord Terra has been here long enough to be able to lead us to a private chamber by himself,” Princess Rapunzel said. Her voice rang with authority.

Xehanort made a big show of nodding to Terra. “Take them to a private chamber,”  he said in Zalaamic, the dominant Darkner tongue.

_ “YOU ARE NOT HIS KING!” _Aqua wanted to roar. But she had enough control to put her helmet back on and follow Terra to an empty room. Princess Kairi and Princess Rapunzel waited outside without prompting.

Once they were alone, Aqua ripped her helmet off her face. She didn’t even bother to retract it. 

“What the hell is going on?” she asked. The expletive shocked her- she blamed Vanitas’s influence, but she had more important matters to worry about. 

Terra retracted his armor into his crown. The metal wings on his crown were tall, and it usually made him look bigger than he already was, but now, despite his crown and his height, he looked so small. Below his armor, he was wearing the same robes as the princes were. His skin had turned pale, almost ashen, in the year he was away, and he had lost weight. The Realm of Darkness had not been kind to him. 

He tried schooling his face, but Aqua knew him better than she knew the Realm of Light itself. Sorrow dripped from every part of him. She confirmed it when he looked in her eyes and- since when did he make direct eye contact? He hated it, he always had. Even now she could tell it made him uncomfortable, but he held it anyway.

“What is your business here, Lord Aqua?”

_ Lord _ Aqua? That title was reserved for events of the highest formality and use by foreign dignitaries. At internal meetings she was Lady Aqua, and to her guardian-king and fellow prince-knights she was just Aqua. Aqua had even spoken to him in Akarian, their preferred Lightner tongue, but he had responded in Common Tongue.

“I-” Aqua didn’t know where to start, but her frantic shock wouldn’t help. She forced herself to calm down, then looked back at Terra, below his eyes and not at them. “Why are you being so formal? It’s me, Terra.”

That was guilt on his face. He wiped it blank in a second, but Aqua saw it. “I- Lord Aqua, you should not speak so informally to a Darkner.”

Blood was roaring in her ears. “The exchange doesn’t change your allegiance, Terra. Have you forgotten?” 

Terra didn’t even bother wiping the guilt off his face this time. “I-I messed up, Aqua. I pledged loyalty to _ Xehanort _.” He bore his teeth at the name, and his eyes flashed gold instead of their normal dusty blue. The anger was gone just as soon as it erupted, drowned by his sorrow. “I-” his voice broke “I betrayed you and Ven.”

“I don’t believe that it’s that simple. My heart is telling me that’s something’s been wrong all year. I know the exchange isn’t officially over for another two weeks, but maybe we can figure out a way to get you home early.” 

“Stop trying to make this better,” Terra said. “I don’t belong in the Realm of Light. I never did.”

“Don’t you want to come home?”

Silence filled the room. He was shaking.

“This is my home now,” he finally said.

Aqua wasn’t getting anywhere with this.

“You said you bowed to the king,” she said, “but I know _ exactly _ what kind of man he is. Did he coerce you into it?”

Terra said nothing. 

“Can I take your hands?” she asked. It always grounded him when he had something to grab onto when he was about to have a meltdown, and it looked like he was about to have one.

“You shouldn’t,” he said. He finally stopped using Common Tongue. His distress was much more audible in Akarian. “You should leave me, and go home- back to the Realm of Light. Why are you even here?” 

“I can’t answer that until you’re feeling better. Are you having a meltdown?”

“I-I’m sorry,” he said. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Aqua said. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry- I didn’t want to, but-”

She took his hands. He moved one arm to her shoulder and gripped it like he was holding on for dear life. Was it happening already? Terra sobbed as the meltdown moved through him.

When the worst of it was over, his grip on Aqua’s shoulder relaxed and he looked away from her.

“How are you feeling?”

Terra didn’t answer, but Aqua could see shame on his face again. Meltdowns were frustrating in the best of circumstances, but at least the worst of it was over. She wished she could have prevented it, but she was glad it happened when they were alone, and not in front of the Darkner court.

“Breathe in,” Aqua said quietly.

He took a shuddering breath.

“Breathe out.”

“I’m sorry I-”

“Breathe in.”

They stood there for more than a few minutes, just breathing. Something had gone very wrong in Terra’s year away, but Aqua was with him now, and she would do everything she could to help him. She didn’t care if it meant breaking the exchange rules by taking him home. 

Eventually, he calmed down. Relief painted a smile on Aqua’s face.

“Right now, I’m not here as Lady Aqua or Lord Aqua or a prince-knight. I’m here as your friend. It’s going to be okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he said.

“Yes, it is-”

Terra snatched his hands back. “Why are you here, Aqua? Is this about the rumor?” His tone was aggressive, but at least it wasn’t agitated anymore.

“Partially, yes. Is it true?”

“No.”

Aqua looked away. “I’m sorry for asking.”

“Don’t be. It’s protocol. No one is above the accusation. Besides, I was using it.”

Terra was using a rumor? When did he learn something so… sneaky?

“Using it for what?”

For the first time since she had entered the room, Terra smiled. “I saved people, Aqua. I don’t care if the rest of Scala ad Caelum thinks I’m a monster. I’d do it again.” His smile faded. “I wish I could have done more.” 

Aqua smiled again. That was the Terra she knew.

“I have to talk to the alleged survivor,” Aqua said. “Do you know where-”

“That’s it!” Terra exclaimed. “You can take Naminé away from here! You can grant her political asylum.”

As a prince-knight of the Realm of Light, Terra had the right to grant her political asylum as well, but Aqua didn’t want to restart that argument.

“Is Naminé her name?”

“Yeah. She should be in the basement. She always hides in there when something happens.”

“Okay,” Aqua said, “but I’m here for another reason, too. Do you know where Ven is?”

Terra narrowed his eyes. “Ven? I haven’t seen him in a year.” His face darkened. “He never wrote. You didn’t either.”

So Vanitas was right.

“We wrote every day,” Aqua said, “like we promised. But we found out the person writing back wasn’t you. Ven got worried, and then we heard the rumor, and he ran off. I think Vanitas took him here to talk to you.”

Fear flashed across Terra’s face. “Ven’s here?”

“We don’t know,” Aqua said, “but where else would he be?”

Terra set his jaw. “I’ll look for him.” His face softened into a sad smile. “Please, take care of Naminé.” He said it like he wasn’t expecting to see her ever again. 

Aqua left the room. The sooner she found Naminé, the sooner she could find out what was really going on.

Princess Rapunzel and Princess Kairi followed at Aqua’s heels the instant she left the room.

“What’s going on?” Princess Rapunzel asked. “Is Lord Terra okay?”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Aqua said, “but Terra is not okay. Do either of you know what’s happening?”

Princess Rapunzel shook her head. “Sorry, Lady Aqua. I’m not very good at divination.”

Aqua smiled. “Well, you’re our best Healer, and that’s why you’re here.” She turned to Princess Kairi. “My lady, do you know what’s going on with Terra?”

Princess Kairi tilted her head in thought. “I know what will happen, but I don’t know why he’s…”

She trailed off in the absence of an appropriate word. Aqua didn’t want to find one.

“He told us to find a girl named Naminé,” Aqua said.

Princess Kairi gasped. “Naminé?”

Aqua stopped. “Do you know her?”

Princess Kairi’s eyes were distant. “It could be someone else…” She straightened. “We’ll see.”

Although they technically had been invited into the castle, Aqua didn’t want to run into anyone else. The more people that saw them, the more complicated extraction would be. Their footsteps echoed on the cold, white floor. The entire castle was a faded mausoleum made of sterile-white marble. Aqua didn’t know how anyone could live in it.

Finally, they reached the basement level. 

Princess Kairi shivered and rubbed her bare arms. “There’s a lot of dark magic down here.”

Aqua didn’t need to be a Princess of Heart to tell that. It was like a completely different world. Books filled with archaic runes were scattered on almost every available surface. Diagrams of the human body and heart in various stages of development were on the walls. The floors were covered with circles in all sizes, each with their own scripts and symbols. Goat skulls, Xehanort’s family sigil, were everywhere: in the books, scribbled on the floor, and physically present on some tables and wall hangings.

“Naminé?” Aqua called. 

The stations looked only recently abandoned. A quill was dropped in the middle of a sentence, and the ink was still wet.

Princess Kairi closed her eyes and walked through the room. She effortlessly avoided tripping over any piles of books or goat skulls as she approached a closet door. Silently, she pointed at it. Unlike the others, this one had only a few papers attached- childish drawings of people in black or white robes.

Aqua knocked on the door quietly. “Naminé?”

“Come in,” a quiet voice said.

Aqua opened the closet door. Curled inside was a girl about Kairi’s age, but while Kairi was sturdy with her tanned skin and freckles from her home at the Destiny Islands, Naminé looked like a sun-faded wisp that could blow away at any second. White-blonde hair was swept over one shoulder, and she looked up with pale blue eyes.

“You’re Aqua,” Naminé said.

Aqua kneeled down so she was at eye level. “Are you Naminé?”

She nodded. 

Aqua opened the door wider and held out her hand. “We can talk where there’s more space.”

Naminé took her hand and let Aqua help her out of the closet. Princess Kairi froze.

“Naminé?” Princess Kairi said. “Is that really you?”

Naminé nodded.

To Aqua’s surprise, Princess Kairi ran over and embraced her. There were tears in her eyes.

“I knew you weren’t dead!” she cried. 

Slowly, Naminé returned the hug. “I thought you were dead for a very long time. Father had no idea what happened to you.”

Kairi leaned back to look at Naminé. “What happened to him? Is he here?”

Naminé looked away. “Father’s dead. Xehanort had him executed two years ago.”

Sadness drifted across Princess Kairi’s face. “O-oh. I’m glad you’re okay, though.” She hugged Naminé tighter. The contact seemed to stress Naminé out, but she didn’t complain. 

“How do you know Naminé?” Princess Rapunzel asked.

“She’s my little sister,” Princess Kairi said. “I knew she was alive, but…”

Aqua tapped Princess Kairi on her shoulder.

“I have to talk to Naminé alone,” she said. “Is that okay?”

Princess Kairi let go of her sister with a smile. “Only if it’s okay with her.”

Naminé nodded, so Princess Kairi and Princess Rapunzel left the room.

“Are you here to ask about the rumor?” Naminé asked.

Aqua nodded sadly.

“It’s not true,” she said. “Terra just wanted to help me. He never…”

Aqua smiled. “I know. I have to ask. There’s protocol in the Realm of Light about accusations of this nature.”

Naminé frowned. “I never made any accusations. There was just the rumor.” She looked back at Aqua with pleading eyes. “Are you here to help Terra?”

“Yes. Do you know what political asylum is?”

Naminé shook her head.

“It means you can live in the Realm of Light, and we’ll protect you if a Darkner is after you. Terra asked me to grant you asylum.”

“I’m not leaving without him,” Naminé said. “I can’t leave him here.”

“I’m not abandoning Terra either,” Aqua said. “He’s coming with us.”

Taking him away before the year was up would be breaking the rules of the exchange, but she had a sinking feeling that Xehanort had been doing that all year. 

Naminé’s eyes lit up a little before she shrank back. “C-can I… is it…”

“It’s okay,” Aqua said. “You can ask anything.”

“Can you grant asylum to more people?” she asked. She flinched away after she asked, as if she were afraid the question would make Aqua mad.

“Well, it depends,” Aqua said, voice as gentle as she could manage. “Is there anyone else who wants to leave the Realm of Darkness?”

“Almost everybody does,” Naminé said. “My friends Roxas and Xion are Keyblade wielders, and then there’s their friend Axel and Xion’s brothers Zexion and Nixio, and her father Vexen.”

“I’d have to talk to them,” Aqua said. “But if they want to, they can come to the Realm of Light with us.” 

Taking in seven asylum-seekers might not be the best idea for preserving relations with the Realm of Darkness, but Aqua couldn’t turn away anyone looking for help. Besides, maybe it was time for that relationship to change.

Naminé smiled. “Thank you.”

“One more thing,” Aqua said. “Have you seen Vanitas? There should be a blonde boy with him that’s his age.”

She shook her head. 

Where could they be?

“Alright,” Aqua said. “Princess Rapunzel will take you two outside the castle, and I’ll look for the people you mentioned. Is that okay?”

Naminé nodded. “Can I grab my sketchbooks?”

“Of course,” Aqua said. “Bring anything you might want.”

Naminé disappeared into the closet and reappeared with only a couple of sketchbooks in her arms. She held them to her body like they were a shield.

The next hour was a blur of searching for the people Naminé mentioned. Zexion and Vexen agreed almost instantly and ran down to the basement to gather their work. Apparently, it contained vital information the Realm of Light could use. Nixio refused to leave, and Aqua didn’t waste time arguing with him. Axel practically shoved Roxas and Xion into her hands.

“You guys go ahead,” he said. “I have to find my idiot husband and drag him back.”

Aqua had barely enough time to process that no, Roxas was not Ven, before she took them to Naminé, Princess Kairi, and Princess Rapunzel. Vexen and Zexion were waiting with their hands full of books and papers.

“Where’s your brother?” Vexen asked Xion as he handed her a pile of papers.

“He didn’t want to come. Said he’d rather stay with his master.”

Vexen sneered. “Foolish boy. I hope he comes to his senses before it’s too late.”

Xion shifted the pile of papers in her hands. “Me too.”

Roxas tugged on Aqua’s hand. “Where’s Axel?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “But we’re not leaving yet. Not without Ven.”

“My brother can take care of himself,” Roxas insisted.

He was Ven’s brother? She didn’t know he had any, other than Vanitas and Sora. At least that explained why they looked identical in all but age. 

Aqua scanned the castle nervously. Sooner or later, their crowd would be discovered by one of the royal family members, and she didn’t want there to be a fight.

Princess Kairi looked at Aqua as if she read her mind. “Everyone else in the castle is searching for the intruders. It’ll take a long time before they notice anything else is wrong.”

“Intruders? Do you mean Ven and Vanitas were spotted in there?”

Kairi nodded. Aqua prepared to run back into the castle when she heard heavy footsteps and shouting.

Terra and Axel stumbled out of the castle, carrying a man with blue hair between them. Blood was dripping from a hole in his stomach. Axel seemed to be yelling at the man.

“Don’t you dare die you stupid-”

“Princess Rapunzel!” Aqua called.

Terra and Axel laid the man flat in front of her.

“Please,” Axel begged.

“When did he get hurt?” Princess Rapunzel asked.

“About ten minutes ago,” Terra said.

“Stomach wounds take hours to bleed out,” Princess Rapunzel said. She smiled gently. “He’s going to be okay.”

She turned to the man on the ground and began to heal him with her magic song. Everyone turned to them, fixated on the soft glow, except for Aqua and Terra.

“Did you find Ven?” Aqua asked.

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” Terra said.

“Princess Kairi says that the rest of the castle is looking for him and Vanitas,” Aqua said.

They got up and walked back into the castle without any further words.

“I’ll take the upper level, you take the lower level,” Terra said.

Aqua nodded and began her search.

The first floor felt like an endless maze of blank rooms. How could anyone navigate this place? 

Footsteps caught Aqua’s attention. She threw herself against a wall and slowly peeked around the edge-

It was just Nixio. He trudged his way down the hall, tears dripping from his face. Aqua moved in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“My master rejected me,” he said. “He said he wouldn’t teach me anymore.”

Aqua didn’t know who his master was, but it didn’t matter at the moment.

“Your family is worried about you,” she said. “Your sister and father wanted you to come with us.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll take you to them.”

Nixio still didn’t respond, but he followed her back out of the castle. When Zexion spotted him, he ran up and embraced him.

“Thank you, Lady Aqua,” he said.

Aqua smiled down at them before running back in. She still hadn’t found a single sign of Ven or Vanitas. At the stairs, she paused.

Heavy footsteps, multiple pairs, were approaching the staircase. As they came closer, she recognized the sound of Lightner armor.

_ Terra? Ven? _

Aqua raced up the stairs two steps at a time. When she looked up, she froze.

Terra and Ven were in front of her, both encased in their armor. Between them stood Vanitas. Blood was soaking his clothes and dripping from Void Gear. He was smiling in the way that always annoyed Aqua, like he knew something she didn’t and was infinitely smarter than her because of it. But his next words made her forget her annoyance immediately.

“We need to go,” he said, still smirking. “I just killed Xehanort.” 


	2. Morning that day

_Aqua had been tossing and turning all night thinking about the rumor that had reached them. She was practically choking on fear and doubt, and it made her feel so guilty she wanted to cry. At that moment, she would have given anything to see Terra again, but it was against the rules of the exchange to visit, and Vanitas had just proved that their letters weren’t going to Terra. _

_ It would be okay. There was less than a month left of the exchange. Once Terra was home, he could explain everything and it would all be okay. _

“What about Vanitas?” _ a voice inside her whispered. _“Would you send him back to Xehanort in exchange for Terra?”

_Before she was forced to confront it, there was a scraping sound from Ven’s room, like a window opening. _

_ Aqua got up. Maybe Ven couldn’t sleep either. They hadn’t really talked about the rumor, but they needed to. _

_ She knocked on his door. “Ven? Are you awake?” _

_ There was no answer. Aqua paused and listened, but she couldn’t hear the sound of his kitten-snore breathing. Slowly, she opened the door. _

_ The window was open, letting a cool breeze sweep into the room. The sheets moved slightly on the otherwise empty bed. Aqua’s heart lurched. _

_ She ran to the window and looked out. Ven was standing in the courtyard with his armor crown on. He was talking to Vanitas. Normally, Aqua would leave Ven’s room and enter the courtyard through the front door, but her heart told her to get to Ven as soon as possible and ask him why he was fully dressed an hour before sunrise. _

_ Vanitas turned his head as Aqua jumped out the window. He pointed at her with a smile. Ven huffed. _

_ “Fine!” he shouted. _

_ Vanitas opened a corridor of darkness. Without hesitating,Ven summoned his armor and walked in after him. _

_ “Ven!” she called. _

_ But it was too late. By the time she had reached them, the corridor of darkness was nothing but a wisp of shadow. _

_ Aqua, still in her sleeping clothes and bare feet stained with dew, raced back inside. _

_ “Master!” she called. “Master!” _

_ When she reached his chambers, he was already awake. Guardian-king Eraqus was still clothed in a nightgown, but he already had Master Keeper drawn. _

_ “What is it, Aqua?” _

_ “It’s Ven. Vanitas took him somewhere with a corridor of darkness.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus narrowed his eyes. “Did he betray us?” _

_ His voice had hope in it, like if Vanitas had betrayed them, everything he told them would somehow become less true. _

_ “I don’t think so. They might have gone to see Terra.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus’s eyes widened. “In the Realm of Darkness?” _

_ “Where else would he be?” _

_ His eyes sharpened the way they did when he was strategizing on the fly. _

_ “He cannot! If Ventus is found trespassing, he will be considered an invader. They will have the right to kill him. And Vanitas returning to the Realm of Darkness breaks the rules of the exchange.” _

_ Aqua didn’t know how to make a corridor of Darkness, and she doubted she had enough darkness in her heart to anyway. Even with her Keyblade glider at maximum speed, it would take days for Aqua to cross the continent and make it to the castle of the Darkner court. A powerful Darkner like Vanitas could make the journey in minutes. _

_ “What should we do, Master?” _

_ “There is a man named Cid who has been working on a flying ship that can cross the continent in a few hours. He lives in Traverse Town. Go to him immediately- there is no time to lose.” _

_ Aqua had never gotten dressed so quickly in her life. However, by the time she had run back to the courtyard, there were two more people there. Princess Kairi and Princess Rapunzel were still in their sleeping clothes, but their eyes were alert. _

_ “Take us with you,” Princess Kairi said. “Something important is going to happen.” _

_ “What is it?” Aqua asked. _

_ Princess Rapunzel smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I don’t know any details. She just said we would need a healer.” _

_ Aqua would rather take any other princess than Kairi. She was so small, and it was Aqua’s job to protect her. But the word of a Princess of Heart was Aqua’s law. _

_ So she took them to Cid, who let them borrow his Gummi Ship. The Gummi Ship took them to the Darkner castle in a few hours. And as Aqua looked up at the cold, looming fortress, her heart lurched with fear. _


	3. Dealing with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: blood mention

Everything after Vanitas’s revelation was a blur: taking him, Ven, and Terra outside, sending Zexion, Vexen, Naminé, and the Princesses of Heart back through the Gummi ship because they weren't equipped to travel through a corridor of darkness, and leading the small herd of people through Vanitas’s corridor of darkness.

They had gotten through without incident. Once they were back on Lightner soil, Aqua turned to Terra, Ven, and Vanitas.

“Why are you two still wearing your armor?” Come to think of it, they were wearing armor when she had run into them at the castle.

“There was a lot of blood,” Vanitas said. “They didn’t want to scare the kiddies.” He looked down at his own dark clothes, stiff from the dried blood. “I didn’t really have the option.”

“Go wash up,” Aqua said. “All of you.”

When Ven walked past her, she tapped him on the shoulder.

“Keep an eye on Terra,” she said. “I’m worried about him.”

He made no indication that he had heard her, but she knew he did. She walked to the war room and knocked on the door. 

“Enter,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. 

He, Princess Aurora, and Princess Snow White were sitting around the giant map of Scala ad Caelum that took up the majority of the room. When he looked up and saw Aqua, he relaxed a little. Princess Snow White and Princess Aurora silently stood up and took their leave. They might have known what she was going to say, or maybe they knew it was better for them to speak alone.

“Was your mission successful?” Guardian-king Eraqus asked once they shut the door behind them.

“Yes. I found Ven and Vanitas and brought them back.”

“Good. Were there any complications?”

Where to even begin?

“Yes. I have returned with eight refugees from the Realm of Darkness.”

Guardian-king Eraqus raised his eyebrows. “Eight? Do you believe them all to be in danger from the Darkner court?”

“Considering one of them was stabbed on the way out of the castle, yes.”

Guardian-king Eraqus paused for a second. “Very well. Were Ventus and Vanitas detected?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them.”

“Where are they?”

“In the baths.”

He blinked. “The baths? What in the world are they doing there?”

Aqua took a deep breath. “They’re washing off King Xehanort’s blood, Master. Vanitas killed him.”

There was a pause as the guardian-king processed the news. He practically collapsed into a chair and dropped his head in his hands. 

“Xehanort…” he whispered. 

Aqua’s heart lurched. Maybe she should have started with that. 

Suddenly, Guardian-king Eraqus was on his feet. His eyes were deadly sharp. 

“We need to bring Terra home, now. The Darkner court may retaliate if they suspect him.”

“He’s already here, Master.” Aqua paused. “He’s in bad shape,” she said quietly. 

“Why have you not taken him to a healer?” he snapped. 

“Physically, he’s fine. But something happened over there in the year he was gone.” Aqua met her master’s eyes. “He claimed he was a Darkner and belonged to Xehanort.”

Guardian-king Eraqus closed his eyes. “When they have finished cleaning up, send them in.”

“Yes, Master.”

Before Aqua closed the door, she saw Guardian-king Eraqus put his head in his hands again. 

Something was wrong with Terra.

Ven had known something was wrong in the castle for almost a week, but Guardian-king Eraqus had forbidden him from trying to reach out to Terra because it would break the terms of the exchange, and that could damage the peace between the Realm of Darkness and Realm of Light. 

But the rumor was too much. Curiosity had raced through him like an itch he couldn’t scratch until he was on the courtyard, ready to race across the continent just to know why there was a rumor like that, because it couldn’t be true, it couldn’t.

And because of his stupid curiosity, the Darkner king was dead. If only-

A flick to the side of his head knocked him out of his thoughts.

“I can’t take two people brooding in here,” Vanitas said. “Space out some other time.”

Right. He had to take care of Terra

He was across from them in the bath, staring at his hands. There was still blood dried on them.

Slowly, Ven waded through the water to Terra’s side. He never looked up, even when Ven tapped his shoulder.

He scanned Terra’s body. There were a few more scars and bruises from the last time Ven saw him, but nothing that was too big to come from anything other than training or Heartless combat. He had lost some weight. He was still covered in muscle, but it was leaner, and his cheeks were hollow. His face was… gaunt- that was the word. Maybe he was just in shock from what happened.

Ven couldn’t blame him.

There was still some dried blood on his face, too, on bits of his forehead and cheek. He tapped Terra’s shoulder again.

“There’s still blood on your face,” he said.

No answer.

Vanitas had gotten out of the bath a long time ago to wrap a towel around his waist and shoulders. He nudged Terra with his foot. “Anyone home?”

Ven smacked his foot away. “Shut up.” 

Terra didn’t even look at it.

Maybe touch would help. Ven grabbed a washcloth and dipped it into the bath. He grabbed one of Terra’s hands and began scrubbing the blood off as gently as he could. He did the same with the other hand and his face until there was no blood left.

Terra hadn’t budged.

“Terra?” Ven waved his hand in front of his face. There was still no response. 

Vanitas looked down at Ven in amusement. “If he fell into the bath like this, do you think he’d drown?”

“Shut up!”

Terra finally focused on Ven. He seemed to wake up a little, but his eyes were still mostly blank. He started to get out of the tub, so Ven did, too. He wrapped a towel around his waist and got one for Terra.

“Can you tie this?” he asked.

Terra’s eyes focused on him. He took the towel and tied it around his waist.

Ven relaxed a bit. Whatever had happened, it was ending.

“Terra?”

Ven’s voice seemed to be the final thing to wake him up. 

“Ven?” he whispered.

“How are you feeling?”

Ven yelped as Terra pulled him into a tight hug. Normally, Ven would squirm out of it or make some kind of joke, but there was a desperation to the embrace that scared him. He returned it.

“I’m okay, Terra. You’re home.”

Terra was making an odd sound. It took Ven a couple of seconds to realize he was crying quietly.

“I’m okay.”

Vanitas said nothing, and Ven had never been more grateful.

Terra took a final breath and released him. He scrubbed at his face with his arm. Ven hung on for a second longer before letting go.

There was a knock on the bath’s door. 

“Are you guys still in here?” Aqua called.

“Yeah,” Ven said.

She opened the door and entered. Vanitas jumped; he didn’t like sharing the bath with anyone. 

“The Master wants to see you three,” she said. “Do you need anything?”

“Clothes,” Vanitas said. “Unless he wants us to wear our blood-stained ones.”

Aqua looked at him. “You haven’t thrown them away yet?”

Vanitas had thrown them into the bath furnace at the first chance he got. He almost threw in Terra’s Wayfinder since it was attached to his belt. Ven double-checked that both his and Terra’s were out of the clothing pile before he let Vanitas toss them in, adding bursts of magic fire just to be thorough.

“I can do that now,” Vanitas said.

Aqua nodded and closed the door behind her. The second she did, Vanitas turned on Ven and Terra.

“Let me do the talking,” he said.

Terra narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

“Unless something has changed in the last year, Lightners suck at lying, and no one can know what really happened.”

“But-” Ven protested.

“No one,” Vanitas repeated. “This can’t even be a rumor. The Darkners can’t know what really happened. We need to do everything we can to make sure they don’t.”

“I know that,” Ven said. “But don’t you think the guardian-king should know what happened so he can deal with it if the truth does come out?”

“I don’t think you get how secrets work, Venty.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Vanitas is right,” Terra said. “The less people know, the better.” His eyes went distant for a second. “Secrets have a bad habit of getting out.”

“What if he asks one of us what happened? We can’t lie!”

“Just be vague,” Vanitas said. “Tell the truth up to a point. There are only a few details that needs to be a secret, and we all know what they are.”

“What if he asks us for too many details?”

Vanitas chuckled. “He won’t. Believe me, the old man has probably been fantasizing about interrogating me for the entire year.”

Aqua returned with plain clothes. They slipped them on, but before they left, Ven ran over to the Wayfinders and handed Terra his.

It was the first time in almost a year Ven had seen him smile.

Xion had sworn on Vexen and Zexion’s trustworthiness, but Aqua was still relieved when she saw Princess Kairi and Princess Rapunzel safely approach the castle with Naminé. Zexion and Vexen showed up at the Land of Departure a little later with a signed note from Cid thanking them for keeping the Gummi Ship in good condition. 

“I hope the walk from Traverse Town wasn’t too hard,” she said.

“Not at all,” Zexion said. “My father needed the exercise. I don’t think he’s left the castle in years.”

“Silence, boy.”

Aqua smiled.

“Your other children and the rest of the refugees are inside the castle,” she said. “I’ll take you to them.”

“How are they?” Zexion asked. 

“I haven’t been able to check on them myself,” Aqua said, “but we would be alerted if anything was amiss.”

“Has anything happened to Roxas and Xion?” Vexen asked.

Aqua frowned. “What do you mean?”

“When you were gone, they said they heard a scream,” Vexen said. “Nobody else heard it, but it seemed to disturb them greatly.”

“They seemed fine when I came back. You can check on them yourselves, though; we’re almost there.”

Aqua led them through the castle until she was at the dining hall. Zexion’s eyes darted around the hall, taking in the glittering tile, colorful windows, chairs large enough to sit two, and long, shiny table. Vexen’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he trudged across the room.

The dining hall had been turned into a makeshift camp. Guardian-king Eraqus would normally be upset to see someone lying on the table, but Princess Rapunzel was making sure that the blue-haired man had healed completely from his injuries. Axel was holding his hand. Roxas was glaring at the blue-haired man. 

The rest of the Princesses of Heart were trying their best to help. Normally, there were only two to three Princesses of Heart in the castle, but after he heard the rumor about Terra, Guardian-king Eraqus had called all seven to discuss it. They hadn’t yet had the opportunity because the seventh, Princess Jasmine, hadn’t arrived yet.

Princess Anna was trying to hold Roxas’s attention, but it wasn’t working very well. Nixio was curled up in the corner. Princess Kairi had fallen asleep on Naminé’s shoulder. Naminé was doing her best to draw in her sketchbook without disturbing her sister. Xion had been organizing papers and journals into piles on the table, but she looked up when she heard them come in.

“Dad! Zexion!”

She ran to them and threw her arms around her father. Vexen chuckled and put his hand on her head. “Yes, girl, we’re here.”

“I started organizing your things. Roxas was helping me, but…”

But he had currently taken up glaring at Axel’s husband, whose name Aqua still did not know. She approached him as he sat up from the table.

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” she said. “I’m Lady Aqua. I’m a prince-knight for the Realm of Light.”

“My name is Isa,” he said quietly.

“Shut the fuck up!” Roxas shouted. “Why are you lying? Your name is Saïx.”

Isa looked over to Roxas without malice. “Not anymore. I won’t let that man claim me for a second longer.”

“You make a good point,” Vexen said. “Now that we’ve left, there is no need for us to retain the X in our names.” He turned to Aqua. “You may call me Even.”

Zexion put his hand to his chin. “It feels like forever since I’ve been called Ienzo. I wouldn’t mind going back.”

Axel shrugged. “I don’t mind either way. I think Axel is a pretty cool name.”

Ienzo looked down at Xion and Nixio in the corner. “Would you two like new names? I don’t suppose you’d like being called No. i and No. ii…”

Xion shook her head. “You and Dad named us. It has nothing to do with Xehanort.”

“My name is fine,” Nixio said moodily.

Aqua looked at Roxas. “What about you?”

“Roxas is the name my parents gave me,” he said. “I’ll never change it, even if Xehanort himself told me to.”

That’s right, they didn’t know…

“Everyone, please sit,” Aqua said. “I have some news to deliver. If this news makes you change your mind about your desire to claim political asylum here, we will escort you back to the border safely.”

Everyone quickly found a seat around the giant table. Naminé woke Princess Kairi up with a gentle nudge. 

“King Xehanort has died.”

There was silence in the hall.

Then there was a commotion.

“Fuck yeah!” Axel shouted. 

There was general cheering among the rest of the refugees. Even little Naminé let out a cheer.

Aqua was taken aback. He was a horrible person, but he was their king… the complete lack of loyalty made her head spin. If his own subjects celebrated at his demise, he must have been worse than she thought, and that was hard to imagine.

Roxas and Xion ran up, hand in hand, faces shining in excitement.

“Who killed him?” Xion asked. “Was it Vanitas? Was he covered in Xehanort’s blood?”

It was disturbing to see such small children basking in joy from the idea. But, more to the point, Aqua was debating on whether or not to answer the question. She didn’t want to tell anyone else without Guardian-king Eraqus’s permission.

“I can’t say,” she said.

Their excitement dampened a bit. Roxas looked up at her.

“Can’t you tell us? Please? We just want to know if Vanitas did it.”

Aqua bit her lip. She was a prince-knight of the Realm of Light, first in line to become the next guardian-king; she was supposed to be immune to torture. But Roxas had Ven’s puppy-dog eyes, and it was worse because he was so much younger.

Aqua was nodding before she consciously realized it.

Smiles split across their faces.

“He did it!” Xion cheered.

Was Roxas crying? “He gave Xehanort what he deserved.”

Xion grabbed Roxas into a hug, laughing in pure joy. After a moment, she looked up at Aqua.

“Thank you,” she said.

Aqua had technically just spilled confidential information, but she couldn’t find it in herself to regret it.


	4. The Nightmare

_Ven was screaming._

_ Aqua was out of bed before she knew it, Stormfall in her hand. She rushed to his door and found Terra doing the same, Ends of the Earth at the ready. Aqua opened the door, relieved to find it unlocked, and rushed in, ready to kill whatever had hurt her friend. _

_ A cursory glance didn’t reveal anything, so Aqua sent a pulse of magic to turn on the light in his room. When she still couldn’t find anything, she dismissed Stormfall and turned to Ven. _

_ “What’s wrong?” she asked. _

_ His screaming had shifted into shaky, desperate wailing. The sound made the hair on the back of Aqua’s neck stand up. He was bent forward, fingers clutching the blankets so tight his hands were white. His face was pale and stained with tears. _

_ Ven flung himself into Aqua’s arms the instant she sat down on the bed. He started crying into her shoulder and clutching her back so hard it would leave marks. Aqua wrapped her arms around him and began to stroke his hair. Terra sat down on the bed and began to rub his back. _

_ “It’s just a nightmare,” he said. “It’s not real.” _

_ “I hope it’s not,” Ven sobbed. “Please, please let it not be real.” _

_ “You’re safe,” Aqua said. _

_ “But he’s not!” Ven shouted. _

_ He started wailing again. _

_ “He isn’t real,” Terra said. “It was just a nightmare.” _

_ “It’s not real,” Aqua cooed. _

_ Ven cried for the rest of the night. He finally fell back asleep as the first light of the morning began peeking through the horizon. _

_ He never wanted to talk about it, so they never did. _

_ Until the boy from Ven’s nightmares was exchanged for Terra. _

  
  



	5. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ven and Vanitas tell their side of the story

Ven was nervous. Terra’s face was blank and Vanitas was throwing Void Gear up and down again with a casual ease, but Ven couldn’t stay still. His leg was bouncing and his fingers were drumming and his heart was beating a million times per minute.

Why did Guardian-king Eraqus make them wait inside the war room? Couldn’t they just tell the story in his study? Were the Princesses of Heart themselves going to listen to what happened? The anticipation was killing him. His fingers increased their drumming speed.

Vanitas grabbed his wrist.

“Quit it,” he said. “It’s driving me nuts.”

Terra reached over and grabbed Vanitas’s arm. Vanitas’s entire body turned deadly still, like a cobra about to strike. Ven’s wrist fell away, forgotten.

“Take your fucking hands off of me,” Vanitas said in a venomous calm, “or I’ll remove them from your fucking body.”

“Don’t touch him,” Terra said. His voice was iron-hard.

“Get. Off!” Vanitas snarled. Void Gear was in his other hand and pointed directly at Terra. Its tip was sharpened with murderous intent. “Don’t think I won’t do it!”

Terra let go, but Ven got between them and pushed them apart anyway.

“Stop it!” he cried. “Terra, it’s fine. He’s not going to hurt me. He’s my brother, he does stuff like this all the time.

Terra narrowed his eyes. “Right.”

“Vanitas, maybe ask nicely next time.”

“Fine,” Vanitas spat. “_Please _ don’t put your hands on my fucking body again or I’ll shove them so far up your ass you’ll taste them.”

That’s when Guardian-King Eraqus entered the room. Ven was so relieved he forgot to be nervous about why they were there in the first place. He did the cursory nod, while Terra did a full bow, which made Ven squirm. Maybe it was just because it was the first time Terra had seen the guardian-king in a year, but it still looked and felt wrong. Vanitas, as usual, did neither.

“Come,” he said. “We’ll speak in my study.”

“Why’d you make us wait here then?” Vanitas whined. 

Guardian-king Eraqus didn’t answer. As they made their way to his study, Ven tried to stay between Terra and Vanitas, but they both were preoccupied with their own thoughts. 

They walked through the halls of the castle. The setting sun shone through the giant windows of the tower they were currently in, painting the walls and pillars in different colors. The floor reflected Ven’s anxious face back to him with a golden tint. Every step they took towards the office made Ven’s heart beat faster. Their footsteps sounded like the tick of a stopwatch, and Ven didn’t know what would happen when it reached zero.

Finally, they reached Guardian-king Eraqus’s study. Guardian-king Eraqus opened the door and held it open for the three of them. He entered and closed the door behind them.

The study was where Guardian-king Eraqus did the majority of his work. Windows sat on either side of his desk. There was one chair behind the desk and three in front of it. A map of Scala ad Caelum was on his desk, in between a scattered few books and papers. His desk was uncharacteristically messy; was he that stressed about Ven’s running away?

Oh, right, the Darkner king was dead. That probably explained the mess. 

“Aqua told me a little of what happened,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “but she did not provide me details. Ventus, Vanitas, tell me everything that happened since you left the Land of Departure this morning.”

This morning? So much had happened since he had left it felt like it was eons ago. 

He dodged Vanitas’s nudge. 

“Right, Master, um… I heard the rumor about Terra, and I was worried about him, so I wanted to see him. I know it broke the rules of the exchange, but Terra wasn’t the one writing the letters we got and I just wanted to see if he was okay. I-I was scared, and I couldn’t sleep, so I figured if I saw him, everything would be okay. Vanitas caught me on my way out. I wanted to use my glider, but he said he could bring me straight to the castle with a corridor of darkness.”

Guardian-king Eraqus glared at Vanitas. “You took him to the Darkner castle, knowing it was breaking the rules of the exchange?”

Vanitas didn’t even blink. “He was going to leave with or without me. I figured if he had someone who knew the castle and could take him through the back, he’d be safer and wouldn’t have to cross all of Scala ad Caelum.”

Guardian-king Eraqus didn’t say anything in response, so Ven continued his story. 

_ “This is the Darkner castle?” Ven asked. _

_ It was smaller than he expected. The castle at the Land of Departure was tall and grand, with floating towers anchored by golden chains. This looked like a shed in comparison. _

_ “These are the Heartless stables, stupid. Don’t you have eyes?” _

_ Ven looked behind him. A cold marble fortress loomed above them. Just looking at it made him shiver, but Terra was in there, and Ven’s heart told him he was in trouble. In the end, that was all that mattered. _

_ He started forward, but Vanitas grabbed his wrist. _

_ “Are you just going to waltz in?” he asked condescendingly. _

_ Ven brisled. “No! I was just getting a closer look.” _

_ “Well, don’t.” Vanitas said. “There’s a reason I took us here first.” _

_ Ven narrowed his eyes. “Are you going to share that reason, or are you going to keep up your know-it-all act?” _

_ Vanitas ignored the jab. “The sun isn’t up yet. We’re further west, so it’ll be a few more hours. Plus, Darkners don’t get up at ass o’clock like you idiots, so the castle will be asleep for a while longer.” _

_ “Okay, so let’s go while everyone’s asleep.” _

_ “Let me finish. Did you get any sleep last night?” _

_ Ven scowled. “I’m not tired.” _

_ “So, no then. The Heartless are extra aggressive at night, and you’re not exactly a bastion of stealth. Every day, most of the people in the castle leave on missions from the king or one of princes. That’s when we’ll enter the castle. We’ll find Terra’s room, and then wait inside of it until he comes back from his mission.” _

_ “What will we do until then?” _

_ Vanitas held up his Keyblade to the door of the stables. He opened the door and gestured inside. “After you.” _

_ When Ven saw what was inside, he gasped and summoned Wayward Wind. “Heartless!” _

_ Vanitas rolled his eyes. “No shit. These are the Heartless stables.” _

_ “I thought that was just the name of the building! Why are there Heartless here?” _

_ Vanitas turned and locked the door behind them. “We don’t have fairies to enchant things to do chores for us, so we use the Heartless.” _

_ Ven dismissed Wayward Wind. “Isn’t that dangerous?” _

_ “The Heartless are the least dangerous things in the castle.” _

_ Vanitas moved to an enclosure close to the back. He pointed Void Gear at the quadruped Heartless inside. “If you even think of coming near us, I’ll kill you.” _

_ The Heartless huffed and moved aside. Vanitas opened the cage and locked it behind them. He went to the back wall and sat down, patting the spot next to him. _

_ “You’re expecting me to sleep here?” Ven asked. _

_ “I’ve seen you sleep in weirder places,” Vanitas said. _

_ Ven sat down with a huff. Suddenly, the exhaustion from the lack of sleep hit him like a train. His eyes slipped shut, but he could still see Vanitas’s smug I-told-you-so smirk. _

_ “Wha’ bout you?” he mumbled. _

_ “I couldn’t give two shits about the rumor, so I actually slept for once until you started leaving. How the fuck are you so noisy getting dressed?” _

_ “Mmph.” _

_ Ven felt his head droop until it landed on Vanitas’s shoulder. He expected him to knock him away, but he didn’t. As Ven drifted off to sleep, the last thing he felt was a soft weight on his head, like Vanitas was leaning against him, too. _

_ Ven awoke to a kick to the stomach. _

_ Instantly, he jumped into a fighting position and summoned Wayward Wind. If the kick were any harder, it would have knocked the wind out of him. _

_ Vanitas was cackling. _

_ Ven scowled. “You didn’t have to wake me up like that!” _

_ “You’re right, I didn’t,” Vanitas said, “but it was pretty funny.” _

_ Ven dismissed Wayward Wind. “Is it time?” _

_ “Yeah,” Vanitas said. “Prince Ansem will be coming in soon to check on the Heartless. Everyone else should be on their way out to their missions.” _

_ “Lead the way,” Ven said. _

_ He summoned his armor and stepped into the corridor of darkness. _

_ The instant they stepped out of it, Ven froze with fear. He recognized the room from his nightmares. It was dark enough that Vanitas’s yellow eyes glowed. There was a water bowl in the corner, long dried from a lack of use. The mat at one end of the room was coated with dust. The cold walls seemed to push in on them, making it feel every bit like the cage it was. _

_ “Why are we in your old room?” Ven hissed. _

_ Vanitas looked like a cat puffed up from fear. His eyes were wild and darting all over the room as if looking for threats. _

_ “Wanted to check the worst place first,” Vanitas murmured. “Just in case.” _

_ Ven took solace in the cobwebs and dust. At least Terra wasn’t put in this room. _

_ The door was thankfully unlocked. They scrambled out as fast as they could. Every step farther from the room lowered Ven’s heartbeat a tick, until he was almost relaxed. _

_ Ven let out a breath. “Where to next?” _

_ “There should be some guest rooms on the first floor,” Vanitas said. “Let’s start there.” _

_ Vanitas tilted his head, then held out an arm. Footsteps echoed through the hall. Ven stood perfectly still, until the sound of footsteps faded completely. _

_ When they were gone, he hissed, “I thought you said people would be gone!” _

_ “Most people,” Vanitas hissed back. “There are some scientists that never leave the castle.” _

_ “Was it a scientist?” _

_ Vanitas frowned. “No. But that guy’s lazy. He won’t leave until Saïx or one of the princes throw him out of the castle.” _

_ They snuck through the castle. Ven’s heart never completely slowed down as they crept through the inhospitable halls. They froze when Vanitas heard footsteps again. He gestured to a staircase, and they leapt up it as quietly as they could. _

_ Ven peeked out as the footsteps passed. Vanitas yanked him back immediately. _

_ “That was Prince Ansem!” Ven hissed. “I thought you said he would be at the stables.” _

_ “I said he should be!” Vanitas paused to think. His face darkened. “Fuck!” _

_ “What is it now?” _

_ “It’s Prince Xemnas’s birthday today. There won’t be any missions.” _

_ “Why didn’t you remember this earlier?” Ven snapped. _

_ “I’m not the genius who had the idea to visit Castle Oblivion on a whim,” Vanitas snapped back. _

_ “Sorry,” Ven said. “We’ll make it work. We have to.” _

_ He didn’t know how long they crept through the castle, checking doors and listening for footsteps. It felt like hours, and they were still no closer to finding any sign of Terra. _

_ “I thought you were my most loyal subject. And yet, after everything I’ve done for you, you betray me by bringing an invader to my castle?” _

_ Ven’s heart instantly started racing. He turned around, summoning Wayward Wind as he did. He heard Vanitas do the same next to him. _

_ King Xehanort had been wearing a ceremonial mask during the exchange ceremony, so Ven had never seen his face in person, but he knew it too well from his nightmares. _

_ Xehanort locked his eyes on Ven. _

_ “You’re trespassing,” he rasped. “Some would take that as a declaration of war.” _

_ “I’m here for Terra,” Ven said. “Let me talk to him, and we’ll leave.” _

_ “You’re in no position to bargain, little prince. Your presence defies the rules of the exchange.” _

_ “So does interfering with Terra’s letters!” _

_ Xehanort’s eyes widened in surprise for a second before a smile stretched across his face. “Ah, so you did figure it out. That comment about the cake was clever, I’ll give you that. You managed to fool me.” His eyes flickered over to Vanitas. “But I doubt you were clever enough to think of it on your own.” _

_ “Don’t even look at him!” Ven shouted. _

_ Xehanort’s eyes flicked back to Ven. “Such aggression from a Lightner.” _

_ “Just let us see Terra,” Ven said. “Please,” he ground out. _

_ Xehanort held out his hand and summoned his black Keyblade. “You’re new to negotiations, little prince, so I’ll give you a free lesson. This is called a counter-offer: if you do not leave this castle now, I’ll kill you both where you stand.” _

_ Ven’s eyes flickered over to Vanitas. He hadn’t spoken the entire time. His body was hunched and his teeth were bared like a wild animal. There was a feral madness in his eyes. _

_ Xehanort chuckled. “Why do you trust him?” he asked. “Do you know the monstrous things he’s done? He only knows how to destroy. Anything else is a lie.” _

_ “You’re the real monster. And I’m not leaving without Terra!” _

_ Xehanort smiled thinly. “Very well.” _

_ He raised his Keyblade, and bolts of darkness shot at them. Ven rolled under them and jumped at Xehanort, Wayward Wind poised to strike. _

_ Then Xehanort disappeared. _

_ Before Ven could see where he went, a cold hand grabbed the back of his neck and lifted him off the ground. Ven struggled, but the grip only got tighter. _

_ “One more step,” he said, “and I’ll break his neck.” _

_ It wasn’t a bluff, either. Ven could feel the strength in his icy fingers itching to snap his neck like a twig. _

_ “I’ll kill you!” Vanitas snarled. _

“And I did,” he said. “Stabbed him in the stomach and hit some artery. He bled out in seconds.” Vanitas bared his teeth. “He deserved a worse death.”

Silence filled the room as Guardian-King Eraqus processed the information.

“Where does Terra fit into this?” he finally asked.

“He missed the action, but Ventus was still in shock. He brought us back to Aqua.”

There was another pause. Ven’s heart thudded in his ears.

“Very well,” Guardian-king Eraqus finally said. “That is all. You two may go. Terra, please remain here.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” Terra said.

Guardian-king Eraqus looked like he had been slapped. Ven felt like he had.

“Uh, Terra, you can call him Master, remember?”

Terra looked at him. His eyes were cold. “I know what I said.”

Ven was too shocked to reply.

A snicker escaped Vanitas’s mouth. Guardian-King Eraqus’s eyes bore into him.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a deadly-soft voice, “is this amusing to you?”

Vanitas pretended to think about it. 

“Yup,” he said with a cheeky grin. “C’mon, Venty, let’s go.”

Ven was too dazed to do anything but follow.


	6. Case of Naminé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naminé, and the adults that defined her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: child abuse, physical abuse, ableism

_Naminé saw chains._

_ They were everywhere. Everyone had them bursting from their heart. They were a part of Naminé’s vision as much as color was. Her earliest memory was watching the people go by and counting their chains. Kairi was next to her. If Naminé thought really hard, she would remember that the day was sunny. _

_ She didn’t remember how her father had learned about the chains, but she remembered how he reacted. _

_ He looked at her and said, “This is a great power. It would be best if you kept it a secret.” _

_ And Naminé nodded and smiled and promised to not tell anyone else because she loved her father and he loved her. He would hold her hand and smile and give her ice cream. _

_ Kairi knew about the chains, but she didn’t talk about them. _

_ Kairi knew a lot of things. Naminé didn’t understand how she learned them. She knew when Father was stressed because of his job as the king and told Naminé to stay away from him and listen to what he said. And Naminé nodded and listened to her because Kairi was always right. _

_ And then the battle happened and Kairi was gone and Father didn’t know where she was and Naminé and Father had to leave their house and were taken to a white castle very far away. Naminé stared at her own chest for hours, but she couldn’t see a single chain that would tell her if her sister was alive or dead. She was a wisp, floating alone with nothing to anchor her. _

_ She was a nobody. _

  
  


_ Naminé was scared of the king. _

_ Not Father, because Father wasn’t a king anymore. He got very sad when someone mentioned who he used to be. He wrapped himself up in cloth, maybe so he didn’t have to see himself in the mirror. He was angry a lot more now. Naminé learned how to figure out when he was angry by herself now that Kairi was gone. _

_ King Xehanort, the king of the castle, was scary. He smiled and spoke and walked like a normal person, but his chains were wrong. They were all rot-black and attached to his hands. There was one white chain from his heart, but it had decayed and was wrapped around his hand as well. The king would wriggle his fingers and the chains would dance like a puppeteer playing with his puppets’ strings. _

_ So Naminé stayed away from the king. She tried not to look at the ugly black chains that hung from his fingers, but they were attached to everyone in the castle. The chain attached to her father wound around his body like a snake choking its prey. _

  
  


_ Naminé didn’t remember when she found the sketchbook. One day she didn’t have it, the next day she did. The first thing she did was draw Kairi over and over and over again because she still didn’t know if she was alive or dead, so she only existed in Naminé’s memories. _

_ Father wasn’t happy when he saw them. _

_ “Please,” he said, “get rid of these at once. It causes me great pain to look upon them.” _

_ “But they’re all I have left of her,” Naminé said quietly. “Please let me keep them.” _

_ “No, Naminé.” Father’s voice was harder. _

_ “You won’t have to see them-” _

_ And then Naminé was on the ground. She lost her balance and fell over. The bruise on her arm was from hitting the ground. It wasn’t Father’s fault at all. It was an accident because Naminé was still just a child who tripped over herself. _

_ And Father had helped her up and took her by the hand into the kitchen. They found the ice chest and Father put ice on the bruise that he did not cause. He even found some ice cream, and they shared it together like they had before Castle Oblivion. Naminé smiled and forgave her father for nothing at all, because she loved him and he loved her. _

_ She never saw that sketchbook again. _

_ It was the first accident, but it wasn’t the last. Naminé was a very clumsy child. _

_ (It wasn’t the first accident. Sometimes, Naminé remembered something from her old home, something involving a stove and a wall and hitting her cheek. But it was a long time ago.) _

  
  


_ Names were funny things. Naminé had thought of them as permanent things, but they really weren’t, not in Castle Oblivion. She remembered Even and Ienzo and Dilan and Aeleus and Braig, and sometimes they would read her bedtime stories when Father was busy, but now they were Vexen and Zexion and Xaldin and Lexaeus and Xigbar. Prince Ansem had Father’s name because the king named him after Father. Prince Xemnas, too, was named after him, only scrambled with an X in it. _

_ Naminé thought that having someone named after you was supposed to be an honor. But Prince Ansem had stolen Father’s name, and now he was angry DiZ. Naminé hated Prince Ansem, because Ansem the Wise was a kinder Father than DiZ, and it was his fault he was DiZ now. _

_ “Father,” Naminé had asked one day, “why don’t we get an ‘X’ in our name?” Even Xion and Roxas had them. They belonged in the castle. They were connected. _

_ They weren’t nobody. _

_ “We are not Xehanort’s pawns,” Father said. “We are simply his prisoners. We do not belong in this castle, and we never will.” _

_ Sometimes Naminé liked Castle Oblivion. She wasn’t allowed to leave it, but she couldn’t remember life before it very well anymore. And Roxas and Xion were there when they were done with their missions. _

_ Sometimes Naminé wanted the ‘X’ in her name. But she knew better than to tell Father that, because that would mean she was a disloyal child and a bad girl. _

_ (Father only hit her when she was a bad girl.) _

_ Naminé was one of four people in the castle without an ‘X’ in their name. There was Prince Ansem, who had stolen Father’s name, Father, and the boy named Vanitas. Vanitas was Roxas’s older brother, but she never saw them together. He had only five solid chains. Four were on his heart: solid connections to Roxas and Xion (for reasons Naminé didn’t know) and two other people out of sight. _

_ King Xehanort’s was wrapped around his neck. _

_ “Vanitas is different from the rest of us,” Roxas said. “The king can’t control him because he didn’t put the ‘X’ in his name. He’s learning from the king, and then he’ll get us out of here.” _

_ But Roxas couldn’t see the chains like Naminé could. And one day, when Vanitas’s hair turned black and the chains from his heart shriveled, she understood that the people in the castle got an X in their names so Xehanort could control them, but Vanitas didn’t need the ‘X’ because he wasn’t a person. Not anymore. He was a beast with the chain wrapped so tightly around his neck Naminé didn’t understand how he could breathe. _

_ Names were funny things in Castle Oblivion. None more so than Prince Xehanort. Xehanort wasn’t his name, not really. His name was ‘the young prince,’ because his father was the only one who wanted to have his name. It made Naminé very confused- why name someone after yourself if you want to be the only you? _

_ The young prince had two solid chains from his heart: a faint one connected to Xemnas that barely counted and a sturdy one connected to Ansem the name-thief. He was the only one with less connections from his heart than Vanitas. And the black chain around his neck was just as tight. _

  
  


_ When Naminé was little, she feared the Heartless. Father told her that they were very dangerous, and her heart had known it instinctively. But everything was upside-down in Castle Oblivion, even the Heartless. They scurried around the halls with laundry and mops and materials. Even the kitchens were run by giant yellow globs. They did everything the human servants did in the castle Naminé hardly remembered anymore. _

_ However, there were still jobs that were too delicate for them. Vexen told Naminé as much the first day she was assigned to work for him. _

_ “Alechemy is a very detailed art,” he said as he scurried from cabinet to cabinet. “The Heartless only ruin it. They completely lack the ability to draw a circle or even determine which is the correct notebook or bottle. How the rest of the castle depends on them at all baffles the mind.” Naminé said nothing. She knew better than to ask questions or speak when she was not spoken to. “I’ve noticed you with that sketchbook, girl. Could you draw this shape on the floor for me?” _

_ Vexen held up a page and a bottle of paint. Naminé nodded and did her best to copy it as best as she could. When she was done, he looked down appraisingly. _

_ “Hm. The circle is a bit crooked, and I do believe this sigil is backwards, but it’s almost passable for a first attempt. Much better than any Heartless, certainly. Do it again.” _

_ So while Father was doing... whatever he did during the day, Naminé quietly drew circles and fetched bottles for Vexen and Zexion. However, there were only so many things she could do for them while potions brewed and notes were written. Sometimes she would act as a sounding board for them as they talked through problems Naminé had no concept of, but most of the time, they worked in silence. When she wasn’t needed, she drew everything. _

_ (Everything except Kairi). _

_ One day, she was in the middle of drawing Roxas and Xion when she heard Father’s heavy footsteps descend the staircase. She was instantly out of her chair and looked around. There, on the wall, was an old closet. It was filled with spare alchemical cloaks and little else. Naminé dove into it like a mouse into a burrow. _

_ “Where’s Naminé?” DiZ asked. “I know she works down here. Have you seen her?” _

_ “No.” Vexen’s voice was curt. In Naminé’s previous life, he would have added a title like ‘sir’ or ‘Your Highness,’ but that was behind them all now. _

_ “Hmph. Traitorous, good-for-nothing alchemist.” _

_ The heavy footsteps ascended the staircase. _

_ “Thank you,” Naminé whispered. _

_ “Bring me some hoof gel,” Vexen responded. His voice was softer. _

_ “I don’t think we have any more,” she said quietly. _

_ “You know where the hooves are. The instructions for making hoof-gel are in this book. Let me know if you make any mistakes.” _

_ Naminé nodded and went to fetch the hooves. _

  
  


_ She couldn’t avoid DiZ- Father- forever. Naminé was relieved when it was done. She didn’t even have a bruise this time. Quietly, she slipped into the bed in the tiny room they shared. The light was out, and Naminé could see Father in his bed. _

_ “Naminé?” _

_ “Yes, Father?” _

_ “I love you.” _

_ It had been a very long time since Naminé had heard him say that. It made her heart glow. _

_ “I love you, too.” _

  
  


_ Nixio was in the basement today. Naminé knew he had a bed with Vexen and Zexion and Xion because Vexen was his dad, but he was usually gone when Naminé was there. _

_ “Doesn’t your master have something for you to do, boy?” Vexen grumbled. “Your brother and I are running an experiment today.” _

_ Nixio sank into a chair with a grumble of his own. “I want to, but Master’s in a meeting, and he says I’m not ready to go to the Heartless stables by myself. I’m strong enough! I can do it by myself.” _

_ “You’re smart not to,” Zexion said as he double-checked a bottle’s label. “Even if the Heartless didn’t kill you, Prince Ansem would.” _

_ “He wouldn’t really,” Nixio said, “but yeah, that’s why I’m not there.” _

_ “Stay out of the way,” Vexen said. “Find something to do.” _

_ Nixio scanned the room for something. His eyes locked on Naminé. She tried to make herself relax as he walked up to her and sat down in front of her. _

_ “You’re Xion’s friend,” he said. “Naminé, right?” _

_ Naminé nodded. _

_ “I’m Nixio. I’m her older brother.” _

_ “Leave the girl alone!” Vexen called. _

_ “It’s okay,” Naminé said quietly. “As long as it’s okay with you.” _

_ Vexen paused. “Stay out of the way, both of you.” _

_ Nixio got up and offered Naminé a hand. “Let’s go to the balcony.” _

  
  


_ Naminé started realizing there was a pattern with DiZ-Father-DiZ. He would be angrier and angrier until he exploded, sometimes with angry words, and sometimes with his fists. Then he would apologize and be gentle again for a while until he got angry again. _

_ The gentle periods were starting to get few and far between. And they were short now. But Naminé told herself she didn’t mind because good girls were loyal to their fathers. She wasn’t a good girl, but she tried. _

_ One afternoon, Xion slunk into the lab. _

_ “There you are, girl,” Vexen said. “I’ve cleaned up the dangerous parts. It’s your job to clean up the rest.” _

_ Xion looked at him with big, sad eyes and nodded. She handed Vexen something- a bar of ice cream. _

_ “Thank you, child. This won’t get you out of your punishment.” _

_ “I know.” _

_ Naminé’s heart started racing. Was Xion a bad girl? Would Naminé have to see her pay for it? _

_ One of the tables was stained with a sticky, black substance. Naminé had moved to clean it as soon as she came to the basement that morning, but Vexen had stopped her. _

_ Now, Xion was putting on gloves and picking up a flat tool and a bag. She started scraping off the substance and putting it into the bag. _

_ Naminé crept over to the table. _

_ “Why are you here?” she asked. “Where’s Roxas?” _

_ “He’s having ice cream with Axel. Dad told me to come straight home after my mission.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ Xion looked at Naminé with shame in her big, blue eyes. “I was messing around near the experiments even though Dad told me not to, and I knocked something over. Dad was really mad.” _

_ “Did he punish you?” _

_ Xion gestured to the mess. “This is my punishment. I made the mess, so I have to clean it up.” She stood up straight and closed her eyes like she was reciting something. “I made a mistake, and I already said sorry, so now I have to fix things and then make sure I don’t do it again. Making mistakes is part of being human.” She turned back to her mess. _

_ There was something wrong. Something was off. _

_ “When he really punishes you, I’ll help you,” Naminé said. “I know where the ice is.” _

_ “When he really punishes me?” Xion looked up. “He never mentioned anything else.” She looked really scared now. “Will he stop me from having ice cream forever?” _

_ Naminé shook her head. “It’s not forever. He’ll be mad, but then he’ll be nice again.” _

_ Xion still looked confused, but she just turned back to her mess with even more vigor. _

  
  


_ The basement was empty. That was odd. _

_ “Vexen?” _

_ There wasn’t even the sound of something bubbling. _

_ “Zexion?” _

_ Footsteps raced down the stairs. Naminé tensed, but then relaxed. They were too light to be Father’s. _

_ It was Axel. _

_ “There you are,” he said. “What are you doing here?” _

_ Naminé’s heart started beating quickly. “I help Vexen out.” Didn’t he know that, since he was friends with Roxas and Xion? _

_ “Fuck,” he hissed. “No one told you?” _

_ Naminé’s heart was racing now. “Told me what?” _

_ Axel drooped and sighed before offering his hand. “C’mon. I’ll take you to Roxas and Xion.” _

_ She didn’t take his hand, but she followed behind him, heart never slowing. _

_ Xion ran up to Naminé the second she saw her. “How are you doing?” _

_ “She doesn’t know,” Axel said. “Guess the old man didn’t feel the need to tell her.” _

_ “Tell me what?” Naminé clenched her tiny fists. “What are you talking about?” _

_ “Your father’s being executed today,” Axel said. “King’s orders.” _

_ It felt like the floor fell out from under Naminé. _

_ Xion took her hand. Naminé hardly felt it. _

_ “Why? We’re already prisoners, aren’t we?” _

_ “I don’t know, kiddo,” Axel whispered. “I think it’s officially treason.” _

_ “Where is he? I want to see him. I have to see him.” _

_ “That’s where we’re going,” Axel said. _

_ Her father was sitting in the same jail cell they stayed in when they first arrived. It was Father, not DiZ, who looked up at her. The mask was gone from his face. She had forgotten how bright his hair was, just a shade darker than her own. _

_ “Father!” Tears were flooding Naminé’s eyes, but she wiped them away. She didn’t want the last image of Father to be blurred. _

_ He said nothing. _

_ “Father!” _

_ Still nothing. _

_ “I love you,” she sobbed, “and I’m sorry I wasn’t a good girl.” _

_ “No, I’m sorry, Naminé.” _

_ They were the last words Naminé heard from her father. Axel opened the cage and lead him away. Naminé tried to run after him, but Roxas and Xion held her back. _

_ “Axel told us to make sure you didn’t see it,” Roxas said. _

_ “Why?” Naminé shouted. “He’s my father! I have to see it. I owe it to him.” _

_ Xion hugged her, and Naminé cried into her shoulder. _

_ It felt like she would never stop crying. _

_ “I’m glad he’s dead,” Roxas finally said. _

_ “Roxas! Axel told you not to say that!” _

_ “It’s true,” Roxas insisted. “He was bad. He hit you.” _

_ “That’s just ‘cuz I was a bad girl. He was my father. I love him. Children have to love their fathers.” _

_ There was another pair of footsteps, but Naminé couldn’t bring herself to bother looking up. _

_ “There you are,” said Nixio’s voice. “Dad wanted me to find you two.” _

_ Naminé doubted she could say anything even if she wanted to. The tears were too thick. _

_ Nixio quietly put his hand on her head, like what Vexen did to Xion. Roxas rubbed her back. _

_ The worst part, the real reason Naminé was crying, was that she didn’t feel sad at all. She didn’t feel sorrow or grief. Just guilt. Because she really was a bad girl and a bad daughter if the only thing she felt about the death of her father was relief. _

_ Xion, Roxas, and Nixio stayed with Naminé through the rest of the day. When it was time to go to bed, Xion let her sleep in hers so she wouldn’t have to return to the room where her father had slept in. Naminé didn’t think she would sleep, but having another person with her made her heart feel pleasantly warm, and she drifted off into a dreamless sleep. _

_ A Heartless came to the basement the next day holding a note with Naminé’s name on it. Her heart was filled with dread before she even unfolded it. _

Follow the Heartless to my study. I wish to speak with you.

-King Xehanort

_ Vexen’s hands were shaking. _

_ “You must go,” he said. “Be polite, but refuse anything he offers for you. Any gift comes with a price. And do not trust him.” He exhaled shakily. “You are more cautious than Nixio and more even-tempered than Roxas. You’ll be okay. Good luck, child.” _

_ “Be careful,” Zexion said as she left. _

_ Naminé was surprised she could even walk. She was shaking like a leaf. Her knees were practically knocking together. The Heartless stretched to her height and offered a hand, but she knew better than to lean on a creature of darkness. _

_ The door it lead her to was plain, one amongst dozens. If she hadn’t been lead there, she wouldn’t know which one it was. The Heartless gestured, and she hesitantly knocked. _

_ “Come in, child.” _

_ The door opened by itself. Or, she realized, due to Xehanort’s Keyblade. She looked at it: the chain on the back end was not wrapped around his wrist, but was straining towards something. No- someone. Naminé followed the chain with her eyes to Xigbar, who passed her on the way out. _

_ “Good luck, poppet,” he said. _

_ The confusion she felt distracted her enough to allow her to step forward. _

_ “Please,” King Xehanort said, “sit.” _

_ She did. King Xehanort made a motion with his hand, and the Heartless that escorted Naminé dissolved into shadow. _

_ “Your father died yesterday,” King Xehanort said. “How are you doing?” _

_ He sounded concerned, but Naminé knew better than to believe that he was. _

_ “Fine,” she said. She was surprised the words came out at all. “Thank you for your concern, Your Majesty.” _

_ “Do you know why he died?” _

_ Naminé shook her head. _

_ “He refused to be useful.” Any light that was in King Xehanort’s voice before was gone. “And now I’m left with his daughter. What am I to do?” _

_ “I-I can be u-useful, Your Majesty,” Naminé said. “I help Vexen with his magic.” _

_ King Xehanort tilted his head. “You’re hardly irreplaceable.” He spread his hands. “Do you know what separates Castle Oblivion from other castles, such as say, your father’s?” _

_ Naminé shook her head. _

_ “Not a single person is wasted. Humans are weak and corruptible, so the more there are, the weaker the castle is, and the weaker the realm is. Do you want to weaken your realm, Naminé?” _

_ She shook her head again. _

_ “Then tell me- how can you serve your king? Give me one reason I shouldn’t throw you from these walls that have sheltered you for years.” _

_ Her heart was screaming at her not to tell King Xehanort about the chains. _

_ But she had to survive somehow. _

_ “I can see things no one else can,” Naminé said quietly. _

_ King Xehanort relaxed. The iron was gone from his voice. He could have been Naminé’s grandfather in the way he spoke to her. _

_ “Tell me more.” _

  
  


_ King Xehanort assigned her two handlers to help her with her powers: Larxene and Marluxia. They were new to the castle, so no one knew what they were like. _

_ Marluxia pretended to be nice at first. His voice was soft. _

_ Larxene never bothered. _

_ Naminé learned about their anger much faster than she did with her father. Larxene was never nice, but she was worse when she was mad. She almost never hurt her, but Naminé lived in constant fear of her knives. Naminé learned how to be perfectly still for target practice, because Larxene always made sure her knives flew just past her. _

_ Marluxia just grabbed when he was displeased with her progress. It wasn’t even that bad. The bruises didn’t hurt as much as the ones left by Father. And she knew better than to listen to the honey-soaked apologies he gave her. _

  
  


_ “Let’s play a game,” Larxene suggested one day. _

_ “O-okay.” If Naminé cooperated, Larxene was less likely to explode, and Naminé could tell an explosion was coming soon. _

_ Larxene brought out her knives. “It’s called witch hunt. You’re the witch, and I’ll hunt you.” She grinned. “Better start running.” _

_ Why did she do this? Naminé was starting to get really good at determining which chain color meant what, and sometimes she could almost touch them. Would Larxene stop once she was good enough? _

_ Naminé was so preoccupied with running she didn’t see where she was going. She ran smack into someone and fell to the ground. _

_ “Hey, watch where you’re- Naminé?” _

_ It was Nixio. He knelt down and helped her up. _

_ “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Why were you running?” _

_ “It’s just a game,” Naminé said. “I-it’s no big deal.” _

_ Nixio narrowed his eyes. “I don’t think so. You look scared.” _

_ “It’s nothing, I-” _

_ “There you are!” Larxene was practically singing. The cheer drained from her. “Who’s this?” _

_ Nixio stepped in front of Naminé. “Whatever you’re doing, stop it. You’re scaring her.” _

_ “Scaring her?” Larxene laughed. “Of course I’m scaring her. That’s the point!” _

_ Nixio summoned a weapon. “The last person who made Naminé scared-” _

_ Larxene’s knife hit him square in the shoulder, knocking him to the ground. His body convulsed as the electric magic coursed through him. _

_ “He’s your little knight? Pathetic.” Larxene drew another knife. “I’ll make sure you never have to see him again.” _

_ “No!” Naminé jumped between them. “Leave him alone. Please! I’m the one you want.” _

_ “You’re took this witch thing to heart, didn’t you? Went ahead and tricked someone into caring about you.” _

_ Naminé nodded. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t true, she just needed to follow Larxene’s lead. _

_ Larxene was cackling with delight. “See that, boy? She was using you. She never cared about you at all.” _

_ “You witch,” Nixio managed. He tried to move, but collapsed. _

_ “That’s right,” Larxene drawled. “Don’t you hate her for it?” _

_ Nixio narrowed his eyes. “I was talking to-” _

_ “Nixio, please!” Naminé shouted. “She’ll kill you, she really will, just to get to me.” _

_ “Touching,” Larxene sneered. She turned back to Naminé. “I hope you’ve learned your lesson. Getting people to care about you just hurts them.” _

_ “I won’t talk to him again, I won’t! Just please, let him go.” _

_ Larxene sighed dramatically. “Alright. You’ve twisted my arm.” She grabbed Naminé’s. “Let’s go, you little witch.” _

_ Naminé didn’t talk to Nixio or Roxas or Xion for a very long time after that. _

  
  


_ King Xehanort was playing his grandfather role again. Naminé didn’t shake anymore when she came to his study, but she was always scared. It kept her alert. _

_ “How has your training been progressing?” he asked. _

_ “I’ve learned a lot, Your Highness.” The rot-black chains at his fingers were clearer than they ever were. _

_ “Excellent. Have you finally become powerful enough to see the chains on my heart?” _

_ Information was power, and Naminé swore to give King Xehanort as little power as she could. _

_ “No, Your Highness.” _

_ “Naminé.” King Xehanort’s tone froze her blood. “Don’t you know better than to lie to your king?” _

_ “I-I’m sorry,” Naminé stammered. _

_ “So you were lying.” _

_ Oh no. _

_ “There’s one chain from your heart. It’s white. Kind of silvery.” _

_ King Xehanort relaxed. If Naminé didn’t know any better, she would call his smile genuine. “Ah, Eraqus. A good friend of mine. He’s playing his part very well.” The smile faded. King Xehanort tucked his hands behind his back. “But you’re not telling me the whole truth.” _

_ Naminé said nothing. _

_ “You say that there are chains in everyone’s hearts, but you always look at my wrist.” _

_ He could tell? _

_ “I-it’s your fingers, Your Highness. They’re… I get distracted easily.” _

_ King Xehanort looked at his hand. “I do have that habit, don’t I?” He wriggled his fingers as a demonstration. “I know it can be very distracting, so I try to be conscious of it. That was the first time I did it since you’ve entered the room, but you keep looking at my hand.” _

_ Why did she even bother trying to lie? Naminé figured that if he hadn’t killed her for lying so far, she might as well keep trying. _

_ “Your Keyblade has a chain around your wrist.” _

_ “My Keyblade?” _

_ There was a detail Naminé was missing. His Keyblade didn’t wrap around his wrist like Roxas or Xion’s, so it wasn’t his. It was Xigbar’s, for some odd reason. But the only way he could hold a Keyblade at all is if he had his own Keyblade, the one from his heart. _

_ “Your Keyblades,” Naminé said. “The one from your heart, and the other one.” _

_ King Xehanort smiled. “There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” _

_ There was no way he believed Naminé’s lie. She just had to wait for him to try and catch her in it. _

_ “As impressive as your seeing ability is, it’s not why I brought you here. Lying to your king is a very audacious act, and you’re lucky I’m in a forgiving mood. Why, I’m even impressed.” King Xehanort’s gaze felt like a dozen snakes crawling across her skin. “And you have such an innocent face for someone so scheming. Yes, you’ll be perfect for this” _

_ Naminé said nothing. _

_ “I have a job for you, Naminé. You remember your old friend Nixio, hm? Why do you think a teenager would ever concern himself with a child such as yourself?” _

_ “I don’t know, Your Highness.” _

_ King Xehanort smiled. “It’s because you look weak. Men look at you and want to protect you. Of course, this means they trust you immediately.” He opened his arms. He was wiggling his fingers again. “There is a boy coming here soon. I suppose to you, he’s more of a man, but he has the intellect of a boy. He’s a kind soul. He’ll see you and want to protect you. Befriend this boy and tell me everything he tells you.” _

_ She’d become the witch Larxene kept saying she was. _

_ “Yes, Your Highness.” _

_ Naminé didn’t know how to cut her own hair. One side was longer than the other and there were wisps everywhere. It made her look ridiculous. _

_ It was probably for the best. _

_ Now she would look as helpless as she felt. _

_ “Oh, I’m sorry.” _

_ The man almost tripped on her. He didn’t, which ruined Naminé’s original plan, but he still noticed her. _

_ He was huge. Not only was he tall, taller than Axel probably, he was big. Luckily, the man didn’t look nearly as intimidating when he crouched down to her level. _

_ “What’s your name?” the man asked. _

_ “Naminé,” she whispered. She didn’t have to fake her fear. _

_ The man didn’t look her in the eyes. _

_ “My name’s Terra.” _

  
  


_ Within days of meeting Terra, Larxene and Marluxia were executed for an attempt on Prince Xemnas’s life. Naminé felt less guilty for her relief this time. Just a little. _

_ The guilt she felt about them was almost immediately eclipsed by the guilt she felt towards Terra. He was the nicest grown up Naminé had ever met. Every day after his mission or lesson, he would play with her in the courtyard. At some point, he started training Roxas and Xion on how to use a Keyblade properly. It was fun watching them, drawing them, bringing them water, and listening to Axel’s commentary. _

_ Terra was different from other grown-ups. He never looked Naminé, or anyone, directly in the eyes. He took everything Naminé said at face value. He had weird aversions to certain sounds or feelings, like chalk; he asked Naminé to use it every time they played a game with it because he said he didn’t like how it felt on his hands. _

_ But he was still a grown-up, which meant he was going to explode eventually. _

_ Naminé couldn’t tell if or when he was angry, and that was scary. She did her best to beat him in the games he came up with, but that just made him smile more. When she tried to act grumpy, he asked her what was wrong and she wasn’t good enough at lying to keep up the act. _

_ It wasn’t as if he was incapable of being angry. He wasn’t _ that _ different from other adults. Roxas and Xion had told her in hushed awe what he did to the young prince one day after they were done training with him and she had asked them about his anger. _

_ “The craziest part,” Roxas said, “is that when he was done, once he had knocked the young prince out cold in the dust, once he had completely beaten him, he _ healed _ him.” _

_ That made sense. Naminé still remembered going with her father to get ice for the bruises he caused. _

_ “He must have felt bad,” Xion said. “He didn’t want to hurt him, remember? That’s why he asked the king to stop the match.” _

_ “I’m glad that bastard didn’t,” Roxas said. “I haven’t seen anything nearly as cool as the young bitch getting knocked across the dirt like that.” _

_ Father had punched her, Larxene had thrown knives, and Marluxia had grabbed her. Maybe Terra would hit her with that giant Keyblade of his. It was twice as big as she was. _

_ While Naminé stewed in her fear, Xehanort kept pressing her for information. The only thing of substance he had ever told her was that a Princess of Heart had a Keyblade. _

_ “Are you sure?” King Xehanort asked. “That’s all he told you?” _

_ Well, he told her he didn’t like sweets, and the Darkner clothes fit him but were too stiff for his comfort, and she reminded him a bit of his friend Ven, but that wasn’t what Xehanort was looking for. They couldn’t possibly be important. Besides, he was already happy with what he told her; there was no need to give him more. _

_ Naminé shook her head. _

_ “What you’ve told me is excellent so far. You’re doing very well.” _

_ Any pride she might have felt at the compliment was swallowed by her guilt. _

_ “We’re running a little low on chalk games,” Terra said. “I’ll see if I can find a ball. Maybe Roxas and Xion can play, too.” _

_ “That would be nice,” Naminé said absent-mindedly. _

_ He was so kind. Sometimes, she forgot that she was a lying little witch and enjoyed herself in the games. Roxas or Xion would show her a technique Terra had taught them, and she would be glad he was with them. _

_ And then she would remember who she was and why he was even talking to her. When he found out Naminé was spying on him, Naminé had no illusions about what would happen. Maybe he’d even kill her. He could do it so easily it would be like squishing a gnat. Or maybe he’d hit her with dark magic, or maybe he’d smack her with his Keyblade, or maybe he’d just hit her like Father did, or maybe he would do something so horrible Naminé didn’t even know what it would be. _

_ “Naminé?” Terra knelt down to her eye level again. “Is something wrong? You’re shaking.” _

Think, Naminé, think.

_ How could she survive this? She thought back to Father, Marluxia, and Larxene’s rising tempers. She could always tell when an explosion was going to happen. It didn’t feel like Terra was going to explode any time soon, so she would have to set him off herself. It would be horrible, and he might kill her, but then at least the waiting would be over. And if she wanted to survive long enough to see Kairi again, she would have to set him off now, so the explosion wouldn’t be as bad. And the only way she could instantly do that would be- _

_ “I’m spying on you for the king.” _

_ Terra was surprised. Naminé watched his face like a rabbit ready to- there. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. It was starting. Would he yell first? Or would he just attack? _

_ He did neither. His face softened into confusion. _

_ “What’s wrong?” _

_ “N-nothing.” _

_ “You’re still shaking. Are you scared?” Terra started to make his angry face, but stopped and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to scare you. I’m angry at myself, not you.” _

_ “Why?” Naminé exploded in fear and apprehension. “I’m a spy! I’m a manipulative, evil witch. I only talked to you because I was ordered to.” _

_ Now Terra was sad, which Naminé didn’t want. _

_ “Oh. Were you not having fun? You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to.” _

_ That broke the floodgates. Naminé started crying. _

_ “Why aren’t you mad? I lied to you! I told the king your secrets.” _

_ “I don’t understand,” Terra said. “Do you want me to be mad? It’s not your fault.” _

_ “How? How is it not my fault?” _

_ “You did it to survive, right?” _

_ “What does that matter?” _

_ Terra smiled. It was genuine, which hurt even more. _

_ “When it comes to survival, nothing you can do is wrong. You’re eight years old and don’t have any parents. I can’t judge you for what you do to keep yourself alive. And I don’t want to. You’re a kid.” _

_ “I’m a bad girl.” _

_ Terra reached for her. Naminé flinched. _

_ “Sorry, I keep forgetting that you don’t like physical affection. But you’re a good kid. You’re sweet, and talented, and clever.” Terra looked away. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have told you about Princess Kairi’s Keyblade.” _

_ Princess… _

_ “Kairi?” _

_ Terra nodded. _

_ “Does she have pink hair?” It was the only memory Naminé had left of her. _

_ Terra looked at her. “Yeah. Do you know her?” _

_ “I had an older sister named Kairi. I haven’t seen her since the battle at Radiant Garden.” _

_ “Princess Kairi is from Radiant Garden.” _

_ Naminé wanted to laugh, but instead she cried harder. _

_ She couldn’t just manipulate the nicest grown up she ever met, she simultaneously betrayed the sister she thought she had been living for. _

_ “Princess Kairi will be so happy to hear that you’re okay.” _

_ “She shouldn’t,” Naminé sobbed. “I betrayed her.” _

_ “I’m the one who betrayed her,” Terra said. “I really shouldn’t have told anyone about her Keyblade.” He brightened a bit and looked back at her. “At least now you know she’s okay. So something good came of this.” _

_ Naminé was crying too hard to say anything in response. _

_ The colored pencil was almost sharpened to nonexistance, but Naminé wanted to use as much of it as she could. _

_ Terra came to life with the blue she used for his eyes. Even if he didn’t want to talk to her ever again, Naminé would always be grateful to the fact that he didn’t hit her. A witch like her deserved it, but he didn’t. _

_ Naminé sighed. She was at the usual meeting spot, and Terra had to be done with his lessons or mission for the day, but he wasn’t there. _

_ Maybe this was the explosion- nothing. She had finally met a good grown up, and she betrayed him, and this was the price. _

_ “Sorry I’m late.” _

_ Naminé looked up. _

_ It was Terra. He was here. _

_ “I was having trouble finding a ball, but I summoned-” _

_ He stopped when Naminé threw her arms around him. _

_ “Do you still want to be my friend?” Terra asked. _

_ “If you’ll have me,” Naminé said. _

_ “Of course. Now let’s play.” _

  
  


_ Naminé was trembling as she approached Xigbar. She had never been so nervous in her life, but she had to do this. It was the least she could do after betraying Terra like the lying little witch she was. _

_ Xigbar raised his eyebrows as she approached. “You looking for me, poppet?” _

_ Naminé nodded. She tried to put her chin up like she saw Terra do once. “I need to talk to you.” _

_ “I’m a busy man. Can’t you find someone else to bug, like that Lightner you keep hanging around?” _

_ “It’s important,” Naminé said. “And I need to talk to _ you _ .” _

_ “Alright, I’m listening.” _

_ Naminé took a deep breath. “When I was little, you used to tell me bedtime stories when Father was too busy working. I remember the one you told me about the Master of Masters and his apprentice. You said that he disappeared one day, and that his spirit would run through a family of his choosing until he returned. But before he went away, he gave his apprentice his Keyblade and told him to pass it on, because someday it would lead the apprentice back to him. He knew this because one of his eyes was in the Keyblade, and that let him see the future.” _

_ Xigbar’s voice was iron. “That’s just an old bedtime story, kiddo. Don’t know why you’re bringing it up.” _

_ “Sorry. Um, also, I can see the chains that connect people together, like their bonds.” _

_ Xigbar said nothing, but looked down at her with cold eyes. He had the same number of bonds as the average person, but one chain was grimy and worn from age. Naminé’s heart sped up even faster, but she couldn’t stop now. _

_ “Keyblades have chains on the back end of them. They wrap around the wrist of their owners.” _

_ Xigbar’s gaze intensified, but Naminé refused to let herself be intimidated. _

_ “Xehanort’s Keyblade doesn’t wrap around his wrist. Its chain is always following you. And it has a big eye in it.” Naminé straightened and dared to look Xigbar right in the eyes. “Tell Xehanort to leave me and Terra alone, or else I’ll tell him you’re the apprentice of the Master of Masters, and his Keyblade belongs to you.” _

_ Xigbar sighed, long and weary. His usual vigor faded. He looked exactly as old as Naminé knew he was. “I gave you a way out, kiddo. I didn’t want to do this, but you’re not giving me much of a choice.” _

_ Naminé only had time to let out a short shriek before Xigbar’s hand wrapped around her throat. _

“I’m going to die here,” _ she thought. It brought her some relief. She couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. She just wished she could see Kairi one last time, just to see if she was okay… _

_ “Let go of her!” a familiar voice roared. _

_ Suddenly, the pressure was released from her throat. Naminé gasped and coughed. When she looked up again, Xigbar was stumbling back, clutching his eye. Terra stood in front of her like a guardian, Keyblade shimmering with dark fire. _

_ “Touch her again and I’ll kill you,” Terra snarled. _

_ Xigbar was still clutching his eye. His cheek had a black burn scar on it. _

_ “Fine. But remember, little lady- if you take me down, I’m taking you with me.” _

_ He stumbled away, clutching his eye the whole time. The instant he was gone, Terra dismissed his Keyblade and knelt down to her level. _

_ “Are you hurt?” _

_ Naminé tried answering, but her voice didn’t work. Terra put his hand on her shoulder, and a pleasant cooling sensation flowed to her throat. Once it had faded, Naminé realized all the pain had disappeared. _

_ “You told me you weren’t good at healing magic,” she said. There wasn’t even a croak to her voice. _

_ Terra smiled and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. “Healing magic comes from compassion. That’s why it works best on the people you care about.” _


	7. Terra's little sister

Naminé was curled in the corner of her guest room with her sketchbook like she was used to being as small and unobtrusive as possible. It wasn’t too much of a surprise for Aqua, considering she had found her in a closet, but it was mildly disturbing. When Aqua entered the room, her head shot up for a second. Her eyes were wide as a baby deer’s and her muscles tensed for a second before she saw who it was. 

“Sorry,” Aqua said. 

Naminé relaxed. “It’s okay.”

This guest room was small but comfortable. There was a dresser and a single bed. A curtained window looked out at the courtyard. Aqua made a note to bring in a chair later so Naminé wouldn’t have to curl on the floor. 

“How are you doing?” 

“I’m okay,” Naminé said. “How’s Terra?”

“He’s talking with the guardian-king.”

“Oh,” she said. She looked visibly saddened by the news.

“What’s wrong?”

“Terra’s mad at him,” she said simply. 

Why would Terra be mad at their Master?

“Do you know why?”

Naminé shook her head. “I just noticed that his connection with the guardian-king got weaker as his connection with Xehanort got stronger.”

Aqua sat down in front of Naminé so they were at the same level. “You’re close with Terra, right?”

Naminé nodded. “He really liked being around me and Roxas and Xion. He loved teaching them how to use their Keyblades. Axel was the one in charge of training them, but he didn’t have a Keyblade.” She giggled. “Terra practically tore into Axel when he saw how they held their Keyblades. He said that they were holding them like clubs and not blades. It wasn’t Axel’s fault, though. His weapons are nothing like Keyblades.” Naminé was smiling. “He basically took over their training when they finished their missions. It was fun to watch them train, and Axel would bring everyone ice cream when they were done. I have a lot of drawings from then.” Naminé’s smile faded. “I wish I hadn’t ruined everything.”

“What do you mean?”

Naminé hugged her sketchbook to her chest. “I get bad nightmares, but being with someone helps. Xion and Roxas get nightmares, too, so I didn’t want to wake them for help, so I asked Terra if I could come into his room when I got them. He said that Ven- um, Lord Ventus had really bad nightmares, too, but being with someone helped.” 

Aqua shivered a little at the thought of Ven’s nightmares. He started having them a year or so after he arrived at the castle. Guardian-king Eraqus was worried he was remembering the injuries that had left him on death’s door, but Ven insisted they were about someone else. She could always tell when he had one, because he would come to breakfast with circles under his eyes and would jump at sudden movements. Most of the time, he would take a few naps and be better by the end of the day.

She never liked thinking about Ven’s nightmares, because she would always remember The Nightmare, the one from two years ago. It was worse now that she knew what it contained, but it was horrible to remember even before then.

“When I got nightmares, I’d go to his room and fall asleep really quickly.” Naminé’s words snapped Aqua from her reverie. “It was nice, not being alone.” Naminé’s small smile melted away. “But then people started saying that he was… doing bad things to me in there.”

“That’s where the rumor started?” Aqua asked.

Naminé frowned. “Yes. I don’t know for sure who started it, but I have a good idea.” Naminé curled tighter around her sketchbook. “It really hurt him. I don’t think he ever talked to Roxas or Xion again. He wouldn’t even look at me. But I didn’t want to give up on him. He was the only one who made me feel safe. He had locked his door with his Keyblade, but Xion let me in with hers.” Naminé’s voice dropped to a whisper. She looked down. Aqua could barely hear her. “He was so scared when he saw me. He thought he had really hurt me, just because everyone was saying it. It was the first time I saw him cry.”

Naminé was curled so tightly Aqua was afraid she would start crumpling like paper. Her fist was curled right around her colored pencil. 

“Thank you, Naminé.” 

She looked up. “What?”

Aqua wanted to put her hand on Naminé’s, but she was so tense she was afraid it would only make things worse. “You saved him. Something happened to him, and you’re the only reason he didn’t break completely. I know it in my heart.”

“But I was spying on him for Xehanort!”

Aqua fell deadly still. “What?”

Naminé recoiled in fear, hands covering her mouth. Her sketchbook fell to the floor, forgotten.

“I’m sorry.” She started crying. “He-he said he would kick me out of the castle if I didn’t, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and-”

Aqua forced herself to relax. “I’m sorry for scaring you. Even if you were spying, what you did outweighs that. Besides, you’re a child. In matters of survival, nothing you can do is wrong. You did what you had to in order to survive. It’s not your fault.”

At first, Aqua thought Naminé was sobbing harder, but then she realized she was laughing.

“I-I’m sorry, it’s just- Terra said almost the exact same thing when I told him. And then-” she started crying again, “he came back the next day to play with me, like nothing had even happened...”

Aqua reached forward to comfort her, but Naminé flinched back.

“Sorry,” Aqua said. 

“It’s okay,” she sniffed. “Terra did that a lot, too, when he first came to the castle.”

“We’re very physically affectionate in the Realm of Light,” Aqua said with a wry smile. 

Naminé wiped her eyes. 

“When did you tell him?” Aqua asked.

“A few weeks before the rumor.”

“And when did that start?”

“A few months into his stay, I think.” Naminé sniffed.

“Did you keep spying for Xehanort after you told Terra?”

Naminé shook her head. “I tried to blackmail his adviser into leaving us alone. It didn’t work, but Xehanort never asked for another report. I don’t know why Xehanort let me stay in the castle after that,” Naminé said. 

Aqua instantly knew.

“Were you ever threatened after that?” she asked.

“No. I think Terra was protecting me.”

Naminé was leverage. Aqua had everything she needed to know. She held out a hand with a smile.

“Terra should be in his room now. Do you want me to take you to him?”

Naminé took her hand with the biggest smile Aqua had ever seen on her.


	8. The snake and the rat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: emotional abuse, physical abuse, suicide ideation

_ “Have you thought about my offer, Lord Terra?” _

_ Terra’s master was sitting in his study. It was a private room, simple and efficient like the rest of Castle Oblivion. The only item that might be considered extraneous was a gameboard in the back corner set up with gold and silver pieces. King Xehanort sat in a sturdy chair behind a simple desk. There were no adornishings on it, but King Xehanort made it look like a throne by his very presence. _

_ There was also a chair on Terra’s side of the desk, but he knew better- he knew it would be rude to sit without permission. _

_ “Yes, Master,” Terra said.  _

_ He paused to check if he was using the correct title. It was hard to tell when to use ‘Master’ and when to use ‘Your Highness,’ but King Xehanort was quick to correct him. It was important, after all, that the king was addressed appropriately, or his authority would be questioned. _

_ “What do you think? Will you join the royal family as Prince Terrax?” _

_ Terra took a deep breath. His heart was beating in fear- no, not fear, why would he be afraid? He was just nervous. _

_ “It means a lot to me that you would even ask,” Terra said. “You’ve helped me discover who I really am and what I can really do. Eraqus was holding me back, but you let me become who I was always meant to be.” King Xehanort liked it when Terra looked him in the eyes, so he did, even if it made him want to squirm. “But I want to help people who can’t help themselves. The best way I can do that is as a prince-knight of the Realm of Light, even if I have to bow to Eraqus.” _

_ King Xehanort stood up and walked towards Terra. His heart sped up. _

_ “You don’t have to be a servant of Eraqus’s to help people,” King Xehanort said, voice as smooth as the scales on a snake. _

_ “I-It’s not just that.” Terra fingered the Wayfinder in his pocket with a smile. “It’s my friends. Aqua, Ven… everything I do, I do for them. It’s our dream to help people together as prince-knights.” _

_ “You’re refusing my offer?” _

_ “Yes,” Terra said. “But it means a lot that you made it. You’ll always be my true teacher, Master Xehanort.” _

_ Terra’s grip on his Wayfinder tightened. _

Aqua, Ven, give me the strength to keep to my convictions.

_ Something in King Xehanort’s voice changed, but it wasn’t the volume. He stalked towards Terra. “After everything I’ve done for you, it’s not enough? I gave you power and respect, and you spit it in my face. Is it that horrible here? Are you so miserable you would rather crawl back to that brute Eraqus than stay here?”  _

_ “N-no! Please, Master-” _

_ “You dare speak to your king like this?” He was right in front of Terra. _

_ “You’re not my king!” _

_ Terra’s words rang through the room. He took a shaky breath. That was a mistake. Terra could feel it in his heart.  _

_ “So you’re choosing Eraqus over me, after everything he did to you?” King Xehanort shook his head. “Even now, the man controls you. He’s preventing you from being who you’re supposed to be.” _

_ Terra stepped back and tried again. _

_ “I-I’m sorry, Your Highness. This has nothing to do with Eraqus, or even you. I love Ven and Aqua more than anything in this world. They mean everything to me.” _

_ “Clearly. And clearly Naminé means nothing to you.” _

_ His mind started spinning with pure confusion.  _

_ “What?” _

_ “You’re being stupid again, Terra,” King Xehanort said. His voice was as even as the floor below them. He stepped closer to Terra, and Terra took a step back. “If you crawl back to Eraqus, you’ll be leaving her alone. The castle will eat her alive.” _

_ “I’ll take her with me,” Terra said. King Xehanort stepped forward again, but Terra didn’t step back.  _

_ “You can’t. If you leave this castle, she will die.” _

_ Terra tried to step back, but he couldn’t. He was against the wall. King Xehanort jabbed at his chest with his finger. Terra flinched. _

_ “I can’t believe you would be selfish enough to abandon Naminé and your true master.” _

_ Terra looked away. “Is staying here really the best way to protect Naminé?” _

_ King Xehanort smiled. “You’ve already done a perfect job. There is no one better suited for the task. Aqua and Ventus are incredibly capable, from what you’ve told me. They don’t need you. They’ll be able to take care of themselves. Don’t you think you’ve held them back long enough?” _

_ Terra’s head was spinning.  _

_ When he was younger, Eraqus took Aqua and Terra to a fair. There was a snake charmer who let them watch as he fed his snake. The snake struck, and the rat was paralyzed. Slowly, the snake unhinged its jaw and inched its way up the body of the rat. The rat’s eyes were on Terra the whole time.  _

_ Aqua had laughed. She thought the snake looked silly with its gaping mouth and unblinking eyes. _

_ But the snake scared Terra. _

_ He felt like the rat. He was being paralyzed as something swallowed him whole, and he couldn’t move enough to even scream. Maybe he was already swallowed and he was being dissolved as his thoughts tore him apart. _

_ He had to be there for his friends. It was his life’s purpose. _

_ But he couldn’t abandon Naminé. _

_ King Xehanort was right. His friends were incredible. They could take care of themselves. They never needed him in the first place. He was holding them back, just as Eraqus had been holding Terra back. _

_ “I’ll do it,” Terra said. “If you’ll still have me, I’ll become a prince of this realm.” _

_ King Xehanort patted him on the shoulder. Terra flinched again.  _

_ “You made the right choice.” _

_ The snake’s jaws closed over his head. _

_ It felt like someone else was kneeling on the ground. It had to be another heart that was moving his hand to make a fist at his chest and moving his lips to speak.  _

_ “I pledge my life and allegiance to the Realm of Darkness, and to you, King Xehanort, for as long as you and you lineage reigns. I will hold this oath until my heart returns to the darkness of Kingdom Hearts whence it came.” _

_ It was a slightly modified version of his pledge as a prince-knight. The reminder made Terra dizzy. _

_ “Rise, Lord Terrax,” King Xehanort said. “We’ll make it official once the exchange is over. I’ll make a feast in your honor.” King Xehanort smiled.  _

_ Terra could do nothing but nod as he shakily got to his feet. _

_ “I’ll see you in the morning,” King Xehanort said. “Today was a big day. Make sure to rest.” _

_ Terra stumbled out the door. His heart was beating so fast he felt it might burst from his chest. He was so dizzy he could hardly stand. Nausea and panic rose within him. _

_ What had he done? _

_ He was a traitor. _

_ He abandoned Aqua and Ven. _

_ King Xehanort had asked, and Terra gave in. It wasn’t King Xehanort’s fault, he was just trying to be nice.  _

_ It wasn’t his fault Terra was a traitor. _

_ He had pledged his life away from his friends until his heart returned to Kingdom Hearts.  _

_ Terra summoned Ends of the Earth in his hand. _

_ His Keyblade’s name came from his heart. He thought he would go to the ends of the earth to help his friends, but he had betrayed them so easily.  _

_ What was it like in Kingdom Hearts? Was it peaceful? Would Terra be free of his guilt and the weight of his body? If he went, he would be free of his oaths. He smiled- maybe he’d be able to watch his friends from above. They could do incredible things without his stupidity and weakness weighing them down.  _

_ For an instant, Terra considered plunging Ends of the Earth into his chest and freeing himself from his guilt. _

_ But then there would be no one to protect Naminé. _

_ Terra dismissed his Keyblade and stumbled back to his room. _


	9. But what is wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: internalized ableism

Terra knew something was wrong with him. He had known it for months. He just wasn’t smart enough to figure out what was wrong.

He pondered this as he sank into the bed that used to be his, back when he lived in the Realm of Light. It was too early to go to sleep, but the weariness that constantly plagued him didn’t give him much of a choice. His stupid meltdown from earlier didn’t help. Neither did the fact that he hadn’t slept much the night before. Invisible weights dragged him to the mattress, and he wasn’t strong enough to resist them even if he wanted to.

Sure, he was weak. He was weak and sensitive because Eraqus was too ignorant and fearful to teach Terra the truth.  _ Xehanort _ had to, and-

Hatred flooded him so deeply he lost his train of thought, but it eventually settled down like the last shakes of an earthquake.

He was stupid. It wasn’t Eraqus’s fault for the most part. Terra had been one cut short of a Keyblade his entire life. Aqua had said that he was just different, that he didn’t see the world the same way most people did, but she was trying to spare him the truth. She was being compassionate in the way that Aqua just was. 

Thinking of Aqua or Ven hurt these days, because it reminded him of the thing that made him want to lose the little food he ate so Naminé wouldn’t worry.

He was a traitor.

He had pledged allegiance to a monster. Eraqus could burn for all Terra cared, but he had betrayed Ven and Aqua. His whole life, he just wanted to protect his friends and help people, but he had failed in the worst way possible. And now there was no turning back.

Terra shifted onto his side and curled up. Why was he even here? He belonged in the Realm of Darkness now- no, he had never belonged in the Realm of Light in the first place. But if he returned to the Realm of Darkness, they’d kill him for what he had done.

The thought was more of a relief than anything. 

A knock on his door startled Terra out of his thoughts.

“Terra?” It was Aqua. “I know you’re in here.”

He said nothing.

“I’m coming in,” she said.

He couldn’t muster up the energy to move, let alone stop her.

“There’s someone who wants to see you,” Aqua said. 

“Terra?”

Before Terra could process it, he stumbled out of his bed and on his knees.

There, at eye level, was Naminé. She rushed forward before Terra could say anything and wrapped her skinny arms around his neck.

Joy and relief hit him like a blow. She was okay. She would be safe in the Realm of Light, where Aqua and Ven would protect her much better than Terra ever could. No one could touch her again, even the guardian-king himself.

Terra looked up at Aqua, in the eyes like a normal person. It still made him uncomfortable, but that was just because there was something wrong with him. 

“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for granting her asylum. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

There was a shift in Aqua’s demeanor, so subtle that Terra wouldn’t have even noticed it a year ago.

“I’m not granting her asylum,” she said, voice as sharp as Stormfall. “You are.”

Terra’s heart twisted. “I’m not-”

Aqua’s gaze bored into him. It wasn’t in his eyes, but Terra could still feel its intensity. She looked every bit like the guardian-king she was destined to become. “You are a prince-knight of the Realm of Light, second in line for the throne of guardian-king. Your duty is to protect this land, its people, and all who need protecting until the day your heart returns to Kingdom Hearts. Nothing Xehanort did could ever change that. Do you understand me?”

Terra’s heart ached for the days where that was true. 

“I pledged allegiance to him, Aqua! What don’t you understand?”

“You pledged allegiance to the Realm of Light first. And you didn’t have to be coerced to do it.”

Terra looked away. Naminé moved from his arms and hopped onto the bed. She watched the two of them with wide, owl-like eyes.

“Why do you keep saying I was coerced?” Terra asked.

“If you weren’t, why aren’t you denying it?” Aqua retorted. Her voice was still cold. “I know you don’t lie.”

“He said it would protect Naminé,” Terra said. Anger and hatred hit him in a dizzying shock. He huffed in a vain effort to dispel it. “I was stupid to believe him. But now I know better. Castle Oblivion is the worst place in Scala ad Caelum to keep a child safe.”

Maybe it was better now that Xehanort was dead.

Aqua’s face softened into a smile. “Complying with someone in order to keep a child safe was the right thing to do, even if it means pledging something you don’t mean.”

“But I was wrong, and-”

“You are the best prince-knight I have ever seen,” Aqua said. “Your mistakes do not define you, and they are outnumbered by your virtues.” Terra opened his mouth to argue, but Aqua cut him off. “Don’t you agree, Naminé?” 

From the bed, Naminé slung her arms around Terra’s shoulders and put her head next to his. She didn’t say anything, but Terra felt her nod.

Aqua held out her hand. “You are my brother-in-arms, now and forever.”

Terra took her hand and let her pull him up. For an instant, he allowed himself to believe her words.

  
  


“You wished to see me, Master?”

Guardian-king Eraqus looked like he had aged five years since Aqua had last talked to him. The lights had almost completely dimmed his study, casting shadows on the wrinkles on his face. The light of Kingdom Hearts shone through the windows, making the white streaks in his hair look almost blue.

“Yes. We have to discuss how to deal with the death of King Xehanort.” Guardian-king Eraqus’s voice was a listless monotone. “The news is doubtlessly being spread across the Realm of Darkness as we speak. We must create an official statement so that the Darkners don’t control the narrative.”

Aqua felt naked, in a way, without Terra or Ven beside her. Ven wasn’t experienced enough to give input on such a serious topic, but he should be listening in to learn. And Terra had a duty to help the guardian-king reach a decision. 

“Did Ven, Vanitas, and Terra tell you the story?” Aqua asked.

“Yes. Vanitas killed Xehanort in defence of Ventus, but they shouldn’t have been in the castle in the first place.”

Aqua frowned. “They broke the exchange rules first by interfering with our correspondence with Terra.”

“We don’t have much proof,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “The letters are circumstantial at best. Besides, one breach of the rules does not excuse a second. Withdrawing Terra from the Darkner castle was vital to his safety, but now the Darkners can say that it was a planned assassination.”

Aqua scowled in frustration.

“If there is good news about any of this,” Guardian-King Eraqus said, “it’s that Vanitas was the one who killed him. If Terra was involved, war would certainly be upon us.”

“Terra wasn’t involved?” Aqua asked.

“Vanitas said that he arrived after the murder and escorted them to you.”

Aqua’s heart was telling her that something was off about the story, but she didn’t have time to deal with it at that moment.

“We should tell people the truth,” Aqua said. “Ven was worried about Terra because the Darkners were interfering with our communication, and Xehanort attacked him and was killed in self defense by Vanitas, his brother. The Darkners aren’t likely to accept anything we say if it makes us look justified, so there’s no point in embellishing or changing the story.”

“Vanitas is the crux of this entire situation. He could very well decide if we go to war with the Darkners or not.”

Vanitas?

“How?” Aqua asked.

Guardian-king Eraqus looked at her, the barest trace of his usual sharpness in his eyes. “Why do you think?”

He was testing her now? Aqua supposed the situation was unique enough to warrant a lesson. 

If someone had killed Guardian-king Eraqus, Aqua and the rest of the Realm of Light would demand justice. The killer would be put on trial, and if he was a citizen of the Realm of Light…

“The Darkners will want us to extradite him for treason,” Aqua said. “He’ll be killed in retribution.”

And, if Aqua had learned anything about the Realm of Darkness, it would not be a swift death. Her stomach twisted.

“Correct,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Despite all of his posturing, he is just a boy. My heart aches with the idea of sending him to his death.”

“Even if he killed your best friend?”

Guardian-king Eraqus drooped like a wilting flower at Aqua’s question. 

“You are right to ask this question, Aqua. My feelings towards Xehanort remain complicated, to say the least, but long as the act was committed in defense of one of my own, I have no right to judge Vanitas. If the act was committed in revenge-”

_ Then it would be even more justified. _

No. That was the darkness talking. Xehanort deserved to face justice for what he did. Vanitas had no right to execute the man without a trial if it wasn’t in defense of another or himself. Revenge only furthered chaos. 

“Luckily for us,” Aqua said, “it wasn’t.”

“I hope it makes a difference,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. 

The last verges of the winter winds whistled outside.

“Master, forgive me if you don’t want to talk about it, but have you spoken with Terra?”

Guardian-king Eraqus put his head in his hands. “Yes, I have. He resents me now. He made it very clear.” He looked up. “Do you know why?”

“Something happened to Terra in the year he was gone,” Aqua said. “I think Xehanort did it, but I don’t understand how.”

“Xehanort again,” Guardian-king Eraqus said between gritted teeth. “It was his idea that Terra be the one in the exchange. I was worried about the darkness in his heart, and Xehanort said he would help him control it. Now I hear that Xehanort has committed unspeakable crimes, and Terra walks like a man haunted. His heart is more darkness than light now. If something happened to him-”

“I’ll find out everything that happened,” Aqua said. “I don’t think this is your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself for whatever Xehanort did.”

“All I’ve ever wanted is what’s best for him,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“I know,” Aqua said.

Guardian-king Eraqus scribbled what looked like the official statement on a piece of parchment, placed it in an envelope, and stamped it with the royal seal. He held the envelope to his mouth and whispered to it. Once it started glowing, he stood up and opened the window. The envelope shot into the night, heedless to the cold wind. Guardian-king Eraqus slumped back on his desk.

“Go to bed, Master.”

Guardian-king Eraqus sat up a little. The barest hint of a teasing smile was on his face. “Are you ordering me around?”

Aqua returned it with a small smile of her own. “It is my recommendation, as your heir, that you rest for the night.”

Guardian-king Eraqus’s smile grew into something wry. “I doubt I will sleep tonight. But I might as well try.”

The instant Aqua stepped outside for her morning meditation, the sharp, cold air startled her awake. Guardian-king Eraqus was already outside in meditation position. Aqua took a position next to him and began her meditation.

When the sun had completely risen over the horizon, Guardian-king Eraqus stood up, signalling the end of the meditation. Aqua rose and looked to her right. Some time during the meditation, Ven had sat next to her, and Vanitas next to him. It was still somewhat of a shock to see him there, but he had started sitting with them almost a month ago. Aqua had doubted he was actually meditating, but he didn’t disturb anyone. 

Terra wasn’t there. Aqua’s heart ached for his presence.

Guardian-king Eraqus broke the silence. 

“Meet me in the war room after breakfast, all of you, for a strategy meeting. Make sure Terra comes as well. There is news we must discuss.”

“Yes, Master,” Ven and Aqua said.

“Ominous,” Vanitas quipped.

Guardian-king Eraqus walked past them and back into the castle. 

Vanitas went straight to breakfast without a word, but Ven walked next to Aqua with a spring in his step. 

“Did you sleep well?” she asked. 

He nodded. “I had a very nice dream.”

“That’s good.”

“What do you think the news is?” Ven asked

Aqua couldn’t stop herself from biting her lip. “It’s… about Xehanort’s death.”

“Vanitas did it,” Ven said, as if the crime in question was eating the last cookie before dinner and not regicide.

“I know he did. That’s the problem. The Realm of Darkness might want us to give him to them so they can punish him for it.”

“Well, we’re not going to give him to them.”

Aqua said nothing. Ven stopped.

“We’re not going to give him to them, right?”

“Look, we don’t know what this is about for sure. Let’s just eat breakfast and see what the Master wants.”

Ven frowned. “Fine.”

The spring in his step was gone. Aqua missed it.

  
  


Terra awoke to a knock on his door. He sat up and summoned Ends of the Earth.

“Terra!” Ven called. “Are you awake?”

He relaxed and opened the door with his Keyblade.

“Sorry,” Ven said. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

Terra couldn’t fight the smile on his face even if he wanted to. Seeing Ven again was a dream come true. “Do you need something?”

“The Master wants you,” Ven said. “He said he wants all of us and Vanitas to talk about something important.”

Terra grimaced at the thought of having to talk to Eraqus. “When does he want us?”

“He said after breakfast, but we already finished ours. I can grab you something if you want.”

“It’s okay. I’m not hungry.”

When he lived in the Realm of Light, it sometimes felt like he could never eat enough, but now, he couldn’t remember the last time the thought of eating didn’t turn his stomach.

Terra got out of bed. In the morning light, his room looked like he had never left. There wasn’t any dust. His clothes were folded in his drawers. Even a glass of water he had left out was still there, drained of its contents the morning before he left. 

He couldn’t pretend nothing had changed- his old clothes were almost too big for him now.

“Are you mad at the Master?” Ven asked.

“Yeah.” Terra hoped anger didn’t leak into his answer.

“Why?” The question burst from Ven like a popped balloon. “Did he do something to you?”

“He did a lot of things, Ven, but we don’t have time to get into them. Let’s go.”

They trudged from his room. Terra had to look twice at every face they passed. Seeing the faces from Castle Oblivion in the Land of Departure made his heart spin.

“Are you mad at me?”

Ven’s question stopped Terra in his tracks. He turned to face him.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Terra asked back. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Nononono!” Ven yelped. “It’s just- I don’t get why you’re mad at the Master, and you look sick… Something’s wrong, and I’m worried it’s my fault.”

Terra’s heart twisted. He put his hand on Ven’s shoulder. “None of this is your fault. I… know something is wrong with me, I’m just not smart enough to figure it out.”

Ven looked like he was about to cry. “Wh-what?”

“Why do you look so sad? Did I say something wrong?”

“Why are you saying things like that?” Ven cried. “Why don’t you think you’re not smart enough?”

“Because I’m not, Ven. I’ve never been very intelligent. You know that.”

“That’s not true at all! You know tons of things.”

“I know things about Keyblade fighting. That doesn’t count.”

“Sure it does!”

“Not here it doesn’t.”

“Look.” Ven dug out his Wayfinder and held it out. “You, me, and Aqua all know something is wrong, but none of us know what it is or why it happened or how to fix it. It doesn’t have anything to do with being stupid or smart. None of us know everything, or enough to figure it out, but together, we can fix this. Okay?”

Terra’s smile came straight from his heart. He dug out his Wayfinder and held it next to Ven’s.

“Okay,” Terra said.

Ven’s smile could outshine the sun. Terra couldn’t help but ruffle his hair. Ven didn’t even fight it.

“I missed you so much,” Terra said.

“I missed you, too.”


	10. Letters of cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ven writes a letter to Terra

_ Ven was eating a piece of crystal sugar cake Aqua had made and writing a letter to Terra. Snow silently padded against the window.  _

_ He felt eyes on him and turned. _

_ “Get out of my room, Vanitas.” _

_ Vanitas leaned against the doorway with a smug grin. “I’m not in your room.” _

_ Ven looked away and kept writing. He’d probably go away soon enough. _

_ “You’re not writing about me, are you?” Vanitas asked. _

_ “Of course I’m not,” Ven said. “I promised not to. Besides, Terra wouldn’t care what you were up to.” _

_ Vanitas laughed. Ven had learned his different laughs: the dark chuckle he made when he was winning in a sparring match, the long mocking laugh, and the bark of bitter laughter. This one was the mocking one, when he thought he knew better than someone else.  _

_ “You’re stupid if you think Terra’s reading those.” _

_ Ven narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know the first thing about Terra.” _

_ Vanitas rolled his eyes. “The old man talks about him so much I can probably guess his shoe size. But that’s beside the point. I’m sure he’d read your letters if they actually got to him.” _

_ Ven froze. “What do you mean?” _

_ “Exactly what I said, idiot.” _

_ Ven thought back to the letters that Terra had sent to him. There was something off about them, he knew it in his heart, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. His handwriting was the same, as far as he could tell… _

_ Vanitas gave a long, exaggerated sigh. “If you don’t believe me, then write something that Terra would know was wrong. If he doesn’t comment on it in his next letter, then I’m right.” _

_ “Fine!” _

_ Vanitas pushed off the doorway and walked to his room, muttering about ‘stupid Lightners without a lick of common sense.’ _

_ Ven turned back to the letter. Suddenly, the prospect of writing anything down made his heart twist. Why did Vanitas have to ruin everything?  _

_ Angrily, he took a bite of Aqua’s cake. It was sugary-sweet, just the way he liked it. It almost put a smile back on his face. _

_ “Wait a sec-” _

_ Terra didn’t like cake, especially when it was this sweet. Ven turned back to the letter, words already in his head. _


	11. The deadline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of killing a king

Ven was so happy at Terra’s improved mood that he forgot why they were going to the war room in the first place, but the second Guardian-king Eraqus spoke, all of Ven’s cheer drained from him.

“Take a seat. This is a strategy meeting. Vanitas, for the moment, you will be treated as an apprentice prince-knight like Ventus. That means you should listen to what is being discussed, but hold your tongue. If you have a question or urgent comment, you must raise your hand before speaking it. Do you understand?”

Vanitas said nothing.

“Do you understand?”

He stared forward in complete silence. Ven nudged him with his elbow.

“What gives, Vanitas?”

Vanitas blinked and looked around. “I thought I had to hold my tongue unless I raised my hand.”

Ven could tell Aqua and Guardian-king Eraqus were extremely irritated but doing their best to hide it so they wouldn’t give Vanitas any satisfaction. It didn’t work too well; Vanitas looked extremely pleased with himself. On a normal day, Ven might have found it annoying as well, but he was too nervous from what Aqua said earlier to feel anything else.

“You do starting now,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. He turned his attention to an envelope stamped with the seal of the Darkner royal family. Ven’s heart sped up. “A short time before dawn, I received this message from the Realm of Darkness. I will read it out loud, then we will discuss its implications and next steps. Are there any questions?”

Ven felt like he was choking on the silence. Guardian-king Eraqus opened the letter and began to read.

_ Guardian-king Eraqus of the Realm of Light, _

_ As you may be aware, King Xehanort was assassinated yesterday. We have good reason to believe the perpetrator is taking asylum in the Realm of Light. Our customs dictate 13 days of grieving after the death of a monarch, which begins today. After these 13 days are complete, you will turn over the one who killed King Xehanort. If you fail to do so, we will attack the Realm of Light until we have custody of your prince-knights and the traitor Vanitas. Civilians will not be spared in our endeavor. These terms are non-negotiable. _

_ Prince Ansem of the Realm of Darkness _

Ven’s stomach twisted. It was all of his worst fears coming true at once, and then some. He had no idea civilians would be targeted because of his stupid curiosity. He was glad that he couldn’t speak because he was afraid if he opened his mouth, the only thing that would come out would be a scream.

There was a long silence after Guardian-king Eraqus finished reading the letter. Finally, Aqua spoke up. 

“They say that they won’t negotiate, but there will have to be a meeting in order for any prisoner exchange to occur. We can use that as an opportunity to negotiate.”

“Maybe,” Terra said, “but we’ll have to have several plans if we want to negotiate out of a war without turning over any prisoners.”

“Perhaps we are getting ahead of ourselves,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “First, I want to know what you think of our two choices.”

“I don’t want to turn Vanitas in,” Aqua said. “I think we should be spending our time thinking of ways to prevent war without turning anyone over.”

“I don’t want to turn anyone over to the Darkner court either,” Terra said, “but we have to think about protecting civilians. They shouldn’t get caught up in this.”

Ven didn’t want to have to choose between protecting civilians and protecting his brother. This was all his fault, and if-

Wait.

Ven raised his hand. Guardian-king Eraqus gestured to him.

“The Darkners don’t know who killed the king. Otherwise, they would have demanded a specific person, right?”

“You are correct, Ventus,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “but if they found out they we delivered the wrong person, there would be war anyway. If we were to choose to send someone, we must be sure to send the true culprit.”

Ven gulped.

“Just send me!” Vanitas shouted. “You’re all being stupid. The choice is obvious.”

“No!” Ven shouted back. “I won’t let you sacrifice yourself. Besides, I thought you wanted war. What happened to there ‘not being any greater joy than being feared’?”

“Raise your hands,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “or-”

“You don’t remember the Battle of Radiant Garden!” Vanitas shouted, venom dripping from his words. “Do any of you idiots know what it’s like being a civilian in a war zone? Do you know what it’s like to see your parents get blown up? Do you know what it’s like to sell your heart to the king who did it to keep the last of your family alive? Of fucking course you don’t. I relish being feared. I dream of the day when I can raze the Darkner royals until nothing remains of them but ash and bones. But civilians don’t deserve to deal with this shit.” He barked out a bitter laugh. “You wanted me to feel empathy, and now it’s biting you in the ass.”

Stunned silence filled the room. Aqua opened her mouth, but closed it before she said anything. Terra’s face was filled with distant pity. Guardian-king Eraqus just looked at him. Vanitas turned his face away from all of them, a snarl on his lips. 

Ven didn’t know any of that had happened. He didn’t know anything about the battle aside from the fact that he was injured in it. He wanted to reach out to comfort Vanitas, but he knew he hated pity. 

_ I just want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have to shoulder your pain alone. _

“This whole thing is my fault,” Ven finally said. His voice was mouse-quiet. “You shouldn’t have to pay for it.”

“It’s not your fault-” Terra began, but Aqua cut him off. 

“Actually, Ven brings up a good point. We might not be culpable for Xehanort’s death in accordance with the rules of the exchange.”

Vanitas unwound at the change of subject.

Guardian-king Eraqus narrowed his eyes. “Ventus and Vanitas were trespassing on Darkner land. Vanitas especially had no right to be there, as subjects of the exchange are forbidden from returning home.”

“Except in cases of emergency,” Aqua said. “Technically, face-to-face visits aren’t permitted either, but because Ven was missing, I was able to talk to Terra.”

Ven remembered to raise his hand. “But I wasn’t allowed to see Terra.”

“That’s my point,” Aqua said, “I think you were. We might have to double check if there are rules regulating emergency visits or if there’s a specific definition for what an emergency is, but the reason you ran away was because you couldn’t contact him because Xehanort was interfering with our letters.”

“What do you mean?” Terra asked. “How do you know?”

“Whoever was writing said they were you and had your handwriting, but they didn’t know things you would know, like the fact that you don’t like sweets,” Aqua said.

“Is that why Xehanort thought I liked cake?” Terra asked, mostly to himself.

Guardian-king Eraqus frowned. “I don’t know if interference would justify an emergency visit, but I’ll check. Even if Ventus’s visit was permitted, Vanitas’s was not.”

“I would be allowed back under certain conditions,” Vanitas said. “Xehanort planned to use that rule as a loophole.”

Guardian-king Eraqus ignored him until he raised his hand with a huff and repeated the statement.

“In that case, we should look into the specific rules of visitation,” he finally said, “but it’s more likely that the Darkners won’t budge until they have a scapegoat. Any other ideas?”

Ven raised his hand. “Could we attack the Darkners first?”

Vanitas glanced at him. “Didn’t know it was possible for your mind to be that devious. Am I rubbing off on you?”

Before Ven could retort, Terra said, “No. The problem with any upcoming war is that we don’t have a victory condition aside from taking Castle Oblivion. And even if we do that, are we going to kill the princes? Who would we replace them with? Would we annex the entire Realm of Darkness?” He looked back at Ven. “It’s a good idea, it would just be too complicated even if we succeeded.”

“Isn’t that called a bad idea?” Vanitas quipped. 

Everyone pretended like he didn’t say anything.

“We could deny that any of us did it,” Aqua suggested, but by her tone, even she knew it was a long shot.

“We’d have to blame someone else,” Terra said, “and even if the princes believed us for some reason, we would still have to extradite an innocent person. Does anyone else have any ideas?”

There was a pause as everyone thought. Ven relaxed in the comfortable silence. He smiled. This was nice- he was surrounded by the people he loved most in the world as they pondered over an impossible problem. The situation wasn’t ideal, but the moment was. Ven didn’t know what the future held, but he hoped it would end up like this. Everything was perfect.

And then Guardian-king Eraqus stood up. Terra scowled, and the air felt tense again. “Thank you all for your input and suggestions. I will go to the Princesses of Heart for guidance on this issue, but I will keep all of your ideas in mind. We will likely meet again soon to continue this discussion. If you have an idea, be sure to share it, no matter how outrageous it may seem. You are all dismissed.”

Terra stood up and bowed at his waist. “Yes, Your Highness.”

Ven couldn’t hold back his wince. Even Guardian-king Eraqus frowned. Vanitas snickered.

Suddenly, Aqua stood up.

“What is going on with you two?” she snapped. Terra flinched, and for an instant, Aqua’s face was filled with guilt. She quickly wiped her face into something more blank. “Terra, Master, I am holding a mediation for you two in my room after lunch.” Her tone did not leave room for negotiation.

“Very well,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

Terra, on the other hand, bristled. “You can’t abuse your authority-”

“What authority?” Aqua pointed at Terra. “I am settling this as your sister,” she pointed at Guardian-king Eraqus, “and your daughter. Nothing more, nothing less. Be there.”

Terra, to Ven’s relief, nodded.

Aqua opened the study room door and strode out without another word. Vanitas was still laughing as he got up, stretched, and followed her out the door, Terra and Ven behind him.

“What’s so funny?” Terra asked in a voice as cold as steel.

Vanitas didn’t even look back. “I had to listen to the old man blather on about you all year. Every day in training it was ‘if you were fighting someone like Terra,’ or ‘Terra would do this like-’”

“I’m a good example because I’m tall,” Terra said, “Nothing more.”

“I wish you weren’t such a ‘good example’ at every dinner conversation. I don’t know how the seven Princesses of Heart didn’t take away his guardian-king title for the sin of literally never shutting the fuck up about you. And now you’re actually here and you hate his guts.” Vanitas laughed again. “Who needs Colosseum fights when you can watch this?” 

Terra looked at Ven. 

“Did he really?” he asked quietly.

“It wasn’t that bad-”

“Yes it was!”

“-but he did talk about you a lot,” Ven said. “It made us miss you more. I think it was the Master’s way of dealing with you being gone. He missed you a lot.”

“But-”

“I don’t know why you’re mad at him, and maybe you’re right to be mad about it, but he loves you. You know that, right?”

Terra looked confused, but he started walking again without another word.


	12. Case of Axel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel learns the difference between an error and a mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: child prostitution mention

_ Axel made two critical errors that night. The first one was dragging Terra to the brothel.  _

_ “No thanks,” Terra had said. “Prince-knights are celibate.” _

_ Axel raised his eyebrows. “Really? No sex ever?” _

_ “Only the guardian-king is allowed to have a consort. Prince-knights can be intimate together, but,” Terra made a face like he was tasting sour milk, “we’re all like siblings. I’m not interested. Never have been.” _

_ “Even as a teenager?” _

_ “Go away.” _

_ “Look,” Axel said, “you don’t have to hire anyone. It’s a social gathering more than anything.” _

_ “Then I really don’t want to go,” Terra said. “The solstice feast was enough for me.” _

_ “The young prince isn’t going. He’s not old enough.” That seemed to make him pause. Axel smiled. “It’ll be fun. You could stand to get out more.” _

_ Terra narrowed his eyes. “Fine.” _

_ The brothel still impressed Axel, even after several visits. It was clearly a high-class place, with sparkling lights and cloud-soft cushions. Soothing music floated through the rooms. Women dressed in skimpy white outfits perched on stands like dolls on display. There were a few men as well, some of whom Axel gave an appreciative once-over, but the majority of the prostitutes were women. _

_ Xaldin and Lexaeus disappeared into the back rooms immediately, but the rest of the men from the castle lounged in the front room for a while. Alcohol poured freely into crystal goblets. Axel reached over to grab a cracker from one of the small tables piled with food, as well as a goblet, which he drained in a matter of minutes.  _

_ The second they sat down, giggling women draped themselves over their laps and under their arms. Ansem drew in the most, probably because of his pretty face and damn sexy voice. Zexion had somehow escaped the eyes of his father and was holding hands with Demyx, who was talking with a young woman. Either he was being friendly or they were looking for a third. Luxord was whispering into a woman’s ear. Xigbar drew the attention of the madam herself, kissing her hand and wrapping an arm around her.  _

_ Terra was stiff as a statue as he did his best to rebuff the prostitutes as politely as possible. Unfortunately, he unknowingly made himself a challenge for every prostitute in the brothel. Axel grimaced in empathy- that was him for his first couple of visits. _

_ He leaned over to Terra. “Telling them you’re gay will at least narrow the pool of people trying to get into your pants.” _

_ “I’m not gay, I’m just not interested.” _

_ “You can lie, you know.” _

_ A prostitute settled next to Axel with a flirtatious smile. He was pretty, but not quite Axel’s type. He preferred long, blue hair and green eyes that would- _

_ “Are you going to hire that one?” Terra asked. _

_ “I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t tempting,” Axel said, “but I never hire anyone. I’m like you- just here for the company. I have to prove my wedding vows mean something, even if I’m the only one keeping them.” _

_ Terra raised his eyebrows. “You’re married?” _

_ “Fuck,” Axel whispered. He set the goblet of wine far away from himself- he wouldn’t have made such a stupid blunder sober.  _

_ Terra seemed to take it the wrong way, and immediately shrank into himself. “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” _

_ “Nah, don’t worry about it.” Axel turned to the prostitute glued to his side. “Try your luck somewhere else tonight. Neither of us are interested.” When he left, Axel continued. “We decided to keep it a secret when we started working at Castle Oblivion. It backfired horribly. We’re still technically married, but I don’t know if we’re even friends anymore.”  _

_ He regretted moving his booze away. Thinking about Isa made him want to drink. _

_ “I’m sorry to hear that,” Terra said.  _

_ Axel could tell he genuinely meant it, too.  _

_ “Well, I’m not giving up hope yet. I’ll drag that idiot out of the hole he’s in if it kills me.” _

_ Axel turned back to another food platter to resist the urge to drink himself into oblivion. Terra took out a star-shaped charm and stared at it. The second Axel turned back, he smoothly tucked it back into his pocket.  _

_ “Sorry, kid,” Xigbar laughed from their right. Axel could tell it was forced. “Come back in a couple of decades.” _

_ A prostitute was getting off of his lap. The second he saw her, Axel felt like he was going to lose all of the food in his stomach. _

_ She couldn’t have been over twelve years old. A wave of discomfort flowed through the patrons. The madam, still glued to Xigbar, seemed to note it with shrewd eyes. She gestured to the child, and she turned to leave.  _

_ When Axel saw her face, he made the second error of the night.  _

_ “What the fuck- that’s Olette.” _

_ “You know her?” _

_ “She’s from Twilight Town. Roxas and Xion played with her after their missions, but she went missing half a year ago.” _

_ And then Terra stood up, jaw set.  _

_ Axel shot up and grabbed his wrist. “Stop! I know what you’re going to do, and I’m telling you now-“ _

_ Terra looked at Axel with golden eyes as flat as a bear’s. Axel let go before he realized he was doing it.  _

_ “You can’t do this,” Axel hissed. “The rumor about you and Naminé is dead. If you even look at her, everyone here will think it was true.” _

_ “I don’t care.” Terra’s voice was steady with reckless determination.  _

_ “Your name will be dragged through the mud.” _

_ “I can help this girl. That’s all that matters. Whatever the cost, I’m ready to pay it.” _

_ Axel sighed. Terra was as immovable as a mountain.  _

_ He walked over to the madam, face slate-blank.  _

_ “I’d like to hire the girl.” _

_ Instantly, the entire brothel fell silent. Conversations stopped mid-word. Even the music stopped.  _

_ Axel sighed and grabbed his goblet. He’d at least let himself finish his drink before he returned to the castle for damage control.  _

_ “Mmph… Axel?” _

_ Roxas blinked awake. _

_ “Sorry I’m interrupting your beauty sleep, but it’s important.” _

_ “What is it? Something wrong?” _

_ “It’s about Terra.” _

_ All the sleep left Roxas’s eyes. “What did he do?” _

_ “Not what people are going to say he did. I fell asleep after I came home, so he should be back by now…” _

_ “Back from where?” _

_ “The brothel.” _

_ Roxas’s eyes hardened. “I’m getting Xion, too.” _

_ Axel smiled as he offered Roxas a hand up. “I figured. Let’s go.” _

_ Xion was a much heavier sleeper. _

_ “Why are we seeing Terra?” she muttered. Roxas had grabbed her hand and was practically dragging her to Terra’s room. _

_ “Because I didn’t want to kill him without letting you have a shot,” Roxas said.  _

_ “I woke you up so you guys wouldn’t kill Terra,” Axel said. “Let him explain himself.” _

_ Axel knocked on the door.  _

_ “Terra,” he whispered. “It’s me.” _

_ The door opened on its own without Roxas or Xion lifting their Keyblades. Terra used his to close the door behind them. He seemed startled, almost scared to see Roxas and Xion in front of him. _

_ “Lay it on me. Did you let Olette escape? Open the window and look the other way?” _

_ “I took her home,” Terra said. _

_ Axel barely remembered to control his voice at the last second. “You took her home?” _

_ “Of course. What else was I going to do? I gave her my protective cloak and took her through a corridor of darkness.” Terra smiled. It was the first time Axel had seen him smile in months. “She’s back home.” _

_ All of the anger drained from Roxas. He actually looked like a nine-year-old for once. “You found Olette?” _

_ “She was in a bad place,” Terra said, “but she’s free now. I had to pretend to do something bad, but-” _

_ He was cut off when Roxas and Xion jumped him with a hug. He froze at first, but he relaxed, and his smile grew even bigger. _

_ “Thank you,” Xion said.  _

_ “I would do it again a thousand times,” Terra said. “I don’t care what happens to me.” _

_ Roxas looked up at him. “What are you going to do when the king finds out? Will you tell him what you did?” _

_ The smile melted off Terra’s face. “The king doesn’t need to worry about unimportant things like this.” _

_ “Are you scared of him?” Xion asked. _

_ Terra didn’t answer. She and Roxas exchanged a glance. _

_ “You’re not ready to hear the truth about the king,” Roxas said. “Not yet. When you are, come and find us.” _

_ They let go of him and walked away. Axel followed them, closing the door behind him. _

_ “Don’t tell him what happened,” Axel said. “It’s not your story to tell.” _

_ “Maybe not,” Xion said, “but he has to hear it.” Quieter, she said, “I don’t want it to happen to him, too.” _

_ Axel smiled and patted her on the head. She smiled up at him. _

_ “Thank you for telling us about Olette,” Roxas said. _

_ Axel made many errors that night, but at that moment, he knew he hadn’t made a single mistake.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Olette sweetie im so sorry to do this to you but dw when she grows up she takes her spiked bat to human traffickers


	13. Ghost story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel explains the origins of the rumor that started everything

13 days until the Darkner deadline 

Aqua wasn’t very hungry after the strategy meeting, and the thought of the mediation between Terra and Guardian-king Eraqus made her stomach churn, but she knew she had to eat. 

On her way to the kitchen, she spotted red hair through the windows. Axel, Roxas, and Xion were eating on the steps outside. Aqua grabbed the food bowl that floated toward her with a bow and stepped outside. The day was bright and sunny, but a bit cold for Aqua’s tastes. 

“Afternoon, Lady Aqua,” Roxas greeted as she opened the door.

“Good afternoon. Would you mind if I joined you?”

“It’s your castle. Do what you want,” Axel said with a friendly smile. 

Aqua laughed and sat down next to them. 

“So, how are you guys finding the castle?” she asked.

“It’s so cool!” Xion exclaimed. “It’s so much better than Castle Oblivion! There aren’t any Heartless, we don’t have to do any missions, and it’s so much prettier!”

“What’s Castle Oblivion?” Aqua asked.

“It’s the nickname for the Darkner castle,” Axel said.

“That’s a very dark nickname,” Aqua said.

“It’s a fucked-up place,” Axel said. “Just look at what it did to Terra.”

Aqua looked at Roxas and Xion. “Naminé mentioned that he trained you two for a while. Was he a good teacher?”

Roxas nodded. “He taught us a lot.”

“Yeah,” Axel said. “When he came up to me and said I was teaching them wrong, I wanted to punch him in the face, but he knows his way around a Keyblade more than I do. I think he taught them more in six months than I did in four years."

“Why did he only train you for six months?” Aqua asked.

“That’s when the rumor started,” Xion said. “Naminé triple pinky-promised that Terra never did any of what they said he did, which is why we didn’t kill him, but-”

“I’m sorry, did you say you were planning on killing Terra?”

“We’ve done it before,” Xion said casually.

Aqua turned to them. “Terra’s four times your size and has been training with a Keyblade since before you were born. Why-”

Roxas looked her dead in the eye. “I would have found a way. Like Xion said, we have before.”

Aqua believed him. Castle Oblivion was a good nickname for the Darkner castle if it raised its children to be this violent. She decided to change the subject.

“Did it really take six months for the rumor to reach the Realm of Light?” Aqua asked.

“There were two rumors,” Axel explained. “The first one, the one that said he was doing icky things to Naminé, fizzled out pretty quickly, but he stopped training Roxas and Xion after that. On the winter solstice, however, I had the bright idea of taking Terra to a brothel so I could talk to someone while everyone else was getting some. But then we saw this kid, and I recognized her. The second I told him who she was and where she was from, I swear I could see him switch into being a prince-knight. He knew exactly what people would say about him if he disappeared with a little girl, but he did it anyway. Didn’t even hesitate. Word got out that the Lighner prince liked little girls, and he used that to find other brothels with kids to rescue. Man, it was like the entire realm talked about nothing but that for months. I’m surprised to hear that the Realm of Light only now heard about it.”

Was that what Terra meant when he said he had used a rumor to save people?

“How many kids did he rescue? Do you know?”

“Not specifics, but there was enough to spark a smaller rumor about an armored ghost that returned kidnapped girls. And he was out doing it most nights.”

Aqua smiled. Terra had changed in his year away, but not the goodness in his heart. It was nice to finally have an explanation to extinguish the doubt that flowered from her duty as a prince-knight. 

Then she remembered about the mediation, and her smile faded. Why was he so mad at Guardian-king Eraqus anyway?


	14. Do you remember me?

_ “So, you’re my brother?” _

_ It was a beautiful spring day at the Land of Departure. Puffy clouds drifted across a perfect blue sky. The warm sun shone on the perfect green of the grass where Ven sat.  _

_ “We were born by the same parents. There’s a difference.” Vanitas’s voice was condescending as always, but learning the truth was worth putting up with his attitude. “You really don’t remember?”.  _

_ “No,” Ven said. “During the Battle of Radiant Garden, I got hurt really bad. They took me here because I’m a potential Princess of Heart candidate, but also because only a Princess of Heart could heal me.” He smiled. “Princess Belle said they practically had to drag my heart back from Kingdom Hearts. I survived, but I was asleep for a while. I still don’t remember anything before waking up at the Land of Departure.” _

_ Vanitas scoffed. “Not even your own twin.” _

_ Ven whipped his head over. “We’re twins? But we don’t look anything alike!” _

_ “Not all twins look identical, stupid. We looked more alike when we were younger, before-“ Vanitas cut himself off.  _

_ “Which one of us is older?” Ven asked. _

_ “It doesn’t matter,” Vanitas said. _

_ Ven smiled. “So I’m the older one?” _

_ “It doesn’t matter!” _

_ Ven laughed. “I’m taller and I’m older. Sweet.” _

_ Vanitas scowled. “It doesn’t matter. Only little kids get worked up about stuff like that.” _

_ Ven figured it would be best to change the subject before he started throwing punches or spells. _

_ “We have other siblings too, right?” he asked.  _

_ “Yeah. Sora and Roxas are twins, too,” Vanitas said. _

_ The names felt odd to Ven’s ears outside of a dream. _

_ “What about the other one?” Ven asked. “Xion is her name, right?” _

_ “Xion is complicated. I don’t feel like explaining her,” Vanitas said. _

_ “Well, if I dream about her, she’s our sibling, right? I dream about you and Sora and Roxas.” _

_ Vanitas stilled. “Mom explained it to me once, before she died. Our family is special. Blood siblings will be able to see each other in dreams so they can keep track of each other. And we all have the same Keyblade at first.” _

_ Ven hazily remembered it, the gold and silver key that didn’t quite fit, even when he held it backhand. It was one of his first memories from the Land of Departure. “The Kingdom Key.” _

_ “Yeah. Sora’s the only one who still has it.” _

_ “Why does this happen with our family?” _

_ “I don’t know. I don’t really give a shit. If you want to poke around about it, knock yourself out.” _

_ Ven stood up and stretched. “Maybe I will.” _

_ Vanitas stayed where he was. “You’re so damn nosy.” _


	15. What the fuck is this ‘family,’ anyway?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to be resolved. A little.

Sometimes Ven forgot he lived in a castle. The Land of Departure was the place he ate, slept, trained, and played. He slid down polished railings, climbed out of old stained glass windows, and ate or napped in important diplomatic rooms of ancient significance. 

However, sometimes Ven felt like a visitor in his own home. The castle would be filled with the leaders of every province in the Realm of Light as well as all seven Princesses of Heart, and Ven felt like a kid at an adult party. Aqua and Terra always stood in castle like it was theirs, whether they were in training gear or full armored regalia. 

Vanitas always stood out like a dark splotch on the shiny floor. He didn’t seem to mind it. 

Now that there were new faces living in the Land of Departure, Ven felt like he was shooting between the two extremes. Things would feel normal, but then a refugee would be dipping their head into a bow with a polite, “Lord Ventus,” and he would be back to feeling out of place.

At least Ven wasn’t the only uncomfortable one. Some of the refugees would flinch or jump at any sudden sounds.

(He tried not to think about how Terra did it now, too).

When Ven knocked on the ajar door of the room Even was staying in, he was expecting a lived-in guest room, but in the short time that had passed since they had arrived at the castle, they made their room into their own. Tables were filled with organized piles of papers and books. The floor was painted with runes and circles. Even was facing away from the door, flipping through a pile of papers and muttering. Ienzo was sitting at the back of the room, writing in a journal of some sort. 

“Come in, boy,” Even said, barely glancing back. “I don’t know where Xion is.”

Ven didn’t know what to say. Was he supposed to correct someone on his title? He had never been in a situation where that had been necessary. 

“Um…”

“Father,” Ienzo said, “that’s not Roxas.”

Even completely turned around with a startled gasp. “My deepest apologies, Lord Ventus. You really are the spitting image of your brother.”

“I-it’s no problem, really.” 

Ienzo and Even bowed, and Ven wanted to squirm. How did Terra and Aqua get used to this? At least during ceremonies everyone was bowing. He relaxed as soon as they rose and Ienzo went back to his writing. Even stayed standing.

“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Even asked.

“Are you my dad?”

Ienzo dropped his quill and looked up at Ven’s question. Even raised his eyebrows before erupting into peals of squeaky laughter. Ven frowned- he was really hoping to phrase it better, but the words slipped out of him before he could.

Even seemed to misinterpret the frown and froze, bowing his head again.

“Forgive me, my lord, I mean no disrespect-”

“It’s fine, really.” Ven made sure he sounded relaxed. What was it that Aqua said when they were visiting civilians in the provinces of light? “You may speak freely.”

Even relaxed. “Thank you, my lord.” Ven bit back a sigh. At least all of the tension was gone from Even’s body. “Your logic isn’t flawed, not in the slightest. I simply was not anticipating the question.”

“Well, Xion’s my sister… if you’re her dad but you’re not my dad, who’s her mom?” Maybe they were half-siblings.

“A goat.”

“What?” Ven yelped. Was it really like that in the Realm of Darkness?

Even erupted into laughter again. Ienzo sighed.

“Father…”

“I’m sorry,” Even said once his laughter died down. “I’ve always wanted to say that. I’ve never partaken in bestiality, but it is somewhat true.” He looked back at Ienzo. “Take your work elsewhere. This conversation may bring up matters that you are not privy to.”

Ienzo picked up his book and walked out of the door without putting down his quill. The door shut behind him.

Even gestured to the seat Ienzo just left. “Please, sit. The truth is complicated, and you look like someone with a lot of questions. If you are asking if I am your father, am I correct to presume you don’t know your birth parents?”

Ven sat down. “Yeah. I lost my memory a while ago. The only things I know are what Vanitas told me.”

Even looked away at the name, but quickly looked back. “What did he tell you?”

“He told me about our siblings and our Keyblades, but he said that he didn’t feel like explaining Xion.”

Even sat in a chair of his own. “To answer your first question, no, I am not your father. I have no blood children. Ienzo was orphaned at a young age and fell into my care, and Xion and Nixio are my creations.”

“Creations?”

“Yes,” Even said. “I have been the royal alchemist of two different courts. If the guardian-king accepts my services, it will be three. All of my life, I’ve studied hearts and bodies, with the ultimate goal of creating people.”

“Why?” Ven asked. “There are already so many people, and there sometimes isn’t enough resources for them.”

Even’s eyes grew distant. “War. Men are constantly looking for ways to conquer each other. Replica people could, in theory, become the ultimate weapons. I never cared much for war, but those who did gave me the resources I need to fulfill my curiosity.”

“So Xion is a replica person?” Ven asked.

“Yes and no,” Even said. “I am the one who made her body from goat meat and magic, but her heart came from another child.”

“And that child was my sister?”

“Patience, child, er- Lord Ventus.”

Ven couldn’t stop the frown this time. “I said that you could speak freely.”

Even’s smile was thin and weary. “Forgive me. That phrase means different things to different people. It never hurts to be careful.”

Ven felt a pang of sympathy. He was lucky- he would never have to defer to anyone other than the guardian-king or the Princesses of Heart, who would never punish him for something as inconsequential as an incorrect title. 

“Where did Xion’s heart come from?” Ven asked.

“What do you know about the Battle of Radiant Garden?”

“I lost my memories of the battle because it’s where I was injured.”

“There were many civilian casualties... In the aftermath, I walked the streets for injured survivors.” Even looked away again. “I wish I could say I had noble intentions, but I was looking for test subjects. I managed to collect quite a few that day. They were freed soon after by an unknown liberator, but not the child I collected. I was working with it when the rest escaped.” His eyes became distant. “Someone had placed it in a bakery, thinking, perhaps, someone else would find it when looking for food. Its leg had been crushed and its heart was barely beating, but it was alive, so I brought it to the lab. It was nothing more than sheer curiosity that compelled me to capture its heart as it left to rejoin Kingdom Hearts and place it in the replica body I had just finished- No. i. The child’s body had been a boy, but when its heart entered the replica, it became a girl.” Even smiled. “To this day, I do not know why.”

“And that’s Xion.”

“Yes.”

Ven reached into his pocket and began fiddling with his Wayfinder. “If Xion’s heart came from my sister, where did Nixio’s heart come from?”

Even frowned. “Nixio is a more complicated matter. His heart was, to put it simply, copied from another’s. He had to grow into himself more.” A wry smile floated onto his face. “Not that I did much good. The children call me ‘father,’ but it was a very long time before I saw them as anything more than experiments.” The smile softened. “They are miracles, though. All of them.”

“All of them?” Ven asked. “I thought there was just Xion and Nixio.”

Even’s smile faded completely. “That is a manner I will speak about only with your sister-in-arms or your guardian-king.” 

Ven pouted. “Oh, come on! I’m old enough to hear it.”

Even barked out a laugh. “Age has nothing to do with it. Information is power, Lord Ventus. This I gave you out of obligation to Xion. The rest is too vital to be shared as idle gossip.”

Ven’s frown faded. “Oh. That makes sense. Is that why you sent Ienzo out?”

Even tensed. His face filled with pain for an instant. “No. I was afraid we would touch on a more delicate matter, but it did not come up.” He must have seen the curiosity in Ven’s eyes, because his face became an ice wall. “It is not a subject I wish to discuss. I am willing to if I have to, but-” pain flashed across his face again. “Perhaps it makes me a coward, but the guilt is almost too much to bear. I’d rather not think about it.”

Ven stood up. “I understand. There are things I don’t like thinking about either. You answered all of my questions about Xion, so unless there’s anything else you want to tell me, I’ll leave. Do you want me to tell Ienzo we’re done?”

“That would be very kind of you, Lord- Ventus.”

“Please,” he said, “call me Ven. Everyone else does.”

“If you insist,” Even said with a smile. It faded. “Tell Vanitas- never mind. I’ll say it myself or I won’t say it at all.”

_ Vanitas? How does he even know Vanitas outside of Xion? What was he going to say? _

Ven nodded and practically ran out the door before the curiosity ate him alive.

  
  


_ Why did I set the mediation in my room? I don’t have enough space for this! _

Aqua huffed. It was a completely neutral space that wouldn’t give Terra or Guardian-king Eraqus an advantage. But where were they supposed to sit? The bed? She only had one chair, and it wouldn’t do for them to stand.

A knock on the door jolted her out of her thoughts. She stood up, straightened her shoulders, and opened it. 

It was good to have Terra back; Aqua’s heart brightened a little every time she saw him. But, as he stepped into her room, she frowned. She had forgotten how sick he looked.

Terra sat on the bed without a word.

“How was lunch?” Aqua asked.

“Didn’t have any,” Terra said. “Wasn’t hungry.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

No answer. 

“Terra-”

“I wasn’t hungry!” Terra snapped. 

No wonder he lost so much weight. Aqua opened her mouth to insist, but thought better of it. It wouldn’t do for her to rile him up right before she was supposed to act as a neutral party.

Another knock on the door made her heart speed up. Guardian-king Eraqus stood on the other side. He was wearing plain robes completely free of any guardian-king regalia. Even his hair was down. Aqua could go out into Traverse Town and see a hundred men looking just like him.

“Sit down,” Aqua said.

He sat on the bed next to Terra. Terra scooted away from him.

Aqua held in a sigh. The air between them was so thick with tension she could feel it in her breath.

“Thank you for coming,” she said. “I know you both know how mediations work, because you learned them with me, Terra, and you were the one who taught us, Master-”

“Please, just call me Eraqus for now,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “To truly make this a neutral ground. For now, I am not a king, or even your teacher.” He had even switched to Akarian instead of Common Tongue, as he tended to do in less formal situations. Aqua’s thoughts automatically switched to the other language, and she knew Terra’s did too.

“Good,” Terra muttered.

Aqua wished she were anywhere else in Scala ad Caelum.

Guardian-king Eraqus ignored him. “Treat me as you would anyone else.”

“Okay Ma-Eraqus.” Aqua fought the urge to grimace. The name felt like burrs on her tongue. “We are all familiar with mediations, but I will go over the ground rules again. If either of you object to any of them, please let me know.” They nodded. “We are here to find the cause of this conflict between you two, and hopefully begin to solve it. I know that there may be high levels of emotion, and that is to be expected, but there does need to be a level of control. Only one person may speak at a time. When they are finished speaking, then the other person may state their opinion. In addition, there should be no aggressive physical contact. This is a discussion, not a fight. Do you understand?”

They nodded.

“Good. Terra, let’s start with you. What issues do you have with M-Eraqus?”

Terra huffed. “Where do I even begin? You don’t have faith in me, you think I’m weak, and you’ve been manipulating me. You made me afraid of the darkness in my heart. You made me hate a part of myself because you were afraid of how strong I could be.”

What? What? WHAT?

Aqua did her best to let to let her bewilderment go. She had to remain objective about this.

“Let’s unpack these points one at a time. You think Eraqus doesn’t have faith in you?”

Terra nodded. 

“Alright Ma-Eraqus, what do you have to say in response to that?”

Guardian-king Eraqus’s face was awash with confusion. “Of course I have faith in you, Terra. Why would you think otherwise?”

“You thought- you _ think _ I’m too weak to handle my own darkness. Xehanort had to teach me, and-”

Terra’s face was contorted with fury and hatred. Aqua had never seen anything like it.

“Terra?” she asked quietly. “Do you hate Xehanort?”

“More than anything in Scala ad Caelum,” he spat. 

This was off topic, but Aqua had to know-

“Why?”

Terra’s eyes were raging. “He’s a monster. He did unspeakable things to his own-” he cut himself off.

So he knew, too.

“To his own people,” Aqua finished. 

Some of the fire in Terra’s eyes died. “Yeah. But we’re getting off topic. Eraqus was a bad teacher. He was holding me back.”

“Okay. Eraqus, what do you have to say in response?”

“There is a reason we discourage darkness in the hearts of our people,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “All political systems are weak to corruption by people who care only about their own power and not about the people they rule. These are people whose hearts have been consumed by the darkness. The darkness is bad. It makes people do corrupted, twisted things. I taught you this many times.”

“Well, you were wrong,” Terra said. “There should be a balance between light and darkness. It’s not fair that you looked down on me because of the darkness in my heart.”

“I don’t look down on you,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Why do you think I do?”

“You treat me differently. You always have. You’ve always preferred Aqua. You think she’s better than me.” 

Aqua held out her hands. “You said a lot of different things just now. Let’s take them one point at a time. First, Eraqus, do you treat Terra differently?”

“Of course,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

Aqua blinked. “Really?”

“I treat all of my students differently. Aqua, you respond well to positive reinforcement, while Terra prefers receiving a more detailed analysis of his form and technique. Ventus can have trouble focusing for long periods of time, so I have to be sure that he’s constantly being engaged. Vanitas…” Guardian-king Eraqus just sighed.

He said no words, but Aqua agreed whole-heartedly.

“What is your response, Terra?” she asked.

“You think Aqua’s better than me,” he said. “You like her better.”

Aqua bit back a smile. “I know I’m supposed to stay impartial here, but I always thought the Ma-  _ Eraqus _ liked you better since you were here first. When you were gone, he couldn’t stop talking about you.”

“He made you his heir,” Terra said.

“That is true,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “but only because you deferred your claim to the throne to her.” 

Aqua turned to Terra. “Did you change your mind? Do you want to become a candidate for guardian-king again?”

Terra frowned. “No, I gave you the position because you want a consort and I don’t. And because you’re better with people. But Eraqus-” How could he say that so easily? “he wouldn’t have given me the throne anyway.”

Guardian-king Eraqus frowned. “I should have known this day was coming. You two have compared yourselves against each other since you met. I knew I would have to choose between you two on who would become the next guardian-king. Terra, you have the rights as my honorary first-born, since you came to the castle first, and you are the eldest. You also have the protective instincts and dedication of a perfect guardian. Aqua, you have the ability to connect with almost any heart. You would make for an excellent king. I lost many nights of sleep searching for the solution. I was terrified that this would tear you two apart. I was even considering splitting the role into guardian and king in order to prevent any imbalances, but there must be one head of state in military matters. Whatever I chose was going to cause a rift between you two, an imbalance of power that would remain forever. When you told me you were deferring your claim, Terra, it filled my heart with relief. I thought everything had been solved. I should have known better. I suppose I didn’t think I would have to say this, but,” he looked at Terra “just because Aqua is my heir doesn’t mean that she is better than you by any means. At the moment, she is more prepared for the position, but that doesn’t matter. You two have always been equals, and you always will be. I hope I never have to see the day when you two stop seeing each other as such.”

Aqua smiled wryly. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve the throne because you gave it up to me. It feels like I didn’t earn it.”

“You both have,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Should you fall, there is no better to take over than you,” he said to Terra. “And if the day never comes, I know you will be the best prince-knight the Realm of Light has ever seen.”

The comment seemed to shake Terra. “You don’t mean that,” he said. “You’re just saying it so I’ll be on your side again.”

“No,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Even if you hate me for the rest of my days, it will not change the truth. And the truth is that you have trained your whole life to serve this realm, and whatever you feel, you will always be good at it.”

Aqua could see the words crack away at Terra’s heart. 

“You’re wrong about that,” he said, words cold as marble. “I’m a traitor. I betrayed you and the Realm of Light. Or did Aqua not tell you?”

“I told you that you’re not a traitor. You were fulfilling your vows, not defying them.” 

Guardian-king Eraqus looked like the guardian-king for the first time since he entered the room. “What is this about?”

“I pledged allegiance to the Realm of Darkness,” Terra said. “And to  _ Xehanort _ .”

Aqua gritted her teeth. “Your intention was to protect an innocent person, which fulfills your vows as a prince-knight.” 

Guardian-king Eraqus’s words were sharp. “Aqua, Terra, I demand to know at once what you are talking about.”

Terra’s head whipped over to face Guardian-king Eraqus. “You’re not a king here.”

He slumped and lost his regal aura. “You’re right. But this is clearly causing you distress, and I fear that it is interfering with this mediation.”

“Terra pledged allegiance to Xehanort because he coerced him,” Aqua said, “using Naminé as leverage. He thought doing so would protect her. She is an eight year old child, an innocent. Since he vowed to protect the innocent, I think that he’s the opposite of a traitor.”

“I was wrong,” Terra said.

“You didn’t think so at the time, did you?”

“Aqua is right,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “You did the right thing.”

“I don’t need your approval,” Terra snapped.

“Once I leave this room you will on this matter,” Guardian-king Eraqus said in a patient tone. “And I can tell you right now I do not find this action treasonous.”

Aqua didn’t know how he could stand Terra’s remarks. If Aqua would be half as patient as Guardian-king Eraqus when she became guardian-king, she would be unflappable. But, to be fair, Terra’s jabs were nothing compared to a year of Vanitas. She still didn’t know how he only snapped at him once during the entire exchange. 

“We got off track again,” Aqua said, “but that’s okay. Eraqus, you’re saying that you care about Terra and don’t think less of him.”

He nodded. “That is correct.”

“I don’t believe you,” Terra said simply.

From the look on Guardian-king Eraqus’s face, it would have hurt less if Terra had stabbed him with Ends of the Earth. Aqua could see tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “I don’t know what I did to make you believe I don’t love you more than anything else in this world, but whatever it is-” his voice cracked, “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to prove it?”

Aqua had been training under Guardian-king Eraqus for almost as long as she could remember. She had seen him angry, and elated, and scared, but she had never seen him cry.

Horror slowly dawned on Terra’s face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-” His voice hitched. “What have I done…?”

Aqua put a hand on his knee. “Where did all of this come from?” she asked quietly. “Have you always felt like this, or-”

“It was Xehanort.”

Xehanort was dead. Aqua had seen his lifeblood stained on Vanitas’s clothes, but with Terra’s words, it felt like he was sitting on the bed with them.

Aqua forced herself to keep her voice gentle. “What do you mean?”

His face shifted from guilt to fury. “He said all of those things- that Master Eraqus didn’t have faith in me and he was holding me back and he never cared about me. And I was stupid and believed him.”

“Why?” Guardian-king Eraqus asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You never wrote,” Terra sobbed. “And Xehanort said there was nothing wrong with the darkness in my heart while you tried to push it out. But I was stupid to believe him.”

“Xehanort is-  _ was _ a very good liar,” Aqua murmured. “It took us almost a year for us to figure out anything was wrong, and that was just because Vanitas told us. You’re not stupid for believing him.”

“I should have known better.”

Wordlessly, Guardian-king Eraqus held out his arms. Terra embraced him and buried his head into his neck.

“I’m sorry,” Terra sobbed. 

“I should be the one apologizing,” Guardian-king Eraqus murmured. “I love you and Aqua and Ventus more than anything.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry.”

Aqua smiled and collapsed with relief in her chair.

She did not expect the mediation to end this well. It was nice to have a good surprise for once.

“Open the fucking door, Ventus.” Vanitas called.

Ven did, entering and sitting down on Vanitas’s bed. “What’s wrong with knocking?”

Vanitas set down the book he was reading on his desk and looked up. “I said ‘come in,’ didn’t I?”

“I guess.”

Ven kicked off his shoes so he could lay his feet on the bed.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m taking off my shoes,” Ven said. “You don’t like it when I put my shoes on your bed.”

“I also don’t like it when you forget your shoes in my room.”

“Fine then.”

Ven got up, put his shoes in his room, and returned to Vanitas.

“There,” he said. “Shoes gone.”

“Good. Now what the fuck do you want?”

“Who says I want anything?”

“You’re in my room, dumbass. So why are you in my room?”

“I’m worried about you, okay?”

Vanitas sighed. “Here we go.”

Ven fiddled with his Wayfinder. “I want to talk about what you said at the meeting today.”

“I don’t.”

Ven frowned. “Maybe not now, but… I had no idea that happened to you.”

“Of course you didn’t. You had no reason to know.”

Ven huffed. “Do you only open up about things when you’re trying to prove the Master wrong?”

Vanitas tilted his head in thought. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“I don’t think that’s healthy.”

“I don’t give a shit. It’s my trauma, right? According to you touchy-feely Lightners, it means I have the right to deal with it in my own way as long as I’m not hurting anybody.”

Ven looked at Vanitas. “I’m afraid you’re hurting yourself by keeping your pain to yourself.”

“And it’s going to magically stop hurting if I ‘share my feelings’ and whine about how hard my life has been?”

“Yes! Well, not magically, but it’s supposed to help.”

“How the fuck do you know?”

“I don’t know. It’s just what the Master and Aqua say.”

Vanitas raised his eyebrows. “It’s just what the guardian-king and Aqua say?” He repeated. 

Ven curled his hands into fists. “I want to help you!”

“You want to help me?” Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “Then don’t make me talk about it. If I don’t think about any of it, it doesn’t hurt.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now,” Ven said, “but when you’re ready, I just want you to know I’m here.”

“Yeah, I can see you right in front of me.”

“Vanitas-”

He rolled his eyes. “I know what you meant. If I ever find myself with the urge to spill my  _ tragic _ life story, I know who to go to. Now get out of my room.”

Ven frowned. “Can’t I stay?”

“Stop trying to use your damn puppy eyes at me. You’re too distracting and I want to read alone.”

“Okay....”

Ven trudged out of the room. Before he left, he stuck his head back in with a mischievous smile.

“So, what are you reading?”

Ven jerked his head back before Vanitas could use Void Gear to slam the door in his face.


	16. Curiosity almost kills the cat, satisfaction doesn’t bring him back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ven acts like a total asshole and immediately regrets it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: CSA mention

_ It was raining. Ven was itchy with restless curiosity. He had been fidgeting all day. He tried to pick up a book, but he couldn’t focus on the words on the page. All of the games he tried to play were boring by himself. Aqua was busy with Guardian-king Eraqus doing guardian-king stuff, and Vanitas… _

_ Well, Vanitas was the object of his curiosity.  _

_ Ven had resolved to take an early lunch or do something with Princess Snow White or Princess Aurora when he saw Vanitas in the dining room. He was reclining without a care in the world, feet on the table, tossing Void Gear up and catching it again and again and- _

_ “The fuck do you want?” Vanitas asked aggressively. _

_ “I want to know about the dreams.” _

_ Void Gear clattered to the ground. Vanitas scowled, dismissed Void Gear, and stood up. _

_ “I told you, it’s a family thing.” _

_ “But are they real? Do they show things that really happened?” _

_ Vanitas relaxed like a crane about to snap up a fish.  _

_ “Most of them do. The connection won’t show you really bad stuff. Sometimes, your mind will make up things that look like the dream connection, but those aren’t real.” _

_ “You’re lying.” _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “If you want to say something, say it.” _

_ “I don’t have to.” _

_ Vanitas’s words were almost lost in a snarl. “Whatever you’re talking about, it didn’t happen.” _

_ Sadness flooded through Ven. He hoped, more than anything, that he could believe Vanitas and think that The Nightmare wasn’t real. But his heart told him otherwise. _

_ “Vanitas-” _

_ “It didn’t happen! It didn’t!” _

_ “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” _

_ Ven was on the floor. It happened that fast.  _

_ “I’LL KILL YOU!” _

_ Vanitas practically pinned him to the ground by his throat.  _

_ “IF YOU TELL ANYONE, I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL RIP YOU OPEN-” _

_ “Get away from him!” _

_ A magical barrier knocked Vanitas away. Ven gasped for breath- he didn’t realize he was about to pass out until he could breathe again. _

_ Aqua stood in front of him, Stormfall in attack position, but Vanitas was still fixated on Ven with glowing yellow eyes. _

_ “He-he can’t get away with this,” Ven croaked. He was surprised his voice worked at all. _

_ “He’s my master,” Vanitas spat. “He can do whatever the fuck he wants.” _

_ Vanitas leapt up, and then he was gone. _

_ Aqua turned around and stroked Ven’s face. Healing magic flooded through him, and he took a second to appreciate the air in his lungs. _

_ “Are you okay?” Aqua asked. _

_ “Yeah,” Ven said. “Especially now.” _

_ “What happened?” When Ven didn’t answer, Aqua added, “I won’t let him hurt you.” _

_ “I messed up,” Ven said. “There’s nothing else to say.” _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ There was still fire in Vanitas’s eyes. “You fucking better be.” _

_ Ven slumped his shoulders. “I didn’t think-“ _

_ “You’re right- you didn’t think at all. You’re so damn nosy! Have you ever thought that you don’t have to know some things?” He was crying, Ven noticed distantly. His animal eyes were shiny with tears. “My master raped me! I pissed him off somehow, and he decided I needed to pay the price.” He choked on a sob. “Your nightmare was real! Are you satisfied now?” _

Yes.

_ Ven shoved that part of his heart down and forced himself to look at Vanitas.  _

_ “I’m sorry,” he said.  _

_ “So you said. Now get the fuck away from me.” _

_ Ven turned tail and fled.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is a good place to mention that writing this fic made me want to personally apologize to everyone who has ever stanned Xehanort, including Leonard Nimroy (may he rest in peace) and Tetsuya Nomura himself. I did him so dirty and I'm reeeeeally sorry about that!


	17. Morning meditation

12 days until the Darkner deadline

Terra awoke to pounding on the door.

“Wake up, Terra!” Ven called. “It’s time for morning meditation!”

Terra used to be the one to wake Ven up for morning meditation, sometimes dragging or carrying him when he was being especially uncooperative. The memory made him smile.

He looked over his shoulder before he sat up and, sure enough, Naminé was curled up against his back, fast asleep. Terra reached out a hand out to tuck some hair behind her ears, but he stopped himself. It would be better if he didn’t.

“I’m coming in!” Ven called, bursting the door open.

Terra held a finger to his lips. “Shhhh.”

Ven’s eyes widened. “Sorry,” he whispered. He bounded over to the bed and looked over her tiny body. “Is this Naminé?”

Terra nodded.

“I wish she wouldn’t do this,” he murmured.

“Why not? Do you mind her coming in the middle of the night?” Ven frowned. “Did you mind when I did?”

“No, that’s not it,” Terra said. “I want to be there for her, but I wish she didn’t have to come to my bedroom to do it.”

Terra hated how he kept seeing devastation on Ven’s face, especially when he was the cause. 

“Why not? The rumor is stupid and wrong, and everyone here knows it!” Naminé stirred, and Ven looked down guiltily. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Terra looked away. “But what if it’s not?”

Ven wrapped his skinny arms around his shoulders. “You would never hurt any of us,” he said. “Never.”

“But-”

“Never,” Ven insisted. “Now get out of bed. We’re going to be late to morning meditation.”

He let go of Terra’s shoulders and tugged on his hand instead. Terra intentionally resisted with a teasing smile on his face.

“Terra…”

He let Ven drag him out of bed. Ven was smiling. For a moment, everything was right again. 

Terra turned back around to Naminé. She was still asleep, but worming her way to the warm spot where Terra was. He bent down and adjusted the blankets. Naminé smiled- she must have been in the middle of a good dream. And, after a moment of hesitation, he tucked her hair behind her ear.

The sun burned bright gold behind the hills. The sky was coated in a soft pink.

Terra didn’t realize how much he had missed the sunrise until he was able to see it again. He had tried to keep up morning meditation in the Realm of Darkness, but the sky was always too cloudy to see the sun, and the longer he was there, it became harder and harder to wake up in time to see it. One day, he had just stopped.

The sun was pretty, but it wasn’t Terra’s favorite part of morning meditation- Aqua was to his left and Ven was to his right. For some reason, Vanitas was on Ven’s right. To Aqua’s left was Guardian-king Eraqus. 

Terra’s heart ached the second he saw him. How could he have let Xehanort cloud his judgement? It was already poor enough. Xehanort had to do hardly anything.

He exhaled. Morning meditation was about clearing his mind for the day. He wouldn’t let Xehanort ruin it. Terra closed his eyes and felt the warmth of the rising sun on his face. His mind went blank as his heart basked in the light.

He felt Guardian-king Eraqus stand, signalling the end of the meditation. Silently, everyone stood up and re-entered the castle. 

“Just a few more days, Venty,” Vanitas said. “How does it feel to be losing?”

“I haven’t lost yet,” Ven said. 

Terra didn’t know what to make of Vanitas. He had heard about him in Castle Oblivion, but he didn’t know him. Knowing who he was and what had happened to him unnerved him, especially since he was glued to Ven’s side.

“What is this about?” Aqua asked.

“We made a bet,” Ven said. “I bet that Vanitas would be too weak to wake up every morning to see the sunrise.”

“If I last the month, Venty isn’t allowed to have deserts for a month.”

“And if Vanitas misses a day, he has to give up cursing for a month.”

“Joke’s on you,” Vanitas said. “In almost a week, I can sleep in and you won’t be able to have dessert.” 

Aqua smiled at Vanitas. “So that’s why you started coming to morning meditation.”

“Believe me, it wasn’t because of my burning desire to watch the sky get lighter.”

Vanitas was the Unversed, the mad beast that tore through the Realm of Darkness, leaving death and destruction in his wake. And yet, here he was, chatting with Ven as if they were ordinary brothers. It made Terra’s heart spin with confusion.

“I was happy to see you this morning,” Aqua said, breaking Terra from his thoughts. 

“Ven woke me up.”

“I know. Everyone in the hall could hear him pound on the door.”

Terra frowned. “I’ll talk to him. He doesn’t have to wake me up.”

Aqua nudged him. “Don’t get the wrong idea. We were all awake anyway. Besides, it annoys Vanitas and he can’t do anything about it.”

“That’s… petty.”

Aqua grimaced. “Damn. He’s getting to me.” She scowled. “I’m even picking up his crudeness.”

There was an emotion in Terra’s heart, but he couldn’t identify it. “You two are friends?”

Aqua nodded. “He’s a handful, but he’s grown a lot since he came here. Ven helped him more than I ever could. It’s nice to see him get along with someone his age.”

Ahead of them, Ven and Vanitas were still talking. They fit together like light and shadow.

Then Terra realized: he was jealous.

He bit back a sigh. Ven had made a new friend, someone his age who he could banter with in a way Terra could never comprehend. Ven being happy was good. Terra should have been happy for him.

But being replaced hurt. 

“What’s wrong?”

Aqua, once again, brought him out of his thoughts. She stopped walking, and Terra did the same.

“What makes you think something is wrong?” Terra replied.

“Because I know you,” Aqua said. “Why were you so sad?”

“It’s stupid,” Terra said. “Nothing important.”

“If it’s making you sad, it’s important.”

“I’m jealous.” The words were out of Terra’s mouth before he knew it.

“Of Vanitas?”

Terra bristled. “Like I said, it’s stupid. I’m sorry for-”

“That makes sense,” Aqua said. “But let me tell you a secret: I’m pretty sure Vanitas is jealous of you.”

“Me?”

“Ven adores you, Terra. He looks to you for everything. He loves you.”

Terra looked away. “He shouldn’t. I’m not a good role model. Not anymore.”

“You  _ cannot _ be worse than Vanitas.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it.”

“Look.” Aqua grabbed his hand. “Today we’re sparring for training. Ven would love it if you showed him some moves.”

There was a lump in Terra’s throat. “I can’t do that. I’ll hurt him.”

“You would never-”

“The only thing I learned in the Realm of Darkness was ruthlessness. I lose control now. I can’t be around him.”

“I’ll fight you, then.”

Terra blinked. “What?”

“If you do lose control, I’ll be there to bring you back,” Aqua said. 

“But what if I hurt you?”

Aqua smiled. “That’s a lot of confidence you have in yourself.”

“But-”

“We’re equals, remember? I’ll be okay. And, if somehow I’m not, the Master will be right there.”

“I want to,” Terra said, “but I can’t trust myself anymore.”

“Trust me, then,” Aqua said. “I’ll prove that you’re not a danger to any of us.”

Terra touched his Wayfinder. 

“I have faith in you,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.” she said. “Now let’s have breakfast before Ven and Vanitas eat all of the eggs.”


	18. Battle at the badlands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terra's first encounter with the heir to the Darkner throne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: violence

_ The badlands were dry and lifeless. There was nothing but rock and sand as far as the eye could see. The air itself was so dry it felt like it was sucking the moisture from Terra’s mouth. Even though the sun was low on the horizon, he could still feel it through his robes. _

_ “This is the sparring arena?” he found himself asking. “Isn’t this dangerous?” _

_ Axel gave him a sideways grin. “Can’t handle the heat?” _

_ “Everyone here is wearing black,” Terra said. “Someone might get heat stroke, especially the kids.” He gestured to Roxas and Xion, who were following Axel like baby ducks. “Is there water?”  _

_ Axel gestured to a man with a sitar doing his best to recline in the thin shade. “I don’t think Demyx counts.” _

_ Roxas looked up at Terra with steady eyes. He looked so much like Ven it was unnerving. “Do you think we can’t handle this?” _

_ Terra knelt to his eye level. “It’s not a matter of ‘handling it.’ There’s no point in getting hurt during sparring. You miss more training recovering than you would if you took a break.” _

_ “Well,” Xion said, “the king likes it here. And that’s all that really matters.” _

_ Terra frowned and stood up. Why would King Xehanort put his subjects in harm’s way, especially when it was so avoidable? _

_ “I’ll talk to him,” he said. “He has to know how dangerous this is.” _

_ King Xehanort was talking to his advisor. As Terra walked up to him, someone stood in his way. It was a young man a little older than Ven. _

_ “What do you want with my father?” the boy asked. _

_ Terra finally recognized him- it was Prince Xehanort, the king’s youngest son and heir. A simple gold circlet was the only thing that distinguished him from the other princes or soldiers. _

_ Terra nodded respectfully. “I’m worried about the heat. There are children here who are especially vulnerable to heat stroke.” _

_ The young prince stepped forward. “Are you implying that my father is ignorant of these facts?” _

_ Terra blinked. “Not at all. I’m just worried-” _

_ “Maybe you coddle your children in the Realm of Light, but these are soldiers. If they can’t handle something as insignificant as heat, then they’re too weak to be in the castle.” _

_ Terra was incredulous. “They’ll never be stronger if they die over something so trivial! This is ridiculous.” _

_ “How dare you speak to a prince like this!” _

_ Terra made sure his voice was even. “I don’t have to bow to you. You are not my prince.” _

_ The young prince leaned forward. “I will have your respect.” _

_ Terra looked down at him. “You have my respect. You just don’t have my obedience.” _

_ Before the young prince could respond, King Xehanort spoke over the gathered fighters. _

_ “Today is a special day. Instead of missions, you will all get the chance to test your skills against a prince of light. If he is willing, of course.” _

_ Terra smiled. “I’d love to see how everyone fights.” _

_ King Xehanort clapped him on the back. Terra stiffened. He made a note to himself to tell the king that he didn’t like being touched most of the time. “Excellent, my boy. Who is the first one willing to fight Lord Terra?” _

_ Roxas raised his hand.  _

_ “Ah, young Roxas. If you are anything like your brother, you’ll give him a ferocious fight.” _

_ Brother? _

_ Roxas said nothing as he rose to his feet and walked in front of Terra. He raised his arm out and summoned his Keyblade. It was white and simple, with pale colors on the tip.  _

_ Terra bowed and got into his stance. Roxas grabbed his Keyblade with his other hand and swung it back so his weight was on his back foot.  _

_ “Begin!” King Xehanort shouted.  _

_ Roxas swung as soon as the sound left his mouth. Terra blocked it with Ends of the Earth. He was strong for a kid, but he was putting too much energy into one strike. He kept moving forward, swinging his Keyblade with fury.  _

_ “Quit going easy on me!” he shouted.  _

_ Terra blocked another series of strikes. When Roxas shifted back to retreat, Terra stuck his foot out and reaped Roxas’s feet out from under him. Roxas hit the ground.  _

_ Terra grimaced; he didn’t use proper falling form. He berated himself for assuming that people here knew how to fall correctly.  _

_ He knelt down. “Are you okay? You fell pretty hard.” _

_ “Don’t patronize me!” Roxas spat.  _

_ Roxas tried to swing his Keyblade at him, but Terra blocked his arm with his own before the Keyblade could get into range.  _

_ “Calm down.” Terra’s voice was less gentle than it was before. “The fight’s over. Now- are you hurt?” _

_ “Roxas,” Axel called. “C’mon.” _

_ Roxas knocked away the hand Terra held out for him and sulked back to Axel.  _

_ Axel stood up. “I’ll go next. Can’t have you humiliating my ward unchecked.” _

_ “Are you his master?” Terra asked.  _

_ Axel barked out a laugh. “Nah. They’re just my responsibility.” _

_ He stretched out his hands. Two spiked chakrams appeared into them with a burst of flame.  _

_ Terra bowed and readied Ends of the Earth.  _

_ “Begin!” King Xehanort barked.  _

_ Axel spun his chakrams. Flames shot straight at Terra. He sidestepped one and blocked the other. No wonder Axel was so comfortable in the heat- he played with fire with the ease of breathing.  _

_ While Terra was dealing with the flames, Axel ran forward. Terra blocked his strikes, but Axel didn’t let up.  _

_ “You can’t block forever,” Axel taunted. _

_ He was right. The combination of the flames and the heat of the sun were weakening and distracting Terra. He liked to take his time during fights, but he would have to end this one quickly. _

_ Terra swung Ends of the Earth high. When Axel moved his chakrams up to block it, Terra followed through, pushing the chakrams out of his hands. They fell to the dusty earth. Terra jabbed with Ends of the Earth, but Axel jumped back. The chakrams reappeared in his hands like they never left. _

_ “It won’t be that easy,” he taunted. _

_ But Terra was already moving forward, chasing him down with slashes of Ends of the Earth. Axel leapt back until a strike hit him on the shoulder. The impact made him stumble, so he wasn’t able to dodge Terra’s follow-through. While he was unbalanced, Terra swept his back foot, and Axel fell to the ground face first. Terra pointed Ends of the Earth at his neck. _

_ Axel turned over, sat up, and held up his hands. “You had enough? ‘Cuz I’m willing to call it a draw if you are.” _

_ What? But he had obviously lost. _

_ When Terra was distracted, Axel moved. Terra moved Ends of the Earth down and pinned him by his sternum. Terra didn’t want to hurt him, so Ends of the Earth remained dull enough to hold him down. _

_ “You lost,” Terra said. “Even though you were playing dirty.” _

_ Axel chuckled. “Everyone here plays dirty. Get used to it, fast.” _

_ He tried to move again, but Terra stepped on his wrist. _

_ “Do you yield?” _

_ Axel sighed. “Fine. I yield.” _

_ Terra gave him a hand up. Axel took it. _

_ “I like a man who can sweep me off my feet,” he said with a smile. _

_ Terra smiled back. “I can teach you how to, if you want.” _

_ Axel laughed. “I look forward to it. And good luck out there- I’d hate to see you die after you handed my ass to me like that.” He clapped him on the back and walked back to Roxas and Xion. _

_ Terra forced himself to take long, deep breaths. Were people really aiming to kill? What if he got hurt? What if they got hurt? _

I am a prince-knight of the Realm of Light _ .  _ I have the power to beat them without stooping to their level.

_ Terra cast a weak Blizzard spell around himself to help cool down. His mouth was dry, but he knew better than to try and eat the ice.  _

_ King Xehanort walked over to Terra. “You’re doing very well, my boy.” _

_ “Thank you, Master.” _

_ King Xehanort handed him a skin of water. “Here. It wouldn’t do for you to get heat stroke.” _

_ Terra smiled. “So there is water.” _

_ “Of course,” King Xehanort said. “It would be dangerous to fight here without it.” _

_ “Axel said-” _

_ “Axel is irresponsible and treacherous. You would be wise to ignore what he says.”  _

_ “Of course.” Terra took small sips before handing the water skin back to King Xehanort with a dip of his head.  _

_ “Are you ready to continue, Lord Terra?” King Xehanort asked. _

_ Terra nodded. _

_ “It’s my turn.” _

_ It was the young prince who had spoken. He had already summoned his Keyblade. It was long and thin, with a clock symbol near the tip. _

_ The second Terra bowed, he saw something from the corner of his left eye. He moved to block it, but it was too late. Something sliced into his shoulder and retracted. _

_ Terra realized it was the young prince’s Keyblade. It had extended into a whip and hit him before he could even react. Its tip was sharp- the young prince meant him harm. _

_ “Do you understand now, light boy? This isn’t one of your play-fights where everyone is nice. In the Realm of Darkness, we have real fights.” _

_ Terra steadied Ends of the Earth. He wouldn’t let his comments get to his head. _

_ The young prince leapt forward. He was a stone’s throw away, but in an instant, he was in front of Terra. He barely had enough time to block the flurry of attacks. They seemed to come from every direction. Terra let his body react automatically, getting Ends of the Earth into position only just before the young prince’s strikes hit. _

_ The young prince was fast, even faster than Ven. How was that even possible? _

_ Terra set off a Thunder spell. It wasn’t very strong, but he hoped it would give him space to think. The second he set off the spell, the young prince had already leapt completely out of its range. The only way that would be possible was if- _

_ He was using time magic. _

_ It was the darkest, most taboo form of magic. Messing with the laws of the world was too dangerous to be experiment with, let alone to be used to fight. Luckily, the guardian-king had told them about its two weaknesses- it was taxing, and the user couldn’t use it when in direct contact with another person. _

_ Normally, Terra would draw the fight out until the young prince was too tired, but the sun and his fight with Axel was affecting him, too. He didn’t want to risk making himself more tired than the young prince. He would have to grab him. _

_ “If this is a knight-prince of the Realm of Light-” the young prince sent out an X-shaped blast of magic, which Terra blocked, “it’s a wonder the realm hasn’t fallen yet.” _

_ Terra knew the comment was made to rile him up, but the anger shot through him anyway.  _

_ The young prince whipped his Keyblade forward again. It wrapped around Ends of the Earth. The young prince tried to pull it away, but Terra yanked back harder. The young prince dismissed and resummoned his Keyblade before he could stumble forward. _

_ “Your brute strength is impressive,” he said. “It’s almost a shame you don’t have a speck of intelligence to match it.” _

_ “You talk too much,” Terra snarled. _

_ The young prince fell back into a fighting stance. “Your only choice is to make me shut up. But you’re too much of a-” _

_ He leapt forward mid-word, back into Terra’s space. Terra could barely keep up with his strikes. His blocks were a little too slow this time, and the young prince punished him with a series of cuts on his arms and torso. It wasn’t deadly, but it was distracting. _

_ Fury flooded through Terra in a rush. That brat of a prince was too hard to pin down. It was annoying. He needed more power if he wanted to win this fight. _

_ A dark miasma flickered on Ends of the Earth. Terra almost dropped it in shock. He had summoned the darkness. _

_ “Master!” he shouted. “Stop the fight! I don’t want to hurt him!” _

_ The young prince scoffed. “Hurt me? I don’t have a scratch! Are you really that afraid of the darkness? Pathetic.” _

_ “You can’t give up now,” King Xehanort said. “Think of your guardian-king, and the shame he and your fellow prince-knights would be forced to bear. Don’t be a coward! Use the darkness!” _

_ Terra’s cheeks burned with shame. He couldn’t afford to lose- not now, not to him. He wasn’t that weak. He should've been stronger. He needed more strength. _

_ His frustration channeled into a black mass that shot from Ends of the Earth and hit his opponent straight in the chest. He fell back with a cry. Terra rushed forward, hitting his downed form. A trickle of blood dripped from his opponent’s stomach. _

_ He pointed his Keyblade at his opponent’s throat. _

_ “Yield.” _ _   
_

_ “You’re too much of a coward t-” _

_ He had moved, and Terra had slammed Ends of the Earth into his chin. His opponent was knocked out cold.  _

_ Terra blinked. It felt like he was waking up from a dream. Did he do that? Was that his body that had moved with such violent intent? _

_ The sound of clapping drew Terra’s attention behind him. _

_ “Well done, Lord Terra,” King Xehanort said. He sighed as he looked down at his son. “That spoiled brat needed someone to humble him. You did an excellent job.” _

_ “But I was consumed by anger… hatred. That was the power of darkness.” _

_ “Darkness that you channeled,” King Xehanort said. “There is nothing to be ashamed of, my boy. Now we can move on in your training.” _

_ Terra knelt down at the young prince’s body. He had sliced his stomach. The cut wasn’t too deep, but it was bleeding enough to turn the dust below him into mud. Terra focused on the fallen form of the young prince, and forced as much healing magic as he could into his body. The wound closed until it was little more than a deep scratch. _

_ Terra had hurt this boy. He wasn’t strong enough to end the fight without injury. Shame filled him. _

_ But a deep part of him relished in the satisfaction that had poured through him the instant the spell made contact. _


	19. I've got you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aqua does something uncharacteristically reckless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters, especially in the early parts of the story

Aqua was finishing her stretching routine when Terra approached her. Sunlight filtered through the stained glass, painting a section of the training floor in a myriad of colors. She always liked stretching in the color circle and imagining the light from the window strengthening her heart.

“Are you sure about this?” Terra asked. 

“You’re not going to hurt me,” Aqua said. “Not more than you usually do during sparring, at least.”

“I might lose control,” he said in a panicked voice. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself.”

“No matter what happens, you’re you. Do you want to hurt me?”

“No!”

Aqua smiled. “Then you won’t. I’ll prove it to you.”

Terra exhaled and looked at her. “Right. I believe in you.”

Aqua hopped up. “I think it’s time,” she said. “Are you warmed up?”

He nodded.

The fighting arena was a rectangular sandpit large enough to fit a dozen training Keyblade wielders. During sparring sessions, spectators could watch from the benches above the pit. Aqua had been in the pit when there were thousands of people watching her fight. Now, it was just Guardian-king Eraqus, Ven, and Vanitas.

Guardian-king Eraqus stood on top of the stairs and faced Aqua and Terra.

“I always enjoy seeing you two spar,” he said. “Hopefully, you’ve each learned many things during the exchange, and I look forward to seeing them. This is a no-holds-barred fight. The match will continue until either party submits. That being said, I would like to avoid seeing serious injury today. Princess Rapunzel is having dinner with her husband. I would hate to have to interrupt it.”

They nodded. “Yes, Master.”

Aqua bowed to Terra. He looked surprised for a half-second, but he bowed back.

“Begin!”

Terra leapt forward with a jumping strike. Aqua ducked under it, like she normally did, but stumbled as his foot hit her in the shoulder.

“Clever,” she muttered.

The instant Aqua turned around, she shot a barrage of spells. He blocked the blasts of Fire and Ice, but absorbed the blow from the Thunder. He returned fire with a Thunder spell of his own, but Aqua jumped away.

There was now a sizable gap between them. Normally, Terra liked to let battles play out for a long time without moving, but he knew that he had to keep Aqua moving so she couldn’t just hit him with spells from far away.

Aqua decided to rush forward in a change of pace, diving over the mine spells Terra had placed down. He desperately retreated, blocking and parrying her slashes with Stormfall.

They continued to advance and retreat up and down the sandpit in the dance they had been performing since they were children. Slowly, Aqua noticed Terra’s energy beginning to fade. She was short of breath herself- it was time to end the battle.

She held up Stormfall and sent wave after wave of pure magical energy. When Terra had retreated almost to the back wall, she spun towards him, ready to knock him back with Stormfall and hold it to his throat.

Instead, she looked at Terra and instantly changed plans. Feral desperation was in his eyes.

“Aqua,” he choked, “I can’t-”

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “I’ve got you.”

And then Terra was gone. His blue eyes flickered into a glazed gold, and he charged at her with the fury of a charging bear.

Aqua leapt back and back and back, but he didn’t let up. Finally, she rolled around him and dismissed Stormfall.

She held out her hands as he approached her.

“Terra, it’s me. It’s Aqua. You’re not going to hurt me.”

“Yield,” he growled in Zalaamic, “or I will.”

She met his eyes. They were blank, and he met her gaze with startling intensity. If Aqua had more energy, she would have shivered.

If she yielded, Terra would return to normal.

But then she would have proved nothing.

“No.”

Her body tumbled back before she was aware of a threat. Ends of the Earth sliced towards her, cutting a chunk of her sleeve clean off.

His Keyblade was razor-sharp.

_ He’s really trying to kill me. _

Aqua landed into a back handspring and shot back up.

“It’s okay, Terra.”

Jump. Roll back around him.

“Everything’s okay.”

A loud sound above Aqua drew her attention for less than a second. It was Guardian-king Eraqus, pounding Master Keeper on the ground.

“Aqua!” he shouted. “Stop the fight!”

“No!” Aqua shouted back as she ducked under another series of slashes. “I have to do this!”

Aqua’s breath came in ragged gasps. She was running out of time, and Terra seemed almost relaxed in comparison.

_ How can I stop him? _

Sure, she could stab his kneecaps or hit him on the jaw or choke him out, but that was how she would treat an enemy. If Aqua defeated him, Terra would never trust himself again. He would only see himself as a monster that had to be put down.

_ How can I end this fight? _

The answer was so simple it hit Aqua like one of Terra’s strikes. She had been ducking and weaving to avoid getting hit, because that’s what her body was used to. If she wanted to stop Terra, she would have to fight her own instincts.

Aqua stood right in front of Terra, arms at her sides. She looked up at his blank eyes.

All she had to do was lose.

The strike came fast and hard, like she knew it would. Aqua flew through the air, barely able to slap the wall for shock absorption right before the rest of her body hit it and then the sandy ground.

“AQUA!” Ven cried from somewhere above her.

Aqua winced as she tried to move- she had protected her ribs with her arm, but it felt like the entire thing was bruised. She might have even broken it.

But she smiled. She knew, even before she looked up, that she had done it.

Ends of the Earth dropped to the ground.

“Aqua?”

She smiled up at Terra, but she was breathing too hard to say much. “Told… you… so.”

He must have come to his senses right before Ends of the Earth hit her. Any later and she would have been sliced in half.

Terra collapsed on his knees. Either the exhaustion or the emotion of the situation had hit him, forcing him to gasp for air.

“Hey,” Aqua cooed as she dragged herself to him. “Breathe. It’s okay.”

She was still panting herself, but that wasn’t important.

“Aqua, I-”

“Breathe. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

She took her non-injured hand and cradled Terra’s face. He collapsed into her shoulder, and she moved her hand to support his head. They sat there for a minute, leaning on each other and breathing.

Terra’s breaths shifted from gasps to sobs.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. I’ve got you. Your sister’s right here. Everything is going to be okay.”

“I almost killed you,” Terra sobbed.

“But you didn’t. That’s all that matters.”

“I hurt you!”

Aqua looked down at her arm. It was now throbbing with pain.

“This? You’ve done worse. Remember when you cranked my arm so hard you dislocated my shoulder?”

Terra let out either a short laugh or another sob. “Will you ever let that go? I was ten and you didn’t tap out!”

He reached for her injured arm.

“Don’t,” she said. “You’ll pass out.”

“Please,” he said. “I have to fix this.”

Aqua sighed and held out her arm. “Alright.”

She made sure to start her healing spell the second after Terra started his, so he wouldn’t be able to tell she was helping. He collapsed anyway, but at least he was still conscious. Aqua could barely catch him. The edges of her vision were fading into black.

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?” a hysterical voice screamed.

“Vanitas?”

No, it was Ven. They looked so different at first glance, but their fury looked eerily identical.

He barreled into them with a hysterical sob. 

“I-I was so scared! And you slammed into the wall and-”

“I’m sorry, Ven,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“How about some warning before you let someone go apeshit?” Vanitas’s voice was somewhere on Aqua’s left, but she didn’t have the energy to turn her head. 

She did have the energy to glance at Terra. He had pulled Ven in closer, but his face was wracked with guilt.

“This was my idea, so it’s my fault,” Aqua said, mostly to him. “But I was right. You’ll never hurt any of us. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

“Don’t ever do that again!” Ven sobbed. 

“I won’t have to,” she said. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Aqua.”

Despite everything that had just happened, it was Guardian-king Eraqus’s tone that had made her feel closest to death.

“Yes, Master?”

“That was extremely reckless behavior! I told you to stop the fight! I would expect this from Vanitas, or maybe Ventus, but not from you.”

Aqua found the energy to look up. “I’d do it again.”

Guardian-king Eraqus pinched the bridge of his nose. “You scared me half to death, child!”

“Sorry.”

“This is all my fault,” Terra said quietly. “Don’t blame Aqua.”

“Oh, I will blame Aqua,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “She disobeyed a direct order. Although she did indeed prove that you are incapable of killing us, I still find this berserking behavior... extremely distressing, to say the least.”

Vanitas gave a long, dramatic sigh. “This is going to be my job, isn’t it?”

“Whadyou mean?” Ven asked. He was still refusing to let go of her and Terra.

“None of you know how to control darkness. I’m the only one in the damn realm that can help this idiot learn how to not constantly lose his shit.”

“Terra’s not an idiot,” Ven said, but it was muffled into Aqua’s shirt.

“That’s how I was taught to control the darkness,” Terra said. His voice was bitter.

“That’s because Xehanort is a piece of shit and an awful teacher. I’m also a piece of shit and probably an even worse teacher, but Xehanort never wanted you to control your darkness in the first place.”

“Vanitas is a jerk,” Ven said, “but I trust him on this.”

“Okay,” Terra finally said. “I’ll give it a try.”

“If you two aren’t too injured, then return to your rooms,” Guardian-king Eraqus. “Aqua, I will let you know when I’ve come up with a suitable punishment for you.”

“Yes, Master.”

Ugh. The anticipation would probably be worse than the punishment itself. Maybe it was the punishment. Aqua silently screamed into Terra’s hair. 

She’d still do it again.


	20. The question you don't want answered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exposition and secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: blood mention

11 days until the deadline

Aqua woke up to a knock on her door. Morning light streamed through her window.

_ But it was only afternoon when I went back to my room…  _

“Aqua?” It was Guardian-king Eraqus. “Are you awake?”

She stumbled out of bed. “What time is it?” she grumbled.

“After breakfast. You and Terra both slept through morning meditation.”

Aqua opened the door with a groan. Guardian-king Eraqus looked poised and graceful. Aqua felt like she had been hit by Ends of the Earth.

Oh wait. She had been.

“I have found a suitable punishment for you,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Get dressed and meet me in my study.”

Aqua felt equal amounts of relief and fear. “Yes, Master.”

She pulled on her most comfortable clothes and dragged herself to his study. Guardian-king Eraqus didn’t even look up when she entered.

“On my desk is a copy of the entire exchange agreement, exactly as it was originally written over 500 years ago. Read through the entire thing and bring me a list of points we can use to defend Ventus’s actions, as well as any other points we can use to justify ourselves to the Realm of Darkness. Vanitas mentioned a loophole in regards to the participants’ lodging. It would be ideal if you found that as well.”

Aqua picked up the papers. The stack was relatively small, but so was the writing.

“This is my punishment?”

Guardian-king Eraqus looked up. “Yes. I was going to do most of it myself, but then I figured you needed the practice. And since you’re in no shape to train today, you’ll have plenty of time to do it. There should be some tea in the kitchen if you need help waking up.”

Aqua bit back a groan.

“Yes, Master.”

She bowed and dragged herself to the kitchen.

Terra and Naminé were sitting at the kitchen table. Terra was sipping a cup of tea. He looked as tired as Aqua felt. Naminé had her own cup, but was more focused on her sketchbook. 

Aqua collapsed into a chair.

“Good morning,” Terra muttered.

“Good morning, Lady Aqua,” Naminé said.

“Good morning. Can I see what you’re drawing?”

Naminé pulled back her sketchbook with a shake of her head. Aqua smiled.

“It’s okay. I have my own papers to be looking at anyway.”

She set down the agreement and poured herself a large cup of tea.

“What’s that?” Naminé asked.

“My punishment for acting reckless yesterday. I have to read the original exchange agreement to find leverage against the Realm of Darkness.”

Terra drained his tea and picked up a page. “Here, I’ll help.”

Aqua smiled gently. “You don’t have to do that. Yesterday was my idea. This is my punishment for scaring everyone.”

“I want to do something productive,” Terra said. “The deadline is in eleven days and we still don’t have a plan. Besides, my body doesn’t want to move at all today.”

“You’ll figure something out,” Naminé said with a smile. She didn’t even look up from her drawing. “I know you will.”

_ Master, please lend me the patience and strength required to sift through papers like you do every day.  _

With that, they dove into the agreement papers. 

Aqua had just gotten into a workflow when she heard the excited pounding of feet. She looked up and saw Ven race into the kitchen, Vanitas sauntering in behind him.

“We’re going to look for bird’s nests,” Ven said in one excited breath. “Come join us!”

“Can’t,” Aqua groaned. “I have to read these documents as punishment for yesterday.”

Ven stuck his tongue out at her. “Good. It’s what you deserve for scaring us like that.” He looked at Terra. “Do you want to come? I could use a boost…”

Terra smiled. “Not today, Ven. I’m helping Aqua.”

Ven frowned. “Were you punished, too?”

Terra shook his head. “I just want to.”

Ven pouted. “Am I going to be this boring once I become an official prince-knight?”

“Yes,” Aqua said without looking up. “Have fun while you can.”

Ven turned around to walk away, but his eye caught on Naminé.

“Oh!” he said. “Do you want to join us, Naminé?”

Naminé looked up at Vanitas with baby deer eyes. She shook her head. Vanitas was looking at her like a dog sniffing a cat.

Ven looked between them. “Right. Sorry. We’ll be in the trees if you want to join us! Except you, Aqua.”

“Veeeeeeeeeeen.”

The day dragged on as Aqua and Terra slowly dissected the agreement. She was immediately grateful that Terra had volunteered to help; she didn’t know if it would be possible to finish within the day otherwise.

As Aqua got more comfortable stumbling through the horrific combination of legal text and ancient Common Tongue dialect, concepts became more clear. The first part was mostly review for Aqua: the exchange was created in order to foster understanding between the Realm of Darkness and the Realm of Light. The people who created the agreement knew that the cultures of Lightners and Darkners were extremely different. They thought that if royal family members or representatives lived in the other realm for a year, the two kingdoms could understand each other better. Understanding would foster peace, at least in theory.

She knew most of the rules as well: the exchanged representatives were supposed to act as observers. They would be treated with respect but not deference, and in return they would not be required to defer to any royalty. Aqua made a face when she read that; Vanitas exploited that rule to death, especially when he had first arrived.

Her mind was becoming numb with boredom on a passage about feeding requirements when Terra spoke. Aqua looked up to realize it was already late afternoon. Naminé was gone. She didn’t even notice her leave.

“I think I found something,” he said.

“What is it?”

Terra gestured to a section titled ‘Communication.’

“It says here… well, I’ll paraphrase, but tampering with personal correspondence, like letters, of the exchanged persons is absolutely prohibited. This includes, um, ‘prevention of correspondence, intercepting and interaction with correspondence, and forging correspondence.’”

Aqua scoffed. “It’s almost like Xehanort read this as an instruction manual. He did everything in the list.”

“Did he really?” Terra asked quietly.

“We wrote to you every day, just like we promised. Even Guardian-king Eraqus wrote letters, but he wasn’t able to do one every day.”

“I gave up,” Terra said. “Xehanort said you guys never wrote. And I believed him. I’m sorry.”

Xehanort this, Xehanort that. A small, dark part of Aqua was almost upset that he was already dead. 

“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” Aqua said. “I mean it. Writing a letter every day is difficult. I assumed that it would turn into only a few a week very quickly.”

“But I promised to write every day.”

Aqua smiled wryly. “It was irresponsible for us to make that promise. I should have known better.”

“I gave up on you.”

“No,” Aqua said, “I don’t think you did. You may have given up with the letters, but they weren’t getting to us anyway. I know you still had faith in us.”

“How?” Terra said. His voice was bitter. “There were some days when I didn’t know.”

“Because even when you hated the guardian-king, you never wanted to be a Darkner. You knew that your heart belongs with us.”

“But that’s just it- I am a Darkner by blood. Xehanort said-” Terra’s eyes flashed gold in anger. “He said we were kin.” He spat the last word like it was a curse. “Something about an old Darkner royal line. He was probably lying.” He took a steadying breath. 

“Okay,” Aqua said. “But even if it’s true, that doesn’t change anything. You could have the blood of a Heartless and it wouldn’t matter, because your heart belongs to the Realm of Light.”

“We should get back to the agreement,” Terra said quietly.

They went back to their reading. Aqua didn’t know how much time passed when she saw the section labeled ‘Visitation,’ but it had gotten dark outside.

Her heart quickened as she scanned the passage. 

“Look at this,” Aqua said. “It says here that in-person visitation is ‘highly discouraged,’ but not banned.”

“Really?”

“Yes. And all visitation has the same rights as personal communication, so Xehanort didn’t have the right to block Ven.”

Terra leaned over. “It can’t be that easy.”

“It says here that only three visitations are allowed, even in emergencies, so I can see why people started treating it as a total shutdown of in-person visitation. Let’s see… they don’t have a definition for an emergency situation where contact should be necessary, but they do have examples.”

“War, the death or sickness of a monarch or family member, a coup d'etat, or a genuine belief that one of the representatives is in danger,” Terra read. “So that clears Ven. Are there rules about the visitations themselves?”

Aqua looked back over the document. “Just time limits,” she said. “The maximum visitation period is three days. After that, whether it’s the representative temporarily returning to their own realm or members of the representative’s court or family visiting the representative in their visiting realm, the visitation must end in all capacities unless the representative returns to their realm and ends their part of the exchange.” She smiled. “So Vanitas is cleared as well! He was discouraged from visiting, but not banned.”

“What about permanently returning home?” Terra asked.

“That’s in another section. It’s pretty short. It says the permanent return of a member of the exchange should be avoided at all costs, and if one representative returns, the other must return as well ‘barring extenuating circumstances,’ which it doesn’t define. That’s probably the loophole Vanitas was talking about. Maybe Xehanort planned to have you and Vanitas at the same time by citing ‘extenuating circumstances,’ but it means Vanitas can be here as well. The only acceptable cases of permanent return is in the case of a regime change, war, or if either member of the exchange is believed to be in danger.” 

Terra exhaled. “I can’t believe this. Ven and Vanitas had the right to be in Castle Oblivion.”

“Either way, I doubt we’re off the hook,” Aqua said. “Even if they were allowed to be there, it doesn’t mean that Vanitas was allowed to kill the king. There’s probably a Darkner rule saying citizens can’t defend themselves against royalty.” Aqua looked at Terra meaningfully. “A Lightner might be justified.”

“Maybe,” Terra said.

Sometimes Aqua forgot she had to be straightforward with Terra.

“The story about Xehanort’s death doesn’t add up,” she said. 

Terra looked away. Aqua’s heart sunk. If he had nothing to hide, there would be no need for him to look like that.

“Vanitas said you and Ven were wearing your armor because you were covered in blood, but the Master said that according to Vanitas, you didn’t encounter them until after Xehanort was killed. Did you fall in his blood? Or was there another reason you were covered in blood when you supposedly didn’t show up until the king was already dead?”

He said nothing.

“Who killed Xehanort, Terra?”

Terra looked at Aqua.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to,” he said.


	21. Case of Roxas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas and his secret

_ Roxas had a secret. _

_ It wasn’t a secret that you told, like how Zexion had a crush on Demyx, or a secret that everyone knew but didn’t talk about, like how Saïx was Xemnas’s bitch, but a fact that became a secret. _

_ “Don’t trust the king,” Vanitas had said to Roxas very soon after they arrived at the castle, back when Vanitas would still comfort him when he cried and hold him when he missed Sora. _

_ “I know,” Roxas had said. He was the one who had attacked their home. “Why are you working for him?” _

_ “It’s just for now, Rox. We’ll leave to find our brothers as soon as we can. I hope you’re not too bored in the castle.” _

_ “I made a friend in the lab,” Roxas said.  _

_ “Just make sure you stay out of trouble,” Vanitas said. “This castle is full of bad people, just like the king.” _

_ Roxas was only five years old, but he learned how to stay out of sight. _

_ One day, a man with red hair approached him. _

_ “Ugh, I found you,” he said.  _

_ “Why are you looking for me?” Roxas asked. He stood up, ready to run. _

_ “Relax, kid. The king put me in charge of you since your brother is busy all day.” _

_ Roxas put his chin up. “I can take care of myself,” he said. _

_ “This isn’t the kind of order I can disobey,” the man said. “You’re my responsibility now. Got it memorized?” _

_ Roxas scowled. He didn’t like this man. _

_ The man must have read his face, because he switched tactics and bent down. _

_ “Look, I’m not going to hurt you. You have a Keyblade, right? The old man just wants me to teach you how to use it, that’s all, during my missions. It’ll be like going to school. And afterwards, we can get ice cream.” _

_ Roxas perked up. _

_ “Ice cream?” _

_ “That’s the spirit. My name’s Axel. Got it memorized?” _

_ Roxas nodded. _

_ “Where the hell have you been?” _

_ Vanitas was kind of scary when he was mad, Roxas realized. _

_ “I went on a mission with Axel,” he said.  _

_ Vanitas stepped back. “Master said he wouldn’t make you do missions. It was part of our deal.” _

_ “It was fun,” Roxas said. “I got to eat ice cream, and tomorrow my friend Xion gets to come with us.” _

_ Vanitas frowned. “If anything dangerous or scary happens, you get me right away, do you hear me?” He ruffled Roxas’s hair. “I’ll kick some ass, and then we’ll get out of here. Okay?” _

_ Roxas smiled. “Okay.” _

_ But as time went on, things began to change. Vanitas started sleeping in his own room, on the same floor of the king’s, and wouldn’t let Roxas near it. His straw-blonde hair became matted and greasy. His blue eyes were clouded with fear, and he jumped at the slightest of sounds. _

_ “Vanii, when are we getting out of here?” Roxas finally asked. _

_ “We’re not,” Vanitas said. “There’s nowhere else to go. And I can’t look after you as much anymore. You have to learn to look after yourself.” _

_ “That’s what I’m doing,” Roxas said. “That’s what Axel’s teaching me. He’s also teaching me the rules of the castle. Do you know them?” _

_ “Maybe,” Vanitas said. _

_ “You can’t say anything you don’t want the king to hear, you don’t do anything you don’t want the king to know about, and you shouldn’t love anyone who you don’t want to lose. I’m breaking the third rule, but Axel says it’s very hard to keep.” _

_ “Axel sounds like a smart man,” Vanitas said. His voice was… different. “You should listen to him.” _

  
  


_ At the clocktower after their daily mission, Xion wasn’t eating her ice cream. _

_ “Is something wrong?” Roxas asked. “You’ve been quiet all day.” _

_ Ice cream dripped on her hand.  _

_ “Vanitas attacked me today,” she finally said. _

_ Axel dropped his ice cream. “What do you mean?” he asked. His voice was sharp as his chakrams. _

_ Xion curled up more. Axel sighed, flicked himself on the head, and relaxed. “I’m sorry for scaring you. Do you want to tell us what happened?” _

_ “I was walking to breakfast when he started swinging his Keyblade at me. I summoned my Keyblade, but he grabbed my wrist before I could do anything with it. I think he was looking at my Keyblade, but then he started laughing. I used the move you taught us to escape his hand and ran away.” _

_ “Did he hurt you?” Axel asked. _

_ Xion held up her right wrist. There were bruises. _

_ “They don’t hurt that much,” she said. _

_ Roxas felt like he was going to throw up. How could his brother do that? _

_ Roxas approached Vanitas in the dining hall. _

_ “Vanii-” _

_ Vanitas pushed Roxas against the wall and put his fingers around his throat. _

_ “Shut the fuck up you little shit,” he snarled. “You’re weak and pathetic. It’s making me look bad. Stay the fuck away from me or I’ll kill you. I don’t care if you’re my brother. In fact, I’ll make it even more painful. Do you understand?” _

_ Roxas took a deep breath, looked into his brother’s angerless eyes, and nodded. _

_ Vanitas gave him one last shove and walked away. _

_ Roxas curled up and touched his neck, feeling where the bruises should have been. _

_ That’s when he understood the secret. When Axel ran up to him and asked if he was okay, he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t the kind of secret he could tell. _

  
  


_ Roxas woke up screaming. _

_ He dreamed of Vanitas, and it was bad, but he didn’t understand anything else. His brother was scared, and- _

_ He ran into Xion on his way down to the basement where she slept. Her cheeks were already tear-stained. Roxas knew his were too. _

_ “Oh, no,” she said. “Not you too. That means it was real.” _

_ “I have to see Vanitas,” Roxas croaked. “I have to see if he’s okay.” _

_ “Roxas, don’t! He’ll kill you!” _

_ “I don’t care,” Roxas sobbed. “He’s my brother. I have to see if he’s okay.” _

_ Xion followed him like a shadow as he climbed the stairs to the third floor. He had never been to Vanitas’s new room, but he knew where it was. _

_ The door was tightly sealed, but Roxas knew it was the one. He took a shuddering breath and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, he opened the door; it wasn’t even locked. He tried not to make a face at the gross smell that floated out. _

_ “Want something else?” Vanitas called as he stumbled to the door. His voice was hoarse, and his eyes were glazed. When they locked onto Roxas, they sharpened into focus. _

_ “Vanitas?” Roxas whispered. “Are you okay?” _

_ Vanitas’s eyes widened in horror, but then immediately narrowed. _

_ “What the fuck are you talking about?” _

_ “I had a dream, and-” just remembering it made Roxas shake too hard to talk. _

_ “No,” Vanitas said. “Nonononono. NO!” _

_ And as Roxas watched, his brother’s blue eyes started to turn yellow. Vanitas dropped to the ground with a feral scream. His hair was turning black as shadow. Roxas was frozen in place until Xion started tugging on his arm. _

_ “Let’s go, Roxas! The king is coming!” _

_ Roxas took her hand and fled. _

  
  


_ He told Xion the secret, but that didn’t count.  _

_ Sora was his twin, his mirror other half who he never stopped missing, but Xion was his opposite. She was a girl, he was a boy. She had dark hair, he had light hair. She was nice, he was mean. Her Keyblade turned black, and his Keyblade turned white. In a way, she reminded him of his little brother, the one that never made it out of Radiant Garden, but Roxas didn’t like thinking about him. He just began dreaming of Xion one day, like she was always there.  _

_ Roxas had snuck into the basement late at night. He couldn’t stop thinking of The Nightmare, and he had already woken up Axel three nights in a row about it. _

_ Xion’s dad had passed out in his bed, only steps away from his lab. He was still wearing his protective alchemy robes. Zexion was gone from his bed, probably off with Demyx. Nixio was snoring in his bed. Xion was already sitting up, even though Roxas hadn’t made a sound. _

_ Wordlessly, she scooted over and let him under the sheet. They curled together like two halves of a heart. _

_ “I have a secret,” Roxas whispered. “Do you promise not to tell anyone?” _

_ Xion held out her pinky and locked it with his with a silent nod. _

_ “Vanitas loves me.” _

_ Xion looked heartbroken. “That’s not true, Roxas. Dad told me that his heart is all darkness now. He can’t love you. He can’t love anyone. If you get in his way, he’ll kill you.” _

_ “That’s okay,” Roxas said. “Because I’m keeping his love for me safe in my heart. And one day, when he’s strong enough to be free of Xehanort, I’ll give it back to him. That’s why I have to stay alive.” _

_ “I’ll help keep you alive,” Xion said. “Even if it’s against Vanitas. Because  _ I _ love you.” _

_ “I love you too,” Roxas said. “You and Axel. You’re both my best friends.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried while writing this chapter and the next one


	22. I never stopped loving you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion of sorts

“The world is falling apart,” Vanitas said, “war is getting closer by the day, and you want to go looking for birds?”

Ven nodded. “Aqua and Terra and the Master are working hard to make sure things are going to be okay. There’s nothing I can do right now except stay out of their way.”

“I wish you would do that with me,” Vanitas said.

Ven just stuck his tongue out at him.

They walked down the hall in silence.

“Vanitas?”

“Hm?”

“Naminé was afraid of you.”

“She’s a smart girl,” Vanitas said. “Fear kept her alive.“

“That’s horrible,” Ven said. 

Vanitas rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so self-righteous. People have fear to stay away from danger. Everyone here talks about love, but love makes you weak. It gives your enemies something to exploit. That’s why it’s better to be feared than loved. If you love something, it can be used against you.”

“That’s stupid,” Ven said. “Love gives you something to fight for. It makes you strong, not weak.”

Vanitas’s face darkened. “This is what I mean. You’re only saying that because you didn’t have to live in Castle Oblivion. Fear is the only thing that kept anyone alive in there. There was no use for love. It just made you vulnerable.”

And then they turned into the dining hall and nearly ran into Roxas and Xion.

Ven didn’t know what to say. It was the first time he had really seen them outside of dreams- the evacuation didn’t count. Xion looked like she did in her dreams, except she was wearing a tunic and a skirt instead of the Darkner robes. Roxas was wearing different clothes too, but Ven was distracted by how much he looked like himself. Vanitas was his twin, but Roxas was his spitting image.

“Roxas.”

Vanitas’s voice carried a thousand different emotions, but his face was empty of them. 

“You’re free now,” Roxas said. “Right? You killed the king.”

“Yeah,” Vanitas said. “He’s dead.”

To everyone’s surprise, most of all Vanitas’s, Roxas ran at Vanitas.

“Roxas!” Xion cried. 

Vanitas caught him by the shoulders before he could hug him.

“I love you,” Roxas said. 

Vanitas just stared at him, breathing raggedly.

“It’s okay,” Ven said. “You can cry.”

Vanitas started to say something that sounded suspiciously like, “I don’t need your permission, dumbass,” but it was muted by a choked hitch in breath as he fell on his knees and put his head on his brother’s shoulder. Slowly, Roxas rested his hands on the back of Vanitas’s head.

“I love you,” Roxas said, tiny cheeks already stained with tears, “and now you can love me again because you’re free.” Vanitas cried in tiny, choked sobs like he was afraid of making noise. “I kept your love safe for you. I know you had to get rid of it to protect me, but I took care of it for you, just like you took care of me.” 

Vanitas just cried harder.

Ven walked over to Xion, who still looked like she was ready to summon her Keyblade at any second.

“It’s okay,” he said. 

Ven held up Wayward Wind to shut and lock the doors of the dining room. 

“What are you doing?” Xion asked.

“Giving them privacy,” he said. “It’s my way of protecting Vanitas. He doesn’t like it when other people see him cry. You protect Roxas, right?”

“We protect each other,” she said. “I just let people underestimate me.”

They stood together, watching their brothers’ odd embrace. Ven sat down and motioned for Xion to do the same.

“Are you scared of Vanitas?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I didn’t believe him when Roxas told me Vanitas loved him. Dad says his heart is all darkness, so he can’t love anymore.”

“Vanitas is a jerk,” Ven said, “but he’s not a monster. It helps him feel safe when people think he is.”

Xion looked over at him. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Do you know who you are?”

Xion scowled. “What do you mean by that?”

Ven chuckled. “Yeah, that was pretty vague, huh? But did your dad ever tell you the story of where your heart came from?” 

“He said that he found my original body in a bakery and took me in as a test subject.”

“Do you know why you were in a bakery?”

Xion took a moment to think. “There was a battle, right?”

Ven nodded. “The Realm of Darkness attacked Radiant Garden to annex- er, take it over. But a lot of innocent people died in the process. Our family was scattered. Sora was taken to the Destiny Islands. I was taken here so I could heal. Vanitas wasn’t so lucky. He had to see our parents die, and he had to choose who to protect between his two remaining siblings.”

“Two?”

Ven looked into her eyes. They were the same shade of blue as Ven’s own. “You were injured. Roxas wasn’t. Vanitas had to leave you behind in order to save him.”

Xion gazed at Vanitas. He was talking to Roxas, but the words were too quiet for them to hear.

“I really am Roxas’s sister,” she said.

“You were always his sister. He just also happens to have the same parents as you.”

Xion smiled. “Thank you for telling me this. It doesn’t change anything, but it feels like I have one more connection to Roxas, you know? It’s nice.”

“I’m glad,” Ven said with a sheepish grin, “but that’s not why I told you.”

Vanitas’s breathing returned to normal. He was wiping at his eyes.

“Why, then?”

“If you let him, Vanitas will protect you,” Ven said. “He wants to be your brother. He’s trying to connect with more people, I think, in order to heal.”

Xion made a face. “I already have two brothers. With Roxas that’s three… with you two and Sora that’s six brothers. Can’t I have a sister?”

Ven smiled. “I think Aqua would love to volunteer for the job.”

Roxas and Vanitas walked back over. The only sign anything had happened was redness in Vanitas and Roxas’s eyes. 

“We’re looking for birds or something, right?” Vanitas asked.

Ven popped up and held out a hand for Xion. “We’re looking for bird’s nests. Do you guys know how to climb a tree?”

“I don’t think so,” Xion said.

“I’ll teach you,” Ven said.

Roxas took Xion’s hand, and they walked a little ahead. Ven unlocked the doors to the dining room.

“The fuck were you two talking about?” Vanitas asked.

“Stuff,” Ven said with a cheeky grin. “Things. What did you two talk about?”

“You didn’t hear?”

“Nah,” Ven said. “We were absorbed in our own thing, you know?”

“You’re such an airhead,” Vanitas said.

“It’s better than being a jerk,” Ven said. 

“Thank you,” Vanitas didn’t say.

“You’re welcome,” Ven didn’t reply. 

They didn’t need to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wondering what Vanitas was saying to Roxas? Read the name of the chapter again.


	23. The bluebird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: CSA mention, violence against animals mention

_ Aqua took a deep breath and knocked on the door of Guardian-king Eraqus’s study. _

_ “Master? Can I speak with you?” _

_ The door opened. Aqua stepped in. _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus was reading a book at his desk. He put it down when Aqua sat down in front of his desk. _

_ “I assume you wish to speak about Vanitas.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus sighed. “The boy is quite troublesome, but we must be patient. Saving people isn’t always as easy as defeating Heartless. The people who act the most troublesome are the ones who need the most help. It is why King Xehanort sent him to us.” _

_ “It is?” _

_ “Yes. During the Battle of Radiant Garden, Ansem- King Ansem of the Central Kingdom, that is, not Prince Ansem of the Realm of Darkness- released the Heartless he was experimenting on in a desperate attempt to keep control of the city. But he lost control of them, and they attacked the populace. Vanitas’s family was killed in the attack. Xehanort took him in out of a sense of guilt, but the trauma has shaken the boy. Xehanort tried his best, but he is less knowledgeable on how to deal with the effects of trauma. I promised I would do everything in my power to try and help him. And now, with Vanitas’s flashback today, I fear the situation is more complicated.” _

_ “Sexual trauma,” Aqua said quietly. _

_ “Indeed, that is what my heart is telling me as well,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Xehanort has never mentioned such an incident, but it’s not something people readily share with people, even their own guardians.” _

_ “Master, it might be too late. Vanitas might be too far gone.” _

_ “What makes you say that?” Guardian-king Eraqus asked. _

_ “I found a dead bird in my bed. It-” Aqua closed her eyes and shuddered at the memory “It was tucked in. No one else in the castle would do such a thing.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus’s eyes widened in horror. _

_ “That’s not a good sign. Tell me- what shape was the bird in? Was it cut open or tortured in any way?” _

_ “Luckily, no. I couldn’t find any injuries on it. I buried it in the garden if you want to look at it.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus looked slightly relieved. _

_ “Thank you for telling me this. The possibility exists that he simply found it and thought it would be a good prank, but do tell me if you find any more dead animals, or if you think he may be killing or maiming them.” _

_ “Yes, Master,” Aqua said. _

_ “Still, this is troubling. I don’t want Princess Kairi in the castle until we know more about Vanitas and his possible sexual trauma. Not all children who are abused replicate the behavior, but it’s better to be careful- as you know. Tell Ventus to be cautious around him as well. They may be brothers, but he is smaller than Vanitas, and blood relation does not guarantee that he won’t abuse Ventus as well.” _

_ Ven wouldn’t be happy to hear that, but he knew these facts as well as she did. _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ Aqua nodded and tried to find something to do that would clear her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the bluebird beneath her comforter, like it had been merely put away for a nap. _


	24. The sketchbook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ven finds something

10 days until the Darkner deadline

Ven was headed to the kitchen for a mid-morning snack when he stumbled across the sketchbook. It was almost full, by his cursory judgement. He opened it and started flipping through it.

The drawings were childish, made in colored pencil and crayon, but there was a loving detail to them that made Ven smile. As he flipped through the book, he started to recognize some of the figures. Castle Oblivion popped up once. There were a lot of Roxas and Xion- fighting, holding hands, eating something blue that looked like ice cream. There was a fair bit of Axel, too. His red hair was unmistakable. Throughout the book, Ven noticed there were chains everywhere. They connected every person in a picture with each other.

There was a picture of Terra! Ven couldn’t contain his smile. He looked so cool in his armor. Whoever drew it got almost every detail right. Either they had a very good memory, or they saw it a lot. There was a whole stretch of Terra pictures: him in Darkner robes, him with Ends of the Earth, him with Roxas and Xion and Axel, and lots of him with Naminé. There was one where Terra was kneeling in front of Naminé. They were both wearing capes and smiling.

The next drawing almost made Ven drop the sketchbook.

It depicted a puppet show. At the top of the page, above the stage, were two faces with pleasant smiling faces. The one on the left was Xehanort. The one on the right looked like one of the princes, but Ven couldn’t figure out which one it was. If Ven looked at only the top of the page, it could have been an innocent drawing, like one of Roxas and Xion. But the men had chains dangling from their long, spindly fingers. At the end of each chain was a puppet hanging by its neck. The prince on the right only had one puppet. It had long blue hair and a scar on its face, like one of the refugees at the castle. Xehanort had three puppets dangling from his hands: Vanitas, a boy with silver hair that might have been another prince, and Terra.

Why was Terra Xehanort’s puppet? And why was he depicted in the same position as Vanitas was?

Ven quickly turned the page so he didn’t have to look at the picture anymore. 

Luckily, the next picture was really cool. It was Terra, holding Ends of the Earth and looking very determined. There were a lot of details put into the drawing. The artist even shaded the edges of Ends of the Earth instead of just drawing its general shape. Maybe Ven could ask the artist if he could have this one so he could hang it up on his wall.

Most of the rest of the sketchbook was dedicated to Terra, Roxas, and Xion. There were a few other castle figures here and there, and one of a blond man in red drawn very hastily, but it was mostly Terra, Roxas, Xion, and sometimes Axel or Naminé.

Ven was nearing the end of the sketchbook when his blood froze. He picked up the sketchbook with both hands and looked closer at the picture.

It was messier than a lot of the other drawings. Dark scribbles covered most of the page. A man with a giant, gaping maw was holding out a massive hand to the other side of the page. His eyes were dark holes with no pupil or iris. 

Ven took a closer look at the hand. The artist mostly kept the people anatomically consistent, but the hand was way larger than it should have been. So was the mouth, now that he looked closer. 

Then he realized the hand wasn’t reaching out to the other side of the page, it was pinning something there with a tight fist. No, not something, someone. They were scared, but they were closing their eyes like they had already given up. The rest of the body hung limp from the fist that pinned them to the other edge of the page. They were being strangled, Ven realized with a gulp.

Who drew this? More importantly, who were the people in the drawing?

The man on the left had no hair and was wearing dark clothing. Ven would bet his best telescope that it was Xehanort. The person on the right…

How did he not immediately recognize Terra when he made up half of the sketchbook?

Ven closed the sketchbook and put it down. He was walking away when he heard a pair of tiptoeing footsteps. He turned and met big periwinkle eyes.

“Hey, Naminé. Is this your sketchbook?”

She grabbed it and hugged it close to her chest with a nod.

That’s right, she had been coloring at the kitchen table with Terra yesterday.

“I really like your drawings,” Ven said.

“Thank you,” she said. It was very curt.

Ven looked at her. She was tense and her eyes were narrow.

“Did I do something wrong?” Ven asked.

Naminé just ran away. Ven sighed. She had to be a really cool person, or else Terra wouldn’t hang out with her, and he wanted to be her friend. She was just really shy.

_ Her fear kept her alive,  _ Vanitas had said.

Ven wished she didn’t have to be afraid of him. He’d talk to Terra. Maybe he could introduce them. Speaking of Terra…

He shivered. Why had Naminé drawn him like that?


	25. One short day outside of Castle Oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terra takes a trip with Naminé.

_ “Wake up, Terra!” _

_ Terra rolled over with a groan. Naminé must have had another nightmare last night, because she was shaking his arm from under the covers. He had thought about locking her out after his visit to the brothel a few weeks ago, but he never had the heart to follow through with it. Besides, he had found that the more people who thought he was… like that, the easier it was to find the right brothels. _

_ It still didn’t feel good, but almost nothing did anymore. It didn’t help that he was stuck inside the castle most of the time.  _

_ “C’mooooooooooon wake up! You said you would take me out today!” _

_ Terra sat up. It took all of his strength. His heart was dark and heavy that day, dragging him back down to the bed. He was so tired. All he wanted to do was sleep. The last thing he wanted to do was get out of bed. _

_ But he had promised that he would take Naminé out of the castle. _

_ “I’m up,” he grumbled. With a push from Naminé, he stumbled out of bed.  _

_ Her excitement drained a little. “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you not feel good?” _

_ “Go get dressed,” he said. “I said I’d take you.” _

_ “But if you feel bad-” _

_ Terra stretched his lips in an imitation smile. “Go get dressed. I’m not sick or anything. Some fresh air might cheer me up.” _

_ Naminé rushed out. Terra dragged himself through his morning routine. After he got dressed and gathered anything he thought they might need for the day, he opened the curtains of his window. It was cloudy, but there was a beam of pale sunshine that shone through the clouds. It reminded him of all the morning meditations he had missed. He held up his Wayfinder to the window. _

Aqua, Ven-

_ As usual, the thought of them made him almost bowl over in sickening guilt. He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. _

Ven, Aqua, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I messed up, I know I did, and I wish there was something I could do to take it back. I don’t have the right to ask for your help today, but it’s not for me. Naminé deserves a day out of the castle. She’s never left it. Please give me the strength to give her the best day ever. And if you need my strength in return, you can take all of it. There’s not much left, but it’s all yours. It always has been. I love you, and I’m sorry.

_ “Terra! You better not still be in bed!” _

_ Terra tucked his Wayfinder back in his pocket and opened the door. Naminé was wearing the worn tunic and short pants she said Roxas had given to her and Xion’s black cloak to protect her from the corridors of darkness.  _

_ “I think you need new clothes,” Terra said.  _

_ If he remembered correctly, there was a market near the south… _

_ He made the corridor to the city, let Naminé take his hand, and stepped through. _

_ For a city in the Realm of Darkness, it was bright outside. Terra shaded his eyes and saw Naminé try to do the same thing with the hood of her cloak.  _

_ “We should take off our cloaks,” Terra said. “They’ll draw attention to ourselves.” _

_ Naminé took hers off and handed it to Terra, who put it and his own cloak into the bag he brought along. When she looked up again, she seemed to see her surroundings for the first time. Terra had brought them into an alley, but Naminé was gazing at the walls and the sky like they were a shining palace. _

_ Terra looked up at the clear sky. Even in winter, the sun beat down mercilessly. He wished he had something to wear other than stiff black robes. And with the sun as intense as it was, Naminé’s marble-pale skin was almost guaranteed to burn. If only he had brought sun salve- _

_ -but of course he didn’t, Aqua was always the one to bring it ever since she got lobster red from playing on the Destiny Islands all day- _

_ Terra’s heart twisted at the thought of Aqua, as it always did these days, so he shoved the memory away and stepped out of the alley. He followed his ears to the edge of the market. _

_ “There are so many people!” Naminé exclaimed. _

_ It was the edge of the market, so there were only a few dozen people. It was nothing compared to the center of the market or the markets of Agrabah where people were packed so tightly it was hard to breathe and the music and chatter made his ears ring. Ven would always wander off- _

_ However, Terra realized Naminé probably had only seen a dozen people at a time in the cold, empty halls of Castle Oblivion. Maybe it felt like Agrabah to her. Terra knelt to her eye level. _

_ “Stay close to me,” he said. “And if it gets too much, just let me know, okay?” _

_ Naminé nodded, grabbed Terra’s hand, and pointed to a booth.  _

_ “What’s that?” _

_ Terra let Naminé drag him from table to table, only stopping to make her apply the sunsalve he finally found and put on the hat he got her. Naminé couldn’t speak Zalaamic, but her excitement didn’t need translation. Even the most grizzled merchants smiled at her enthusiasm. The variety of things was what seemed to amaze her the most; she looked at the produce with the same wonder-filled eyes as the beaded jewelry. They spent almost half an hour watching the chefs cook what looked like every conceivable version of street food. Terra realized it must have been the first time Naminé had seen food prepared by humans and not the (admittedly cute) yellow glob Heartless in Castle Oblivion. _

_ He realized he couldn’t stop smiling. Slowly, the weight in his heart he had woken up with dissolved away, leaving him with joy for the first time in months. _

_ They took a break to relax in the shade of a nearby building. Naminé was devouring her lavender ice cream, heedless to how it dripped on her new white sundress, while Terra pointed at different things and told her what they were called in Zalaamic. He was a bit more careful with his ice cream, but he did almost lose it after a particular enthusiastic gesture. The sleeveless shirt and cotton shorts he had bought were the most comfortable things he had worn in the Realm of Darkness. It felt like he could breathe again with the dark robes in his bag and not trapping him in tight seams. His Wayfinder was around his neck with the charm itself tucked under his shirt. It fit right in front of his heart. Its presence was comforting.  _

_ When Naminé was satisfied with her dessert and people-watching, she popped back up and raced back to the market. To Terra’s relief, she stayed on the edges of the crowds. They bought a seashell hair clip for Xion and an armband for Roxas. There was an artist who gave Naminé a tiny canvas board and let her use his paints. She painted Terra and herself holding hands. Once the paint was dry, Terra wrapped it in their clothes and put it in the middle of the bag, where it would be the safest. _

_ On the other edge of the market street, Naminé pointed to something hazy in the distance. _

_ “Is that water?” _

_ Terra squinted. The late afternoon sunlight had only gotten more intense. “I don’t know. Let’s check it out.” _

_ It was a swimming hole. There were people, families mostly, swimming and splashing in the water. _

_ “Do you want to swim?” Terra asked. _

_ “Don’t know how,” Naminé said. “Father said he would teach me, but…” _

_ Father? Terra looked at Naminé. That’s right- her father had been cruel to her. Xehanort said he had to assign her jobs like spying because she was conditioned to want to feel useful. Terra didn’t think she was like that at all, but maybe she had gotten better.  _

_ “I can teach you if you want,” Terra said. _

_ Naminé smiled up at him. “Really?” _

_ They walked to the water’s edge. Terra put their bag and shoes back by the shore. He wondered if he should summon a Heartless to protect it, but decided it would be too conspicuous. _

_ He sat down and Naminé sat next to him. _

_ “The first thing you need to learn are the arm movements.” Terra made scooping motions from his chest. “This is called a breast stroke. It’s useful if you don’t want to put your face in the water.” _

_ Naminé looked at the water. “It does look… gross.” _

_ “It shouldn’t be that bad. Here, just practice the stroke while we’re out on land… there, that’s it. Make sure you kick when you do it. Then you’ll stay floating and go even farther. You ready to try?” _

_ Naminé nodded with a smile. She ran to the water and stuck her feet in. _

_ “Ah! It’s cold!” _ _   
_

_ Terra laughed. “It’ll be better once you get used to it. The sooner you get it over with, the better.” _

_ Naminé took a few steps forward.  _

_ “It’s okay to be scared,” Terra said, “but it’s okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” _

_ “I know. That’s why I’m not scared.” _

_ She kept going until the water was at her neck, then she pushed off and started swimming. _

_ “Good job! Don’t forget to kick- there you go. You’re doing great.” _

_ “This is fun!” _

_ Terra couldn’t stop smiling. “Just let me know when you’re getting tired. It’s important to take a break. Then I’ll teach you how to tread water.” _

_ They swam together until the air started to cool. Naminé began to shiver from what would have been an otherwise refreshing breeze. _

_ “I’ll give you a ride back to shore,” Terra said. _

_ Naminé climbed on his back. “Thank you.” _

_ Once they were at the shore, Naminé curled up. She was still shivering. _

_ A girl about Naminé’s age ran up to them. _

_ “Hey! Do you wanna play fruitball?” _

_ Naminé bolted up and hid behind Terra instinctively, but peeked out from behind him. _

_ “What did she say?” Naminé asked. _

_ “She asked you if you wanted to play a game called fruitball,” Terra explained. He switched to Zalaamic and spoke to the other girl. “Naminé only speaks Common Tongue.” _

_ “Okay,” the girl said in heavily-accented Common Tongue. She held out a ball to Naminé. “I can show you how to play.” _

_ Terra knelt down. “Do you want to go? If you move around you might warm up. It’s okay if you don’t.” _

_ “It sounds fun,” Naminé said. “How do you play?” _

_ The girl explained the rules as they walked towards a box drawn in the sand. _

_ “Is she yours?” _

_ Terra stood and looked towards the person who spoke. It was an older woman with thick arms and hair wrapped in a bun.  _

_ “Naminé? No, she’s not my daughter, if that’s what you’re asking. She’s my…” _

_ Ward? Friend? Little sister? She was all of those. _

_ “It’s a long story.” _

_ “I see,” the woman said. “That’s my Yuna over there. She keeps me on my toes.” _

_ Terra didn’t know what to say in response, so he just watched the girls play. They were hitting the ball back and forth between them. Naminé missed the ball, but she picked the ball up and threw it back. _

_ “Are you from around here?” _

_ The Common Tongue and Terra’s accented Zalaamic probably gave it away. _

_ Terra shook his head. “We’re visiting for a day trip.” _

_ “Where are you from?” _

_ He touched his chest where his Wayfinder was hanging. “Far away.” _

_ The woman chuckled. “Not a fan of small talk?” _

_ Terra smiled. “No. I hope that doesn’t bother you.” _

_ “Not at all.” _

_ They stood and watched the girls for a few minutes. Naminé was dropping the ball less and less. _

_ “Now that I look at you two, it’s obvious you’re not related,” the woman said after a while. “You look nothing alike.” _

_ Between Terra’s towering bulk and Naminé’s pale, slight build and light hair, they were practically opposites in every way.  _

_ “We have similar eyes,” he said. _

_ “Do you?” _

_ The woman looked at his eyes- _

_ and something in the air changed. Terra’s heart sped up a little. _

_ “You have Lightner eyes,” the woman said. It wasn’t a question.  _

_ Terra didn’t answer. He fixed his eyes on Naminé, who was still playing as if nothing had happened at all. _

_ The woman grabbed his wrist. Terra wrenched it away. _

_ “You’re that Lightner prince. The one who likes little girls.” The woman shifted her gaze to the girls. “Is she one of them?” _

_ Disgust and anger flooded Terra at the thought. “No!” _

_ He started walking to Naminé, but the woman cut him off. _

_ “Not a step closer,” she hissed. _

_ Despite everything, Terra almost smiled. Her bravery was admirable. She was willing to face him for the sake of a child she had met less than an hour ago.  _

_ But she was between him and Naminé. _

_ “Naminé!” Terra shouted.  _

_ He didn’t have to say anything else. Naminé dropped the ball and raced toward him. Before she could reach him, the woman caught her arm. Naminé froze and started to breathe heavily.  _

_ Darkness flooded through Terra in an instant. The woman was hurting Naminé. That was unacceptable. He grabbed the hand the woman had on Naminé and wrenched it off with a sickening crack of bone. The woman cried out in pain. Naminé fled towards their stuff, putting on the bag in one motion and kicking on her shoes. Terra dropped the woman’s arm as the darkness receded and went to Naminé. _

_ “What’s going on?” Naminé asked. _

_ “The woman recognized me,” Terra said as he put on his shoes. “We have to go.” _

_ “Creep!” _

_ The woman’s shout drew looks. _

_ “It’s the Lightner prince!” _

_ They were already running away, back towards the market, but Terra could feel the angry gazes on the back of his neck. People were shouting curses, and he didn’t think he had to translate for Naminé to understand them. Something whizzed past his ear- a rock. Another one grazed him on the side of the head. Terra bit back a wince. _

_ The instant they were back near buildings, Terra turned into the nearest alleyway. _

_ “We need our cloaks.” _

_ Naminé handed him the bag, and Terra started fishing through it. Of course, the cloaks were at the bottom of the bag. He gritted his teeth as he separated one from the other. The sound of angry shouts echoed through the streets. Finally, he managed to fish out Naminé’s cloak and put on his own. Naminé picked up the bag.  _

_ “There they are!” _

_ Terra opened the corridor of darkness and slipped through it right as a man started turning the corner towards them. As the corridor closed, the shouts of the city faded into deafening silence. _

_ They stepped out into Terra’s room a minute later. He spun to Naminé. _

_ “Are you okay?” _

_ Her breathing was still erratic, but she nodded. _

_ “That was… really scary.” _

_ Terra knelt. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” _

_ “It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “I should have used the escape trick you taught me, but I froze. I’m sorry.” _

_ “You did nothing wrong,” Terra said. _

_ “You’re right,” Naminé said. “It was the people’s fault. How could they?” _

_ “They were trying to save you.” The thought made Terra smile. “The entire city was ready to fight to save you, a child they never met.” _

_ Sometimes he forgot how good people could be. _

_ “But you were the one keeping me safe, and they attacked you!” _

_ “If the rumor was right, they would be right to.” _

_ Naminé huffed. Was she angry? _

_ “People say such bad things about you. How do you take it?” _

_ Terra resisted the urge to tuck some hair behind her ear. It was still dripping wet. _

_ “It’s hard. But you help.” _

_ “How? You’re the one taking care of me. I want to help take care of you.” _

_ Terra frowned. “I’m an adult. It’s my job to take care of myself. You’re a kid. It’s not your job to take care of me.” _

_ Naminé pouted. “I just want to help you.” _

_ “And you do. You help me just by being yourself.” _

_ “I want to do more.” _

_ Before Terra could respond, Naminé held out her hand to the cut on the side of his head where the rock had grazed him. He felt a familiar cooling sensation and smelled fresh flowers. He touched the side of his head, but felt nothing. Naminé had healed him. _

_ She was smiling. “Roxas and Xion taught me how. I know you’re having trouble healing yourself, and I figured I could help.” _

_ “You don’t have to do this,” he said. _

_ “But I want to. You said… you said healing magic works best on people you care about. And I lo- I care about you, Terra. You’re like a big brother to me. So let me help you!” _

_ He loved her dearly. She was the only person in Castle Oblivion who made him smile. But he couldn’t tell her that with the rumor.  _

_ Terra smiled. “You’re a very sweet girl. I care about you, too.” _

_ Naminé smiled.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naminé is baby


	26. The Terra fan club forms

Terra woke up for the second time that day to his bedroom door opening and slamming shut. He shot up, instantly awake, and looked at his door.

“Naminé? Is something wrong?”

She turned around. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were awake already.”

Terra got out of bed and stretched. “I woke up for morning meditation, but I was tired, so I went back to bed.”

“Did you eat breakfast?”

Terra didn’t answer. He was already dressed, so he just made his bed.

“Terra…”

“I’ll eat later,” he said. “I promise.” Naminé jumped up onto the bed. “Is something wrong? You came in here in a hurry.”

For the first time, Terra realized she was clutching her sketchbook to her chest.

“Ven was looking at my drawings,” she said. “He didn’t even ask!”

Terra smiled softly. “Yeah, Ven’s like that. He doesn’t mean any harm. He just follows his heart without thinking. It can get him into trouble, but he’s not mean.”

“I know,” Naminé said. “I still don’t like it.”

“I’ll talk to him and make sure he doesn’t do it again. Okay?”

“Thank you, Terra.”

Terra reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his hairbrush. He ran it through his hair a few times.

“Could you brush my hair?” Naminé asked. 

Terra smiled. “I was just about to ask if I could.”

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence as Terra ran the brush through her cornsilk hair. It was so pale it reflected the morning light that filtered through the curtained window. It was probably a good thing Naminé woke him up- there were only ten more days until the Darkners deadline, and they still had no concrete plan or decision. 

“Terra, do you know who I am?”

He stopped brushing and looked at Naminé. 

“You’re my friend. You’re a very sweet girl who draws very well and is fun to talk to.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Naminé said. “I’m Ansem the Wise’s daughter. I promised myself I’d tell you if we ever got out of Castle Oblivion. ”

Terra set the brush down. “I wasn’t aware he had a daughter. Two, since Princess Kairi’s your sister.”

“I don’t remember much before the Battle of Radiant Garden, but I don’t think we were allowed out very much. Did you ever meet him, since you’re a prince?”

Terra thought for a second. “Once. It was a long time ago, back when I was a kid. The Master took us to Radiant Garden to learn about the Central Kingdom, back before the Realm of Darkness annexed it. The Master introduced us to him. It was probably before you were born, now that I think about it.” Terra smiled. “Do you know what this means?”

Naminé shook her head.

Terra leaned forward. “You’re a princess,” he said. “You’re not a witch at all. At least you’re a princess-witch, like how I’m a prince-knight.”

“I’m not a princess. I’m a nobody.”

“Nope,” he said. “You’re the daughter of a king. That’s a princess.”

“Nuh-uh,” Naminé said.

“Mm-hm.”

“Nu-uh.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“No! I’m not!” Naminé turned around. She looked upset. Was she upset the entire time? “I’m nobody, and I’m bad, and you shouldn’t talk to me!” She tucked her knees up and hid her face in them.

_ I’m so dumb. I should have known she wasn’t playing. _

“I’m sorry, Naminé. I didn’t mean to make you upset. But that’s not true.”

“It is. I used you! I manipulated you. I’m no better than Xeha-”

“Naminé.” She turned around to face Terra. “That man was a monster. You are nothing like him.” She looked away again. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Then you would see what a good person you really are. I’ve never been mad about what you did in Castle Oblivion, so forgive yourself.”

“You don’t like yourself either,” Naminé said. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You’re nice, and you make me feel safe.” Quieter, she added, “You’re the only grown up who’s ever made me feel safe.”

Terra picked the brush back up. “I’m almost done. Can I keep going?” Naminé nodded. “I hope that changes. I think Aqua would really like you, too. And Ven’s been bugging me to introduce you two.”

“I already met Aqua. She showed me where your room was, remember?” That’s right. “And she reminded you that you’re a prince-knight.”

He knew that, but it still felt like he was a traitor.

“Say it.”

Terra looked up from Naminé’s hair. “What?”

Naminé turned around.

“Say ‘I’m a prince-knight.’ Say it.” It was like she had heard his thoughts.

“Naminé, I don’t-”

“Say it!”

“I’m a prince-knight,” Terra said. 

“Now, say that you’re a prince-knight of the Realm of Light.”

“That you’re a prince-knight of the Realm of Light,” Terra said with a cheeky smile on his face.

“Terra…”

“I’m a prince-knight of the Realm of Light.”

For some reason, that time, it felt like the truth. He  _ was _ a prince-knight of the Realm of Light. He messed up, but he didn’t work for that monster, he worked for his father, Guardian-king Eraqus.

Terra’s heart twisted again thinking about how stupid he was to believe Xehanort enough to hate his own father. What was his problem?

“Say it again! You looked too sad afterwards.”

“I am a prince-knight of the Realm of Light…”

But he wasn’t a very good one, was he?

“What’s wrong, Terra?”

Before he could answer, there was a knock on the door. Naminé scurried behind Terra like a mouse diving back into a hole.

“Who is it?” Terra called.

Ven opened the door. He was holding a sandwich in one hand. “There you are! I was looking for you.” He saw Naminé. “Hello again,” he said to her.

“Hello,” she said quietly.

That’s right...

“Hey, Ven,” Terra said, “Naminé doesn’t like it when other people look at her sketchbook without asking her.”

“Oh!” Ven said. He sat on the bed so he could look at her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. They were very nice drawings, though. You make Terra look really cool.”

“He is really cool,” Naminé said. “But I don’t forgive you.”

“O-oh,” Ven said. “I’m really sorry, I-”

“I’ll only forgive you if you make Terra eat the rest of that sandwich.”

Ven looked at the sandwich. There were only a few bites in it.

“Do I have to?” Ven sighed. “He already eats so much!”

“No he doesn’t,” Naminé said. “He barely eats anything.”

Ven looked so worried. His was one of two faces Terra could read fairly well, but all he saw lately was sadness. Was it all because of him?

“That’s right,” Ven said. “I forgot.”

His eyes locked onto Terra as he held out the sandwich. He felt Naminé’s do the same.

“Eat it,” Ven said. 

He wasn’t hungry, and he wasn’t sure if it would even help, and-

He folded under the weight of four big blue eyes. Terra took the sandwich in his hands.

“Even the crusts?”

“Even the crusts,” Naminé said.

Terra took a bite. It was… fine. There was meat in it. He was grateful it wasn’t full of that chocolate spread Ven, Aqua, and Guardian-king Eraqus ate by the jarful. 

Those eyes watched him every second until he stuffed the last of the sandwich into his mouth and swallowed.

Naminé had crawled out from behind Terra and was now smiling at Ven. 

“I forgive you,” she said as soon as the last of the sandwich was gone.

“Thank you,” Ven said. He held up his hand. “High-five?”

Naminé obliged.


	27. Wayfinder Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ven tries to help Terra in the most Ven-way possible

9 days until the Darkner deadline

“I call this meeting of the Wayfinder Club to order,” Ven said.

Terra and Aqua were sitting cross-legged in front of him on the floor of their secret meeting room that definitely wasn’t the classroom’s storage room. Ven had written “SECRET MISSION: TERRA” on the chalkboard and added colorful stars around it, because why not?

Aqua raised her eyebrows. “Wayfinder Club?”

Ven held up his Wayfinder. “Yeah! You made us all Wayfinders, and we’re all meeting up with a mission, so it kind of makes us a club.”

Terra smiled. “I like it.”

Ven stood up straight in his best Guardian-king Eraqus imitation. “I know we’re all worried about the Darkner deadline, and it’s kept us busy, but there’s only so much we can do about that for now. When we’re not worried about that, I want us to work on a secret mission. I want us to figure out what happened to you.” Ven pointed at Terra. 

Terra looked away. 

Aqua frowned. “Ven-“

He knew. He could dress it up with stars and club names all he wanted, but it wouldn’t make it easier to talk about. But that didn’t matter. 

“You’re sleeping more. You’re barely eating. It’s like you got sick in your year away.”

“It’s not just that,” Aqua said quietly. “You’re less confident than you used to be. You’re scared of yourself.”

“Can you blame me?” Terra’s voice drenched in pain. “I almost killed you.”

Ven didn’t want to admit how scared he was watching them fight. Once Terra sliced Aqua’s sleeve, Ven didn’t want to admit that he was scared that he would kill her. He didn’t want to admit that at that moment, he was scared of Terra. It made him feel like a traitor. 

(He didn’t want to admit that Aqua, at that moment, had more faith in Terra than he did.)

But it was okay now. Aqua was right- they had no need to be afraid of him because he would never hurt them. 

“You’ll fix that,” Ven said. “I don’t know how good of a teacher Vanitas will be, but nobody knows the darkness like he does. And I think he wants to help you.”

Aqua narrowed her eyes. “Vanitas… wanting to help someone?”

Ven huffed. “Okay, he might have some kind of ulterior motive. He’s mean like that. But there isn’t anyone else who can teach you.”

“Whatever happens, we want to help you,” Aqua said. “That’s what all of this,” she gestured to the chalkboard, “is all about.”

Ven plopped down into a sitting position. “Well said, Aqua. That’s one thing we have covered. Do you have any idea where this came from?”

Terra sat for a moment in thought. “I don’t. Not really.”

“I think Xehanort did it,” Aqua said. “That’s what my heart is telling me.”

Ven’s mind flashed back to Terra dangling from Xehanort’s hand in Naminé’s sketchbook.

“Me, too,” Ven said.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Terra said. “He was nice to me.” He frowned. “I don’t want to think about why. Did he think we were the same?”

The implication hung in the stale air of the storage room.

“Any kindness he showed you doesn’t disqualify him from suspicion,” Aqua said. “Remember, he hid our letters to you and impersonated you. And…”

She didn’t need to say anything else.

“I know he’s a monster,” Terra snarled. His eyes burned gold with rage before fading. Ven suppressed a shiver. That was new. “I just don’t know how or why he would do something to me. Besides, most of the castle didn’t like me. Someone else could have done it.”

What?

“How could they not like you?” Ven exclaimed. “You’re the coolest person ever!”

“Thanks,” Aqua muttered.

“You’re cool too,” Ven said.

Terra looked sad. Almost… defeated. Before he left, Ven could count the number of times he saw him like that on one hand, but now it seemed like he always looked like that. Ven mentally added sadness to the list of ‘things that are different about Terra.’

“They said I was an idiot,” he said. “Naminé was the only person who tolerated my presence other than Xehanort.”

“What about Axel?” Aqua asked.

“Axel was more like an… ally,” Terra said. “We were friends before the first rumor, but he had to take care of Roxas and Xion, so he had to avoid me. He was helpful when he needed to be.” If he was only an ‘ally,’ he wasn’t much of a friend. Terra deserved better. “I think if the culprit were anyone else, it would be the young prince. He was jealous of how Xehanort treated me, and it made him cruel.” His next words were so quiet Ven could hardly hear them. “I can’t blame him.”

“So we have our suspects,” Ven said, “King Xehanort and Prince Xehanort. Anyone else?”

Terra thought for a moment. “I took out Xigbar’s eye, so-”

“What?” Aqua exclaimed. “You took out someone’s eye?”

He didn’t even blink. “He was trying to kill Naminé. He was lucky I didn’t do worse.”

Terra was scaring him again. Ven tried to hide it as best as he could.

“Anyone else?” Ven asked.

Terra shook his head. “Not that I can think of at the moment.”

“Okay, so we have the suspects for ‘who,’” Ven said. “Now we need the ‘what’ and the ‘why.’”

“I’ll see if I can find signs of a curse that would do this,” Aqua said. “It might be a plausible explanation for the physical things like your weight loss and sleep habit.”

“What about the sadness?” Ven asked. “And lack of self-confidence?”

“I have a hunch about that as well,” Aqua said. “Leave it to me.”

“There’s something else you’re not mentioning,” Terra said. “The darkness.”

Ven tilted his head. “What about it?”

“The Master says that darkness begets more darkness, just as light begets more light,” Terra said. “It’s why he discouraged us from studying it at all. Maybe the reason I feel this way is because I’m using the darkness. It’s the price I pay.” 

“But what about Vanitas?” Ven asked. “His heart is all darkness, and he eats almost as much as you did.”

“Maybe it manifests differently in other people,” Terra said. He looked away. “It was just an idea.”

“I think you have a good point,” Aqua said. “The darkness is tied to emotions like sadness. I’ll ask around.”

“Sounds good,” Ven said. “Aqua, it looks like you’re going to do most of the information-gathering. That means I’ll handle the other part.”

“What other part?” Aqua asked. “It seems like I’m doing all the work.”

“Nuh uh,” Ven said. “I’m going to make sure Terra eats. Me and Naminé both. We’ve decided. Three meals a day- at least.”

Terra smiled. “Okay.”

“I’m already making sure he gets up in time for morning meditation,” Ven continued. “And if he’s sad, I’ll cheer him up.”

“What should I do?” Terra asked.

Aqua put her hand on his. “Let us know how you’re feeling.”

Ven tackled him in a hug. “And don’t forget that we love you! Meeting adjourned!”


	28. Can’t lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xehanort teaches Terra something

_ “Master, can I talk to you?” _

_ Hazy clouds prevented the sun from hitting the dusty training ground, but it was still too warm for Terra’s comfort. The stiff Darkner robes he had been given didn’t help matters. _

_ King Xehanort turned to Terra. “Of course. What is it, my boy?” _

_ Terra lifted his jaw. “I don’t want to use the darkness anymore.”  _

_ “Look me in the eye when you speak to me.” _

_ “Y-yes, Master.” Terra forced himself to look King Xehanort in the eyes. It felt infinitely harder to talk, but Terra knew he was making a big deal over nothing. “I don’t want to use the darkness anymore.” _

_ King Xehanort paused for a moment. “Are you scared of it? Because you must let go of your fear if you are to master anything.” _

_ “I’m not afraid of the darkness itself, I’m just afraid of what I do when I use it. I hurt people. I’m ruthless. I don’t like it.” _

_ “Ah, this again. You are afraid of hurting people, is that it? Even though you are a prince-knight, sworn to protect the Realm of Light at all costs and chosen by the Keyblade, the most powerful weapon in all of Scala ad Caelum?” _

_ Terra nodded. “I want to protect people. I’m afraid that if I keep using the darkness, I’ll end up hurting them instead.” _

_ “Your enemies deserve to be hurt. Nothing is wrong if it protects the realm, hm?” _

_ “You’re right,” Terra said, “but the people in this castle aren’t my enemy. I hurt your son badly during our sparring match last week. I used my power to win, not to protect my realm.” _

_ “But that’s just it, my boy,” King Xehanort said. “You must win at all costs to protect your realm. To lose would be to cast shame and doubt on everyone who lives in it. If you lose, the Realm of Light will look weak, and when a realm looks weak, it falls. Do you want the Realm of Light to have the same fate as the Central Kingdom? Do you want the Land of Departure to be the next Radiant Garden?” _

_ “No, Master.” _

_ King Xehanort turned around and looked back at the Darkner castle. “You play an important role, Lord Terra. You are the representative of the entire Realm of Light. Everything you do reflects back on it. Aqua, Ventus, Eraqus, your people- all of them are depending on you to be strong, to win. My men are tough. You don’t need to worry about them. You must win every time at all costs. And with the power of darkness, you cannot lose.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ “Now warm up. There is a technique I wish to show you.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ Terra bowed and obeyed. _


	29. Can’t lose?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone underestimates Terra's darkness- Terra most of all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: PTSD flashback, panic attack, suicide ideation, discussion of CSA and abuse, brief description of CSA with crude and vague terms

8 days until the deadline 

The sand on training arena was much softer than the hard, dusty arena where the training mannequins were in the Realm of Darkness. Terra had grown up fighting on these sands, but now they felt foreign to him.

“Welcome, student,” Vanitas called from the center. He was resting his Keyblade on the back of his neck in a relaxed stance. “Call me Master.”

“No.”

Vanitas chuckled. “Well, it was worth a shot. Now let’s begin.”

He leapt at Terra with his twisted black Keyblade. Terra had instinctively summoned Ends of the Earth and blocked it.

“We’re fighting?”

“I wanna see what you’ve got. I’ve heard a lot about you. I want to see if you’re worth the hype.”

Terra responded with a series of hard and punishing blows. Ends of the Earth was dulled, but they were hard enough to break a bone if Vanitas wasn’t careful. Vanitas leapt out of the way and responded with fast, punishing strikes of his own.

He was stronger than Terra expected, but he could still block him. Terra leapt into a counter, but Vanitas retreated and sent out a series of spells. He dodged the dark Fire and Blizzard, but took the Thunder in favor of keeping himself in a more favorable position.

That was a mistake. Vanitas’s Thunder was almost as powerful as Aqua’s.

Vanitas leapt forward in another series of strikes. He was almost as fast as Ven, too. Terra almost hit him, but the blow barely grazed him. He huffed in frustration.

_ I don’t want to lose to this- _

That was all it took, these days.

Extra power surged through Terra. He shot at his opponent with close-ranged dark Fire. His opponent hissed and leapt back.

_ He doesn’t like being touched. _Terra had learned that the first day they met.

He could use that.

When his opponent came back in, Terra reached out with his left hand. His opponent instinctively blocked it, but Terra let Ends of the Earth slip from his right hand so he could touch the base of his opponent’s throat.

The effect was immediate. His opponent’s eyes blanked and his Keyblade dropped to the ground. His breathing got heavy and he stumbled to the ground, looking up at Terra with unadulterated terror.

“Do you yield?”

“Yes! Please please please stop. I’m sorry! Stop! Please!”

Terra blinked. A chill spread through his body, the same one that indicated that he had woken up, or his light was back in control, or whatever made him realize he had made the worst mistake of his life.

_ I fucked up. _

“Vanitas, I-”

But Vanitas wasn’t home. He was…

Terra realized where he was, _ when _ he was. The thought made him sick. This wasn’t just a panic attack, it was a flashback. And Terra had caused it. 

He didn’t want this, he just-

It didn’t matter. He had to fix it.

Terra knew better than to try and talk to him or touch him. He had to shock it out of him. He aimed a small Blizzard at the back of Vanitas’s neck.

Vanitas gasped like a drowning man on the shore. His eyes swam back into focus

“Breathe,” Terra said softly. He used Common Tongue instead of the Zalaamic they had both been using, and that seemed to calm him down a bit. “Breathe. In… out… like that. You’re safe. You’re at the Land of Departure. Breathe.”

Vanitas breathed with him for about ten seconds. Then he looked up with tiger-sharp eyes.

“Get out.”

“But-”

“GET OUT! Or I’ll fuck you up so bad even _ Xehanort _ would weep over your remains!”

Terra backed up as quickly as he could, and when he was sure he was out of range, he turned and ran. He closed the arena door behind him.

He could hear Vanitas scream in the arena below. 

Terra collapsed against the wall and fell to the ground. It was hard to breathe. 

What was wrong with him? He made Vanitas have a flashback over a _ sparring match _. 

But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was that he looked down at a child pleading in terror and asked him to yield.

What was wrong with him?

This was bad. Terra knew he was ruthless, but this was worse than he could have ever imagined. He was no better than Xehanort. No, he _ was _ Xehanort. In that moment, Vanitas looked up, and that was who he saw.

Terra felt like he was going to throw up. He took a moment to swallow his bile and gasp for another breath. 

He was turning into Xehanort. The man was dead, but Terra was slowly taking his place.

But Terra could fix things. He could make sure that he was gone before the transformation was complete.

Ends of the Earth appeared in his hand.

“Terra?”

Hearing Ven’s voice made Terra drop Ends of the Earth as a new wave of despair hit him. 

“What’s wrong?”

Terra couldn’t even bring himself to look at Ven’s face.

“I messed up.”

Ven sat down next to him, back against the wall. “What happened?”

If Terra told him, Ven would never look at him the same way again. But then again, that was probably for the best.

“I made Vanitas have a flashback. Of The Nightmare.”

“I’m sure you didn’t-”

“On purpose.”

Terra wished he could squeeze the life out of himself.

“You scared him on purpose?”

Terra took a deep breath. Fessing up was part of his atonement.

“Yeah. I knew he didn’t like being touched, so I used that. I thought he would flinch.”

Ven put his hand on his shoulder. “If you had known, you wouldn’t have done that. You know that. You messed up. It happens.” Ven paused. “I did something like that once. Still feel bad about it.”

“But I _ don’t _ know that, Ven. Aqua did what she did in the arena because I didn’t want you to be afraid of me, but you should be. If I fought Vanitas again, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself from doing it on purpose to win.”

Familiar footsteps made Terra look up. 

Now Aqua was there.

“What happened?”

Terra’s breath stuttered at the thought of having to confess again.

“Terra made a mistake,” Ven said. “He scared Vanitas to win. But he’s not going to do it again.”

“You can’t say that for sure.” Terra’s voice was weak.

Aqua sat down on the other side of him. “Do you regret it?”

“More than anything.”

“Then you won’t,” Aqua said. “That’s why you’re training with Vanitas, right?”

Frustration welled up inside Terra. “You don’t understand! My darkness… it’s bad. I’m not the same person when it controls me.” Terra laughed bitterly. “I’m such an idiot. It took me more than ten years to understand why the guardian-king doesn’t like dark magic.”

“You’ll get past this,” Aqua said. “I know you will. Right now, it might feel impossible to control that side of you, but it is possible. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

Aqua didn’t understand how close she was to getting chopped in half. Terra was torn between wanting to make her understand and wanting her to never know. 

“I know you will, too,” Ven said.

Aqua let her head rest against his shoulder.

“Do you remember when you couldn’t cast a Blizzard spell?” she asked. 

Terra nodded. He could still feel the echoes of the frustration more than ten years later and after Aqua told the story more times than he could count.

“You tried everything. It felt like we dedicated an entire month of training to try and help you cast it. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but I gave up on you.”

Terra looked up. No, Aqua hadn’t told him that.

“I was really insecure then- you remember. I thought, ‘this is the one thing I can do that Terra can’t.’ I was frustrated that the Master didn’t give up on you, even when you gave up on yourself so many times. But you did it. And seeing you cast Blizzard for the first time was better than all of the satisfaction I got from you failing. That day, I promised I would always believe in you, and you’ve never let me down. So when I say I know you can do this, that this will be the last time you lose control, believe me. Just like I believe in you.”

“This is more complicated than Blizzard,” Terra said. “And I don’t even have a month. My heart is telling me that I have to have this mastered by the Darkners’ deadline. If I don’t…”

“You will,” Ven said. “I can feel it.”

Ven leaned his weight against Terra. 

Terra smiled. His friends were so beautiful. He didn’t know what they saw in him. 

Ven shifted. “I’m going to check on Vanitas.”

The name brought a fresh wave of guilt over Terra.

“Hey.” Ven poked him on the nose. “Did you apologize?”

“Not yet.”

“Then you’ll do that, and then you’ll make it up to Vanitas. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to fix this.”

Terra said nothing as Ven got up and walked into the arena.

  
  


Vanitas felt like fucking garbage.

This wasn’t a new development, but as he lay in the sand beneath the benches he had burned and hacked to pieces, the thought appeared like it was.

He clutched his hair as a new wave of rage flowed through him. All of his energy had left him around halfway through burning every single bench around the stupid arena, so he just had to hold on to himself and grit his teeth as the anger choked him.

What the FUCK was Terra’s problem? What the fuck made him think that was anywhere in the REALM of okay? That experience fucking sucked. It still fucking sucked, no matter how many times someone would brush against his body or close a door too loudly or move too quickly and he had to relive it over and over-

He coughed out a sob. Why didn’t he fight? If he had to relive it so many times, why did he never fight back? That fucking bastard had taught him how to sharpen fear into anger, so why didn’t it work when he needed it the most?

Vanitas didn’t want to think about it. He never wanted to think about the castle or anything in the past, but the stupid FUCKING Lightner decided to play dirty and make everything fresh again. Vanitas had seen how soft Lightners were, heard so much about how kind Terra was, noticed how much Ven worshiped the ground he walked on, and forgot that he had been in the hands of Xehanort for almost a year. In a way, it was Vanitas’s own fault for underestimating him.

Now that the wave of emotions had receded for the most part, he could appreciate what had happened. Terra had just fought dirty, nothing more, nothing less. Vanitas had done worse to countless people far more innocent than himself. He would have done the same thing a thousand times if the opportunity had presented himself. Even now, he was distantly taking note on how effective it was in case he ever got the pleasure of meeting the young bitch prince- king now- in combat.

Using trauma like that was really effective. Vanitas hadn’t felt that humiliated since- since the thing he didn’t want to think about but now HAD to because Terra was a total fucking bastard. Rage flowed through him again. 

Vanitas was mad at himself more than anything. He should’ve been able to avoid it. He was the Unversed, terror of the Realm of Darkness, the monster that parents were too scared to tell their children about, and here he was, throwing a fit in the middle of the arena like a fucking baby. The waves of emotions felt like ocean waves in the way they rocked Vanitas up and down, up and-

The opening of the arena door turned the anger to fear, and Vanitas got ready to bolt, but he relaxed when he saw who had come in.

Ventus didn’t call down to Vanitas like he would normally would. Did that idiot even notice him curled in the sand like a dead bug? He looked at the charred remains of the spectator benches more calmly than Vanitas would have thought possible. Ventus didn’t even acknowledge Vanitas as he walked down the stairs and into the arena. He laid down curled in the sand so he was mirroring Vanitas.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Ventus?” He asked it in a way that Ventus knew it was more of a _ how did you know shit got fucked _?

“I felt your pain in my heart,” Ventus said. “Yours, and then Terra’s.”

Ugh, Terra.

Vanitas wanted to tell Ventus what had happened. He wanted to see Terra’s pain when he realized Ventus knew what he had done. It would be the perfect revenge. But then his brother would be sad, and that would dampen any satisfaction.

He would wait for the opportunity to take revenge on Terra. For now, he had to stay focused on spiteing Xehanort every chance he got, even if that meant teaching that stupid fucking lug how to not be horrible when he went apeshit.

“How are you feeling?” Ven asked.

“Tired.”

Getting a flashback always drained him, and attempting to burn down every fucking bench in the room didn’t help matters. 

“Can I do anything to help? Do you want to just sleep here?”

Vanitas did, in fact, want to fall asleep right where he was, but he wasn’t very good at sleeping in the best of times.

“Of course your first idea would be to take a nap, you lazy ass.”

“I have a stash of pillows nearby.”

Vanitas laughed, because _ of course he did _. Most people had stashes of porn to jerk off to, black powder to snort, or alcohol to get drunk with, but Ventus had a stash of pillows.

Ventus smiled, and it made Vanitas feel a little better. It gave him enough energy to sit up and stumble to his feet. Ventus joined him and brushed the sand off his clothes and hair. Vanitas didn’t care enough to bother.

“No nap, then?” Ventus asked quietly.

“We don’t have time. The lesson isn’t over yet.”

Ventus narrowed his eyes. “It should be.”

“Relax, I’m not dumb enough to fight him again. We’re just going to talk.” Vanitas grinned. “That’s what you Lightners love to do. Besides, the best time to work with darkness is when you feel like shit.”

And Vanitas was always working with darkness.

“Can I watch?”

“No.”

Ven frowned. Vanitas swore he was trying his puppy eyes on purpose. “Why not? I want to be there for both of you.”

Ugh, what a sap.

“No. There’s going to be too much darkness. You wouldn’t understand and you’ll just get in the way.”

“I want to help!”

“If you want to be useful, find some books on controlling darkness or something- I don’t know. I promise not to kill him.”

Vanitas knew he’d regret making that promise, but it wasn’t one he could break.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Ventus said as he turned to leave. “And this wasn’t your fault, and it doesn’t make you weak.”

“Yeah yeah.”

“I mean it.”

Vanitas knew. It did help him feel better, but he would never admit it.

Right as he was at the top of the stairs, Vanitas said, “Ventus.”

Ventus turned. “Yeah?”

Vanitas didn’t have the energy to think of something sassy to say. 

“Thank you.”

Vanitas felt Ventus’s smile as much as he saw it.

“You’re welcome.”

Ventus left. After a minute, Terra came back in.

“You look like shit,” Vanitas called as he trudged down the stairs.

His eyes were red and his cheeks were covered in tear stains. He drooped and didn’t even look at Vanitas.

Void Gear could slice his neck open. Terra would probably be too guilty to fight back. He also had long legs- plenty of room for Vanitas to slice the artery on the inside of them. Vanitas could also stab him in the stomach; that would be beautifully ironic. Or, if he didn’t feel like using Void Gear, he could jam his fingers into his eye. That wouldn’t even kill him at first, but it would give Vanitas the opportunity to play with him more.

But if Vanitas had killed someone every time he thought about doing so, he’d be able to smell the stench of the corpses from Kingdom Hearts itself.

Terra bowed his head. “I’m sorry. What I did was wrong and unforgivable. I hope there is some way I can make up for it, one day.”

Vanitas looked up at Terra. He was at Vanitas’s mercy, and Vanitas had none-

-but Xehanort would want him to attack Terra, and he wanted to spite Xehanort more than he wanted to fuck up Terra. Besides, Xehanort had already done that.

“You can start by explaining what the fuck you were thinking during the fight.”

Terra’s voice was very quiet. “I wanted to make you flinch. I knew you didn’t like being touched and I wanted to use that to win.”

Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “You knew it would do more than that.”

“I don’t know if I did,” Terra said, “but I can’t say that I didn’t.” He looked up beseechingly. “What can I do to make sure it doesn’t happen again?”

“I’m getting there. You grazed me during the fight, but your Keyblade was too dull to even scratch me. That means there was a point in the fight where you didn’t want to hurt me and a point where victory was more important than anything else.” 

Shame practically dripped from Terra’s face, and Vanitas sighed in exasperation. He’d enjoy rubbing Terra’s mistake in his face later, but it was inconvenient at that moment. It reminded him of the time when Ventus looked like a kicked puppy every time he looked at Vanitas for two weeks, and he had barely tolerated that.

“What you did was clever. It was efficient. I might use it one day.”

Terra was horrified. “It was the dirtiest thing I could have done.”

“Dirty can be good. If Ventus or Aqua or the guardian-king was in danger, you would be right to do it. You just need to learn to be able to not play dirty when you use your darkness.”

“Can’t I learn to push the darkness down again? Can’t I learn to win without it?”

“Maybe if we had months and another teacher. But why would you want to, anyway? The darkness is powerful, and you fight well with it.”

Terra looked perplexed. “How do you control your darkness to prevent hurting people?”

Vanitas chuckled. “‘Control my darkness…’ I don’t think you understand. Look at my heart. What I _ am _ is darkness.”

He couldn’t hold back the laugh of exhilaration that ran through him when he saw Terra’s face. Finally, the lug got it- that blank-eyed, ruthless beast that Terra turned into was what Vanitas was all the time.

When was the last time he had been feared for what he was? He didn’t know how much he had missed the feeling until it was back. Finally! Vanitas wished he had told Terra earlier, because it was so satisfying to have anyone truly realize what he was, let alone a Lightner. 

“How… I don’t understand how you haven’t hurt anyone yet.”

Vanitas gradually stopped laughing.

“Not hurt anyone?” Vanitas repeated. “Do you even know who I am? You were in the Realm of Darkness for a year and you didn’t hear about me?”

“I only heard a little,” Terra said. “How do you not hurt Aqua or Ven?”

“I hurt Aqua and Ventus more times than I can count. But then it got boring. You’re hoping that you can get rid of the darkness through compassion and love, but what you have to do is harness the darkness to do what you want.”

“But that’s what caused this in the first place.”

Vanitas huffed. Time to change tactics. He sat down and gestured for Terra to do the same, which he did in that weird Lightner way with folded knees. 

“Who’s the one person you hate most in the world?”

Terra’s darkness reared, twisting his face into anger. “Xehanort.”

“Correct. Why?”

“What he did to you was unforgivable. There is no greater crime.”

He knew what Xehanort did to him? Fucking fantastic. That was exactly what he needed- more people knowing about the worst moment of his life. He made a note to interrogate Ventus and Aqua and see if they told him. 

“There are dozens of rapists out there, fuck, hundreds, but Xehanort is the worst. Why?”

“He hurt children.”

Frustration rose within him.

“Wrong answer. Tons of people rape children. Sometimes it’s even their own children. Try again- why is Xehanort the worst out of all of them?”

Vanitas could tell Terra was trying to control his frustration. “He’s not! They’re all equally horrible!”

“Wrong! He’s the person _ you _ hate most because he hurt _ you _.”

“But he didn’t hurt me! That’s the worst part!”

What? That didn’t make sense at all. Vanitas thought back to his first year with Xehanort-

-and then it did.

Terra continued, “Maybe it was because he thought we were the same. Maybe-”

“Are you talking about the rumor? The one that said you liked sleeping with little girls?”

Terra looked vaguely nauseated at the reminder. His pain made Vanitas smile.

“Yeah. It’s not true, but-”

“You think Xehanort stuck his hand down my pants because he was horny? Fuck no! He had whores for that- adult, female ones, in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t.”

Vanitas summoned Void Gear and counted every spike and edge as he spoke. Maybe that would keep the memory away.

“He did it because he knew it was the scariest thing he could have done. It was an act of pure domination- nothing more, nothing less. Understand?”

One spike. Two spikes. The eye that was not Xehanort’s staring back at him. The chains wrapped around the middle. Void Gear was as familiar as it was sharp.

“Yeah,” Terra said softly. “I’m sorry.”

Vanitas stabbed Void Gear into the sand. “We got off topic. You don’t think he did anything to you?”

Terra shook his head. “Aqua and Ven keep saying that he did. They think he cast a curse on me or something.” His gaze grew distant. “But I think they’re just looking for someone to blame for my mistakes.”

“They’re right. You’re wrong.”

Terra’s eyes focused on Vanitas again. “What? There’s a curse after all?”

“Not a magical one. But I don’t feel like explaining it. You won’t be able to control yourself until you hate him for what he did to _ you _.”

Terra ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t understand.” Ugh, shame was back on his face. “I’m sorry. I’m not very smart, so you’ll have to explain things a lot of times. I should have mentioned that before. If you don’t want to teach me-”

Vanitas whistled. “Damn, what an insidious bastard. Guess his method of controlling you was sneakier than I thought.”

Terra’s head shot up. “Controlling me?”

“Yeah. If my idiot brother hadn’t run away from home, you’d still be his bitch. Xehanort wanted to control you. And his methods for doing that are what fucked you up.”

Terra looked at his hands as if he were looking for invisible chains. 

“Okay, lesson’s over. Wait- you have homework. Think about how Xehanort might have controlled you while you were in Castle Oblivion. Now get the fuck away from me.”

Terra nodded his head and stood up. “Thank you.”

“Don’t lick my boots, just leave!”

He did.

The anger came back as Vanitas watched Terra retreat. He still got to walk away like nothing happened. Sitting down had given Vanitas enough energy to destroy the rest of the benches, so that was what he did.

At least he was thorough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Christmas gift (with less than an hour of Christmas left in my local time) to y'all: the first Vanitas POV chapter


	30. Case of Prince Xehanort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The young prince doesn't like Terra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: self harm, emotional abuse/manipulation

_ The young prince hated Terra almost immediately. _

_ He wasn’t impressed the first time he saw him at the exchange ceremony. He was tall and muscular, with Lightner hair and eyes. His Keyblade was big. He looked like the kind of dumb brute the young prince could defeat easily. _

_ But when they returned home, things changed. _

_ “Welcome, prince-knight Terra,” the king said with a smile. He turned to the dozen agents watching in front of the throne. “For the next year, Lord Terra will live among us as one of our own. Treat him with the same respect and courtesy as you would any of my sons.” _

_ The king gestured to the Lightner, who stepped forward with a nod.  _

_ “I look forward to learning from all of you.” _

_ If the young prince had to decide on a moment that he began to dislike the Lightner, it was then. There was something weird about him, too. The young prince couldn’t put his finger on it at the moment, but it made him even more obnoxious. _

_ “And we look forward to learning from you,” the king said. “The rest of you are dismissed. Come, Lord Terra; I will show you where you are to be staying.” _

_ “Yes… Your Highness.” _

_ The king chuckled in the way he did when he was pretending to be genteel. “None of that, now. The exchange forbids you from addressing me so properly. I want you to be as comfortable as possible during your stay here. You refer to Eraqus as, ‘Master,’ correct? I wish to be your teacher in the coming year, so you may refer to me in the same way.” _

_ “But you were referring to me with a title. Doesn’t that go against the rules of the exchange?” _

_ “Nonsense, my boy,” King Xehanort said with a smile. He had even switched to Akarian. “You deserve proper respect here. Now let me show you your room.” _

_ The Lightner still looked perplexed, like a little bitch. _

_ “Y-yes, Master.” _

_ They walked out of the room looking like a father and son. _

_ That’s when the young prince hated him. _

  
  


_ The young prince thought that he had hated him the first day, but the hatred kept being justified.  _

_ Terra was weird. His initial judgement was correct- there was something annoying in the way he just existed. He didn’t look anyone in the eyes, he was oblivious any form of conversation undercurrents, and he was just… irritating. _

_ Despite this, the king fawned over him like he was a child. The young prince couldn’t fault the condescension, but the affection was outright nauseating, especially considering that Terra lapped it up like a dog at a drinking hole. _

_ He counted the days until he could show his father what a weak little bitch Terra really was. Terra may have won their first round, but the young prince swore to kill him as soon as he was given the chance. _

_ The days passed as the young prince spent his time between his normal lessons and training. One day, the king called him in for a private lesson while Terra was on a mission from Xemnas. _

_ The young prince was extra thorough during his afternoon bath and spent extra time with his hair. It wouldn’t do to look sloppy in front of his father. Sometimes private lessons were pleasant. Sometimes they were unpleasant. Sometimes they were both. The young prince wouldn’t know which one it would be until it had happened. _

_ He was lucky- today would be a pleasant day. His father was smiling when the young prince entered his chambers, and it looked genuine, not a cover of displeasure. _

_ “Welcome, my son.” _

_ A pulse of joy fluttered through the young prince’s heart. He even spoke Zalaamic instead of his usual Common Tongue. It made him relax even more. _

_ “Thank you for the private lesson, Father.” _

_ It would be a very pleasant lesson. The young prince couldn’t stop smiling as he sat in front of his father. _

_ His father summoned his Keyblade, the beautiful blue one that they shared. He cut his own finger with it. Blood welled up on his hand and confusion welled up within the young prince. What was his father doing? The finger was hardly an ideal location to do such a thing. _

_ As the young prince watched, the cut healed like it had never existed in the first place. The only sign it had ever been there was the blood on his father’s palm. _

_ “The Realm of Light is our enemy,” his father said. “They are destined to fall. But if you are to be a good king, you must learn from your enemies and recognize their strengths. Light magic is an inferior art, but it does have several strengths. Healing magic is one of them. When you have mastered this skill, you will become unstoppable.” _

_ The young prince almost regretted wearing long sleeves. He rolled his right sleeve halfway up his arm. _

_ “How does it work?” _

_ “The Lightners say healing magic comes from compassion. They are incorrect, as they tend to be in most things. The truth is much more complicated. I will only show you how to heal yourself. Healing others requires that you lower yourself to their level, which you must never do as the crown prince of this realm and as my son.” _

_ “Of course, Father.” _

_ “If someone heals you, they are only attempting to use you. Do you understand?” _

_ Father meant people like Ansem, except those people wouldn’t announce their desire to manipulate him like Ansem did. The young prince nodded. _

_ “How do I use this magic? Which emotion is it associated with if it’s not  _ compassion. _ ” The young prince spat the last word derisively. _

_ His father made another cut. _

_ “Self-respect. Think of all the accomplishments you have made and forget about your mistakes. Once you think highly of yourself…” his father smiled, and at the same time, a faint green light emitted from his skin. The air smelled faintly of fresh grass. _

_ The young prince summoned his Keyblade, but his father blocked it with his own before the young prince could cut himself. _

_ “Do not cut the inside of your wrist or any other place with major veins. Start with a scratch on the outside of your arm. Nothing deeper yet.” _

_ The young prince swallowed a frustrated noise. Did his father think he wasn’t strong enough to handle it? He had handled far more severe injuries without a complaint. _

_ His father made a scratch on the outside of his wrist. It wasn’t even bleeding. _

_ “Heal that.” _

_ The young prince reached for his magic and thought of himself. _

_ Nothing happened. _

_ He thought of his position- he was destined to inherit the throne of the greatest realm that had ever graced Scala ad Caelum.  _

_ No glow. No scent. _

_ The young prince snarled in frustration. Terra could do this, and he was better than Terra in every way. _

_ Nothing.  _

_ “Why is this not working? Lightner magic is stupid. Lightners are stupid. How can someone as stupid as Terra do this?” _

_ “You seem awfully preoccupied with the Lightner lately.” _

_ The young prince set his jaw. “He’s the stupidest person I’ve ever met. And he’s weird.” _

_ The king gazed directly at the young prince.  _

_ “You are obsessed with telling him as much.” _

_ The young prince stuck his chin out. “And why shouldn’t I? I’m better than him in every way. Don’t you have better things to do than waste your time with that simpleton?” _

_ His heart started beating quickly. That last comment had crossed a line and insulted his father, and he knew it. He closed his eyes and braced himself for the strike. _

_ It never came. Instead, his father stroked his cheek and lifted the young prince’s chin. _

_ “You’re being envious, my son, but you have no need to be.” _

_ His heart was still racing, but elation flowed through him. _

_ “But you spend so much time with him,” the young prince said quietly. “You say he’s like a son to you.” _

_ His father smiled gently. “You are my true son, my heir. He is nothing more than a tool to me.” _

_ He was exhilarated. “He is?” _

_ “Why would I need another son? I have my heir. The only worth he has is as a weapon to use against the Lightners.” _

_ The young prince was practically too happy to speak. _

_ “Thank you, Father.” _

_ His father let go of his chin. _

_ “Don’t kill him. I need him alive.” _

_ “Yes, Father. I’ll keep him alive.” _

_ If the young prince ever got his hands on Terra, he would take his time with him. _

_ “And stay away from him. He is too beneath you for you to waste your time with.” _

_ “But Father-” _

_ “That was an order,” the king said. _

_ Some of the young prince’s elation died. “Yes, Father.” _

_ Why didn’t he want him near Terra? He was beneath him, and he had to know that.  _

_ But the young prince knew better than to disobey his father. _

  
  


_ Several months later, the young prince was taking his evening bath when something occurred to him. _

_ Ever since Terra had returned from that brothel, the entire castle was abuzz. The young prince didn’t understand the scandal behind Terra’s preferences, but Terra didn’t like being reminded about them, and that was good enough for him. _

_ The young prince had too much time to think thanks to the scandal, and when he thought too hard, he had to deal with his emotions. The emotional pain was chased away by physical pain and little else, but the process took too much time. Bathing was necessary, even if Ansem said he did it too much; a prince had to stay clean.  _

_ (Even if he never felt clean no matter how many times he bathed.) _

_ However, dealing with his emotions took more time than necessary. In addition, he had to deal with the aftermath. Long sleeves took care of the marks and scars, but bandaging them took time. The young prince knew more about time than anyone, and he knew that there were better things he could be doing with his time, like training or fighting. _

_ That was when the idea came to him: fighting caused pain, so when the emotions became too much, he just had to fight someone. He still had bruises from his last fight with Terra a week ago. The young prince could train and feel better at the same time. _

_ He got out of the water with a smile. His father had told him to stay away from him, but they wouldn’t need to talk if they fought. The king wouldn’t fault him for wanting to get stronger. He could make his father proud. _

_ The young prince felt extremely pleased with himself as he toweled off and applied fresh bandages to his arm. _

_ The young prince knew where Terra’s bedroom was, but he had never had a reason to approach it before. Would he even be in there? _

_ A knock on the door revealed that yes, he was. Naminé was in the room as well, but she raced away to hide from his gaze. _

_ The young prince couldn’t hold back a smile as he gazed at Terra. Gone was the stupid smile that used to always be on his face. It was replaced by hollowed cheeks and dead eyes. He wasn’t nearly as muscular as he had been when he first arrived, but he was still strong enough to hold that giant Keyblade of his, and that’s all the young prince cared about. _

_ “What do you want?” _

_ He had beaten all of the politeness out of Terra. The young prince’s smile widened. _

_ “Fight me in the arena.” _

_ “I don’t take orders from you.” _

_ “Call it a request.” The young prince wasn’t usually one to let his teeth show during a smile, but he couldn’t help it. “No killing. Fight to yield. No rules besides that.” _

_ He was going to refuse. Inwardly, the young prince grimaced. He could find a replacement, but no one hit as hard as Terra did or had as much of a reason to want to. _

_ “Okay.” _

_ The young prince tried to hide his surprise- not that the idiot would have been able to pick it up anyway.  _

_ “Meet me in the training field in an hour,” the young prince said. “It’s late enough that no one else will disturb us.” _

_ Terra didn’t even answer before he shut the door. It didn’t matter; he knew he would see him soon enough. _

  
  


_ The young prince would only let himself admit how good Terra was at fighting during a fight itself. It used to take a while to get him desperate enough to let his darkness control him, but in a fight against the young prince, it happened almost immediately. Terra was so much better with his eyes glowing gold: he was ruthless, efficient, and his Keyblade was always razor-sharp. _

_ Most nights it was a toss-up which of them would get more victories. They were close and rough fights. Both of them would shed their shirts almost immediately, even in the late winter. Sometimes, the fights would get so close that there were no Keyblades at all. They would wrestle with only their bare hands. Terra almost always won those fights, but they were still the young prince’s favorites.  _

_ The struggle and pain of each fight washed away even the thought of overwhelming emotions. _

_ The young prince always had a new bruise or cut to hide, and he relished in them, but Terra was usually free of them by the next fight. Was he healing himself? The thought filled him with white-hot envy. _

_ That envy fueled him on the fight they had the night before Xemnas’s birthday. The young prince forewent Keyblades entirely, and Terra wordlessly obliged. The more the young prince hit, the stronger his anger became, until it had blanked his mind. _

_ A punch to the face shook him out of it. The young prince berated himself- he had become the dumb beast Terra was. He was punished for it, too. The eye Terra punched began to swell. He had trouble seeing for the rest of the night. _

_ But the young prince smiled. Terra had come to the Realm of Darkness with so much light, preaching about softness and kindness, and now he was just as dangerous as the young prince was. Terra had been gradually returning to his soft ways over the past month, but his father had done something the night before Terra’s birthday that made him even harder. They had broken him. His father had shaped him to be a perfect tool. _

_ Terra won all of the fights that night, but the young prince didn’t mind. He was still smiling when they stopped for the night. He felt like the cat who had caught the canary. All of the softness had been torn from Terra, and the young prince was the one who did it. _

_ A cooling feeling on his eye stopped him in his tracks. There was the smell of fresh grass, and slowly, sight returned to his swollen eye.  _

_ He had been healed. _

_ The young prince looked at his own hands. Did he finally do it after all those months of frustration? _

_ He looked at Terra. He was narrowing his eyes in concentration and holding out a hand. _

_ No. _

_ It couldn’t be true. _

_ Terra had healed him. _

_ A prince could never let himself become too shocked for words, but when the young prince opened his mouth, nothing came out. _

_ “Why?” he finally managed to whisper. _

_ “You are cruel, spoiled, and vain. But I refuse to completely hate you.” _

_ The young prince thought back to his healing lesson with his father. Terra wasn’t smart enough to even try to use the young prince, so the only other explanation would be- _

_ The young prince scoffed. _

_ “You’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met.” _

_ “You’ve said that already,” Terra said. He was putting his shirt back on. _

_ “I say it because it’s true. Who would be stupid enough to heal their enemy?” _

_ Terra looked at him. “You’re not my enemy. We’re the same.” _

_ The young prince realized they both had been speaking in Zalaamic. _

_ Fury raced through the him in a way that made his anger during his fight pale in comparison. “How dare you lower me to yourself! I’m better than you in every way possible. Why does Father even look at you?” _

_ “You’re jealous.” Terra’s tone was more composed than it had any right to be. It pissed the young prince off. “It took me too long to figure it out- maybe I am as stupid as you say after all.” _

_ “I am not jealous! I have no reason to be! Father actually loves me. You’re nothing but a tool to him!” _

_ Hurt flashed across Terra’s face. The young prince knew he probably shouldn’t have told him that, but at that moment, it was all worth it. _

_ Terra narrowed his eyes. “You’re lying.” _

_ The young prince’s lips stretched into an unpleasant smile. “I would never lie about something as good as this.” _

_ “I don’t believe you,” Terra said simply. “Xehanort cares about me.” _

_ The young prince scoffed. “Keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night.” _

_ “Is that what you do?” _

_ The young prince felt like he had been punched again. Terra grimaced. _

_ “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” _

_ The young prince felt like he was getting sick from the whirlwind of emotions. “Don’t apologize to your enemy.” _

_ “You’re not my-” _

_ The young prince made sure to pack every bit of royal authority he had into his words. “I don’t want to hear it.” He shifted back into a smug smile. “I wonder if Father would find this as amusing as I do.” _

_ “I doubt it.” Terra said. “Good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.” _

_ The young prince was too overwhelmed to say anything back. He stewed in confusion as he walked to his father’s chambers. _


	31. Princess Kairi’s order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's an omniscient nine-year-old, what did you expect?

7 days until the Darkner deadline

Aqua was returning from a late dinner when Princess Kairi approached her.

“Take us to the Destiny Islands tomorrow. I miss Sora and Riku.”

Aqua crouched to her eye level.

“My lady, I don’t know if that’s going to be possible.”

“You said you’d take me back home for a visit before the rumor about Terra got here, and I’ve been needed ever since. It’ll only be for a day. We can take Mr. Cid’s ship again because he wants another test run and it can fit all of us.”

“All of us?”

“Well,” Princess Kairi said, “I think Ven and Vanitas and Roxas and Xion want to see Sora, and I want to bring Naminé. I think you and Terra and Axel should come, too.”

Aqua sighed. “The deadline is in seven days, my lady. Tomorrow it will be six. I don’t know if we have time to do this.”

Princess Kairi tucked her arms behind her back and smiled in the way she did when she wanted something. “It’ll be fun! The guardian-king is going to be consulting with the other six Princesses of Heart all day, and you don’t really need to train. There’s nothing you can do about the Darkners tomorrow, and I think it would be better if we all relaxed for the day. We can all return to the castle fresh and stress-free.”

_ Why is the nine year old our most powerful Diviner? _

The only reason she was in the position at such a young age was because she was so powerful, but still...

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?”

_ Why is the nine year old our most powerful Diviner? _

Aqua sighed. “Your wish is my command.”

“Thank you, Lord Aqua!” 

Princess Kairi kissed her on the cheek. Aqua cupped her face and kissed her on the forehead.

_ Suck up. _

Aqua got up to make plans.

“Oh!” Princess Kairi said before she left, “Before I forget- I already asked Cid. He said he’ll drop the Gummi Ship off in front of the castle an hour after sunrise. Good night!”

_ Why is the nine year old our most powerful Diviner? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be the last short chapter for a very long time. There are some really long chapters coming up...


	32. The clusterfuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you only open up about things when you’re trying to prove the Master wrong?”  
"Yeah, pretty much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: CSA mention

_ Ven was fidgeting.  _

_ Ven always fidgeted. Aqua told him that it was just how he dealt with the energy in his heart. Terra told him that he did something similar, sometimes, to calm down. Vanitas told him that it was annoying. _

_ Ven had gotten very good at ignoring Vanitas. _

_ But he couldn’t ignore him on this. _

_ “I told you it wasn’t Terra,” Vanitas taunted as they waited outside of the guardian-king’s study. _

_ Ven frowned at the letters in his hands. Vanitas was right. Whoever was answering their letters, it wasn’t Terra.  _

_ Aqua came up from behind them. _

_ “It’s not like you to call a meeting, Ven. What’s wrong?” _

_ “I’ll tell you in there,” he said. _

_ She smiled and put a hand on Ven’s shoulder. “You don’t need to be nervous about calling a meeting. It’s just me and the Master.” _

_ “Nope,” Vanitas said, “I’m not missing this clusterfuck.” _

_ “Everyone in the room will be supportive,” Aqua said. Her hand tightened on his shoulder. “And if they’re not, they’ll be kicked out.”  _

_ “I wish it was just stage fright,” Ven said. _

_ He had a bad feeling about the meeting, but he had to call it. _

_ The door opened. The three of them entered the study. Aqua and Ven stood at attention, while Vanitas took a seat like he was a spectator watching a game. _

_ “You had something to share, Ventus?” Guardian-king Eraqus asked. _

_ Ven pulled out the letters. “We’ve been writing to Terra for almost a year now,” he said, “but I don’t think he’s the one writing back.” _

_ Ven felt Aqua and Guardian-king Eraqus’s shock more than he saw it. He was too busy re-reading the letter for the damning passage. _

_ “I’ve been having a bad feeling about these for a while now,” Ven said. He hoped his voice wasn’t shaking. “And Vanitas had the idea of checking if it really was Terra.” Vanitas probably made some smug expression or gesture, but Ven didn’t see it. “So I did a test. I wrote ‘I’m eating crystal sugar cake, your favorite, and it makes me miss you.’” _

_ “But Terra hates crystal sugar cake,” Aqua said. _

_ “Exactly. But the next letter says, ‘I miss the sugar cake. I’m going to ask the chefs if they can make me one for my birthday.’” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus made the expression he normally made when he was losing at chess. “That’s not Terra.” _

_ “Even if he developed a sudden fondness for sugar,” Aqua said, “it’s not like him to go out of his way to request things for his birthday. He hates asking people for favors.” _

_ Vanitas whistled. “Damn, that was sloppy,” he said. “Xehanort’s usually better about knowing people like that. I expected him to trip up on the cake, but he must have been tired when he wrote that letter if he got something like that wrong.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus froze, then looked up at Vanitas with eyes that would have left Ven shaking harder than he already was.  _

_ “Pardon me,” he said in a voice as hard as Master Keeper, “but what, exactly, are you insinuating?” _

_ Vanitas laughed. “Insinuating? Xehanort is the one forging the letters. There’s nothing to insinuate.” _

_ “How dare you make such unsubstantiated accusations of your own king? I have tolerated your disrespect for a long time, but this crosses a line.” _

_ Vanitas stood up. “He’s your opposing king. Only he would have the resources and motivation to spend time doing this. Even if by some miracle he wasn’t the one directly responsible, there’s no way he doesn’t know about it.” Vanitas’s voice twisted in a way that even Ven could barely detect. “He knows everything that happens in that castle.” _

_ “This is why you didn’t want us to write about you in our letters,” Ven said. _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus’s tone shifted into something more controlled. “Ventus, you have successfully proven that Terra is not the one writing these letters. I even applaud your ingenuity, Vanitas, for creating the trap. But you have no proof that King Xehanort wrote these. He has been a close and personal friend of mine for more than fifty years. There is no reason he would do this. He is a good man-” _

_ Vanitas cut him off with a hyena laugh. Ven had heard a lot of Vanitas’s laughter over the past year, but this was the first time it had made his blood run cold. _

_ “You know, I call you Lighners stupid and naive all the time.” Vanitas’s voice was eerily still. “But this? This is  _ rich _ . Xehanort has been playing you for a fool for decades. I genuinely don’t understand how he hasn’t taken this realm as his own yet.” _

_ “That is enough!” Guardian-king Eraqus shouted. _

_ But Vanitas was not in the mood to listen to anything the guardian-king had to say. _

_ “You think you know him better than anyone in Scala ad Caelum,” Vanitas said. “You think that because he has fed you lies, you have a friendship that ensures a lasting peace across the continent. I know this, because it’s what he told me.” _

_ “Silence,” Guardian-king Eraqus hissed. It was a thousand times more effective than a shout. “Xehanort told me about you before you came. He sent you instead of a prince because he tried everything to get you under control, and I was his last hope. He perfectly described your insolence, disrespect for others, violent tendencies, and manipulative lying.” _

_ “All of that is true, except for the manipulative lying. He’s the liar! The only reason he sent me was because he knew that out of everyone in that hell, I was the one he had the tightest leash on! He broke me and made sure I knew I was his!” _

_ “You’re being dramatic,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. _

_ “DRAMATIC?” Vanitas roared.  _

_ Ven didn’t know why Vanitas said what he did next. Was it pure spite? Did it slip out accidentally? Was it the only way he knew how to call for help? _

_ His voice dropped to a deadly whisper. “That bitch raped me.” _

_ And then Vanitas fled. He was gone before Ven even noticed he was leaving. _

_ Ven’s heartbeat roared in his ears. It was the only sound in the room. _

_ “This cannot be,” Guardian-king Eraqus finally whispered. “He has to be lying.” _

_ “What is your heart telling you?” Aqua asked. Her voice was cold and distant. _

_ “There’s no proof.” His voice was weak and empty. _

_ “I saw it,” Ven said. The memory made him tremble. “Remember The Nightmare? The one that left me crying all night? It was that. And it was real.” _

_ “Oh, Ven,” Aqua murmured. She held out her arms, and he let her wrap him up like she could shield him from the world. _

_ Ven didn’t realize he was crying until his tears started to stain her shirt. _

_ “Get some rest,” Guardian-king Eraqus ordered quietly. “Gather your thoughts. In the morning, we’ll discuss this.” _

_ Aqua shuttled Ven to the nearest couch and laid down on it. He curled against her chest. She stroked his hair until he fell asleep. _

_ Four days later, the news arrived of a rumor saying prince-knight Terra liked little girls, and he would stop at nothing to get them. _


	33. The ethics of forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when your best friend is a monster?

“Come in,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“We’re having a beach day tomorrow,” Aqua said in lieu of a greeting as she entered Guardian-king Eraqus’s study. “Princess Kairi ordered it.”

Guardian-king Eraqus looked up from the tome he was consulting. “Now is an extremely inopportune time for such a thing.”

“She said you were going to be consulting the other six princesses all day tomorrow,” Aqua said.

“I suppose this is a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Guardian-king Eraqus said as he closed the tome and set it on his desk. “It would do you all well to rest. There is a limited number of things we can do before the deadline. You have my permission for this excursion. I hope you all enjoy yourselves.”

“I hope next time you can join us, Master.”

“As do I.”

Aqua was about to close the doors behind her when Guardian-king Eraqus spoke again.

“There is something I wish to speak to you about.”

Aqua turned back around. “What is it?”

Guardian-king Eraqus sighed. “Sit down, please. This will not, I think, be a pleasant conversation.”

Wonderful.

Aqua sat in the chair in front of Guardian-king Eraqus’s desk, back ramrod straight. 

“I was debating on whether to speak with you about this at all,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Perhaps it would be better to share it with one of the older Princesses of Heart. The situation is complicated, and I do not know if it is something you want to be burdened with.”

“I am your heir, Master. Your burdens are my burdens, or they will become so.”

“This, not so much,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “But I do believe it might be helpful to understand our current conflict with the Realm of Darkness.”

“Then I will hear it,” Aqua said. “No matter how hard it is.”

Guardian-king Eraqus took a deep breath. “Do you hate Xehanort?”

Aqua had a bad feeling about how the rest of the conversation was going to go.

_ Terra, lend me your patience. Ven, lend me your compassion. Vanitas, lend me your ability to cut through bullshit. _

“No,” she said. “I hate what he did, certainly. He tried to kill Ven and he assaulted Vanitas and he twisted Terra into a shadow of his former self. But he’s gone now. I feel no differently to him than I would toward a large, dangerous Heartless that has finally been defeated. I have no desire to waste my energy on hatred.”

Guardian-king Eraqus smiled sadly. “Aqua, my daughter, your answer is exactly what a guardian-king should say. You acknowledge the pain that has been caused, but do not give in to the temptation of letting it feed the darkness within you with hate.” He stood up and looked out the window. “As the guardian-king of the Realm of Light, you must be an example for all of your people. Few can strive to be as kind and good as a Princess of Heart, but the guardian-king is just flawed enough to be an attainable model of behavior. A guardian-king knows and struggles with the darkness, but it is their duty to choose the light. Compassion. Kindness. Forgiveness. Unconditional love.” The pale light of Kingdom Hearts reflected in his eyes. “Is it my duty, as a king of light, to follow the light completely, even if it defies reason?”

“Where are you going with this?”

Guardian-king Eraqus looked back at Aqua. “Light is unconditional love and forgiveness. Does that extend to Xehanort, even after all that he has done?”

_ No! No it does not! You can’t forgive him after everything he did! Do you not care what he did to Ven and Terra and Vanitas? How dare you? _

“I see the anger in your eyes, my child. It’s to be expected. But let me ask you this- what would you do if you had gone to Terra that day and found that the rumor was, in fact, true?”

“I don’t have to!” Aqua forced herself to calm down. “It  _ was _ false. Terra is a-”

“A good man? The way that I thought Xehanort was a good man?”

Aqua’s heart twisted.

“How dare you compare Terra with Xehanort?” she hissed.

Guardian-king Eraqus didn’t even flinch at her anger. “I am only trying to help you understand my position, child. Xehanort was the only one I could see as my equal. I thought I knew him, but we can never truly know another’s heart, can we? All we can do is trust that what we do not know is kind and genuine and good.”

Aqua closed her eyes and forced herself to imagine what she would do if Terra, in fact, was that kind of monster. What would she do if Naminé had looked up with her baby blue eyes and told her a completely different story? 

The night before Ven had left to Castle Oblivion, she was doing everything she could to avoid facing the possibility, because it would be a betrayal to doubt Terra. But if it were true…

She would deny it. She would try and find any explanation that would make it not true. Aqua was angry at Guardian-king Eraqus for doubting Vanitas for a second- they knew of the courage it took to make such an accusation (especially someone as proud as Vanitas), and that the probability of him lying was so slim it almost wasn’t even worth considering. He was the one who had drilled these facts in, as they were prince-knights, and believing survivors was part of their duty to protect people. But in his shoes, Aqua would do no different, even if the person pointing the finger was innocent little Naminé. 

She would accept it. Not immediately, but she would quickly, just as Guardian-king Eraqus did, as it was her duty. And then-

What in the world would she do? It was Terra. Her equal. Her brother. One of the two people she loved most in the entire world. And the price for hurting an innocent child in such a manner was an honorless death.

“I understand,” Aqua said. “It would hurt beyond imagine to accept it and the punishment that would befall him. But at least I would be able to face him about it. You don’t have that luxury, Master. Xehanort is nothing but a cold body now. Maybe he’s atoning in Kingdom Hearts as we speak, but we have no way of knowing. He left you with the burden of healing what he harmed. You have to deal with everything that he was, the good and the bad.” 

Guardian-king Eraqus practically collapsed back into his chair. “You say that, but you don’t know the good.” His eyes became distant. He switched into Akarian, but Aqua doubted that he noticed. “We met so long ago. I was the representative for the Realm of Light for the last exchange, and I met him in the Darkner castle. He wanted to help people. He said, ‘Everyone in power here abuses it, but I’m going to be different.’ I bow to the Princesses of Heart, and my prince knights bow to me, but there was no bowing between us. When you are guardian-king, it is so hard to find someone you can treat truly as equal. And he had so many ideas. It was a joy to just listen to him, because he was so much.” Guardian-king Eraqus closed his eyes. “He was beautiful.”

“Even if he was beautiful, he didn’t stay that way.” Aqua’s voice was as cold as the sea. “You have to let him go. If you want to forgive him, either as someone who loves him or as a bastion of forgiveness, then forgive him for what he did to you: the lying and betrayal. But you cannot forgive him for what he did to Vanitas or Ven or Terra, because it is not your place to forgive him for that. You have the right to be angry at him, even if anger is darkness, but you don’t have to be. Just let him go. He isn’t here anymore. He’s an event that already happened. It’s our job to deal with the pain he caused, not obsess over what could have happened. You have to move on.”

“But I loved him,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. A tear rolled down his face. “I don’t know how to stop loving him.”

“I know,” Aqua said. “Come here.”

He stepped out from behind the desk and walked over to Aqua. And then Guardian-king Eraqus, her father, her master, her king, was crying in her arms. Eraqus was just a person, a perfectly imperfect person, and Aqua loved every bit of him. And at that moment, Aqua really did hate Xehanort for treating the love of such a person so callously.


	34. Sora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ven runs into someone unexpected

_ Ven used to look forward to their annual beach trips. _

_ But Vanitas ruined everything. _

_ The Destiny Islands were at a strategically convenient location at the base of the continent, looking over all of Scala ad Caelum. It was tradition to meet the leaders of the Destiny Islands every year to see if they had any news or warnings. Although there were still talks between the leaders and the guardian-king, Ven thought it was more of an excuse for the guardian-king and prince-knights to take a yearly vacation. He didn’t complain... _

_ ...Usually. Vanitas was still making their life miserable two months into the exchange. Ven had accepted that the rest of the year would be similarly awful, and that included their trip to the Destiny Islands. _

_ “Princess Kairi’s family has provided us with accommodations this year,” Guardian-king Eraqus had said. “Be sure to be polite and respectful.” _

_ His comment was mostly directed at Vanitas, who ignored him. _

_ Ven collapsed on the bed in the room he was provided. He always forgot how rough the journey could be. Their Keyblade gliders were vital tools as prince-knights, as they allowed them to assist provinces in trouble relatively quickly, but traveling on them for days at a time was exhausting.  _

_ They were scheduled to arrive the previous evening, but Vanitas, as usual, caused them trouble. It took a week of almost straight instruction for him to manage to summon and use his glider. Vanitas could have fallen off or knocked Ven away all of those times on accident, but Ven knew better than to give him the benefit of the doubt. He had barely behaved well enough to be allowed on the trip in the first place. _

_ It was already afternoon. It was still occasionally chilly at the Land of Departure, so the tropical warmth sounded nice in theory, but it was so hot...  _

_ Oh, wait. The ocean was right there. _

_ Ven sprang off the bed and changed into his swimsuit as fast as he could. He shucked his shirt off and chucked it in the corner. He slammed the door of his room open and ran out. _

_ An arm caught him as soon as he left the door. _

_ “I had a feeling you’d run off to the beach first thing,” Aqua said. She was still in her traveling clothes and holding a jar. “And I knew you would forget your sunsalve.”  _

_ “Can you help me put it on?” _

_ Aqua smiled. “That’s why I’m here.” _

_ Together, they covered Ven’s skin in the salve in a matter of minutes. _

_ “Thanks, Aqua!” He kissed her on the cheek and raced to the surf, which was, blessedly, right in front of their rooms. _

_ He almost laughed in joy as the waves rolled over him. Ven didn’t know how long he ran through the water, but as soon as he was out of breath, he collapsed in the shallowest part of the surf, letting the water barely brush his skin. _

_ The sun was really bright here. Ven closed his eyes and felt its warmth on his skin. Somewhere, sea birds called over the crash of the waves. He could taste salt on his lips and smell it in the air. This really was an incredible place. _

_ A shadow fell over his face, and Ven instinctively rolled away and sat up. A pile of sand plopped down where his face was a second before. _

_ “Were you trying to drown yourself?” Vanitas asked in that stupid, snide, condescending way of his. “All you have to do is ask.” _

_ Vanitas just  _ had _ to ruin everything, didn’t he? _

_ Well, Ven wasn’t going to let him. He walked away and sat down in the shade of a nearby tree, determined to ignore him. _

_ Vanitas followed him. “I bet you ran down here right away like the child you are.” _

_ “I’m older than you. That means you’re a child, too.” _

_ Shoot, Ven was trying to ignoring him. _

_ “I’m the more mature one. Fuck, Roxas is more mature than you, and he’s seven years younger than us.” _

_ “Roxas tried to kill someone yesterday.” It wasn’t the worst dream Ven had ever had, but it wasn’t pleasant. _

_ “Like I said- more mature.” _

_ Ven huffed and rolled his eyes. He had seen Terra lean against the trunk of a tree a couple of times. Would that work on this tree…? _

_ “As I was trying to say, if you weren’t such a child, you might have noticed something about where we are.” _

_ Ven wanted to ignore Vanitas, but he wanted to know what he meant more. He stood up and scanned the beach and the surrounding huts. _

_ “It’s familiar, but I can’t place it,” Ven said. “I haven’t been here before, but it feels like I have. Do you know what’s familiar about this place? Did our family vacation here?” _

_ Vanitas scoffed. “Are you joking? We didn’t have that kind of money. There were five kids in the house. We were lucky if we got new clothes. Dumbass.” _

_ Grrrrrrr. _

_ “So how do we know it?” Ven asked again. _

_ Vanitas smirked. “Not telling.” _

_ “So you don’t know!” _

_ “Nah, I do. Just not telling.” _

_ “I don’t believe you!” _

_ Vanitas shrugged. “Whatever. You’re being such a kid about this.” _

_ “I’m being such a kid about this? The ‘I know but I’m not telling’ is the biggest kid move ever!” _

_ “Sure.” _

_ Ven tried to come up with a retort, but something caught Vanitas’s attention, which caught Ven’s attention.  _

_ “What is it?” he asked. _

_ Vanitas scowled. “Kids,” he said. “Coming towards us.” _

_ “Where? I don’t see them.” _

_ “That’s because they’re coming from behind you.” _

_ Ven stood up and followed Vanitas’s gaze. Behind the tree he was lying on, there was a patch of jungle brush. It rustled, but Ven couldn’t see anything. _

_ “Riiiiiiku,” a familiar voice called. “Where’d you go?” _ _   
_

_ Ven had never seen Vanitas stunned before. _

_ “Isn’t Riku one of Sora’s friends?” Ven asked.  _

_ “It can’t be,” Vanitas muttered.  _

_ A head popped out of the brush and almost fell on the tree Ven was laying on. It was attached to a child’s body, which hopped out of the way just in time, straightened, and looked at them. _

_ “Sora,” Vanitas said. His voice was more serious than Ven had ever heard it. _

_ Sora looked just like he did in their dreams: a nine year old with suntanned skin and eyes as blue as the sky. _

_ “Vanitas?” _

_ Before Ven or Vanitas could do anything, Sora ran up to Vanitas, but Vanitas caught him by the shoulders. _

_ Sora didn’t seem to mind. _

_ “It’s you! It’s really you! You’re okay!” _

_ Vanitas was squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth, but Ven could still hear his choked sobs. _

_ Vanitas was crying. _

Vanitas _ was crying. _

_ Sora was crying, too.  _

_ “I’m so happy to see you, Vanii.” _

_ “Vanii?” _

_ Sora turned his head. “Ven? You too?” _

_ And then Ven had a child wrapped around his waist.  _

_ “Hey, Sora,” he said. “Long time no see, huh?” _


	35. The beach episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone goes to the beach! Watch the CW, but it's mostly a fluff chapter I swear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: suicide discussion, suicide ideation

6 days until the Darkner deadline

When Ven pounded on Terra’s door that morning, Terra was pleased to discover his body was already used to waking up near sunrise again. It didn’t take too much coaxing to get him out of bed, dressed, and into the hallway, but Ven was practically hopping the entire way.

“You’re energetic this morning,” Terra said as he ruffled his hair.

“We’re going to the Destiny Islands today!”

“We are? But there’s only-”

“Six days until the deadline?” Aqua finished. “I know. Kairi insisted that we take our mind off of everything for the day. And the guardian-king is going to be meeting with the other six princesses all day.”

“She really has everyone wrapped around her finger,” Vanitas mused. They were all speaking Akarian, but his was more accented. 

“She’s our princess,” Aqua said. “Her word is our command.”

“Haha. Sucks for you.”

“Do you not want to go to the beach?”

“I never said that.”

After morning meditation, Aqua pulled Terra aside.

“I’m going to need your help wrangling children today.”

Terra raised his eyebrows. “Really? Ven’s not a kid anymore, and Princess Kairi is very well-behaved.”

“We’re taking the Gummi ship and half the castle,” Aqua said. “Besides you and me, we’re bringing Axel, Ven, Vanitas, Kairi, Naminé, Roxas, and Xion.”

“That’s a lot of people.”

“Yes,” Aqua said, “and most of them are under ten years old.”

“We could get Ven’s help, too,” Terra suggested.

Aqua shook her head. “Normally, I would agree with you, but putting him in Vanitas’s proximity makes them both de-age by ten years.”

“Would it help if we separated them?” Terra asked.

Aqua lit up. “Terra, you’re a genius.”

_ Hardly. _

“We also have Axel,” Terra said. “If you insist on considering Ven and Vanitas as children, that’s two children for each adult. I think that’s manageable.”

“I hope you’re right,” Aqua said. “Make sure everybody is ready and in front of the castle in an hour. Everybody needs a towel, hat, bathing suit, and an extra change of clothes. And a warm layer, in case it gets cold. They can wear their bathing suits under their clothes, but make sure they have an extra change of clothes. Oh- and make sure they bring something to do. If my estimations are correct, it’ll take two hours each way, and I do not want to deal with bored children.”

Terra nodded and tried to remember everything she said.

“Make sure they go to the bathroom before we leave!” Aqua called as he left to do her bidding.

They left almost an hour after the ship arrived, despite Aqua’s best efforts. Luckily, once everyone boarded the Gummi ship, things went more smoothly. Everyone, including Terra, stopped and stared at the giant glider. It was a mass of twisted metal, shining in the morning light. The interior was similarly impressive, with rows of seats and glass windows. 

“Vanitas,” Aqua was saying. “Stay with your brother. Help me keep track of him.”

“Fuck no! You can’t tell me what to do.”

And Vanitas walked to the other side of the ship, next to Roxas and Xion.

“That was impressive,” Terra said.

“I can’t do stuff like that all the time, or else he’ll catch on,” Aqua said. “But it can be surprisingly effective. Can you sit in the back and keep an eye on everybody? I’ll be driving the ship.”

“What should I do?” Axel asked. 

“Sit with Terra,” Aqua instructed. “Make sure nothing too crazy happens back there.”

“Yes, my lady.”

As soon as Axel and Terra sat down, Aqua started the ship up.

“Hey, Terra. It feels like forever since I’ve talked to you.”

Terra smiled. “It’s good to see you, Axel. How’s Saïx doing?”

“Ah, right, you weren’t in the room then. He goes by Isa now. Doesn’t want _ his _ influence anymore, you know?” Terra nodded gravely. “You can call me Lea now, but Axel works too. The bastard’s dead- he’s not claiming me any time soon.”

Terra wished he could feel the same. Xehanort was definitely dead, but Terra still felt like he carried the man with him like a robe he couldn’t take off. Did he do something to Terra? Was he becoming like him?

“Still brooding, hm?”

Terra snapped his eyes back to Axel’s face. “Sorry. I got distracted.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know the Realm of Darkness was rough on you. But, if it makes you feel better, you look a lot better.”

“I do? How?”

“I dunno. You look less tense. Guess it helps that the young prince isn’t around to bite your head off whenever he sees you.”

Thinking of Prince Xehanort always created a swirl of emotions in Terra’s heart: hatred, frustration, pity, and an odd desire to help the boy. And guilt. If he was smarter-

“Axel,” Roxas half-called from his seat in the front row, “we saved a seat for you. Why aren’t you sitting with us?”

Axel looked at Terra, but Terra smiled. “I can handle everyone here. They don’t need a lot of handling in the first place.”

Axel smiled back. “Thanks. Owe ya one.”

Within half an hour, almost everybody was asleep. From what Terra could see, Roxas and Xion were asleep on Axel, who was quietly talking with Vanitas. Aqua was meditating in the driver’s seat (maybe it was how she flew the ship; Terra had no way of knowing). In the row ahead of Terra, Naminé was sleeping on Kairi’s shoulder. Ven sat a seat away. Terra assumed he was napping until Kairi quietly spoke up.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty, you know?”

“Are you talking to me?” Ven asked.

Terra saw Kairi nod. “I can tell you’re blaming yourself for the situation with the Darkners, but you shouldn’t. A royal was always going to die. Xehanort was destined to be one of them. His cruelties would come back to destroy him one way or another. I just made sure he was the only casualty.”

“But if I was stronger-”

“You were exactly as strong as you needed to be then. Terra was always going to be there to save you unless I interfered.”

“What do you mean?” Ven asked.

Princess Kairi paused. “Princess Aurora told me that Diviners like me are the only ones who can actually change destiny because of our ability to see or sense the future. We see different paths, but the only difference between them is _ our _ actions.”

“But what about free will?” Ven asked. “Why doesn’t everyone else get to choose?”

“Destiny happens because free will exists. Ugh, it’s hard to explain, but… there doesn’t exist a timeline where Terra wouldn’t kill Xehanort to protect you, because that’s who Terra is. He would always make that choice, because to him, there was no choice.” Princess Kairi paused again. “Does that make sense?”

Ven must have nodded. “But why didn’t you stop me? It was my curiosity that started this, but if you had told me-”

“If I had prevented you from seeing Terra, there wouldn’t be a war, but only because Aqua would win it before it started. Well, her and Vanitas. I don’t know if I should tell you more details, but...”

Terra’s heart started racing. He didn’t want to know what would have happened if Ven hadn’t gone to see him, but he really didn’t have much of a choice without interrupting the conversation.

“Please tell me,” Ven said quietly. “If you can. I want to know. I think… I think it might make me feel better, if the alternative was really bad.”

“Okay,” Princess Kairi said. “If I had stopped you from seeing Terra, he would have confronted Xehanort about what he had learned. I don’t know what that is, but Xehanort would have told Terra that the Realm of Light didn’t want him back, so he was stuck serving him. Terra knew that if he served Xehanort, he would have to betray you and Aqua. The only choice he would have seen was to end his vow to Xehanort by making his heart return to Kingdom Hearts with his own hands. He would have turned his own Keyblade onto himself.”

Terra’s heart thudded in his ears.

Ven gasped. “But Terra would never do that.”

“I almost did.”

Terra didn’t realize he had spoken out loud until Ven peered over the seat. “Terra? You were listening? I thought-”

Guilt welled up in his throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened in.”

“It’s okay,” Ven said, “it’s just that I thought you were asleep.” He looked at Terra. “Why would you-”

Terra put his head in his hands. Nausea floated through him, and he forced himself to take deep breaths.

Ven hopped over the seat and leaned against Terra. “I’m sorry to make you think about it. If you don’t want to talk about it, we can think about something else.”

Terra’s hands became wet with tears. “I didn’t want to pledge loyalty to Xehanort. I didn’t want to, but he managed to convince me. I betrayed you. And then-” 

He felt nauseous again. 

_ Traitor monster Xehanort copy just DIE- _

“You would never betray us,” Ven said, “not really.”

“There’s only one way to be sure of that,” Terra whispered. “But it’s okay. I knew you guys would do alright without me.”

“No, they’d fall apart without you.” Princess Kairi’s words were casual, as if she were saying that the ocean was blue. “You three are a triangle. Without one, the other two fall apart. If you had died there, Aqua would have fallen into darkness. In her grief, she and Vanitas would have killed the entire Darkner royal family, plunging Scala ad Caelum into chaos.”

“Why Vanitas?” Ven asked quietly.

“Do you think your brother would ever turn down the opportunity to kill Xehanort and his sons?” Kairi asked.

“No.”

“If I had stopped Terra, Xehanort would have snapped your neck and Vanitas would have torn him apart with his bare hands. Xehanort was always going to die, I had to just make sure no one else went with him.”

Ven shivered. “I’m sorry you have to see all of these things.”

“Don’t worry,” Princess Kairi said. “I don’t remember seeing them. My heart does, but I don’t have to see it more than once, and I usually forget everything other than the facts.”

“That’s good,” Ven said. He turned back to Terra and grabbed his arm as if he could anchor him from floating away to Kingdom Hearts. “Don’t leave us. The only time you’re allowed to go to Kingdom Hearts is when the rest of us go, okay?” Terra didn’t answer. “I don’t care if you betray us. I don’t want you to die.”

Terra realized Ven was crying. He held out his arms, and Ven crawled into them and curled against his chest.

“I’m sorry. All I’ve ever wanted was to protect you.”

Ven sniffed. “Do you know how much it would hurt us if you… if you died like that?”

“I do now,” Terra said. He held Ven a little tighter. “I’m sorry. I won’t even consider it ever again. I promise.”

“Good,” Ven mumbled. “Thank you. Now let’s talk about something else.”

Terra looked at Princess Kairi. “What kind of things can you play at the beach?”

“Well, there’s volleyball, surfing, swimming…”

After about two hours of traveling, Aqua beckoned Terra over.

“There’s a jar of sunsalve in my bag,” she said. She didn’t move from her seat or open her eyes. “No one is allowed out of the ship until they have it on.”

Terra smiled. “Don’t want anyone else to live through the lobster incident?”

“Very few deserve such a fate.” 

The jar was near the bottom of the bag. Terra pulled it out and looked at Aqua. She looked serene and calm. Was she really capable of murdering four people for revenge? The Darkner royal family wasn’t exactly made of good people, but Xehanort’s sons didn’t necessarily deserve to be murdered in cold blood. And it was _ Aqua _, their moral compass and future ruler. Would Terra’s death really change her that much? 

“Sunsalve,” Aqua said again, eyes still closed. “I want it on before we land.”

“R-right.” 

Terra turned to the rest of the ship.

“What’s up?” Axel asked.

Terra held up the jar and pitched his voice to carry. “Sunsalve. You put it on your skin to prevent sunburn. Aqua won’t let anyone leave the ship without it.”

Ven stepped forward and shucked off his shirt. He grabbed a handful and began slathering it on. Vanitas stepped forward next. He must have been sunburned last time; why else would he cooperate? 

Roxas stayed sitting. “We don’t need it,” he said. “We’ve fought in the desert before. The beach is nothing to us.”

“Nope,” Axel said. “Put it on or stay on the ship.”

Roxas grumbled, but complied. Kairi had brought her own and was helping Naminé with hers. 

Confident everyone would be leaving the ship without incurring Aqua’s wrath, Terra looked out the window. The Destiny Islands were becoming visible amongst the bright blue sea. They looked… small.

“So, where are we going to land this?” Terra asked.

“I’m working on that,” Aqua said. “Get Princess Kairi over here. She might know where to go since she lives here.”

Terra did.

“How should I know?” Princess Kairi asked. “I’ve only flown once, and you controlled it that time, too.”

“Are there any large strips of land? Or is your heart telling you something?”

Princess Kairi thought for a moment. “Nope.”

“Okay,” Aqua said. Her voice sounded normal to Terra, but he knew that she was resisting the urge to strangle her as she walked back to Naminé.

Terra looked out the window again. “Can we land in the surf?”

“The ocean will carry the ship out.”

“I guess you can park it perpendicular to the shore, on the beach.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Hold on.”

And then the ship dropped like a stone. 

Princess Kairi shrieked. Axel did too. Terra held his ears with a wince.

“Aqua-”

“I’m doing the best I can. Please be patient.”

“Do you need help?” Terra asked.

“Not anymore. I found a spot to land. Make sure everyone is sitting down.”

“Understood.”

Everyone was already sitting after the first free-fall.

The second one still took Terra by surprise.

“Aqua-”

“Sorry!”

Despite the odds, they made it on the beach safely. Xion started pounding on the door.

“Let us out! I don’t want to die in here!”

Roxas and then Axel joined her banging.

Aqua’s eyes snapped open, and so did the doors. Axel fell forward and tumbled into the sand.

“Yup,” he groaned as he sat up. “I deserved that.”

Everyone else rushed out in an excited frenzy. Aqua stumbled out of the chair. Terra caught her until she managed to find her feet again.

“Do you want me to control it on the way back?” Terra asked.

“Ven already volunteered. I figured that since we were already late, I should be the one to lead it here since I’ve done it before. Now let me go. I want to leave this thing.”

“Not yet.”

“Why not?”

Terra held up the sunsalve jar with a cheeky smile.

“No one is allowed out of the ship until they have it on,” he said.

By the time Terra and Aqua left the ship, everyone had already started playing without them. Xion and Naminé were walking on the beach, Vanitas and Ven were splashing each other, and Axel was lying on his towel. Roxas and Kairi sat in the shade, scanning their surroundings.

The sun was hot on the sand. Terra shucked his shirt off.

A whistle caused him to flinch and look around. Was something wrong?

“Axel!” Aqua scolded as she nudged Axel with her foot. “Aren’t you married?”

“I also have eyes, and _ damn. _”

“Are you…” Terra sifted through his memory for the right term “hitting on me?”

“Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing.”

“The whole year? Why?”

Axel sat up. “To mess with you.” He sighed. “Guess it didn’t work.”

“Why me?” Was Axel bullying him the whole time, just like everyone else?

“Because you’re built as shit, man.”

Terra looked down. “I guess… but so is… Vanitas?”

“He’s sixteen. Besides, he’s a twunk.”

“The fuck did you call me?” Vanitas shouted from the surf.

Aqua put her hand on Terra’s shoulder and looked back at Axel.

“If he’s making you uncomfortable-”

“No, it just took me by surprise.”

Terra’s mind flashed back to a memory to one of their trips to the beach: Aqua broke someone’s hand, but Guardian-king Eraqus wasn’t even upset with her. It had confused Terra then, but he understood what happened now that he was older. 

“Good,” Aqua murmured. “People like that can get really creepy sometimes. Just let me know if anyone makes you uncomfortable.”

Terra smiled. “Thanks.” 

“SORA! RIKU!”

Terra looked in the direction of Kairi’s shout. Two boys about her age came running down the beach. Terra recognized the silver-haired one, but the brown-haired one was unknown to him. Kairi held out her arms and let the brown-haired one pick her up in a twirling hug.

“Kairi? What are you doing here?”

“To see you, silly!”

She kissed him on the mouth. Aqua made a startled yelp.

He must be Sora, Terra realized, because the other child was Riku. He looked like a younger version of Nixio. The realization made Terra’s head spin.

Terra wanted to ask if Riku remembered him, but after the rumors about him, he thought it would be better if Riku didn’t remember who gave him a Keyblade.

“Terra?” Riku asked.

Before Terra could respond, another commotion drew his attention.

“Roxas?”

“Sora!”

Roxas and Sora ran toward each other, meeting in the middle in a hug. They fit together like two puzzle pieces that had been missing from a box. Everyone else stopped what they were doing to watch the reunion.

“You’re here! You’re really here!” Sora spoke through tears. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Roxas said.

“How are you here? Is this a dream?”

“Nah,” Vanitas said as he and Ven came over. “We’re all here.”

“Vanii! Ven!”

Sora gave Roxas one last squeeze before giving Ven a quick hug and grabbing Vanitas’s hand.

“We are all here!” Sora exclaimed. “I can’t believe it.”

“That’s cuz we’re not really,” Roxas said quietly. “There were five of us.”

Ven grabbed Xion’s hand and brought her into the circle. “Xion’s number five.”

“What?” Roxas whispered. “No way.”

“Of course!” Sora exclaimed. “That’s why we dream about you.”

Vanitas’s face was so full of pain even Terra could see it, but before he could say anything, Xion went up to him.

“Guess I should call you Vanii now, huh?” 

“You really are the one I left behind,” Vanitas said quietly. He put his hand on her head. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Xion said. “Dad found me, and everything worked out in the end.”

Sora ran over to her and hugged her fiercely. “You’re our sister! That’s so cool!” 

Xion returned the hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Sora.”

“It’s good to meet you! Let me introduce you to everybody!”

Sora grabbed Princess Kairi and Riku by the hand and brought them over to his siblings.

“This is my girlfriend Kairi, but I guess you all know her already, and this is my boyfriend Riku!”

“Sora…” Riku mumbled.

As Sora continued the introductions, Aqua came closer to Terra.

“They’re really sweet,” Aqua said, “but isn’t Princess Kairi a little young to be dating?”

Princess Kairi must have heard that, because she whirled around and exclaimed, “But I’m old enough to run the Realm of Light?”

Vanitas laughed. “Damn, you got her there.” He looked at Sora. “Don’t worry about what Aqua says. She’s just mad that you have more girlfriends than she’s ever had.”

“That’s not true!”

Terra chuckled. “Gay awakening make-outs when you’re thirteen don’t count.”

“Whose side are you on?” Aqua yelped. “Besides, prince-knights aren’t allowed to date.”

Sora enveloped Roxas in another hug. Roxas returned it, and they went back to being two puzzle pieces.

“We already did this,” Roxas said.

“I knoooooow, but I’m so happy! And this is right in time for our birthday!”

“Oh yeah,” Roxas said, “that’s in two weeks.” 

“Fourteen days exactly!” Sora exclaimed. “You should come back to celebrate!”

“Or you could come to the Land of Departure,” Ven said. 

It amazed Terra how much they could think past the Darkner deadline when it hung over Terra’s head like a naked blade. Even when he was supposed to be taking a break, the uncertainty and fear flickered at the back of his mind.

Whatever was going to happen would happen in less than a week. Terra hoped that they would be able to celebrate Sora and Roxas’s birthday without a war waging in the background.

Ven plopped down next to Terra in the shade. He wrapped his towel around his shoulders, but his teeth were still chattering.

“If you’re cold, why are you in the shade?” Terra asked.

“Because it’s too hot if I stay in the sun.”

“Then don’t stay. Warm up, then come to the shade.”

“Oh yeah…”

Terra smiled at Ven’s retreating back. The sound of footsteps made him look to his right. Riku was walking towards him.

“Hey,” Terra said.

“Do you remember me?”

Terra smiled. “I was about to ask you the same thing. You’ve grown a lot since then.” He patted the ground next to him, and Riku sat down. “How have things been? Have you used the Keyblade since your boyfriend and girlfriend have one?”

“I’m not dating Kairi,” Riku said quietly. “We just share a boyfriend.”

“I see,” Terra said. “And what’s it like sharing a boyfriend with a Princess of Heart?”

“Sora talks about her constantly when she’s gone, and when she’s here, he showers her with affection. I don’t get it- why does she get to leave the islands and still get the majority of Sora’s heart?”

_ Why does Father even look at you? _

Terra didn’t want to think about the young prince at that moment, but he didn’t want Riku to turn into him, either. He turned to directly face him.

“You can’t let jealousy consume you. You have to be strong. Strength of heart will carry you through the hardest of trials.”

Riku looked down. “R-right.”

He needed to change the subject and banish the young prince from his thoughts.

“Do you want to leave the islands?” Terra asked.

“More than anything. It feels like I’m trapped here. I’ve always wanted to go with Kairi.”

“Maybe you can.”

Riku’s eyes snapped back to Terra. “Really? How?”

“I was younger than you are now when I started training as an apprentice prince-knight. You are one of the Keyblade’s chosen and you have a connection with a Princess of Heart. After this clears up, you and Sora can come to the castle as apprentice prince-knights.”

“But the Keyblade didn’t choose me. You did.”

Terra smiled. “If you weren’t worthy, Ends of the Earth would not have given you the Keyblade. I’m not a Diviner, but I saw strength in you. My heart has never been so sure about anything.”

“Thanks.” Riku smiled. 

“Riiiiku!” Sora called. “Where’d you go?”

“Your boyfriend’s calling you.”

Riku stood up. “Yeah, he is. I better see what he wants.”

It turned out that Sora wanted to play some kind of team game with Keyblades. He was paired with Roxas and wanted Riku to work with Princess Kairi. 

Xion walked to the shade near Terra and sat down. It was almost unnerving to see her by herself; she was attached to Roxas so much it was like she was his shadow. But now she was alone. 

“The number of brothers I have doubled in a week. So why so I feel alone?”

Vanitas had found Ven, and now they were kicking sand at each other. 

“I think I know how you feel,” Terra said. 

“Oh!” She exclaimed. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

“My bad. I thought you were talking to me.”

Xion scooted a little closer to Terra. “It’s okay. What were you saying?”

“I don’t remember anything about by blood family. All I remember is the guardian-king, and then Aqua. We fought a lot when we were younger.” He chucked. “Aqua once beat me with a pillow so hard I cried. But once Ven came, we got really close. We stopped fighting. He brought us together.” Terra frowned. “I never put much stock in blood family, but Vanitas has a bond with Ven I can’t understand. It feels like I’m being…”

“Replaced,” Xion finished. “I know it’s not fair, but I can’t help but keep thinking that I was just a placeholder for Sora, and we’re all related. I don’t want to be left behind.” A cool breeze flowed through the trees. “Ven said Vanitas wants to be my brother, but I don’t get why. I don’t know him. He doesn’t know me, not really. Does he just feel guilty that he left me behind? Because I’m not mad. The last time I saw him in Castle Oblivion, he attacked me, and now he wants to be my brother? I don’t get it.”

“I can’t answer for him,” Terra said quietly. “You’ll have to ask him. As far as I can tell, blood family is just an excuse to connect with people. It creates the bond, but we have to choose to strengthen it. That’s what gives family meaning.”

Ven came running towards them as if he was being summoned. Vanitas was chasing him. Ven slid to a stop and hid behind Terra like he was a shield. 

“Hiding behind Terra is cheating,” Vanitas said. 

“You’re the one who said there are no rules in war,” Ven retorted. 

“Hmph. I’ll get you eventually.”

Vanitas walked away. 

Ven collapsed into the sand, chest heaving. “You’re a lifesaver, Terra.”

Terra smiled. “Any time.”

When Ven caught his breath, he sat up and looked at Terra. “Do you think the guardian-king would let Roxas and Xion and Sora be apprentice prince-knights?”

Xion looked at Ven. “Would he?”

“I don’t see why not,” Terra said. “They’re part of the Keyblade’s chosen.”

Ven grinned. “That’s awesome! Then we can be together like this all the time! We’ll be like one big family.”

Aqua, Vanitas, and Axel were racing down the sand with Kairi, Sora, and Roxas on their respective backs. Naminé and Riku seemed to be acting as referees in the odd game. Vanitas moved his foot out to trip Aqua, and they both stumbled, leaving Axel room to trot to the finish line almost uncontested.

_ One big family, huh? _

Terra smiled.

At some point, Keyblades were summoned and sparring matches began. Princess Kairi beat Sora, which she was very excited about, and Xion beat Roxas, but she didn’t seem to care too much. Everything seemed to be going well until Riku fought Roxas and learned the hard way that Roxas didn’t dull his Keyblade when he sparred. They both looked equally unhappy about Riku’s win by default. 

“Let’s play something else,” Aqua suggested.

Axel scooped Roxas up and put him on his shoulders. “CHICKEN FIGHT!”

“What’s that?” Aqua asked.

“Uh… you’ll see.”

Something tapped Terra’s back. He turned; it was Naminé.

“Can you partner with me?” she asked. “You’re the only one tall enough to fight Axel.”

“Sure,” he said, “but you’ll have to tell me what we’re doing.”

They followed Axel into the water until Naminé had to swim and Terra was waist-deep in it. He lifted Naminé onto his shoulders and faced Axel and Roxas.

Axel got into a fighting stance. “The only rule is that whichever rider falls off first loses. You ready?”

“Yes,” Naminé said. “Don’t go easy on me, Roxas.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Roxas said.

“Let’s go,” Axel said.

He ran at Terra, but Terra pivoted so the sun was at his back. Axel squinted.

“No fair,” he whined.

“Only one rule,” Terra said with a cocky smile. 

Axel and Roxas lunged at them. Terra caught Axel’s leg with his foot and swept it. Roxas and Axel went tumbling into the sea.

“Yes!” Naminé cheered. “Way to go, Terra!”

Axel pulled Roxas out of the water. He looked like a wet kitten.

“No fair,” he whined. “Terra did all the work.”

“Don’t worry, Roxas!” Ven shouted. “I’ll avenge you.”

Axel looked down at Ven. “Nope. You’re way too big for me to carry.”

“Aw, come on!”

“I got you, Ven,” Aqua said, striding through the water. “Terra won’t be able to pull any cheap tricks on me.”

Terra widened his stance. “We’ll see about that.”

He was usually confident in his stability, but the waves were shifting his center of balance around. Aqua sensed his instability and lunged. Terra managed to keep his balance, but he had forgotten about his tiny passenger. Ven pulled, and Naminé fell off of Terra’s shoulders with a yelp.

Naminé popped out of the water before Terra could even reach down.

“Thank you for not going easy on me,” she told Ven.

“No problem,” Ven said with a smile.

“I’ll give you a ride back to the shore,” Terra said.

Naminé smiled. “Thanks!”

As they reached the shore, Ven whooped. “We’re the champions! No one can defeat us now.”

“We’ll see about that,” Vanitas said.

Terra still felt guilty about what he did to Vanitas, and Vanitas definitely hadn’t forgiven him, but they looked at each other and were instantly united by their common desire to take Aqua and Ven down.

“Let’s do this,” Terra said.

He grunted in exertion as he stood with Vanitas on his shoulders. “You’re heavy.”

“You have no right to call anyone heavy,” Vanitas retorted.

Aqua widened her stance. Ven held his arms wide.

“Let’s go,” Aqua said.

Vanitas grabbed Ven’s arm and tried to throw him off, but he anchored his weight by wrapping his leg around Aqua. Terra tried to take advantage of her shift in balance, but she regained it quickly and grabbed him. He barely managed to avoid her reversal.

They stood there, locked arm and arm, waiting for someone to slip up. Terra moved his foot forward-

And then he was in the water. He popped his head up to find that Aqua and Ven had been knocked over as well.

“Stupid fucking wave,” Vanitas grumbled. 

Aqua laughed. “The ocean won that one. Rematch?”

The sun dipped into the water, dyeing the sky a rainbow of reds and oranges. Everyone stopped and looked at it for a moment before beginning their goodbyes.

Princess Kairi gave Riku a hug and Sora a kiss on the cheek.

“See you soon,” she said.

Sora nodded with a smile. Naminé and Princess Kairi boarded the Gummi ship.

Sora barely looked at Roxas before they grabbed each other again. Terra had a feeling they wouldn’t let go until they had to. 

Terra looked at Riku.

“The next time I come, I’ll bring you to the Land of Departure. You two will be great prince-knight apprentices.”

Riku smiled. Sora was too busy with Roxas.

Tears ran down the twins’ faces.

“I’ll be back soon,” Roxas said. “I promise. We can spend our tenth birthday together.”

“You’ll be back before then,” Sora said with a smile. “I can feel it in my heart.”

“I love you,” Roxas whispered.

“I love you too,” Sora whispered back.

Aqua poked her head out of the Gummi Ship. “Ven’s ready. We have to leave now.”

Xion took Roxas’s hand, and Riku took Sora’s. They didn’t pull the twins apart, but they didn’t let go of each other easily. Axel put his hand on Roxas’s shoulder and guided him up the ship. Terra brought up the rear, making sure everyone was clear of the closing doors.

Roxas ran to the window, dragging Xion with him. He was waving.

Ven was seated in the front, eyes closed and fingers dancing over his knees.

“Project yourself into the glider,” Aqua instructed. Terra could tell she was exhausted, but she kept her voice steady and patient. “Let it become an extension of yourself the way your Keyblade is.”

The ship lifted. 

“I’m doing it!” Ven exclaimed.

Aqua smiled. “Your heart will know the way home. Let me know if you have any questions or need me to take over.”

“Right!”

Terra looked out the window. Riku was holding Sora, who was still waving at them. Roxas waved back until the Destiny Islands were nothing but specks in the ocean.

When they finally returned to the Land of Departure, everyone was asleep. Terra nodded off, Naminé was curled in his lap, and even Aqua had fallen asleep in the chair next to Ven. It was funny to have a situation where Ven was the only person awake.

“We’re back,” he said quietly.

Aqua got up, stretched, and ruffled Ven’s hair. “Good job,” she said. “Tomorrow, if you want, you can give it back to Cid.”

“Can’t I do it now?”

Aqua gestured to the sleepy faces slowly opening their eyes. “At least wait for everybody to disembark. Besides, we have to clear the dinnerware out.”

Ven looked at the plates and utensils in a pile and strewn throughout the inside of the glider.

“Tomorrow’s good.”

Terra touched Naminé’s head. “We’re back.” She stirred with a grumble. “Do you want me to carry you to your room?”

“Thanks,” she said quietly.

He scooped her up. She buried her head into his shoulder.

“Terra,” Aqua groaned.

“What?”

Aqua was looking down at Princess Kairi’s sleeping form. “Never mind. It’s not too much trouble.” She woke Princess Kairi. “Do you want me to carry you back to your room?”

“I’m too old for that,” Princess Kairi grumbled.

Aqua smiled. “Nonsense. You never get too old for that. Sometimes Terra and I carry Ven back when he falls asleep.”

“Baby,” Vanitas said from behind Terra.

“You’re just jealous,” Ven retorted.

“Okay,” Princess Kairi said. 

Aqua scooped her up. Near the back of the Gummi Ship, Axel had already gathered a sleeping Roxas in his arms. Ven went up to Xion.

“Do you want a piggyback ride to your room?” Ven asked. “I can’t carry you like they can, but-”

“Sure.” She was the only one of the children that sounded even slightly awake.

Together, Aqua, Terra, Ven, and Axel carried the children back to the castle.

“Aqua?” Princess Kairi murmured.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yes, my lady. Thank you. I think you were right- we really needed this.”

“I’m glad. And I told you so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fluff, because next chapter... well...  
You'll see


	36. Case of Vanitas the human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas and his family  
Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: incidental deadnaming/misgendering, war, parental death, violence, physical abuse, CSA

_ The best part of having four other siblings, Vanitas thought, was that he was allowed to choose favorites. _

_ Ven was his most favorite, of course. He was his twin, his other half, his built-in best friend. It almost wasn’t fair to compare everyone else. Ven was his favorite person, period. _

_ Sora was his second-favorite. His hair made him look like a mini-Vanitas, but it was more charming than irritating. And he was such a lovable kid; it was impossible not to love him. Everyone doted on him, and he doted on everyone else. He doted on Roxas the most. Vanitas understood, from one twin to another, even if Roxas was kind of a brat. With everyone showering attention on Sora and Shio, it made sense, but Vanitas was the one who had to deal with it, because Ven sure wasn’t assertive enough to tell him off. Shio was quiet, even for a four year old. He didn’t even have a personality yet. Maybe he’d grow one once Dad and Hikari stopped babying him. _

_ Vanitas clipped the last sock to the clothesline. It was cloudy and muggy and late in the day, and he would still rather be anywhere else than doing the laundry. Luckily, he just finished. _

_ “Hikari! Dad! I finished the stupid laundry.” _

_ Dad looked up from the vegetables he was cutting. “Don’t get into any more fights and I won’t make you do all of it by yourself.” _

_ Vanitas huffed. Those jerks were being mean to Ven, what else was he supposed to do? Besides, he won fair and square, even without his Keyblade. _

_ Hikari looked up from her sewing. Shio had been watching her deft fingers move until Vanitas had entered. _

_ “If you’re done with the laundry, I don’t see why you can’t go outside,” Hikari said with a smile. _

You’re not my mom.

_ “Vanii, can I come?” _

_ Vanitas didn’t even look down at Shio. “No. Can’t you play with Roxas?” _

_ “He said he wanted to play by himself.” _

_ “Then watch Hikari sew.” _

_ “Vanii…” _

_ Vanitas ran off before Hikari or Dad made him take Shio along. He slowed to a walk once he was a few houses away. If he knew anything about his brother (and he knew everything about Ven), he would be reading underneath that tree by the city walls. Vanitas didn’t get how he could read for hours on end. Vanitas had climbed the tree so many times he could do it blindfolded. There wasn’t much else to do. He didn’t get why Ven liked reading so much when he could be playing or practicing with their Keyblades out of sight from everyone. _

_ He didn’t know when he realized something was wrong. Was it the silence in the city that was normally bustling? Was it the scent of smoke through the air? Was it the crumpled building he saw? Or was it just his heart putting all of it together to scream that something horrible was happening? _

_ Vanitas started running again. He had to find Ven. He was smart and could tell him that nothing was wrong and everything was okay. _

_ The second Vanitas turned the corner, he froze in his tracks. Heartless were everywhere. They were pouring from a gaping crack in the city wall, coalescing into giant towering monsters that lurched through the streets. _

_ Ven’s tree was up ahead, towards the Heartless. Vanitas summoned the Kingdom Key and ran towards it. Mom had told them never to summon their Keyblades in public unless it was an emergency, but this definitely counted. _

_ “VEN! WHERE ARE YOU? VEN?” _

_ He cut through Heartless on the way. Vanitas had never fought a real Heartless before, but he knew that these were only the small ones, and if he didn’t find Ven soon, he wouldn’t be able to kill them so easily. _

_ Finally, he made it to the tree- _

_ Or where the tree was. The entire park had been reduced to a smoking crater. _

_ “VEN!” _

_ Vanitas looked around, but there was no sign of his brother. Maybe he was back home. Vanitas had never run so fast in his life. He ignored the Heartless clawing and snapping at his heels. The entire time, he shouted Ven’s name, but there was no response. Even the wind had died. _

_ “Dad!” _

_ Dad, Hikari, and Shio were in front of the house. _

_ “Vanitas!” Dad shouted. _

_ And Vanitas opened his mouth to ask about Ven, but before he could, something whizzed through the air. Vanitas never got to see what it was, but he saw it hit their house, and he saw the cascade of rubble fall in slow motion. _

_ One second, his family was there. The next second, there was a pile of what used to be their house. _

_ Vanitas stumbled forward on uncertain feet. Was… was that real? What happened? Did it really happen that fast? _

_ Their bodies were almost completely buried. He couldn’t even see Dad’s face, but the half of his body that was sticking out was unnaturally still. Hikari’s face was stained with blood, and her eyes were completely blank. Vanitas had never seen a dead body before. It made him feel more numb. _

_ Something twitched from below Hikari’s body. Vanitas knelt closer. Was she still alive somehow? _

I’m sorry, Hikari. I’m so sorry. I’ll be nicer to you, I promise, just still be alive. Please.

_ A tiny hand popped out from underneath her. _

_ Shio. _

_ “Shio!” _

_ Vanitas pushed Hikari’s body out of the way. The lifeless way _ <strike> _ it _ </strike> _ she moved made his stomach turn. _

_ Shio pushed himself out from underneath Hikari. His blue eyes were glassy. _

_ “Vanii?” _

_ Vanitas grabbed his arms and pulled. Shio shrieked. _

_ “My leg!” _

_ Shio started crying. He was almost out from under Hikari, but there was rubble pinning his left foot to the ground. His breaths came out as tiny whimpers. _

_ What was Vanitas supposed to do? _

_ Mom would have known. If she were still alive, she would have protected them with her Keyblade. Dad was dead. Vanitas didn’t have to look at his body again to know that. And Hikari… Vanitas had been so mean to Hikari, saying that she wasn’t their mother, but she had given her life for Shio. Vanitas swallowed. _

_ “I’m sorry,” he murmured. _

_ Shio cried. _

_ What was he supposed to do? _

_ There was a scream. Vanitas turned his head. _

_ Roxas was running forward. “Dad? Mom?” _

_ “Roxas, they’re dead.” Vanitas’s voice was flat. _

_ “What? No.” _

_ “Roxas?” Shio croaked. _

_ “Shio!” Roxas knelt down. “Vanii says Mom and Dad are dead, but that can’t be true, right?” _

_ “Mmnm.” _

_ “Roxas,” Vanitas said, “look up.” _

_ Hikari’s heart was slowly floating upward. It glowed softly, like a lantern. Dad’s heart emerged not long after. The three of them watched the hearts float closer, until they were almost touching, as they spiraled higher and higher. It was beautiful. _

_ Vanitas wanted to look away. Death had no right to be this graceful. But he refused to tear his eyes away until the bright spots of their hearts became indistinguishable from the thousands of others watching from the sky. _

_ Roxas started crying again. Shio joined him. _

_ What was Vanitas supposed to do? He stood and looked up at Kingdom Hearts. His Keyblade came to him unbidden. _

_ Mom was dead. Dad was dead. Hikari was dead. Vanitas was the only one who could protect what was left of his family. Ven could help once he found him, but for now, it all fell on Vanitas. _

_ Vanitas felt the Kingdom Key change. He held it out in front of himself. _

_ It was red and black, with tarnished chains wrapped around the center and blank eyes staring back at him. The teeth of the Keyblade was a gear, as if made from a broken clock forever frozen in time. Void Gear. That was its name. _

_ If this had happened even a day before, it would be a happy day. They would all celebrate and Vanitas would brag to Ven forever for having a differentiated Keyblade first. But any joy at all felt like a distant memory. Vanitas looked back down at his brothers. _

_ “Listen to me,” he said. “We need to get Shio out from under the rock. Roxas, take his hands. When I say ‘go,’ I need you to pull him as hard as you can. Do you understand?” _

_ Roxas looked up and sniffed. _

_ “Do you understand?” Vanitas repeated. _

_ “Y-yeah.” _

_ “Repeat it back to me.” _

_ “Pull Shio when you say ‘go.’” _

_ Vanitas nodded. “I’m counting on you.” _

_ Vanitas went to the rock. It was the size of an oven. He knew he was strong for an eleven-year-old, but it didn’t budge, even with all of his strength. When he swung Void Gear at it, it just bounced off. _

_ A flurry of emotions rushed through Vanitas. He felt all of the despair and hopelessness and grief he had been pushing back. It rushed through him like a wave. _

_ With a feral scream, Vanitas swung Void Gear aimlessly. A wave of dark energy shot from it, crushing the rock to gravel. Roxas pulled Shio easily away from the rock’s remains. _

_ Vanitas stabbed Void Gear into the ground and leaned on it, breathing heavily. _

_ “Shio, your leg…” _

_ He got up and knelt down at Shio’s side. His leg wasn’t just broken, it was crushed, swollen, and colored in ways Vanitas didn’t even know skin could be colored. _

_ “I’ll carry you,” Vanitas said. “Can you get on my back?” _

_ “Don… don think so.” _

_ Vanitas scooped up Shio. He gritted his teeth. Shio’s deadweight was heavier than he expected, but he managed. He stumbled away from the ruins of their home, Roxas at his heels. _

_ Screams and explosions filled the air. Heartless dragged through the streets, leaping at any people they could find. As Vanitas watched, a black, shadowy mass slithered into a house. There was a short shriek before the mass moved on. It was bigger than it was when it entered. Vanitas picked up his pace, hoping they wouldn’t notice them. _

_ Another explosion made him look up. Through the thick clouds of smoke, he saw glowing hearts stream into Kingdom Hearts en masse. The sight made the breath catch in his throat, but he bit his lip and kept moving. _

_ He turned the corner. Behind him, Vanitas saw a pair of guards swipe at a pack of Heartless. They were fairly efficient, but for every one they cut down, two more took its place. _

_ They barely made it a few blocks further before a swarm of Heartless cut off their path. It was a wave of the smaller ones. Their yellow eyes glowed in the pale stormy sunlight. _

_ Roxas shrieked. _

_ “Vanii, I’m scared.” _

_ Vanitas set Shio down and summoned Void Gear. He was already panting, but seeing the Heartless creep closer sent a fresh wave of energy through him. _

_ “Summon your Keyblade, Roxas. Don’t let them touch Shio. I’ll keep them away.” _

_ He leapt at them with all of the fury and sorrow in his heart. The wave was gone in minutes. Vanitas practically collapsed when the last one fell. _

_ “Vanii!” _

_ Roxas’s shout made him stumble to his feet. _

_ “I’m okay.” _

_ He crouched back to Shio’s side. His chest was heaving and his muscles were screaming. He couldn’t keep this up for much longer. _

_ Vanitas’s heart twisted. He knew what he had to do, and the thought of it made tears fill his eyes. He blinked them away and looked up. _

_ ...There. The bakery. _

_ Vanitas had never used the Keyblade to open a locked door before, but this was an emergency. He picked up Shio and stumbled inside. _

_ “Vanii?” Roxas asked. “What are you doing?” _

_ The bakery was empty. There was still food on the shelves, but there was no one inside. There were a few glowing coals in the oven, but they were fading quickly without anyone to tend to them. Vanitas draped Shio gently behind the counter. _

_ “Can you summon your Keyblade?” _

_ Shio’s eyes were glazed. Vanitas doubted he heard the question. _

_ “Vanitas!” Roxas shouted. “What are you doing? We have to go!” _

_ Vanitas clenched his teeth. “We have to leave him.” _

_ “No!” Roxas grabbed Shio’s hand, as if he could bind himself to his little brother. _

_ Shio blinked. A little more focus swam into his eyes. _

_ “Don’t leave me,” he pleaded. His words were weak and soft. _

_ Vanitas blinked tears from his eyes and gritted his teeth. He placed his hands on either side of Shio’s face. _

_ “I’ll come back for you, I swear. But you have to stay safe until then. Can you summon your Keyblade?” _

_ Shio reached out his hand. The Kingdom Key flickered into it. He smiled at Roxas. _

_ “It feels like holding your hand.” _

_ Vanitas swallowed back more tears. _

_ “I’m coming back for you. But until then, if you see any Heartless, hit them with your Keyblade. Can you do that for me?” _

_ Shio looked up. “Please hurry.” _

_ “I’ll be right back. I promise.” _

_ Roxas looked up beseechingly. “Vanii, please.” _

_ Vanitas looked into Shio’s eyes for what he hoped, more than anything, wouldn’t be the last time. _

_ “I love you.” _

_ He had never meant those words more. _

_ Vanitas and Roxas ran through the streets as fast as they could, which wasn’t very fast between a five year old and an eleven year old. The Heartless were more manageable without having to worry about Shio, but Vanitas didn’t know where to go, and he knew that they couldn’t fight forever. Roxas’s energy was already waning. _

_ They turned into a street blessedly empty of Heartless. Vanitas heard explosions and saw the black mass of shadow headed for the city center, far from where they were. Aside from the faint sound of explosions and screams, the streets were eerily quiet. Vanitas knew why, but he shoved his fear aside to focus on the pounding of his and Roxas’s feet. _

_ A third pair of footsteps caught Vanitas’s attention. He turned, Void Gear drawn and pointed. _

_ It was an old man. He was bald and hunched, but his golden eyes were sharp and glittering. He looked like a Darkner, but that didn’t mean anything in Radiant Garden, the center of Scala ad Caelum. _

_ “A Keyblade,” he rasped. _

_ The man was powerful. Vanitas knew it in his heart. _

_ “Please,” Vanitas said, “help us.” _

_ The old man took them to the center of the city. By the time they had gotten there, the inner walls were nothing but ruins. Huddles of people were clustered around here and there. Vanitas scanned them, but he didn’t see Sora or Ven. Where were they? _

_ There was a little girl about Shio’s age curled in a corner. The reminder made Vanitas’s heart twist. _

_ “You can and your brother can stay with Naminé,” the old man said. _

_ “Roxas, you stay,” Vanitas said. “I have to go back for Shio.” _

_ The old man narrowed his eyes. “Be careful,” he said. “The battle is over, but there may be stray Heartless.” _

_ The second Roxas had sat down with the girl, Vanitas turned and ran. He didn’t know how he was going to bring Shio all the way back, but he would do it. It would be possible if the battle really was over. _

_ The streets blurred together. Vanitas let his heart guide his racing feet back to the bakery. He didn’t know how long it took, but he could feel every second and every breath. _

Please be there please be there I’m so sorry I’m so sorry please be there I love you please be there please be there please-

_ He burst through the bakery doors and looked around wildly. _

_ “Shio?” _

_ Vanitas looked. Shio was gone. _

_ He took a shaky breath. He was too late. The Heartless had gotten to him, just like they had gotten to- _

_ “Ven!” _

_ Ven and Sora were still out there. Maybe they had found Shio and taken him somewhere safe. Maybe they were waiting somewhere. _

_ “VEN! SORA! SHIO!” _

_ Vanitas crawled through the city, shouting his brothers’ names until his voice was gone. The sun slowly set, and a cold chilling wind cut through Vanitas’s bones. He crawled through every street and gutter of Radiant Garden until he had made his way back to the city center. _

_ The second he saw Roxas curled in the corner with the other girl, all of the energy drained from him. He felt too tired to feel anything. All Vanitas could do was hug his last brother to his chest and fall into a dreamless sleep. _

_ Vanitas awoke to his shoulder being shaken by a small hand. His eyes flew open. Everything from the day before came rushing through him in a tidal wave of grief. Vanitas clenched his teeth, squeezed his eyes shut, and shoved it away. He didn’t have the time to deal with it now. _

_ He sat up. Roxas did too. The girl from the day before (Naminé, that was her name) looked down at them with sad eyes. Vanitas wondered if they all had those eyes now. _

_ “The king told me to wake you up." _

_ “King Ansem?” Vanitas asked. “What’s happening?” _

_ Naminé shook her head. “King Xehanort.” What was the Darkner king doing in Radiant Garden? Naminé must have seen his confusion, because she added, “He was the one lead the attack. The Central Kingdom is part of the Realm of Darkness now.” _

_ “That’s not how it works,” Vanitas said. “Just because he took the city-” _

_ “Fa-King Ansem surrendered. We’re Darkners now.” _

_ Vanitas let the news sink in as he looked around. It was a cloudy, gray morning, just like the day before. There was the scent of smoke, but he couldn’t tell if it was woodsmoke or the city burning. Survivors were talking quietly in groups. Vanitas looked around, but none of them looked familiar. Roxas was the only child he could see other than Naminé. Everyone else was an adult. Was that- no, it couldn’t be Dad. Dad was dead. Vanitas shoved the grief back again. _

_ “Why did the king want us awake?” he asked. _

_ “Because I wanted to speak with you,” a familiar voice rasped. _

_ It was the old man from the day before, the one that had taken them to the center of the city. Vanitas didn’t see where he came from, but he was right in front of them now. Naminé shrank back. Vanitas jumped to his feet. _

_ “I apologize for not introducing myself properly yesterday. I am King Xehanort of the Realm of Darkness.’ _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes as rage flowed through him. It was his fault. All of it: Shio, Sora, Dad, Hikari, the city’s destruction, _ Ven _ \- _

_ “I’ll kill you!” Vanitas snarled. _

_ Void Gear came to his hand. He leapt at King Xehanort. _

_ He was on the ground. Vanitas cried out in pain as his body smacked the cobblestones. King Xehanort loomed over him. He was holding a black Keyblade that looked at him with a giant, unblinking eye. _

_ “Vanii!” Roxas cried. _

_ “Don’t test my patience, boy,” King Xehanort said. “Hear what I have to say. I think you’ll be interested.” _

_ “You killed my family. You killed Shio!” Vanitas’s voice shook. Behind him, he heard Roxas gasp and start to cry. “The only thing I’m interested in is your life!” _

_ He looked into King Xehanort’s eyes, and that’s when he knew. _

_ Lightners could see the future, sometimes, with the light in their hearts. Vanitas wasn’t a Lightner, but the weak light in his heart spoke to him with such certainty that he didn’t doubt it for a second. _

_ Vanitas was destined to kill this man, the one who had razed his home and ripped his innocence away and taken Ven from him. King Xehanort was his. _

_ “Will you hear what I have to say?” King Xehanort asked. _

_ “Fine,” Vanitas said quietly. “What do you want?” _

_ “You still have family left,” King Xehanort said, gesturing to Roxas. He was still crying. Vanitas didn’t want him to find out about Shio like that, or at all, but he wasn’t getting anything he wanted lately. “But you are only a child. You have no means to feed or clothe or house yourselves. The world is not kind to orphans. If you do not find a place to stay, it will take the last of your family from you. Come with me. You can stay with me, and I will take care of you and your brother.” _

_ “What’s the catch?” Vanitas wouldn’t trust him as far as his weak arms could throw him. _

_ King Xehanort pointed to Void Gear. _

_ “A Keyblade is a rare gift. It would be squandered if you died alone in the cold. If you come with me, I will teach you how to use it.” _

_ “As your servant?” _

_ “You can be my student, and I will be your master. You will become strong.” _

_ Mom was dead. Dad was dead. Hikari was dead. Shio was dead. Ven was… gone. Sora was gone. It was Vanitas’s job to take care of Roxas now. He could become strong. And if he got the opportunity to avenge his family, he could take it. _

_ All he had to do was sell his heart. _

_ “Alright,” Vanitas said. _

_ “Vanii, no!” _

_ King Xehanort held out his hand with a smile as wide as a feeding snake’s. “Excellent.” _

_ Vanitas hesitated, but took it. King Xehanort helped him off the cobblestones. _

_ “Get ready. We’ll leave for the Realm of Darkness in an hour.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

  
  


_ Vanitas didn’t think King Xehanort would be a kind master, and he wasn’t, but he was consistent. Every morning, Vanitas would be woken by a Heartless (it took him months to get used to it without his heart racing in his chest at the sight of the cold, yellow eyes) and hurried to the dusty training ground outside of the castle. King Xehanort ordered him to run laps or hold stances before disappearing into the castle. He always returned the second Vanitas was done. Vanitas knew better than to cut any corners, even if he couldn’t see the king watching. _

_ After breakfast, he would have to read a book about politics or history or tactics or something equally boring that made him long for the simplicity of his old schoolwork. It didn’t help that King Xehanort would randomly switch into different Lightner or Darkner languages and expect Vanitas to keep up. Then it was more laps and stancework or agility training under the brutal heat of the desert sun. He often didn’t summon Void Gear at all until the sun was setting, and he wasn’t even allowed to hit the dummies. Sometimes, after training, a grumpy old man in red robes would ask him questions and take notes. He tried looking at them once, but it was just numbers and runes he couldn’t decipher and didn’t care enough to try to. _

_ Despite the toil and hardship, Vanitas never complained. He wasn’t stupid enough to tell Xehanort which parts he hated most. Whenever his muscles gave way (which was often), he would remember what Xehanort did to his family, and something in him would provide the energy he needed to finish what he needed to do. _

_ Once the sun set and Xehanort dismissed him for the night, he would shovel as much food in his mouth as he could stomach and collapsed into his bed. Roxas would chatter about his day until they fell asleep. Sometimes they would mourn together, but less and less as time went on. _

_ A month later, they had their first dream since the fall of Radiant Garden. They saw Sora, playing with a boy named Riku and a girl named Kairi. He was smiling. _

_ Vanitas and Roxas woke at the same time. Roxas was crying, and there was a smile on his face. _

_ “He’s okay,” Roxas sobbed. “He’s alive!” _

_ Vanitas smiled for the first time in a month. “I’m so happy he’s okay,” he said. _

_ And he was. _

_ He ignored the swell of jealousy he felt towards Roxas. At least one of them got their twin back. _

  
  


_ Shio was dead. _

_ Vanitas knew this. He forced himself to accept it the second he returned to the bakery and found nothing there. _

_ So who was Xion? _

_ She had Shio’s eyes and his hair and his voice; fuck, she almost had his name. Roxas wouldn’t stop talking about her, like he had already replaced Shio with her in his heart. Every time he heard her speak or even saw her, it was like he was back in the bakery again, looking into Shio’s glazed eyes, hearing him plead for Vanitas not to leave him. _

_ Maybe it was his punishment. Maybe Shio had gone to Kingdom Hearts and returned as Xion just to remind Vanitas what he had done. He deserved no less. _

_ And, of course, he had to dream about her. Because that was what he deserved. _

  
  


_ Four months after his family had been destroyed, Vanitas dreamed about Ven. _

_ He was lying down on a bed in a room with a window. He was unnaturally still, and his face was paler than usual, but he was breathing faintly. _

_ “VEN!” Vanitas screamed. _

_ He had never been lucid during the dreams about his brothers. He was only able to process them after he woke up. Maybe this was a regular dream, not a familial dream. _

_ But Ven was right there, and he was breathing. _

_ “VENTUS!” _

_ There was no way Ven could hear him. If it was a familial dream, everything had already happened, and if it was a regular dream, it didn’t matter anyway. But he swore he saw his eyelashes flutter. _

_ “Wake up, Ven! Open your fucking eyes!” _

_ Nothing, not even a flutter. His breaths looked even shallower. Vanitas was terrified each one might be his last. _

_ “Don’t you dare die on me! You can’t leave me, not you too! Never you not you anyone but you, please! WAKE UP!” _

_ Ven’s eyes shot open. They were blank, but they were his. Vanitas was overwhelmed with hope and shock and fear- what if it wasn’t real? _

_ “Ven!” _

_ Ven blinked. _

_ “Can you hear me?” _

_ Ven’s breath stuttered, like he was trying to take a deeper breath. _

_ “Stay alive, Ven. I’ll see you again. I promise.” _

_ Ven blinked. _

_ The image started to fade. The dream, if that was what it was, was ending. _

_ “I love you.” _

_ Vanitas’s eyes shot open. Beside him, Roxas’s did the same thing. _

_ “Ven’s alive!” _

_ Vanitas’s hands tightened on the sheets. “He better be.” _

  
  


_ “Again.” _

_ King Xehanort’s voice was cold. _

_ Vanitas did the strike sequence again for what felt like the thousandth time. They had started training at night, as well, and Vanitas learned to relish the fact that the desert was as cold at night as it was hot during the day, even if the cold burned his lungs more than the heat ever could. _

_ “You’ll stay out here all night if that’s what it takes to get it right. Again.” _

_ Vanitas gritted his teeth and put every bit of his concentration into his strikes. He timed his breathing, swung his hips, pivoted his feet, and moved his Keyblade like he was asked to. _

_ “That was almost passable. I suppose. Begin your cooldown sequence.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ He ran his lap and began his stretches. _

_ King Xehanort hadn’t left. _

_ “Fuck,” Vanitas whispered. _

_ His heart was just starting to slow down, but the realization made it beat faster than it had when he was doing the strike sequences. His hands shook as King Xehanort walked towards him. _

_ Vanitas had been doing his arm stretches, but he started doing his leg stretches. It was better to get the worst part out of the way first. He hissed as Xehanort put his clammy hand on his legs and pushed down, way past where it was comfortable. Vanitas focused on his breathing and tried to ignore how tense the feeling of his hands on his body felt. He swore that Xehanort made him hold the stretches twice as long as normal. _

_ “I can do this myself, Master.” _

_ “You don’t push yourself enough when you do it yourself. I didn’t pluck you from the gutter just to have you getting lazy on me.” _

_ He pushed harder, and Vanitas had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying out. _

_ Like all bad things, it ended eventually. The relief only lasted until the sickening realization that it would happen again. Vanitas waited until Xehanort left before shakily getting up and stumbling back to his room. _

_ That night, Vanitas scrubbed his skin, but it was hard to get the feeling of Xehanort’s clammy hands off of where they had touched him. _

  
  


_ “You’re the one who watches Roxas during the day.” _

_ Axel turned around. “And you’re his brother. Do you need something?” _

_ Vanitas pointed Void Gear at him. “You better take care of him. If anything happens to him, I’ll make you wish it had happened to you.” _

_ Axel raised his eyebrows before throwing his head back and laughing. “I can’t believe this. I’m getting the shovel talk from a kid.” _

_ Vanitas bristled. A dark miasma coated Void Gear. “Do you think I won’t do it? You know who my master is. Don’t be stupid enough to underestimate me just because I’m still a kid.” _

_ “Relax.” The humor was gone from Axel’s voice. “The king himself ordered me to take care of him. I’m not stupid enough to disobey a direct order. Got it memorized?” His sharp smile softened into something genuine. “Besides, Roxas is a good kid. I don’t want anything to happen to him either. I’ll keep him safe.” _

_ “Good.” _

_ Vanitas dismissed Void Gear and stalked away. _

  
  


_ “You did a good job today, Vanitas.” _

_ Vanitas looked up. The light of Kingdom Hearts was shining on Xehanort’s face, making his smile visible. It was softer than the smug ones or the condescending ones that Vanitas had learned to fear. He was speaking in Common Tongue, too, which he rarely did with Vanitas anymore. _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Why, of course. Your form is improving rapidly. We can move on to the next stage of your training soon. You are ready to start working with the darkness.” _

_ Vanitas couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face. _

_ “Really?” _

_ He didn’t need King Xehanort’s approval. He killed his family, he hated him, of course he didn’t need it or want it. But it meant that Vanitas really was getting better, and that Xehanort was starting to trust him, and soon he would be able to find Xehanort’s weak spot and kill him. _

_ “It won’t be long until I can begin passing down my secrets to you.” _

_ Vanitas’s heart sped up. Excitement rushed through him. _

_ “Secrets?” _

_ King Xehanort’s smile grew. “I’ve learned many secrets of the Keyblade. I cannot stay in this world forever, and neither of my two sons have the gift. It is my only wish now to pass on what I have learned to someone worthy to receive them. I see the potential of strength in you. If you keep working hard, you will become worthy enough to receive them.” _

_ Vanitas bowed his head. “Yes, Master.” _

_ He smiled all the way back to his room. _

_ He didn’t need King Xehanort’s approval, but the satisfaction it gave him didn’t hurt, either. _

  
  


_ Ven didn’t remember him. _

_ Through the dreams, Vanitas saw him slowly begin to wake up and re-learn how to move his body and swing his Keyblade the weird backwards way. But he never said anything about his past and kept his eyes glued to the man and the woman- Terra and Aqua, he learned. The only other person he really saw other than the occasional young woman was an old man Ven called “Master.” _

_ It was okay. He would remember eventually. Ven loved him. He wouldn’t just forget him like that, not that easily. _

  
  


_ Half a year later, Vanitas was sitting in the mess hall, eating breakfast with Roxas, when Prince Xemnas stepped in front of everyone. His back was ram-rod straight and he was in his best robes. He wasn’t wearing the crown he normally always wore. _

_ “My father’s youngest son has made his way to us,” he said in a monotone. “He is to be crowned as the heir to the throne tonight. Missions and training will be canceled today to celebrate.” _

_ “You don’t look very celebratory,” Vanitas called. _

_ Roxas smiled, but he was smart enough to hide it from Prince Xemnas. _

_ Prince Xemnas shot him a look, but Vanitas didn’t even blink. One of the best parts about being King Xehanort’s apprentice was that he was the only person Vanitas had to answer to. _

_ “That is all,” Prince Xemnas said before walking off. _

_ A new prince, huh? _

_ “I don’t get it,” Roxas said. “How is Xehanort going to crown a baby?” _

_ “He’s not a baby,” Vanitas said through a bite of his oatmeal. “The master leaves his kids in the desert when they’re born. They have to make their way to him in order to get the throne, and the youngest one is the most worthy. That’s why Xemnas is so pissy. Whoever this new prince is, he took Xemnas’s place as heir to the throne.” _

_ “That’s stupid, though,” Roxas said. “Who leaves their kid in the desert? Wouldn’t it just kill them?” _

_ “Nah,” Vanitas said. “It makes ‘em strong. Three of them made it. Damn, the master must have been _ busy _ .” _

_ Roxas looked up. “What do you mean by that?” _

_ Vanitas ruffled his hair. “I’ll tell you when you’re older.” _

_ “Vanii…” _

_ Vanitas laughed. _

_ “Do you want to play today?” he asked. _

_ Roxas’s eyes lit up. “Really?” _

_ Vanitas shoved the last of his breakfast in his mouth. “‘Course. I haven’t gotten to see you in a while, and there’s no training all day.” _

_ Roxas got up and tugged at his hands. “Let’s go!” _

_ He got a ball and some chalk, and they spent all day playing games they taught each other. Roxas liked seeing all of the crazy tricks he could do after his training with King Xehanort. _

_ Although Vanitas didn’t know it then, it was the last time he would get to play with his brother in a very long time. _

_ Just before sunset, a Heartless came up to Vanitas with a note with the king’s seal. Vanitas’s heart sped up. _

_ “What is it, Vanii?” _

Come to my chambers. There’s someone I want you to meet.

_ “Note from the king. He wants me.” _

_ Fuck, he was sweaty from playing and didn’t even have any nice clothes. King Xehanort would want him to look nice and be on time. Even if he ran, he’d be too late and too dirty. _

_ Maybe he didn’t have to run. Vanitas stretched out his hand and concentrated. To his delight, a corridor of darkness opened straight to the bath. _

_ Roxas grabbed his hand. “Vanii, what about your cloak?” _

_ “I don’t have one.” _

_ “Axel says we have to wear them for protection in the corridors of darkness.” _

_ “So that’s what they’re for,” Vanitas mused. “It’s fine. King Xehanort doesn’t wear it. He’s strong enough to not need it, so I won’t either. Besides, he’s never told me I had to use it.” _

_ “Just be careful, okay?” _

_ Vanitas smiled. “I promise.” _

_ He bathed in record time and slipped on his cleanest tunic and pants. He raced up the stairs to King Xehanort’s chambers, straightened his clothes, and knocked on the door. _

_ King Xehanort opened the door with a smile. He looked excited. _

_ “Welcome, Vanitas. You’ve cleaned yourself up, excellent. Before I introduce you, put this on.” He held out a pile of clothes, which Vanitas took. _

_ They looked like the robes Prince Xemnas had been wearing, except simpler. _

_ “These are for me?” Vanitas asked. _

_ “Why, of course. This is a very special day, and everything must be perfect. Go on, try them on.” _

_ Vanitas blinked. “Here?” _

_ King Xehanort sighed. “Don’t be so modest. If you insist, I’ll turn around.” _

_ Vanitas slipped on the robes as fast as he could without tearing them. When they were on, he looked down. Huh. They looked pretty cool, actually. And the shoes had spikes on the heels. If Vanitas kicked someone with them, they could do some serious damage. _

_ “Have you finished?” _

_ “Uh- yes, Master.” _

_ King Xehanort turned around. “Excellent. Now, follow me.” _

_ King Xehanort lead him to the bedroom next to his and knocked on the door. A boy opened it. _

_ He was about Vanitas’s age, with long, silver hair and fine features. He was wearing a finer version of Vanitas’s robes. The crown of the heir was on his head. _

_ “Vanitas, meet my son, Prince Xehanort.” _

_ Vanitas raised his eyebrows. “Why the fuck does he have your name?” _

_ Prince Xehanort narrowed his eyes. “It is a great honor.” _

_ His voice was filled with derision. Everything about him, from his pretty-boy face to his condescending posture to the way King Xehanort smiled at him like he was perfect, it all pissed him off. From the way Prince Xehanort frowned, Vanitas knew the feeling was mutual. _

_ His opinion of the young prince only got worse from there. _

_ Much worse. _

  
  


_ King Xehanort’s good mood didn’t last long. At least it didn’t last long with Vanitas. _

_ “My son’s been at the castle for less than three months and he’s already perfected this strike,” King Xehanort said. _

_ Of course that young bitch had to have a Keyblade, too. Vanitas gritted his teeth and struck the dummy again. His irritation was rising, and it felt like he was going to snap any second. King Xehanort wasn’t giving him a break. _

_ “Again.” _

_ Vanitas could tell his strikes were getting sloppy from exhaustion. Why couldn’t the old man just let up? _

_ “Again.” _

_ He tapped into the darkness in his heart for what felt like the hundredth time that day, but he couldn’t do it forever. Exhaustion was suffocating his rage. _

_ “Again.” _

_ Vanitas stabbed Void Gear into the ground to catch his breath for an instant. _

_ That was a mistake. _

_ The next thing he knew, his head snapped to the side from a clammy hand slapping his face. _

_ “I told you to do it again. You’ll stop when I allow it, and no sooner, you-” _

_ Vanitas didn’t know enough Zalaamic to understand what Xehanort’s next words were, but that didn’t stop the shame coloring his cheeks. He looked into King Xehanort’s eyes- _

_ -and he remembered who he was: the king who razed his home and destroyed his family. Between the long days of training and playing dress-up, Vanitas had almost forgotten why he was in Castle Oblivion in the first place. Rage shot through him in an explosion of darkness. _

_ Xehanort leapt away fast enough to escape the blast, but the darkness flickered over Vanitas’s skin. _

_ “Fuck you!” Vanitas spat in Common Tongue, just to spite Xehanort. “I’m sick of this shit! You have another kid to give your precious secrets to. I’m leaving.” _

_ “And where will you go?” Xehanort asked, still in Zalaamic, as if he were addressing a toddler throwing a tantrum. It made another wave of anger flicker through him. _

_ “Anywhere but here.” Sora lived somewhere in the south, by the ocean. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. _

_ “You’re giving up? I should have known you didn’t have the strength to power through.” _

_ Vanitas turned around. He wasn’t going to give the old man any more of his time. _

_ “You’re not even going to try and kill me once?” _

_ Ice-cold fear shot through Vanitas in an instant. He froze and whipped his head around. King Xehanort’s smug smile practically split his face in half. _

_ “You knew?” _

_ “I do now,” Xehanort said. _

_ Fuck. _

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck he was _ dead _ . _

I’m sorry, Roxas.

_ But to Vanitas’s surprise, Xehanort’s smirk faded into a mournful, morose frown. _

_ “I always suspected that you still blamed me for the death of your parents,” he said in Common Tongue. _

_ Vanitas bared his teeth. “Of fucking course I do! You lead the invasion! You commanded the Heartless that killed them!” _

_ Xehanort looked away. “I never meant for civilians to die. I did everything I could to keep them out of harm’s way. The attack was meant to only attack the center of the castle long enough to get the king in captivity. I should have foreseen King Ansem’s cruelty.” _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “King Ansem?” _

_ “He was experimenting with Heartless to use as defensive weapons. In a desperate attempt to keep power, he released them carelessly in an attempt to defeat us. He did not care if they destroyed all of Radiant Garden, as long as the ashes that remained were his.” _

_ “Bullshit,” Vanitas spat. “The Heartless came from the outer walls. And King Ansem wouldn’t destroy his own people for victory. Why else would he surrender after Radiant Garden?” _

_ “He kept the Heartless in the outer walls to defend against threats outside of them, as they are not confined by space in the way you and I are,” King Xehanort said. “The truth is, Ansem was a clever and manipulative king. I’m ashamed to have my sons named after him, but perhaps they can bring honor to the name again. We were friends once, and he told me how much time he spent working on how the people saw him. Why else would he walk among them instead of spending the time to improve their lives directly?” _

_ “That’s why he walked around. He wanted to see the problems with his own eyes.” Vanitas’s defense sounded weak, even to his own ears. _

_ “I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” King Xehanort said. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to have the image of someone so important destroyed. But it’s the truth. I wish it weren’t. I hoped for the day that he would fall, but I did not want to interfere in another realm’s affairs. The day I heard about the human experiments, however, I knew I had to do something.” _

_ That’s right- King Ansem was experimenting on human subjects. There were people going missing in the city before it fell, and he had heard it from some of Ansem’s old subjects themselves. _

_ “I know I’ve been harsh on you, but I thought you were strong enough to handle it. You haven’t proven me wrong so far. I didn’t just take you in because of your Keyblade, Vanitas. I knew that if I had been faster in capturing Ansem, your family would not have died. I took you and your brother in because it was the only way I could begin to make up for what happened.” King Xehanort opened his hands. “If you still wish to leave me, I will not stop you. After what I failed to prevent, the least I deserve is the abandonment of my beloved student.” _

_ Vanitas crossed his arms. “If I’m so beloved, why won’t you shut the fuck up about your stupid son?” _

_ “Forgive me. In my excitement to have Prince Xehanort, I did not consider how you must have felt. The truth is I need you, Vanitas. There is something I was training you for that my son cannot do.” _

_ Vanitas dismissed Void Gear and looked up at his master. “What is it?” _

_ King Xehanort smiled. “My son will grow up to be the best king Scala ad Caelum has ever known. But the best king cannot spend his time becoming the best fighter. It is my sincerest hope that by the time I rejoin Kingdom Hearts, you will have become the most powerful man in Scala ad Caelum, because you will be the only person with no light weakening his heart- only the pure power of darkness.” _

_ The most powerful man in Scala ad Caelum. Vanitas figured he could get used to that. If he was powerful, he could protect Roxas. No one could tell him what to do, not even King Xehanort. A heart full of darkness sounded scary, but he was strong enough to handle it. King Xehanort wouldn’t have chosen him otherwise. _

_ King Xehanort held out his hand. “Well, Vanitas? Will you remain here as my pupil? Without the lies, we’ll have a fresh start. I’ll try to be softer with my teaching, if that’s what you want.” _

_ “Alright, Master. I’ll give this ‘heart of darkness’ thing a try. But if you slap me again, I’m leaving. And keep your hands off of me when I’m stretching.” _

_ King Xehanort nodded his head in agreement. “Of course. I had no idea that bothered you. I apologize.” _

_ Vanitas returned to Castle Oblivion with a smile on his face. The next day, he moved out of his room and into one next to the king’s. Not even Prince Ansem or Prince Xemnas had that honor. The king convinced more alchemists to help Vanitas make his heart stronger. They spent days taking notes and running experiments just to determine the best way to help Vanitas. The young prince didn’t have that. King Xehanort even let him take breaks, and Vanitas repaid him by putting his entire heart into his training, even when it was hard. Everything was going to be so much better now. _

  
  


_ More than a year passed. _

  
  


_ “Fuck!” _

_ Vanitas winced as he tried to stand up. Something was wrong with his ankle- a broken bone, maybe? It figured. King Xehanort ran him ragged so much, it was a surprise it took him this long to get injured. Gone were the days of being able to take a water break. He was too strong to have to do that now, even in the harsh sun of the desert wastelands. _

_ He summoned some water directly into his mouth, a trick he had been forced to pick up. His master sent him to the normal spot in the desolate wastelands to train his strikes, and Vanitas must have stepped on a rock, or maybe King Xehanort pushed him too hard during stretching the night before, or maybe his muscles just gave out, but the end result was the same: Vanitas couldn’t move. _

_ He cursed in every language he knew; it took several minutes. _

_ What was his master going to do when he found out Vanitas was so weak he injured himself? Vanitas’s breath quickened. If he’d take away his bed for not running fast enough, what would he do after Vanitas went and made himself useless? _

_ He looked up at the sun. It was low on the horizon. That meant King Xehanort would be expecting him back soon. If Vanitas couldn’t come back, would King Xehanort interpret it as him running away? Would he kill him for treason, like that idiot alchemist DiZ who decided to die rather than listen to King Xehanort? _

_ Vanitas took a shaky breath. _

I’m being dramatic. The master cares about me. He wants me to be strong. I’m making a big deal over nothing. Even if he does hit me, I’m strong enough to take it. He wouldn’t have to if I was good enough to not mess up.

_ His heart was still beating fast and his hands started to shake. Just because Vanitas could take it, it didn’t mean it would be fun. He glared down at his ankle. He just  _ had _ to fuck up, didn’t he? And now he had to sit in the desert like a fucking kid waiting for daddy to pick him up. There weren’t many times Vanitas longed for Lightner magic, but they could at least heal themselves when they were stupid enough to get injured. Vanitas would give anything to be able to put his bones back together. _

_ An idea hit him. _

_ Vanitas carefully aligned his ankle to make sure it was straight and tapped into the darkness in his heart. He sent it to his bone. Maybe he could fill the gaps with his darkness- _

_ Vanitas screamed in pain. It had hurt when he had broken it, but this was a hundred times worse. Tears filled his eyes. The vision around his eyes started to darken. _

_ Mercifully, the slowly pain faded away. Vanitas took a shaky breath and wiped the tears from his eyes.  _

_ That sucked.  _

_ Slowly, Vanitas flexed his foot. There was no pain. He got up and slowly put his weight on it, waiting for it to collapse, but it held his weight, even when he lifted his non-injured foot. Vanitas took a step, then another, until he was running. _

_ Laughter bubbled through him. He had healed himself with darkness. Those stupid Lightners didn’t have anything over him now. It had hurt more than anything in his life, but Vanitas wasn’t stupid enough to use it for superficial wounds.  _

_ He couldn’t wait to tell his master. _

_ “Healed, you say?” King Xehanort asked. _

_ Vanitas smiled. “Yup. Good as new. Those damn Lightners think they’re so good with their healing magic, but Darkners can do it too.” _

_ King Xehanort wasn’t smiling. He didn’t even look impressed. _

_ “Are there any drawbacks?” _

_ Vanitas wasn’t stupid enough to tell him that the process left him screaming in pain. “Healing it hurts a bit, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” _

_ King Xehanort squinted. “Fascinating. The bone has been augmented by darkness. It’s made your heart darker, too.” He looked Vanitas up and down. “Let’s see how far this goes. Don’t eat for a week.” _

_ Vanitas’s heart stuttered. “The fuck did you say?” _

_ King Xehanort’s eyes were sharp. “Are you telling me you’re too weak to be able to go without a meal for a measly seven days?” _

_ “No, Master.” _

_ King Xehanort smiled. “Then I forbid you from eating for the next seven days. Draw your energy from the darkness instead.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

  
  


_ That night, Vanitas dreamed of Ven. _

_ He was smiling up at Terra and Aqua. They were all wearing crowns, like they usually did, but now Terra and Aqua’s were fixed with the symbol of the Realm of Light.  _

_ “You’re both real prince-knights now!” Ven cried. “I knew you could do it!” _

_ The three of them were smiling. Terra pulled out an orange, star-shaped charm. _

_ “I bet it’s because of the Wayfinders you made us.” _

_ Aqua giggled. “Don’t be silly! The test was more of a formality. We were always going to pass. You were born to be a prince-knight.” _

_ Ven enveloped them in a hug. “You both were. I’m so happy! I love you two more than anything else in the world.” _

_ They smiled down at him.  _

_ “We love you too, Ven,” Aqua said. _

_ Vanitas realized two things when he woke up. The first was that the dreams really did take place in the Lightner castle, and ‘Master Eraqus’ really was the guardian-king. One twin was serving the Lightner king, and the other was serving the Darkner king. _

_ The other thing was that Ven was dead. He had been dead for three years now. The person that Vanitas dreamed of was a stranger with his name and face.  _

_ Vanitas laughed bitterly. When he was eleven years old, he hoped and wished more than anything that his siblings would survive so he could see them again. He had barely seen Roxas in years, Sora was somewhere in the south, Shio had turned into Xion to haunt him forever, and Ven- _

_ It would have been better if Ventus really had died at the Battle of Radiant Garden. _

  
  


_ The good news was that whenever Vanitas felt weak from hunger, his darkness would give him energy. _

_ The bad news was that he was always fucking hungry. _

_ He tried everything to distract himself from the hunger: reading, training, pacing, but it never went away. Meal time used to be the one thing he could look forward to (since whenever he tried sleeping, he didn’t know if he was going to dream about Roxas and the others or the explosions of Radiant Garden and the dead man and woman in the rubble and Shio-Xion?-Shio pleading him not to leave-), but now he didn’t even have that.  _

_ Vanitas sulked like a fucking baby while the guard brought him the next prisoner. King Xehanort sent him to a prison to see if he could detect any lies. It was mostly petty crooks- thieves, vandalizers, con men, and the like, but the next man supposedly murdered someone.  _

_ He was a middle-aged man with thinning Darkner-white hair and yellow eyes flickering back and forth. When he saw Vanitas, his breath picked up, and he swallowed. _

_ “Howdy. Take a seat.” _

_ The man obliged, practically tripping over himself to get in the seat.  _

_ “I take it you know who I am?” he asked casually. _

_ The man looked up. “Y-you’re Vanitas. The king’s dog.” _

_ Vanitas grinned. “Woof.” _

_ “Please! I didn’t do anything! I swear!” _

_ He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He wasn’t even fourteen, if he got the date right, but an old man three times his size was squirreling in his seat just by his presence. Vanitas didn’t remember the last time he had this much fun. _

_ Vanitas leaned forward. He couldn’t stop grinning even if he wanted to, and it made the old fucker squirm even more. _

_ “Why do you think my master, the king, sent me to a low-level prison in the middle of bumfuck nowhere?” _

_ “I-I don’t know, my lord.” _

_ Bleh. _

_ “Take your title and shove it up your ass,” Vanitas said. He made his voice cold as his master’s. “I’m not a lord. Just a dog. Answer the question.” _

_ “I-I-I don’t know! I swear!” _

_ “Hm. You killed a whore, right?” _

_ The man looked up at him. “No, I didn’t! I swear! I just found her body, I swear! I’d never do something like that!” _

_ “That’s what they all say,” Vanitas said with a roll of his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. What does matter is the same weapon was used to kill some guards.” Hm, the man looked confused. Either he was innocent, or Vanitas would have to spell it out to him. “Those guards swore their life to the king. That makes them his.” Vanitas’s smile widened. “Do you know what it’s called when someone ruins the king’s stuff?” _

_ The man shook his head. _

_ “Treason.” _

_ The man paled and started shaking. “N-no! I didn’t do it! I didn’t do any of it! I’m innocent! I swear!” _

_ Hm. Accusing them of a worse crime usually made them squeal; he had caught a thief and a swindler by accusing them of murder.  _

_ (“No, Master, I didn’t skip my laps, just cut the corners a little.” Vanitas cringed internally. He was an idiot when he was younger. He knew better now.)  _

_ The man was probably innocent, but it wouldn’t hurt to double-check. _

_ “Tell me the story again. You found the body, right?” _

_ “Y-yeah. I left the house that night to grab a drink with an old friend.” _

_ “What friend?” _

_ “What?” _

_ “Fuck, you’re stupid,” Vanitas said. “What friend? How do you know him?” _

_ “Tantor,” the man said. “We were in the same unit before the military disbanded.” _

_ “Alright. Continue.” _

_ “We met at the Ugly Duckling.” The man started fidgeting more. Vanitas took note. “They have the best beer in town. We didn’t want to drink too much, because our wives wouldn’t like it, so we ordered nuts afterwards. We spent a lot of time talking,” more fidgeting “and then we went home. I usually don’t go through the alleyways at night, but I was talking longer than I planned, and I didn’t want my wife to worry. I saw the girl lying there. I wanted to see if she still had a pulse, so I put my hand on her neck, and I got blood on it. When I knew she was dead, I found a guard, but he arrested me!” _

_ “Okay, now tell me the story backwards,” Vanitas said. _

_ “Backwards?” _

_ Vanitas raised his eyebrows. _

_ “R-right,” the man stuttered. “I was arrested, but after- I mean before, I was telling him that she was dead. I got blood on my hand because I was checking her pulse because I found her… I left the Ugly Duckling, but before, I had a drink-” _

_ Vanitas cocked his head. “What about the nuts?” _

_ “We had some beer after the nuts, too.” _

_ I thought you didn’t drink too much ‘cuz you didn’t want your wife to worry.” _

_ The man’s face turned even paler. “Um-” _

_ Vanitas leaned forward. “You’re lying, old man.” He bore his teeth in a grin. “You know what that means.” _

_ “I was sleeping with Tantor!” _

_ Vanitas blinked. “What?” _

_ “I’m sorry! I didn’t want my wife to know.”  _

_ Vanitas started to laugh. Old man’d almost rather get arrested for murder than tell his wife he was fucking someone else. His master would never be so cowardly, even if he had a wife and not those whores that Vanitas didn’t like thinking about because the idea of his bald, old master sleeping with anyone was gross. _

_ The man in front of him seemed to interpret his laugh in a different light. “W-we had an old fling back in the military, and I- I lost control, I guess.” _

_ Vanitas immediately stopped laughing. He narrowed his eyes with a snarl. “You lost control? Did another heart float down from Kingdom Hearts and force you to fuck the man?” _

_ “I’m sorry! Please don’t tell my wife! I’m sorry!” _

_ The old man started crying. _

_ “Calm down. I don’t give a damn who you sleep with. You didn’t kill the woman.” _

_ “N-no!” _

_ “Okay,” Vanitas said. “We’re done here.” He raised Void Gear and opened the door. The guard peeked his head through. “He’s the last one, right?” _

_ The guard nodded. “Did he do it?” _

_ Vanitas looked at the man. “Yup. Guilty as charged.” _

_ He didn’t know the man could get paler. His whole body started trembling like a leaf. “W-what? But I didn’t do it! You- you know I didn’t do it!” _

_ Vanitas chuckled. He had the man’s life in the palm of his hand. The power was intoxicating. Why would he ever do black powder when being feared was this fun? _

_ “Just kidding,” Vanitas said with a smirk. “He’s innocent. Well, he cheated on his wife, but I don’t really give a fuck.” He stood up. “I’m out of here.” _

_ The old man was crying again, but Vanitas walked past him without looking back. Prisoners gazed on through barred doors as Vanitas strode through the jail. Now that he was alone with his thoughts, the hunger became apparent again. Would it never go away? _

_ With casual ease, Vanitas plucked a piece of bread from a prisoner’s plate. The prisoner didn’t even notice. By the time Vanitas reached the door out of the prison, the last crumb had been sucked down his throat. Vanitas stole a guard’s water skin and drunk it dry, just in case, then returned to Castle Oblivion. _

_ There was no reason King Xehanort would even know. _

_ That night, Vanitas was curled on his mat not-sleeping when the door burst open. Vanitas was on his feet before he even realized it. _

_ “I thought I told you not to eat.” _

_ King Xehanort’s voice was as soft as iron. _

_ Deny. Deny, deny, deny, because Vanitas knew better than to give up so early in the game. _

_ He narrowed his eyes. “I haven’t.” Contractions were good. They made him sound like he wasn’t watching what he was saying. “Not since you told me too, anyway. I’ve been drinking water. Is that not allowed anymore?” _

_ “You dare lie to your master?”  _

_ “I’m not lying,” Vanitas said. “I want my heart to be darkness, too. If starving’ll do that…” he shrugged. _

_ King Xehanort strode forward until he was right in front of Vanitas. Vanitas looked up and forced himself to take deep breaths.  _

Eye contact, but not too much. Look at him a little, and don’t look away, but don’t stare at his eyes. Don’t watch his reaction.

_ “I’ll give you one last chance,” King Xehanort said softly. “Tell me the truth.” _

_ “I did.” Vanitas made himself sound as annoyed as possible. “I’m- _

_ The next second, a hand was in his mouth. Before Vanitas could even react, two fingers pushed down just behind his tongue. Vanitas gagged and bowled over. They pressed again- _

_ -and Vanitas threw up the soggy, acidic remains of the bread onto the stone floor. He was on his hands and knees, coughing and retching and wheezing. He looked up. _

_ King Xehanort’s eyes were alight with fury. Vanitas’s entire body began to tremble like a leaf. He swallowed bile back into his raw, aching throat. _

_ “I trust you won’t disobey me again,” King Xehanort said. _

_ “N-no, master. I’m sorry.” _

_ Was Vanitas getting away with just that? _

_ He exhaled as King Xehanort’s boot came crashing into his stomach. Nope. No he wasn’t. _

_ When the beating was done, King Xehanort looked down at him. _

_ “Clean up your filth in the morning.” _

_ The order to stay in his room until then was unspoken. _

_ Anger and frustration of the unfairness of it all welled within Vanitas, but he bit it back. This was his own fault anyway. _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ King Xehanort closed the door. He never bothered to lock it. _

  
  


_ Months later, Vanitas awoke to a knock on the door. _

_ He blinked hazily. He had fallen asleep for once, because he was tired, because- because he was tired, and on the other side of the room than usual. He wasn’t even on his mat. Not for any reason in particular. He just didn’t want to sleep on that side of the room that night. Vanitas stumbled to his feet. He was sore, but it was nothing but another tally of his collection of aches and pains. _

_ The knocking continued. Why was his master knocking on the door? He had already been by that night- _

_ -and he never knocked anyway. The door opened. _

_ “Want something else?” Vanitas called as he stumbled to the door.  _

_ He looked down and blinked. What were Roxas and Xion doing at his door? Their cheeks were stained with tears, and Xion was still sniffling. _

_ “Vanitas?” Roxas whispered. “Are you okay?” _

_ Why would they come in the middle of the night to ask such a stupid question? Did they somehow know-  _

_ There was a memory dancing on the edge of Vanitas’s heart, but he pushed it away. _

_ “What the fuck are you talking about?” _

_ “I had a dream, and-”  _

_ A dream? But there was nothing to- _

_ The memory came flooding back with a rush of nausea. It had just happened, and then he went to sleep- _

_ “No.” _

_ Did they see it? Did they see what happened? _

_ “Nonononono.” _

_ Vanitas grabbed onto the doorway. Xion and Roxas had to see it. That meant Sora had to see it. _

_ That meant Ventus- _

_ Vanitas started hyperventilating. It couldn’t be true. Shame and horror and anger and fear and guilt and humiliation flooded him in a rush that drowned him. _

_ “NO!” _

_ He felt himself collapse with a searing agony in his heart that made the pain of healing bearable in comparison. _

_ The last light in his heart died at the pain of Vanitas realizing what he had done to his siblings. It was the shadow of his love for them. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I have ever written a chapter so long it had to be broken into two parts. Part 2 will be up in two days, same as usual.


	37. Case of Vanitas the Heartless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas and his family  
Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: graphic violence, blood, CSA, abuse, PTSD flashbacks 
> 
> I dedicate this chapter to any twins who might be reading this; more specifically, my own (even though she won't read this). I love you Miranda!

_ Everything changed after Vanitas’s transformation. It wasn’t just his hair and his eyes, everything about him was different. He could hear things from across the castle if he focused enough, he could see every pore on his master’s wrinkled face, and his sense of smell had become a real sense instead of a cosmetic to taste. Maybe that had changed, too, but all Vanitas put in his mouth was water, so he couldn’t tell. _

_ He had been able to summon corridors of darkness before, but now they called to him. Every twisting path felt as straightforward as a walk down a hallway. And distance wasn’t a problem anymore. Even Vanitas’s master could only travel to the middle of Scala ad Caelum and back, but Vanitas knew he could knock on the guardian-king’s door within minutes. _

_ The biggest change, of course, was his heart. Vanitas knew exactly what he was now. His master did, too. They didn’t have to acknowledge it, but they both knew what a heart of darkness meant. Humans, after all, weren’t able to jump through shadows like a trapeze artist flitting from bar to bar.  _

_ Only Heartless could do that. _

_ The Heartless in the castle knew what he was. He gained the ability to control individuals years ago, but after he became one of them, he was able to understand their desire to consume. They normally had no more language or intelligence than a wildfire, but they bent to the strong and lived to serve them, and that allowed them to be more than they ever would have been alone.  _

_ The day after his master had found Vanitas screaming and writhing on the floor of his cage, he called him into the throne room.  _

_ Vanitas entered the room and knelt at his master’s feet, like a human would. He rose with an ironic grin. His master shared it. _

_ “I have a task for you.” _

_ Vanitas’s smile widened. He was itching to see what he could do now that he had accomplished his goal. Dark power danced just beneath his fingertips. _

_ “What do you need?” _

_ His master shifted his weight and crossed his legs. _

_ “There is a man by the name of Roscoe. He has been sowing discontent among the miners. Kill him.” _

_ Vanitas tilted his head. He had never killed someone before. What would it be like? _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ “Prince Ansem has the map with his general location. You’ll have to find him on your own.” _

_ Vanitas waved a hand. “Not a problem. Don’t even need it.” _

_ The murmurs of the Heartless showed him the dark corridor he required, and Vanitas stepped through without hesitation.  _

_ Roscoe was located in a mining province, which didn’t say too much in the Realm of Darkness. He lived in a settlement close to an iron mine. Vanitas could smell the iron in the air as he stepped out of the corridor of darkness. _

_ He had chosen to exit the corridor on the roof of the mining boss’s villa. It looked like the tallest place in the settlement. The rest of it looked like it was comprised of nothing but shabby, one-room houses. Hopefully they would be solid enough to stand on. _

_ Vanitas looked up. There was a decorative tower on top of the villa. He scampered up and called out to the Heartless stationed in the settlement. _

_ There were three Roscoes in the settlement, but only one of them smelled of iron. Vanitas narrowed his eyes at the house he was in and bunched up his muscles.  _

_ His leap took him three houses away. Vanitas rolled to absorb the impact, and immediately took off running. He inhaled the night air as he flew soundlessly from rooftop to rooftop. Each bound, each leap between houses, each breath felt new. He was finally all he was made to be. He could truly feel how strong he had become. The hours of grueling training had honed Vanitas into a deadly weapon.  _

_ Vanitas came to a stop on top of Roscoe’s house. There were window-slits near the roof of the house. He leaned forward to peek in. _

_ The house was dim, with only a few lanterns lit. A human might have had a hard time seeing in. The man the Heartless said was Roscoe was sprawled in a chair with his eyes closed. Vanitas tilted his head to listen. His breathing was long and even; he was asleep. Vanitas heard another series of smaller breaths coming a crib in the corner of the room. Guess Roscoe had a kid. _

_ The entire world was bathed in the shadows of Kingdom Hearts. There were certainly enough to allow Vanitas to slip in the house and glide to the spot right in front of Roscoe. _

_ Now, what to do? He could just slit his throat and call it done, but what would be the fun in that? There was no point if his target was asleep, but he couldn’t let him scream, or someone might come in to help, or the baby might wake up and start screaming, and then he wouldn’t be able to have his fun. _

_ He briefly considered sitting on top of him to cover his mouth, but the thought of his hips making contact with the man made him want to retch.  _

_ Vanitas finally decided to make it up as he went along. He stood in front of Roscoe and tapped him on the shoulder.  _

_ Roscoe jolted awake with a grunt. When he saw Vanitas, he bolted up with wide eyes. _

_ “Careful,” Vanitas purred. “Wouldn’t want to wake the baby.” _

_ “W-who are you? What do you want?” _

_ Vanitas answered by snatching his chin and using it to push him to the ground. He hit the floor with a soft thud. _

_ Roscoe tried to scream, but Vanitas covered his mouth with his hand.  _

_ “I am Vanitas,” he said. “But that won’t matter to you in the end.” _

_ The man started to squirm. Vanitas pinned him to the ground with Void Gear. Roscoe whimpered from behind his hand. Blood pooled around his stomach, and it made the room stink of iron much more than it did already. Roscoe’s breaths came in shudders. His legs flailed.  _

_ Vanitas started to laugh. The man’s fear fed his savage exhilaration. With the light in his heart dead, it was likely the closest thing he had to happiness, and that was fine by him.  _

_ Suddenly, a sound caused him to whip his head up. Of fucking course the baby had to wake up. Its breaths were becoming faster, like it was about to cry. _

_ Vanitas sighed and finished the job with a jerk of Void Gear up Roscoe’s torso and into his heart. He took his final breaths as Vanitas approached the crib. _

_ He leaned down and watched the baby with wide animal eyes. _

_ On an impulse, he ran his finger down the infant’s face. It was soft, like Shio’s when he cupped his face and looked into his eyes for what he hoped wouldn’t be the last time- _

_ Vanitas jerked his hand away. There was a small smear of blood where he touched the baby’s face. _

_ A shimmering light caught Vanitas’s eye. He turned. _

_ Roscoe’s heart was slowly levitating out of its body. Vanitas crouched, and, not without hesitation, tapped on it. _

_ The heart bounced off his hand. Vanitas rose with it, batting at it gently. It was beautiful. Its soft lantern light captivated him. He was filled with peaceful serenity as he watched it slowly rise.  _

_ He loosely encapsulated the heart in his hands. It bumped against them, straining towards the sky. _

_ What would happen if he made his hands a little tighter- _

_ FEAR _

_ It hit Vanitas as suddenly as a blow from his master. He stumbled to the ground, feeling Roscoe’s blood soak into his clothes and splash on his hands. His heart was pounding and he was hyperventilating and the world was getting  _ blurry... _ _

_ The baby started wailing. Vanitas took a deep breath through his nose and bit down on his hand. The scent and taste of blood sharpened his vision again. He turned and slipped back to the roof. Vanitas took a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. _

_ Roscoe’s heart was making its way to Kingdom Hearts. It must have phased through the roof and climbed to the sky while Vanitas was panicking. Watching the glittering light become smaller and smaller eased the last of his fear away. _

_ Footsteps raced towards the house. A woman threw the door open, ran inside, and screamed. _

_ Vanitas stretched with a satisfied smile. Mission accomplished. It was time to return to his master and give him the good news. _

  
  


_ Within days, Vanitas developed a new routine. Training wasn’t over just because his goal was accomplished, but it was a much more relaxed focus on maintaining the skills he had, while brushing up on a few new ones. His master didn’t even hit him as much. Sometimes he would skulk around the castle, taking short naps when he was able to, reading, or making trouble for the young prince. Around sunset, he would usually receive his mission: information gathering, intimidation, assassination, or some other nefarious task.  _

_ On occasion, he would kidnap someone and deliver them to the king for interrogation, which was a lot more boring than he might have thought. It was mostly smooth talking, mind games, and very little fun. Vanitas quickly realized he was there as intimidation tool, a second opinion on tell-spotting, and little more. _

_ Sometimes, his master would leave the castle to meet with administrators or province leaders or, on occasion, watch Coliseum fights. He always brought his youngest son, who sat on his left, sometimes another son on the right, and Vanitas, who always sat at his feet.  _

_ Although the meetings themselves normally got very boring very quickly, the beginnings were always the best. Most of the time, the people would enter with confident strides, covered in status symbols and wearing confidence on their faces. However, the second they saw Vanitas- the Unversed, terror of the Realm of Darkness, King Xehanort’s dog- lounging at his master’s feet, they lost their swagger, and the trinkets they wore looked like the cheap toys they were. Sometimes he heard whispers such as ‘shit, he’s real?’ and ‘I thought he was made up to scare people.’ _

_ The grin on Vanitas’s face was always real- a combination of immense pride and satisfaction. He belonged to the most powerful man in Scala ad Caelum. Why shouldn’t he grin? Belonging to someone was the best feeling in the world. Besides, it was how things were meant to be. Beasts lived to obey their masters. _

_ There was nowhere else he would rather be. _

  
  


_ Vanitas curled on the floor of his cage. Every time he closed his eyes, it was a toss up between not-sleep from the senseless fear that taunted him, ridiculous nightmares that forced him to not-sleep, and the familial dreams. All three possibilities were equally obnoxious. He had learned to take quick naps throughout the day, light enough to be on guard at the slightest of movements. He didn’t need that much sleep, anyway. Heartless didn’t sleep. _

_ That night, when his eyes slipped shut, he dreamed of children playing on a warm beach. It was a birthday party for Sora. He was surrounded by Riku, Kairi, and his other friends that Vanitas didn’t know the names of. The dream was full of laughter and excitement as Sora opened presents and stuffed his face with food. _

<strike> _ He hadn’t changed at all. _ </strike>

_ When the sun was starting to set, he grabbed another slice of cake. _

_ “Haven’t you had enough?” a woman  _ <strike> _ who was not Sora’s mother _ </strike> _ asked. _

_ “It’s not for me,” Sora said. _

_ He walked along the shore until he was out of sight from all his friends. Waves lapped against his ankles. He held up the slice of cake against the setting sun. _

_ “Happy birthday, Roxas. I hope you dream of this so you know that I love you. We’ll see each other again. I know it.” _

_ Vanitas woke up with tears in his eyes.  _

_ He took it back. Familial dreams were the worst. _

  
  


_ “I have a proposition for you,” the young prince said. _

_ Vanitas and the young prince were the only ones in the hallway. _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes.  _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ What the fuck do you want?” _

_ The young prince stepped toward him and leaned forward. Vanitas’s heart started beating faster, but he refused to step back.  _

_ “You’re about my age,” the young prince purred. “Don’t you have a good idea what I want? You’re almost cute. Like a dog.” He kept walking until Vanitas was against the wall. His vision was getting blurry and his heart was racing. “Let’s fool around.” _

_ Vanitas clenched his shaking fists and bared his teeth. “Daddy’s too busy to get you off?” _

_ “I’m asking you.” _

_ Vanitas’s breath was coming is gasps. He  _ is a little rabbit pinned against the wall and he’s wishing he were anywhere else-

_ He grabbed the young prince’s throat with a snarl and pinned him against the wall. The young prince looked surprised, but almost eager.  _

_ “You must be out of your damn mind!” Vanitas roared. “The only reason you’re not dead where you stand is because of who your daddy is, and if you even think about asking such a stupid fucking question again, that won’t even stop me! Stay the fuck away from me!” _

_ The young prince just pried his hand off his throat and looked down his nose at Vanitas. “I suppose I shouldn’t sully myself by sleeping with a cur anyway.” _

_ Vanitas stood there, huffing and snarling, until the young prince left the hallway. Then he slipped into the nearest room, locked the door with Void Gear, and collapsed against it. He bit down on his hand, but it was too late- memories were  _ are flashing through him, and he’s there again, a petrified little bunny-

_ When the memories and the fear finally faded away, hours later, Vanitas uncurled himself. He lay there for another hour just to curse the young prince and dream of revenge. _

_ What the fuck was wrong with him? _

  
  


_ There’s a place in the Realm of Darkness. It’s a village, or maybe it’s a town, or a settlement, or a camp. Vanitas isn’t sure, but he could point it out on a map. He can feel where it is when he’s in the corridors of darkness. He can’t name it, but he would recognize the name if he read it and know it if he heard it. _

_ No one lives there anymore. _

_ Vanitas doesn’t know how he knows that. Or, if he does, he doesn’t think about it. _

  
  


_ “I have a special task for you,” his master said. _

_ Vanitas leaned against the back wall of his master’s study. “No need to be dramatic. Who needs to die?” _

_ His master smiled. “Ah, I’m afraid this task is different from the others. Have you heard of the exchange?” _

_ “No.” _

_ His master began what Vanitas recognized was one of his dramatic soliloquies. “Long ago, the Realms of Light and Darkness struck an alliance to end a long, bloody conflict. In order to ensure understanding between the two realms, they proposed a cultural exchange of sorts. Every generation, on the spring equinox, the two realms exchange a royal representative, usually a prince of sorts, to live in the other realm for a year. Normally this would be an inconvenience. But there’s a clause that states that, under certain circumstances, a single participant can return to their realm. I will send you, Vanitas, as my representative.” _

_ Vanitas frowned. “Why not send away one of your sons? Is the young prince too pure to get his hands dirty?” _

_ His master smiled. “Why, it is quite the opposite. I know that you are my most loyal subject in the entire realm. The Lightners, despite what you may have heard, can be manipulative. They may act soft, but that is only their insidious method of control. If you refuse to bow to them, then they’ll show their true colors. My son is not prepared for them. You are. Given enough time, Eraqus will lose his patience and send you back to me.” _

_ “But until then I have to listen to him?” _

_ “Of course not. The exchange prohibits representatives from bowing to the opposing ruler. But you cannot kill or maim as you do here, or else Eraqus will arrest or kill you, and I will not sully myself to rescue you.” _

_ “Yes, Master.”  _

  
  


_ The exchange ceremony itself was in some building in some city. Vanitas didn’t give a shit about the details. He grumbled as he put on the ceremonial mask his master told him to wear and fidgeted in the fancy silks and stab-shoes from years ago. When his master handed them to him, they exchanged an ironic smile. How ridiculous it was, dressing a Heartless in silks and parading him down a hall as if he were human. _

_ On the other side of the hall, his Lightner counterpart was getting ready as well. Vanitas had half-hoped Ventus would be his exchange partner for the sheer irony, but it was his friend Terra instead. He peeked at Terra’s heart. There was darkness there, but it was nothing compared to Vanitas’s, mostly light. He knew that light would fade with time. _

_ As they passed each other in the hall, Vanitas spared Terra a glance. His master would eat him alive. He grinned behind the mask at the thought. _

_ The Lightners didn’t even look impressive. Ventus was fidgeting  _ <strike> _ like he always was _ </strike> _ , but Aqua, the guardian-king, and all seven Princesses of Heart were still and solemn. Even the child  _ <strike> _ Sora’s age _ </strike> _ was able to keep still. They all wore crowns. The guardian-king and his heir both wore the insignia of the Realm of Light in the middle. Other than that, their clothes were loose and simple. Terra was the only one who looked impressive because of his armor, and even that faded once it retracted back into his crown. _

_ Vanitas removed his mask. The second Ventus saw his face, he stopped fidgeting. All of the color drained from his face. _

_ “Ven?” Aqua whispered. “What’s wrong?” _

_ “That’s the boy from my nightmares. He’s real.” _

_ Vanitas grinned. If that was how Ventus saw him, then he was glad he was staying with him. _

_ It would be so much more fun like this. _

  
  


_ Humans ate food. Vanitas wasn’t a human anymore, but he never really forgot that fact. It was always on the edge of his thoughts- the memory of food, how it smelled, how it tasted. He was never hungry, though. Not at all.  _

_ Vanitas never forgot that humans ate food, but he didn’t consider that fact when he was ordered to live amongst the Lightners. Ever since his transformation, and a little bit before, he avoided the mess hall and markets with savory-smelling meats and fresh fruit. There was no need for him to go there. He figured he could do the same thing at the Realm of Light. _

_ But he underestimated Ventus. _

_ It was the first morning he woke up at the Realm of Light. By some miracle, Vanitas had actually managed to fall asleep in his fluffy monstrosity of a bed and didn’t even have any nightmares or familial dreams. It was a peaceful slumber. _

_ So of course it was interrupted by a knock on the door. _

_ “Good morning!” Ventus’s stupidly cheerful voice called. “It’s time to get up! I let you sleep through morning meditation, but it’s breakfast time.” _

_ If Vanitas didn’t answer, would he go away? _

_ “You have to wake up! The sun rises earlier here than in the Realm of Darkness, but the sooner you start waking up this early, the sooner you’ll get used to it.” _

_ Vanitas slowly opened his eyes and looked outside of his window. The sun was barely even up. No one got up this early in Castle Oblivion. They slept until noon like reasonable people. _

_ Ventus was pounding on the door. _

_ “Wake up! Wake up! Wake uuuup! Wake-” _

_ Vanitas had leapt out of bed and opened the door in a single fluid motion, ready to pounce on that stupid little bitch and choke the life out of him, but Ventus had stepped out of the way. He chased after him like a cat running after a mouse, but Ventus was fucking fast. He raced down the stairs and turned into a hallway. Vanitas followed him, just barely missing him with each swipe. _

<strike> _ After everything, he was still faster than Vanitas? _ </strike>

_ Suddenly, Ventus turned into a door. Vanitas pursued, but Ventus hid behind Aqua. That wasn’t going to stop him- _

_ He hit a shimmering barrier and jumped back. _

_ “Sorry,” Aqua said with a smile. “But I’m glad to see you up. Good morning, Vanitas.” _

_ Ugh. She was so fucking saccharine it made Vanitas want to throw up. _

_ Aqua turned to Ventus. _

_ “Ven, I told you to wake him nicely.” _

_ “I was nice! I didn’t even go into his room. Terra’s done way worse-” _

_ Ventus’s face lost some of its energy. Fuck, was he crying about Terra already? He’d count the days until he was kicked out of this place. _

_ “Well, now that you’re here, you can have breakfast with us,” Aqua said with a smile. _

_ “I already got a bowl for you,” Ventus said. _

_ His words were friendly enough, but Vanitas sensed a challenge in them. _

_ “I’m not hungry,” Vanitas growled. _

_ “You should eat anyway-” Aqua began, but Ventus cut her off. _

_ “I know you’re lying about that.” _

_ Vanitas bared his teeth.  _

_ “Shut your fucking mouth, dumbass. You don’t know shit!” _

_ “Ven,” Aqua said firmly. “It’s okay. It’s still pretty early for him. He can eat it later. But you should still sit with us. I’d like to hear more about you.” _

_ “No. I’m going back to bed.” _

_ “Scared?” Ventus taunted. _

_ “Of fucking course not!” Vanitas snapped.  _

_ “Then why not sit with us?” _

_ “Ven!” Aqua scolded. “What has gotten into you?” _

_ “Fine,” Vanitas said.  _

_ He sat at the other end of the table from them, and it was a long table. _

_ Ventus stuck a utensil in the bowl and slid it down the table. To Vanitas’s disappointment, it stopped perfectly in front of him. _

_ “Don’t forget your food,” he called. _

_ “Stop antagonizing him, Ven!” _

_ Ventus just dug into his food. _

_ Vanitas looked down at the bowl in front of him. There was rice in it, with eggs and some sort of salty-smelling vegetable. It smelled good. _

_ But that didn’t matter. He wasn’t hungry because he didn’t need to eat. _

_ Would he even be able to eat? _

_ Probably not. _

_ If he threw it up, it would freak them out. _

_ That was a good idea, but Vanitas knew he had to be smart about it. _

_ “I’ll eat under certain conditions.” _

_ “No,” Aqua said. “Eat it now or eat it later, but you can’t-” _

_ “What terms?” Ventus asked. _

_ “Don’t tell the guardian-king I ate. Don’t mention me and food to him. Don’t tell him this conversation even happened. And don’t write about me in your letters to Terra at all.” _

_ “No. You can’t manipulate us like-” _

_ “Okay. I promise,” Ventus said _

_ Aqua’s tone was admonishing. “Ven!” _

_ Ventus pitched his voice into a whisper. He probably thought Vanitas couldn’t hear it. _

_ “Please, Aqua? He won’t eat otherwise.” _

_ “We can’t let him control us like this,” Aqua said. “I know you’re trying to be nice, but he has to eat eventually.” _

_ “But he doesn’t,” Ven said. “He won’t eat unless you promise. Trust me on that.” _

_ “Okay.” Louder, Aqua said, “I promise not to tell anyone you ate.” _

_ “And that you won’t write about me. That means not even writing about these terms.” _

_ “Aqua, please?”  _

_ “Fine. I promise to keep your conditions.” _

_ They were Lightners, so they would probably keep their promises. _

_ Was ‘probably’ enough to justify breaking his master’s orders? _

_ Fuck it. _

_ Vanitas shoveled a bite of rice in his mouth. _

_ The egg was savory and salty, and the rice complimented it with just the barest hint of sweetness. Vanitas swallowed it. _

_ Suddenly, the one bite wasn’t enough. He shoveled in another, and another, until he was scooping it into his mouth with his hands. _

_ “Slow down!” Aqua cried. “You’re going to throw it all up again if you don’t!” _

_ He didn’t care. It was so fucking  _ good _ . Maybe his Heartless body couldn’t digest it, but his tongue exploded with flavors he had never even tasted before as a human. It was so fucking good. He couldn’t get enough. _

_ When he had licked every last grain of rice out of the bowl and from his hands, he looked up. Aqua was looking at him in horror, and Ventus’s face drooped with pity. _

_ Vanitas bristled and threw the bowl to the floor. To his shock, it never hit the ground. It and the utensil started floating towards the kitchen. He snatched the bowl from the air and tried again, but it floated away before it could hit the floor. He swiped at it again, but it flew away from him with the speed of a startled rabbit. _

_ He heard Ventus’s laughter. _

_ It made Vanitas freeze in place. His heart twisted. _

<strike> _ He still laughed in exactly the same way. _ </strike>

_ “What’s so funny?” Vanitas growled. _

_ Ventus jumped, but he settled back into his chair. _

_ “Everything here is enchanted,” Aqua explained.  _

_ Vanitas scoffed. _

_ “Good job, though,” Ventus said with a smile. “You’ve got me beat for table manners.” _

_ “And everything else,” Vanitas said. _

_ Ventus’s smile dropped. He bristled. “We’ll see about that.” _

_ And they did. Vanitas was right. _

_ He couldn’t beat Aqua in a ‘fair’ fight, but life wasn’t fair, and she was still vulnerable to sneak attacks to the back of the head. _

_ Vanitas had checked. _

  
  


_ “The Keyblade is a powerful weapon.” _

_ Vanitas groaned. Guardian-king Eraqus was a stupid pawn who was wrapped around his master’s finger, but they both droned on endlessly, as if the power in their hearts was drawn from the amount of sentences they used to say one fucking thing. At least he didn’t slap him for interrupting him. He just acted like nothing even happened. It was eerily impressive. _

_ “It is the most unique and versatile physical weapon in Scala ad Caelum. One of its most impressive qualities is its ability to be summoned to the hand at will. However, there are times where fights become too close-quarters to be able to use the Keyblade. It is important that you learn how to defend yourself in such situations.” _

_ "If you’re good enough, you won’t have to,” Vanitas said. _

_ “You may sit out of this lesson if you wish,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. _

_ “Are we fighting on the ground today?” Ven asked. _

_ “Yes- Terra’s favorite. It’s a shame he’s not here to train with us.” _

_ Fucking Terra. It was hard to choose a least favorite thing about the Realm of Light, but the number of times Guardian-king Eraqus mentioned Terra was near the top of the list. _

_ Ventus’s voice was quiet. “Maybe Vanitas should sit out.” _

_ “Why?” Aqua asked. _

_ “Yeah, Ventus,” Vanitas growled. “Why?” _

_ Ventus looked away with that kicked-puppy look on his face. His guilt about confronting him about the dreams was starting to get annoying, but Vanitas was glad to use it at the moment. _

_ “Don’t be afraid to sit out,” he said. _

_ Vanitas scoffed. “Whatever it is, I can take it. I’m not a whiny little baby like you are.” _

_ Ventus sighed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus sat down. _

_ “Ground combat, or ‘rolling,’ as Terra likes to call it” Vanitas would to go back to the Realm of Darkness just to kill Terra if it meant Guardian-king Eraqus would shut the fuck up about him “is usually practiced in two positions. Aqua, Ventus, would you demonstrate?” _

_ “Yes, Master,” they chanted. _

_ Ventus laid down on his back. Aqua sat on his chest and loosely grabbed the lapels of his shirt in her hands. _

_ Okay, maybe Vanitas understood Ventus’s hesitation. _

_ But it didn’t matter. He was strong enough to train in the wastes of the Realm of Darkness during the hottest part of the day. He could take on anything. Some weird fighting wasn’t going to do anything to him. _

_ “Would you like to try, Vanitas?” _

_ Vanitas blinked. Guardian-king Eraqus had been talking, but it probably wasn’t anything important. _

_ “Why not?” _

_ And, just to prove he was strong enough, he would start lying down. _

_ It made Vanitas feel very vulnerable. Like  _ <strike> _ a rabbit _ </strike> _ he could be attacked by anything. All of his vitals were up for anyone to kick or stab. His heart and breathing quickened. The helplessness was so familiar it started to make him feel sick. _

_ No, he could do this. Vanitas bunched his hands around the grass beneath him. Grass. Wind. Sunshine. Moisture. None of those things were there when- _

_ “Are you sure you want to do this?” Aqua asked. “You don’t look so good.”  _

_ She was right next to him, looking down at him, but she was starting to look blurry. _

_ “I’m good enough to kick your ass,” he snarled. “Let’s do this.” _

_ Aqua’s face was a concrete wall. _

_ “No. Let’s do something else today.” _

_ She turned- _

_ -and accidentally brushed his hips. _

_ That was all it took. A small little touch and  _ he’s against the wall and he’s scared he’s scared he’s scared why can’t he move he’s a little rabbit in the jaws of his master and-

_ COLD. _

_ It jolted Vanitas back into the present. He coughed and gasped as he struggled to his knees. _

_ “Breathe with me,” Aqua said. “You’re safe. You’re not in danger.” _

_ Vanitas stumbled to his feet and ran. He raced out of the courtyard like a shadow fleeing the sunrise. He ran and ran and ran- _

_ Why didn’t he run then? His master never locked his door and it was right there. He should’ve ran away. _

_ Vanitas dove into a crouch and looked around. He couldn’t see the white towers of the Lightner castle anymore. Instead, he was surrounded by countless trees. _

_ He leaned against a tree trunk and waited for his heart to slow down. _

_ The trees were thick with green needles. The wind whispered through them as they brushed together. The bark was rough behind his back. Vanitas closed his eyes with a final exhale. He was so tired. Maybe he would- _

_ Chirp! _

_ Void Gear had zapped it with a Thunder spell before Vanitas even knew what it was. His heart was racing again. He heard a small thud of something falling onto the bed of needles that blanketed the ground. _

_ It was a bird. It had died and fallen off the tree it was on. _

Stupid fucking bird. _ _

_ On an impulse, Vanitas picked it up by its feet and looked at it. It was blue. _

_ It gave him an idea of what to do with it. _

  
  


_ What the fuck was Sora doing here? Or, more accurately, out of all of the places the Lighters had to drag him to, why did it have to be the one with  _ <strike> _ Vanitas’s little brother _ </strike> _ the clingy child? _

_ And why was Vanitas crying? He was the Unversed, the strongest servant of King Xehanort, but he was crying over a nine year old calling his name? Utterly pathetic. _

_ Sora was crying, too, but he was a kid. _

_ “I’m so happy to see you, Vanii.” _

_ “Vanii?” Ventus asked  _ <strike> _ because he was not Ven and Ven would know what their younger siblings called him _ </strike> _ . _

_ Sora turned his head. “Ven? You too?” _

_ He ran out of Vanitas’s grip and wrapped Ventus in a hug.  _

_ “Hey, Sora,” he said. “Long time no see, huh?” _

_ “You say that like you remember him,” Vanitas spat. _

_ Sora looked up at Ven, which gave Vanitas enough time to slip into the shadows and up a tree hidden from their sight. _

_ “Vanii!” Sora called. _

_ Ventus knelt to his eye level. “I’m sorry, Sora. Vanitas has been through a lot.” _

_ Sora started scanning the treetops. Vanitas could hear him sob as he did it. “I know! That’s why I want to see him! I want to see if he’s okay!” _

_ “He’s…” Ventus looked up at the trees and back at Sora “...not okay. But he’ll be alright for now.” Because in the Realm of Light, not being nice all the time meant there was something wrong with you. “We should leave him alone.” _

_ “I don’t understand,” Sora sobbed. “You’re here, and Vanii’s here, so why can’t we just be together again?” _

_ “Maybe we will,” Ventus said. “Maybe, if we give him time, he’ll see that we want to help him.” _

_ Vanitas didn’t need any help. _

_ “I hope so,” Sora sniffed. _

_ “He’s right, by the way,” Ventus said. “I don’t remember anything from before the battle. I’m sorry.” _

_ Sora wiped his eyes. “Don’t be sorry! Even if you can’t remember, those memories are still in your heart. It just means I get to tell you everything I remember! One time- Mom told me this story- you and Vanitas were late for school, and-” _

_ Vanitas had no reason to spend all day in the tree, listening to the stories Sora told. They were stories about dead people who didn’t concern him. But he didn’t have anything better to do. _

_ “Vanitas!” Aqua called. “Dinner’s going to be ready soon.” To Vanitas’s disappointment, she looked up at the right tree and instantly spotted him, even in the shadow of late twilight.  _

_ He leapt off the tree. _

_ “I’m not hungry,” he said. _

_ Aqua’s voice was as even as a steel wall. “Even if that is true, you should come and sit with us anyway.” _

_ “No,” Vanitas said. He liked saying that to Aqua. _

_ “Sora’s going to be eating with us.” _

_ Vanitas didn’t answer. _

_ “Look,” Aqua said in her best coaxing voice, “I understand that you’re scared to face him-” _

_ “Scared?” Vanitas barked a laugh. “I’m not scared of a nine year old.” _

_ “Then eat with us.” _

_ When she put it like that… _

_ Vanitas appreciated one thing about the Realm of Light: they didn’t fuck around with ceremonies when they didn’t have to. The guardian-king thanked the host family and they all smiled, and then everyone got to eat. In the Realm of Darkness, back when he was human, sometimes the stupid fucking speeches and ceremonies meant they sat for hours before they even got to look at the food. Vanitas reached for some meat for the first time since he arrived in the Realm of Light, before looking back at the guardian-king. _

_ He was definitely in contact with his master. And Vanitas knew better than to disobey his master in front of someone who would tell on him.  _

_ The smell made Vanitas’s mouth water. There were bowls of warm rice, roasted vegetables, and some actual fucking meat covered in a sweet-smelling sauce. Vanitas scowled. He used to be so good at resisting food, but now that he had gotten back into the habit of eating again, it was harder than ever. At least it gave him an excuse to melt into the shadows and out of the house. _

_ “Vanii!” Sora shouted and ran after him. _

_ “Sora!” Ventus called. “Let him go!” _

_ But Sora was already running after him. The light of Kingdom Hearts reflecting off the quiet ocean made it impossible for Vanitas to jump through the shadows, but he could outrun a nine year old without even breaking a sweat. He had to give it to Sora- they ran for a long time before he stopped. _

_ “Do you not love me anymore?” _

_ The question was a weak croak, but Vanitas still heard it. He huffed and turned around. If he didn’t deal with this now, he’d have to deal with it for the rest of the week. _

_ “I’ll spell this out for you,” Vanitas said with the same voice he used as the Unversed, “I’m not Vanii. That kid died a long time ago. I’m just the monster that wears his face. Even that’s different.” _

_ Sora was still panting. “You’re… not… a monster.” _

_ Vanitas chuckled. “You’ve seen what I’ve done. The dreams don’t exactly spare details.”  _

_ “You’re my brother.” _

_ “No,” Vanitas said. “I look like your brother. I’ll tell you a secret, kid: the worst monsters are the ones who look like humans.”  _ <strike> _ Like his master. _ </strike> _ “Like me.” _

_ “You’re not a monster!” Sora insisted. _

_ Anger flared through Vanitas. He stalked over to Sora. _

_ “Shut up! You’re pissing me off with this ‘Vanii’ shit. Do you want me to show you how monstrous I can be?” _

_ Sora clenched his fists. “Maybe I do!” _

_ Sora was on the sand before the words had finished leaving his mouth. He knew how to fall correctly, so he didn’t even look dazed. Vanitas grabbed his neck, ready to squeeze the life out of it. _

_ He looked into Sora’s eyes. Unlike Vanitas’s usual prey, they held no fear- they were as clear as the sky itself. Vanitas’s eyes had been that blue once, hadn’t they?  _

_ It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that Sora  _ <strike> _ was his little brother _ </strike> _ had been born by the same people as Vanitas, because Vanitas was a monster. Killing a little boy alone in the dark where no one could hear him scream was a monstrous thing to do, and he was a monster. He could do it. He really could. _

_ So why wasn’t his hand tightening? _

_ Sora reached up and stroked his face.  _

_ “I’m sorry, Vanii.” _

_ “The fuck are you sorry for?” Vanitas spat before he knew he was saying anything. _

_ “This is all my fault. If I had found you sooner-” _

_ “What would you have done?” Vanitas shouted. “Given yourself to Xehanort? My master has no need for you, and neither do I!” _

_ “Then why are you crying?” _

_ Vanitas bore his teeth and wiped his eyes. “Shut up! You’re just a stupid kid! I don’t give a shit about you!” _

_ Sora looked into his eyes. _

_ “Then kill me,” he said without hesitation. _

_ “Fine!” Vanitas snarled. “I will!” _

_ Void Gear came to him in a flash. He held it above Sora’s chest, blinking back tears as he did. _

_ Sora didn’t even flinch. _

_ Vanitas looked at Void Gear, ready to plunge it in, when its teeth caught his eye. Gears from a broken clock forever frozen in the moment where his family had broken and scattered. Chains binding him to his master forever. Eyes always looking for danger.  _

_ He was a monster now. He didn’t have a family. The closest thing he had was his master. _

_ “I looked everywhere for you,” Vanitas found himself saying. “I scoured the entire city for you. I spent hours fantasizing about running away to find you. And now, here you are.” He laughed, or maybe he sobbed. “It’s too late, Sora! Our family is dead! Shio’s in another body, Roxas tries to kill anything that looks at him wrong, Ven has some stranger wearing his face, and me? I’m not even human anymore!” _

_ “It took a long time,” Sora said, “and we’re all a little different now, but we still have the same hearts. It’s not too late. You found me, Vanii. You’re still my brother. You’ll always be my brother.” _

_ Vanitas let go of Void Gear. It disappeared before it even hit Sora’s body. He collapsed into the sand. _

_ The waves murmured. Kingdom Hearts kept shining down it brilliant, unending light. In the distance, Vanitas could faintly hear the murmurs and laughter from the dinner they had run from. Behind them, creatures of the night began to stir in the trees. Vanitas could hear their howls and chirps. The entire world smelled of salt and water. _

_ “I love you,” Sora said. _

_ “‘Course you do,” Vanitas replied. “You’re Sora. You love everyone.” _

_ Before Vanitas could think about it too much, he grabbed his brother and hugged him to his chest, just like he had been wanting to do for years. Sora didn’t resist. Vanitas could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and feel it in his own twisted black mass of of a heart. He took a deep breath. Vanitas didn’t know he had missed Sora’s scent until it was weaving its way back into his memories of a simpler time, when he was whole and knew of peace and love. _

_ “Will you stay with me this week?” Sora asked. _

_ “I guess I have nothing better to do,” Vanitas said.  _

_ He could feel Sora’s smile even though he wasn’t facing him. _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Mm-hm.” Vanitas grinned in a way that he hadn’t in a very long time. “You can show me that boy you have a crush on.” _

_ “Vanii!” Sora squirmed his way out of his arms. “I don’t have a crush on Riku!” _

_ “Really? Just like you don’t have a crush on Kairi?” _

_ “Vanii…” Sora covered his face in his hands as he flailed dramatically. “It’s not like that! ‘Sides, it’s not like I can date both of them.” _

_ “Why not?” _

_ “‘Cuz.” _

_ “‘Cuz people say you can’t?” _

_ Sora uncovered his face. “‘Cuz people don’t say I can.” _

_ Vanitas put his hand on Sora’s head and ruffled his hair. “I’ll tell you what. You hold hands and smooch whoever you want, and if people say it’s wrong, you just tell ‘em that your big brother Vanitas’ll fuck ‘em up. They’ll be so scared they won’t know what else to say.” _

_ Sora looked back at Vanitas with wide eyes. “That’s a bad word! You shouldn’t say it!” _

_ Vanitas laughed. Deep in his heart, he felt something small shift, like two gears clicking back into place. _

_ The rest of the week was uneventful. Sora dragged Vanitas around the island, introducing him to everyone he saw. The Destiny Islands were close enough to the Realm of Darkness that some people had heard of Vanitas. He failed to hold back his laughter every time someone’s face morphed from friendly interest to nervous disbelief once they heard his name.  _

_ Sometimes Ventus would invite himself along, and sometimes he was too busy braiding hair, splashing in waves, singing songs, and doing other Lightner shit with Aqua. The two of them started smiling at Vanitas more. It pissed him off. He wasn’t domesticating himself just because he started hanging around a kid. _

_ The morning they were supposed to leave, he burned their underclothes, just so they didn’t forget who they were dealing with. _

  
  


_ The first letter was waiting for Vanitas once they got back. He spent the entire day he was banned from lessons reading it and combing it over in his thoughts again and again. _

I underestimated Eraqus’s patience. Improve your behavior.

_ It was neutral enough to not raise suspicion if it was intercepted, but Vanitas understood exactly what he was saying. _

_ He didn’t even think about responding. Orders, after all, were only meant to be followed. _

  
  


_ The changing of the princesses on the summer solstice was met with a celebratory dinner. Apparently, only two to three princesses served at the Land of Departure at a time. Princess Aurora and Princess Snow White were leaving, and Princess Jasmine and Princess Anna were taking their place. The only time all seven were gathered was during times of crisis or ceremony. The guardian-king sat at the head of the table, so Vanitas had no reason to even be at the dinner. He waited for the guardian-king’s speech to begin before loudly getting up and stomping out of the room for the hell of it. The guardian-king didn’t even pause. Damn, he was good. _

_ He was headed for the kitchen to snatch some excess food when something caught his nose: meat. It wasn’t cooked, but Vanitas could make fire, and if he had to have nothing but fucking lentils one more time he was going to break every single plate in the castle. They couldn’t outrun him forever. The last time he had even smelled meat was at the Destiny Islands, and that visit was more than a month ago. _

_ A new scent joined the meat. It was the scent of fur and palace perfume. It was familiar, but Vanitas couldn’t place the memory. He followed the scents outside of the castle itself. He turned around a corner- _

_ -and locked eyes with a tiger. _

_ Void Gear was in his hand and Vanitas was in a fighting stance before he even took his next breath. He immediately shifted his gaze from the tiger’s eyes, which would be interpreted as a challenge, to the body, where Vanitas could read its movements better. At least Vanitas learned where the scent of meat was coming from- bits of bone were strewn in front of its paws, and its whiskers were studded with small bits of meat. _

_ What the fuck was a  _ tiger _ doing at the Land of Departure, the castle of the Realm of Light, where the local pastime was picking flowers and singing songs?  _

_ Vanitas only recognized the creature from a visit to the Coliseum. His master had bet against the frontrunner, but he was doing too well. At the last second, he ordered that Vanitas be the final opponent, just in case the frontrunner actually managed to win. He had been doing well for a human. There was a cut on his arm, but other than that, he had hardly looked tired. Vanitas thought that he might have to put in effort for a fight against him. But the original final opponent was a tiger. The fight had hardly lasted seconds. A lifetime of the man’s training and the sharpest weapons in the realm were nothing compared to the tiger’s speed and bulk. The man hardly had time to cry out before the beast was chewing on his corpse. _

_ Even Vanitas knew he couldn’t have killed the man that quickly. He trained and suffered and bled for years to be half the killer the tiger was born as. _

_ And yet one was casually lying in the courtyard of the Lighner castle.  _

_ Vanitas knew he was powerful, and was proud of it, but he wasn’t stupid. He’d fight the tiger only if he had to. He could probably win, but there was no way he would walk away unscathed. Understanding passed between the two of them, beast to beast.  _

_ The tiger was thinking the exact same thing. _

_ Something caught the tiger’s attention. Vanitas didn’t take his eyes off the tiger, but he heard the sound of running footsteps. _

_ “RAJAH!” _

_ Vanitas’s attention was so honed on the tiger he didn’t notice Ventus approach until he was taking a flying leap at the tiger. _

_ “Ventus!” _

_ Vanitas’s shout slipped out before he could really think about it. But Ventus was too focused on the tiger to even notice. _

_ “It’s so good to see you again! You’re so soft and fluffy! Who’s a good kitty? You’re a good kitty! Yes you are!” _

_ Vanitas’s jaw dropped. He knew Ventus was naive and impulsive, but he didn’t think he was  _ stupid _ . He was petting and cooing at the tiger like it was an excited puppy and not a FUCKING TIGER. _

_ Maybe Vanitas was hallucinating. He was hungry and not as used to going without food, so maybe he was seeing things. It hadn’t happened before, but it would make more sense than Ventus giggling as he nuzzled a FUCKING TIGER. _

_ The darkness in Vanitas’s heart flared, and he was filled with a bit more strength. He blinked and looked back. _

_ Nope, Ventus was still cuddling with a killer beast. It wasn’t a hunger-caused illusion after all.  _

_ “What the fuck are you doing?” Vanitas finally managed to ask. _

_ Ventus looked up from rubbing behind the tiger’s ears. _

_ “Petting Rajah! He’s Princess Jasmine’s.” Ventus seemed to notice Vanitas’s position for the first time. “Put your Keyblade away. He says it’s making him nervous.”  _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “I’m not stupid enough to let my guard down in front of a  _ tiger _ . Even if you are.” _

_ Ventus frowned. “You’re the stupid one! Rajah is a good kitty” He turned back to the tiger. “Isn’t that right?” _

_ The tiger seemed to be enjoying the affection, but Vanitas refused to relax. _

_ “It’s not a ‘kitty,’ it’s a wild animal. It’s like cuddling with a Heartless. You can’t tame it. It might be complacent for now, but one day, if you even move in the wrong way, it’ll kill you before you can even see it coming. You can never really trust it. Once a killer, always a killer.” _

_ "That’s not true!” Ventus sat down and leaned against the tiger, stroking its fur absentmindedly as he spoke. “Rajah loves Princess Jasmine, and she loves him. He has no reason to attack anyone, so he won’t.” _

_ “It’s a beast,” Vanitas said. “It can’t love anyone.” _

_ Ventus pouted and shifted more of his attention back to the tiger. “Now you’re just being mean. Rajah says to stop projecting.” _

_ Did Ventus inherit Ven’s weird ability to talk to animals, or was Ventus just veiling his jab? _

_ Before Vanitas could retort, another pair of footsteps started to approach. Vanitas and the tiger shifted their attention at the same time. He recognized the sound of Aqua’s boots on the flagstones. _

_ “What’s going on?” she asked. She was carrying a plate. “Oh, Rajah!” _

_ She put the plate down and jogged up to the tiger, pressing her forehead against the tiger’s with a smile. “It’s very nice to see you. How’s Agrabah?” _

_ “He says it’s still sandy,” Ventus said. _

_ “Isn’t that true,” Aqua murmured as she stroked the tiger’s fur. _

_ It wasn’t just Ventus. The entire castle was full of dumbasses with no survival instinct. _

_ “Vanitas is scared of Rajah,” Ven taunted. _

_ “Don’t be mean, Ven,” Aqua chided. “Most tigers aren’t nearly as nice as Rajah. It makes sense that he’s on guard.” _

_ “But his Keyblade is making Rajah nervous,” Ven said.  _

_ Aqua looked up from the tiger. “I brought some food for you, Vanitas, since you don’t eat in front of the Master.” _

_ Vanitas took a final glance at the tiger before dismissing Void Gear and backing away towards the plate. There were fucking lentils on it, but at least they were wrapped in a flatbread. Vanitas started shoving it into his mouth, not taking his eyes off the tiger. _

_ The tiger had taken his eyes off of him, and was now nudging Ventus with his head. Aqua was giggling and burying her face into its neck. _

_ Vanitas still couldn’t believe it was happening. _

_ He heard another pair of footsteps, but they didn’t belong to the guardian-king, so Vanitas didn’t take his eyes off the tiger. _

_ “Oh, were you keeping Rajah company?” Princess Jasmine asked as she saw Aqua and Ventus. “I was just checking in on him.” She looked down at Vanitas. “You’re eating outside? What a good idea. It’s such a nice night out. We should all eat outside.” _

_ Vanitas was too stunned to answer even if his mouth weren’t stuffed with food. _

_ “Once Vanitas is done eating,” Ven said. _

_ Princess Jasmine looked back at Vanitas. “I don’t want to exclude him,” she said. _

_ “It’s not like that,” Aqua said. “Besides, he’s almost done.” _

_ Vanitas licked his fingers and threw the plate behind him. To his constant disappointment and amazement, the plate righted itself at the last second and flew back into the kitchen. Vanitas wasn’t far behind. He slipped away and spent the rest of the night watching the celebration dinner from the roof of one of the towers.  _

_ The lanterns lit the courtyard like it was midday. The princesses were sitting together and talking. Ventus and Aqua were playing some sort of training game. The guardian-king sat by the tiger, listening to the chatter or thinking some bullshit wise guardian-king thing to tell Vanitas the next time he refused to obey. Absentmindedly, he reached over to pat the tiger on the head. _

_ Vanitas began thinking about ways to burn the castle to the ground. It would get him arrested, but then he wouldn’t have to be around such batshit insanity. _

  
  


_ Vanitas was lounging on his too-soft bed with his eyes closed, trying to  _ <strike> _ work up the nerve _ </strike> _ get himself to open his master’s newest letter, when a knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. In the blink of an eye, he was out of bed and facing the door, Void Gear in attack position. _

_ “Vanitas?” _

_ He lowered his Keyblade. It was just Ventus. _

_ “What the fuck do you want?” _

_ “Can I talk to you?” _

_ What a stupid question. _

_ “You’re doing it anyway. What the fuck do you want?” _

_ Ventus opened the door. _

_ “Why are you so mean all the time?” _

_ Vanitas blinked, then he chuckled. _

_ “Frustrated I’m not falling in line yet? You’re very impatient, Venty, but maybe the other strays you picked up started licking your boots this fast.” _

_ “I don’t want you to lick my boots,” Ventus said. “I just want you to stop being so mean all the time.” _

_ Vanitas grinned. “You want me to wear a pretty smile on my face and not speak unless spoken to and pick flowers all day. But that’s not happening.” _

_ “You know, you can actually be not horrible,” Ventus said. “But then you do stuff like hold me down and light my hair on fire-” _

_ “That was months ago. You’re still on about it?” _

_ “You’re grumpy and bratty, I get it,” Ventus said. “But I want you to stop messing with us or our stuff.” _

_ Vanitas appreciated times like these, times when he was reminded that Ventus wasn’t Ven despite their shared faces and shared habits. Ven was so timid he couldn’t even defend himself in a confrontation, let alone start one. He never bit back. But Ventus did. _

_ “Venty-” _

_ “Why won’t you call me Ven?” _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “Your name is Ventus. It’s who you are.” _

_ “Do you even know what a nickname is?” _

_ “Of fucking course I do,” Vanitas snarled. _

_ He was the one who made that nickname in the first place. _

<strike> _ It was his first word. _ </strike>

_ Ventus balled his fists. “Fine. But I still don’t understand why you’re so mean.” _

_ “I’m not mean, I’m just not stupid enough to listen to your empty words about kindness and naivety. You can’t control me!” _

_ Ventus bristled. “Bold words for someone still taking orders from Xehanort!” _

_ Vanitas stilled.  _

_ “You went through my room.” _

_ “No,” Ventus said. “There’s a letter on your desk. You don’t have any friends, and he doesn’t write friendly letters.” _

_ “Shut up! You don’t know anything about him! He’s a good master!” _

_ That seemed to take Ventus aback. “Are you kidding? I’ve had to see what he’s done to you. He couldn’t be a worse master if he tried!” _

_ “So just because you’re a wimp who has to be babied in training, he’s a bad master?” _

_ “He hurts you!” _

_ Vanitas shrugged. “He doesn’t punish me unless I deserve it. It’s not my fault you’re squeamish about it.” _

_ Ventus looked sad for some stupid reason. “You don’t deserve it. There’s nothing you could do to make you deserve what Xehanort does to you. Nobody deserves to be hurt like that.” _

_ “No person,” Vanitas corrected. “I’m getting a little sick of this dress-up game. I’m not a person. Stop trying to make me act like one. I’m a Heartless. Maybe you’re not strong enough to see hearts yet, but mine is all darkness. Do you want to know the reason my master is so hard on me? It’s because that’s how you control Heartless. I’ve been doing it for years. You don’t get them to obey through patience and encouragement, you make them obey.” He jutted out his chin. “He’s my master. He’s the one who tells me what to do, and I obey. None of you can control me, but he’s the strongest man in Scala ad Caelum. I’m the beast, and he’s my master. That’s how things are.” _

_ Ventus looked at Vanitas like he had just killed a kitten. “You’re not a Heartless, you’re a person. Xehanort doesn’t deserve your loyalty. You deserve better.” _

_ Vanitas scoffed. “I don’t give a damn what you think. Now leave me alone.” _

_ Ventus walked away. From the sound of his breathing, he was crying as he did it. _

_ What a fucking wimp. _

_ Vanitas admitted to himself there were some things he liked better about the Realm of Light. Being able to eat again was nice, the guardian-king didn’t even smack him when he disobeyed, and people didn’t enter his room without asking. But Vanitas was just turning soft. He belonged to his master, and nothing could change that. _

  
  


_ Vanitas was going to his room after a ‘training’ session (there was nothing the Lightners could teach him that his master couldn’t) when he heard a pair of unfamiliar footsteps. He turned his head and saw a young woman around Aqua’s age. _

_ “Um… can I heal you?” she asked. _

_ Vanitas blinked. “Who the fuck even are you?” _

_ “Oh! Sorry.” The woman laughed nervously and nodded her head politely. “I’m Princess Rapunzel. I’m not due for rotation until this winter, but the guardian-king wanted to speak to me about something, sooo here I am!” _

_ “If you’ve already talked to him, go home. If not, talk to him, so you can get out of my face.” _

_ Princess Rapunzel drooped a little. “So that’s a no on the healing? Are you sure? You’re covered in scars, and if your bones aren’t fixed properly, they could break again.” _

_ “How do you know that?” Vanitas barked. _

_ Shit, he had basically admitted it. He had fallen out of the habit of watching his words. _

_ Princess Rapunzel closed her eyes. “I’m not very good at divination, but my heart tells me when someone needs healing.” She pointed at his ankle. “Your ankle broke and didn’t heal correctly. Your torso is covered in scars- did someone stab you?” They were gifts from targets who Vanitas hadn’t disabled well enough before he started to play with them. “And your ribs are a mess. I don’t think a single one is undamaged. They’re more patchwork than bone.” Vanitas did his best to guard his vitals, but his master was good at finding his unguarded spots. He became very good at guarding them, but he wasn’t at first. “And there’s a scar on your cheek.” What else was he supposed to do when Aqua said he couldn’t heal himself so he might as well take her healing? Patching the cut on his cheek with darkness was like cauterizing a cat scratch, but at least he proved he didn’t need their damn pity. _

_ “You think you can heal all of that by yourself?” Vanitas asked. _

_ “I know I can!” _

_ “And what’s in it for you?” _

_ “Nothing,” Princess Rapunzel said. _

_ Vanitas scoffed and turned away. It sounded too good to be true, so it probably was. _

_ “Well, not nothing. I like healing people. I can never get enough practice, you know? Besides, it’s nice to use my powers for others and not just…”  _

_ She trailed off. _

_ “Will it hurt?” Vanitas asked before he could stop himself. _

_ “Nope! It’ll take a while, though, with all of that scarring. You might get bored. And I do have the tendency to prattle on as I heal.” _

_ That sounded obnoxious as fuck, but at least it wasn’t too good to be true anymore. _

_ “Fine. But if you touch me, I’ll kill you. I don’t give a damn who you are.” _

_ Princess Rapunzel looked serious, but not scared. It bugged Vanitas. _

_ “Okay. Now, let’s find a place for you to sit down… Oh! The meditation room’s around here, isn’t it? Man, I love that place. There are so many pillows. Does that sound good to you?” _

_ “I don’t give a fuck either way.” _

_ “Great! Let’s go!” _

_ She was like a nightmare combination of Ventus and Aqua. Why was he doing this again? _

_ The meditation room was dark for a Lightner room. There were only small windows near the top of the room. Unlike the other rooms and halls in the castle, the walls were plain white with no pillars or colorful decorations. The pillows scattered around the room were the only colorful things in the room. There was a small table with incense. Luckily, it wasn’t lit, so it smelled nice and not overwhelming. _

_ “Sit down and get comfortable. This might take a while.” _

_ Vanitas sat down against the wall on an especially large and fluffy pillow. Princess Rapunzel sat in front of him and held her hands in front of his ankle. _

_ She began to sing. _

_ “Flower, gleam and glow _

_ Let your power shine _

_ Make the clock reverse  _

_ Bring back what once was mine _

_ Heal what has been hurt _

_ Change the fates’ design _

_ Save what has been lost _

_ Bring back what once was mine _

_ What once was mine” _

_ Vanitas’s ankle began to glow. The healing magic Vanitas saw before seemed to have a greenish glow, but this light was golden, and it smelled more floral and less grassy. When she was done, he rotated his ankle. It felt more… stable, but didn’t feel too different. _

_ Princess Rapunzel moved her focus to an injury in his leg that Vanitas had honestly forgotten about. She made sure to keep her distance as she reached out her hands. _

_ “Are you going to sing the song every time?” _

_ Princess Rapunzel smiled. “No. I like starting healing sessions with it, though. It’s kind of a habit, to be honest. My… well, she wasn’t my mother, but she… raised me, I suppose. She taught me how to use my healing powers through the song- maybe she didn’t know I was a Princess of Heart. I didn’t even know what a Princess of Heart was.” _

_ “Did you live under a rock?” _

_ “Nope! Just a tower. ‘Mother’ kept me in there for eighteen years!” Princess Rapunzel laughed, but there was no joy in it. “And she said she loved me, but she really loved my healing. If Eugene hadn’t helped me, I might have been trapped there forever.” _

_ “Eugene?” _

_ “My husband.” Her smile shifted into something sickly-sweet. “He’s so funny, and kind, and handsome. I love him so much. He helped me out of the tower, but I had to free myself. I had to realize that I was a person, not her tool, and I deserved better. I deserve to live my own life.” _

_ To Vanitas’s annoyance, Ventus’s words came back to him. _

“You don’t deserve it. There’s nothing you could do to make you deserve what Xehanort does to you. Nobody deserves to be hurt like that.”

_ Well, Princess Rapunzel was a person. Vanitas wasn’t. That was the difference between them. _

_ “What happened?” Vanitas asked without thinking too much about it. He didn’t care about some Princess of Heart’s tragic sob story. He just had nothing better to do while she was healing him. _

_ “She… died.” _

_ Vanitas raised an eyebrow. “Did you kill her?” _

_ Princess Rapunzel laughed nervously and touched the tips of her short, brown hair. “No… in a way, Eugene did, but she was old. My magic was the only thing keeping her together. She’s gone now. I try not to dwell on it. But I still sing the song every time I heal someone, and I do my best to heal as many people as I can. She’s already dead, but I feel like I reclaim myself every time I do. It’s my song now. And it’s my magic. I’m not hers anymore, and I never was.” _

_ “So you heal people out of spite? I can almost respect that.” _

_ “It’s not spite… well, I guess it is a little. But that’s not a very Princess of Heart thing to do, is it?” _

_ This time, Vanitas laughed. _

_ “A Princess of Heart working out of spite. You know, I think I actually like you. You’re better than every other Princess of Heart I’ve met.” _

_ Princess Rapunzel smiled. “Thank you! But my sisters aren’t bad at all. Princess Cinderella has a very similar story, but it’s not my place to tell. You should ask her about it. I’m sure she…” _

_ Vanitas lost track of time as Princess Rapunzel prattled on. By the time the last of his pain had left his body, it felt like no time had passed at all. _

_ “And… done! How do you feel?” _

_ Vanitas stood up and stretched.  _

_ “Not too bad,” he admitted.  _

_ Princess Rapunzel smiled. “I’m glad to hear it. Next time you’re hurt, just ask Lady Aqua to patch you up. You don’t need to do it yourself if it hurts.”  _

_ “I can handle it.” _

_ “But you don’t have to. It’s okay to ask for help, Vanitas.” _

_ He left without another word. _

_ It took him too long to realize he had never told her his name, or that it hurt to heal with the darkness. _

  
  


_ “Close your eyes,” Guardian-king Eraqus instructed. “Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.” _

_ Vanitas did so as loudly as possible. The only reason he was there was because he had nothing better to do, but doing nothing sounded more interesting than closing his eyes and breathing. _

_ “Reach out with your heart. Feel the heartbeats of your peers.” _

_ Tch. As if they were peers. _

_ “Everything is connected,” he droned as he circled them. Vanitas heard his footsteps on the soft grass. “From the smallest-” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus stepped behind him. Vanitas jumped back, Void Gear already in his hand. Ventus and Aqua opened their eyes to look at him. _

_ The guardian-king’s face softened slightly. “My apologies. I did not mean to startle you.” _

_ Vanitas’s face burned as he sat back down, and he seethed for the remainder of the lesson.  _

_ The guardian-king was unflappable. No matter what shit Vanitas pulled, the worst he got was a steely tone of voice and a frown. But Vanitas was the Unversed. He could break anyone he wanted to. _

_ He knew where the guardian-king’s chambers were, but he had never been there. Vanitas cursed himself for not thinking of the possibilities sooner. There was sure to be something in there that Vanitas could use to piss him off. _

_ When he turned the corner to the hallway where it was, Vanitas froze. Ventus was sitting against the door, playing with some string. He heard him and looked up. _

_ “Are you going to destroy the master’s stuff now?” Ventus asked. _

_ “The fuck are you talking about?” _

_ Ventus got up and stretched. “I finally figured it out. You’re grumpy all the time, but you’re only cruel sometimes. You killed a bird after you had your first flashback, you burned our clothes after we saw you with Sora, stuff like that. Every time we see something you consider a weakness, you lash out to make up for it.” _

_ Vanitas bristled. “You got me all figured out, haven’t you?” _

_ Ventus tucked his arms behind his head. “Yup. The master startled you today, and here you are.” _

_ Vanitas bore his teeth with a growl. “Do you think you’re fucking smart or something?” _

_ Ventus looked way too relaxed. “Not really. I just wanted you to know that you don’t need to do this. We don’t think you’re weak. Whenever you want to be friends, just let us know. You’re really different from us, and I think that’s really cool.” _

_ Vanitas pushed him against the wall with a yowl.  _

_ “DON’T MOCK ME, YOU PATRONIZING PIECE OF SHIT!” _

_ Ventus looked startled, but not scared. _

_ “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I just want to be your friend. And, now that I know why you keep destroying things, you don’t have to do it anymore.” _

_ Vanitas’s breath came in huffs. _

_ “Because you want to  _ help _ me, right? You think that because I got smacked around a bit that I’m a little bitch that needs to be rescued?” _

_ “That’s not true,” Ventus said. “I want to help you because you don’t deserve to be smacked around, but that’s not it.” He glanced away. His voice was quiet. “If it helps, you can think of it as repayment. I owe you.” _

_ Vanitas scoffed. “That dream bullshit happened months ago. Get over yourself.” _

_ “It’s not that,” Ventus said. “You woke me up after the Battle of Radiant Garden.” _

_ Vanitas’s entire body froze. _

_ “What?” _

_ “I was almost gone. My heart was a mess. I wasn’t anything but a shell, really. But then I heard a voice. It took me a while to realize, but it was yours, wasn’t it? That’s how I learned my name. You said you’d see me again.” Ventus’s voice was barely above a whisper. “And you- you said that you loved me.” _

_ Vanitas’s heart twisted. _

_ “The boy who said that is dead,” he said. He hated the crack in his voice. “And so is the boy he was talking to. The two of us have nothing in common with them.” _

_ “That’s not true,” Ventus said. “I might have forgotten who you were, but my heart didn’t. I think… I think that’s why I want to be your friend. Because it feels right.” Ventus closed his eyes. “Deep in my heart, I know that you’re supposed to be beside me.” _

_ Vanitas scoffed. “Shut up! My brother died years ago. He’s gone!” _

_ “I’m right here, Vanitas!” Ven shouted. “Why can’t you see that?” _

_ It felt like opening his eyes after a long dream and seeing the morning sun streaming through the windows. The gears inside the broken clock creaked back into movement, and it started ticking again for the first time in more than four years. _

_ For the first time, Vanitas saw his brother in Ventus, because that’s where he had been the entire time. _

_ Ven wasn’t dead. He had grown out of himself like a tree from a seed. He wasn’t not Ven, he was Ven-tus. Different, but still the same.  _

_ His brother was alive. _

_ His brother was  _ alive.

_ Slowly, Vanitas reached out his hand. This was what he had wanted for years. He had been searching for his brother ever since he saw the first Heartless in the streets of Radiant Garden, and, finally, he had found him. _

_ “There you are,” Vanitas said quietly. “I looked everywhere for you, stupid.” _

_ He gripped Ventus’s shoulders and gritted his teeth as tears slipped out from his face. _

_ “Where were you? I looked everywhere, but you weren’t there! You were supposed to be there! What the fuck was I supposed to do without you, huh?” _

_ Ventus held out his arms, and Vanitas wanted nothing more but to run into them, but he knew it would be too much and he would freak out, so he snatched his hand and cupped it to his face instead. _

_ “I missed you so much.” _

_ “I’m sorry,” Ventus said. “But I’m here now. We’ll never be apart again.” _

_ A part of Vanitas was scared to cry so openly. But Ventus was crying, too, and Vanitas knew he would never hurt him. He was his twin, his other half, the phantom limb he hadn’t realized was aching. The world had faded to a pearly bubble with just the two of them inside it, safe and sound as they cried away their loss and pain. _

_ “So,” Ventus finally said with a sheepish smile. “Do you want to be friends?” _

_ “You’re so fucking stupid,” Vanitas said back. “You’re already my best friend.” _

  
  


_ Heartless couldn’t feel love. Vanitas was a Heartless. Vanitas loved his siblings. _

_ He shifted in his too-soft bed as he pondered the contradiction. It felt like one of the riddles his master- _

_ Vanitas didn’t want to think about his master at that moment. _

_ He kept turning the thoughts over and over again like Ventus fiddling with that Wayfinder charm of his. Heartless couldn’t feel love anymore than a wildfire or sandstorm could. They were a force that could be directed and little more; even that required outside input from a powerful human. The idea that they could have the capacity to love was laughable. Even if, by some miracle, they could, they were the kind of force that would choose not to. _

_ Vanitas was a Heartless. He knew that was true. His heart was all darkness, and Heartless were made of darkness. Vanitas knew he was different from anyone else in Scala ad Caelum. He could feel it. It wasn’t in the same way the Lightners meant when they ‘felt something in their hearts,’ but he knew he was different. And if he wasn’t different because he wasn’t human, why did he feel so different? _

_ Vanitas loved his siblings. He had avoided thinking about why he had hung around Sora for a week instead of killing him in the sand, but finding Ven within Ventus forced him to confront the fact. He would deny it if he could, but Vanitas was good at survival, and being good at survival meant knowing his weaknesses. He had to accept that he owed Xion a debt he could never repay for leaving her behind in her past life. He had to accept that, in the beginning, he had done everything for Roxas and would do so again if he was able to. He had to accept the fact that if Sora needed him, Vanitas would dive into a corridor of darkness without thinking to be there for him. He had to accept the fact that now that he had Ventus again, he would do anything to keep him safe. _

_ But would that include defying his master? _

_ The thought made Vanitas turn over in his fluffy, ridiculous excuse for a bed. Even when he had a bed in his room, there was no way it was this soft. How could anybody sleep on something like this? _

_ Months at the Land of Departure had made Vanitas incredibly soft himself. His master had to know that he was eating and would definitely beat the shit out of him the second he returned home. He wasn’t even reading his letters. Out of impulse, he had burned one, and now he couldn’t work up the nerve to even open another one. He had become too much of a coward to even think about his master. _

_ What would he do if his master asked him to kill Ventus? Vanitas wasn’t naive enough to even pretend that his master would never do that. Ventus was a prince-knight who served the Realm of Light. Vanitas served his master, and he knew that his master wasn’t content to let the peace between the two realms sit when he could make it his. His master could make anything his. _

_ If his master told him to kill Ventus, Vanitas wouldn’t have a choice. He had to listen to his master. He was his Heartless. _

_ But was he even a Heartless? _

_ Vanitas gritted his teeth. He wasn’t getting anywhere. _

_ His entire world felt like it was crumbling, but his master was a constant, steady as an iron rod. Vanitas would return to him. Maybe he would manage to make it back before the exchange was set to end, or maybe he wouldn’t go back until the next spring equinox, which was months away, but he would return to his master. He owed him that much. His master would beat the shit out of him for all of his fuck-ups, but that was inevitable. _

_ Vanitas figured if he was going to have the shit beaten out of him, he might as well have a full stomach, a healed body, and some dark mockery of love in his heart when it happened. _

  
  


_ “Do you know what’s the best part of living in a castle of clairvoyants?” _

_ Vanitas looked up from his reading nook. It was near the top of the castle, looking out the highest window. He had chosen it because almost no one came up there. _

_ And yet, somehow, Ventus had found him. _

_ “Enlighten me,” Vanitas drawled, turning the page of his book. _

_ There was a glint in Ventus’s eye. Vanitas noticed that he was carrying a pile of sheets in a wagon. As he spoke, he sat down and began to knot them together. _

_ “Summer’s almost over. Soon it’s going to be too cold to do anything outside. There’s not a lot of time left to experiment. I’m so mad I didn’t think of the possibilities sooner!” _

_ Vanitas glanced over from his book. “I don’t understand what this has to do with the Princesses of Heart.” _

_ There was pure excitement in Ventus’s eyes. “We don’t have to be afraid of anything! We can try any crazy stunt we want, because if something really bad was going to happen, the Princesses of Heart would warn us about it. Plus, there’s always healing magic, right?” _

_ That was enough to persuade Vanitas to put down his book. _

_ “I’m listening.” _

_ Ventus held up some of the sheets. “I want to see if-” _

_ “NO!” _

_ Princess Anna came bursting through the door. _

_ “But-” _

_ “No! No no no!” _

_ Vanitas couldn’t hold in his laughter as Princess Anna began gathering up the sheets. _

_ “Not even-” _

_ “No! You’re a prince-knight of the Realm of Light! You’re supposed to be smarter than this! What would Lady Aqua say if she knew what you were doing?” _

_ Ventus turned his puppy eyes around at Vanitas. “C’mon, back me up?” _

_ Vanitas was laughing too hard to say anything. _

_ Princess Anna picked up the wagon handle and pointed at Ventus. “Go to your room and read a book or something! And don’t even think about trying anything like this again. Ever! That is an order from your Princess!” _

_ Ventus looked down. “Yes, my lady.” _

_ She stormed out of the room. A few seconds later, she stomped back in and stuck her head through the door. _

_ “And don’t eat the last piece of pie. The guardian-king has been saving it for after his meeting. You know that fruit is his favorite.” _

_ Ventus really looked like a kicked puppy now. “Okay…” _

_ When Vanitas’s laughter finally died down, he grinned. _

_ “You’re right,” he said. “That is the best part of living in a castle full of clairvoyants.” _

  
  


_ The fall equinox celebration dinner was better than the summer solstice dinner. For one, the food was much better. Instead of fucking lentils, there was a pumpkin soup Vanitas could sneak into a goblet. It actually tasted good.  _

_ “I’m glad that fucking tiger’s leaving,” Vanitas said through sips of his soup.  _

_ Princess Jasmine and Princess Anna were switching out for Princess Cinderella and Princess Kairi. Since Princess Kairi wasn’t even nine years old, Princess Aurora had volunteered to return to the Land of Departure to help out as well. _

_ “I’m going to miss Rajah,” Ventus whined. “I’m sad you never made friends with him.” _

_ “Of fucking course I didn’t make friends with the fucking tiger. It’s a tiger.” _

_ “Let’s not start this argument again,” Aqua said.  _

_ “Okay,” Ventus said like the obedient little shit he was. “Aqua, what do you think of Princess Cinderella’s dress tonight?” _

_ “It’s lovely,” Aqua sighed. “It suits her.” _

_ She looked almost… lovestruck. _

_ Vanitas looked at Ventus. He was grinning in childish glee and nodded to the unspoken question. _

_ “Aqua,” Vanitas said, “do you have a crush on Cinderella?” _

_ She made a sound like a hamster getting stepped on. _

_ “What? It would be highly inappropriate to develop feelings for a married Princess of Heart.” _

_ Vanitas smirked. “You didn’t answer the question.” _

_ Aqua pouted and stabbed a bite of squash with her fork. Ventus took pity on her and changed subjects again.  _

_ “Vanitas, do you recognize Princess Kairi?” _

_ Vanitas looked at her. “There’s no way that’s Sora’s Kairi.” _

_ “Yup,” Ventus said. “The very same.” _

_ Huh. What a small world. _

_ “She’s from Radiant Garden, too,” Ventus continued. “I think she was Ansem the Wise’s daughter.” _

_ Vanitas froze. “Was she now?” _

_ Ventus and Aqua’s heads whipped towards him. _

_ “Why are you saying it like that?” Ventus asked. _

_ “Like what?” _

_ “Like you want to hurt her for it.” Aqua’s voice was a steely tone Vanitas hadn’t heard in months. “She isn’t her father. Whatever it is you’re mad about, let it go.” _

_ “You don’t understand-” _

_ “No,” Aqua said, “you don’t understand. It’s our job to protect her, no matter the cost. I don’t want to hurt you, but if you even think about laying a hand on her, it’s my duty to kill you.” _

_ Vanitas frowned. “Fine.” _

_ The rest of the dinner passed in tense silence. _

_ “I know you’re there, Vanitas,” Kairi said. “Aqua isn’t around. You can come out.” _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes. He was as silent as the shadows and unseen as the darkness itself. He had followed her for hours, ever since the sun had set and Kingdom Hearts began glowing in the sky. How did she- _

_ “I didn’t hear you or see you, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said. “But I know you’re there.” _

_ He appeared right behind her. _

_ “Because you’re a little girl and you know shit,” he rasped. _

_ Kairi turned. She didn’t even look startled.  _

_ “Because I’m a Princess of Heart,” she said. _

_ Void Gear was already in Vanitas’s hand. _

_ “If you’re so fucking smart, then you must know why I’m here.” _

_ “You’re mad at me for something my father did,” Kairi said. “But I don’t know what. And because he’s dead now, you’re after me.” _

_ “Hmph.” _

_ Kairi tucked her arms behind her back and looked into Vanitas’s yellow eyes with the confidence of a child. “So, what is it? What did Father do that was so bad that you want to kill me for it?” _

_ Vanitas bared his teeth. “You mean you don’t know? Your stupid fucking father razed his own city just so my master couldn’t have it. He tore my family apart! He almost killed Ventus!” _

_ Kairi looked almost… sad. “So Xehanort lied to you, too.” _

_ “The fuck did you say?” _

_ She looked ahead, unfocused. Her tiny hands bunched into fists. “I saw him lead the Heartless into the city! I heard him order them to destroy it! But Eraqus won’t believe me because I’m Ansem’s kid daughter.” _

_ “No shit,” Vanitas said. “You were what, five? I don’t agree with the old man on a lot of things, but this is one of them.” _

_ “Eraqus denied it so much I believed him,” Kairi said. “But I went back to Radiant Garden and asked the crows. They never forget a face, and they said I was right!” _

_ “Why should I believe you?” Vanitas spat.  _

_ “Between the two of us, which one is more likely to be lying?” Kairi asked. “A child Princess of Heart with no darkness in her heart? Or the best liar in Scala ad Caelum?” _

_ “Shut up!” Vanitas screamed. “He doesn’t need to lie to me. He’s my master. I live to serve him.” _

_ “Xehanort doesn’t care about you! Why do you serve him?” _

_ Vanitas stabbed Void Gear into the ground. “Of course he cares about me! I’m like a son to him! And even if he didn’t, I’d serve him anyway. Because that’s all I am, princess. I’m his dog. I’ll serve him until the day he decides to end my life. I’m his.”  _

_ “You’re a person,” Kairi said. “You don’t belong to anybody but yourself. And you’re more than his dog. You’re Sora’s brother. You’re Roxas and Xion’s brother. You’re Ven’s brother. You’re a Keyblade wielder from a line older than Scala ad Caelum itself. And you could be a prince-knight.” _

_ “A prince-knight? Don’t make me laugh!” _

_ “Think about it,” Kairi said. “Really, honestly think about it. Think about what Xehanort did to your family. Think about what he did to you. Think about why you serve him, and think about why you shouldn’t.” _

_ Vanitas leapt at her, but caught himself against the glowing shield of light Kairi had erected against herself. It was a strong shield, but unsteady behind inexperienced hands. It was something he could break. _

_ “Why the fuck should I doubt my master? Because a little girl told me so?” _

_ “Think about it,” Kairi repeated. “That’s all I ask. And if you refuse, then I’ll tell Aqua and Eraqus that you attacked me, and they’ll kill you.” _

_ Vanitas glowered. “You wouldn’t.” _

_ “I’m the only one who knows how dangerous you really are,” Kairi said. “I know exactly how many people you’ve killed. I know everything you’ve done, Unversed. And the only reason I haven’t told anyone is because Sora loves you, and I love him. I’ll give you until sunrise to think about it. I’ll know if you don’t. If you think about it, and you still want to serve him, I’ll let you. But if you avoid it, I’ll know, and I’ll tell.” _

_ Vanitas snarled. _

_ “My lady?” Aqua called. “I found the game you asked me to look for.” _

_ Vanitas was in the shadows and out of sight in the blink of an eye. _

_ Kairi tucked her arms behind her back. “Thanks, Aqua. Let’s play!” _

_ Aqua took her hand. “What were you doing in this part of the castle?” _

_ “Just setting something up for tomorrow.” _

_ Right before they walked out of sight, Kairi turned her head. _

_ “Think about it,” she mouthed. _

_ So the little shit wanted Vanitas to think about it? Fine. And if that Lightner wanted him to think, why not go all the way and sit like a Lightner and breathe like Guardian-king Eraqus taught him? He’d even use the stupid meditation room. _

_ And Vanitas thought about his master. _

_ King Xehanort was the strongest person in Scala ad Caelum. Vanitas had personally felt his strength. For an old man, he sure packed a punch. And he was clever, too. No one could outsmart him. Thinking of him always filled him with pride. Vanitas was lucky that he had chosen him, out of everyone. _

_ Why had he chosen Vanitas? Because he was a Keyblade wielder. There were plenty of those- _

_ There weren’t. A Keyblade was rare. Very rare. _

_ So what if King Xehanort had chosen Vanitas because of his Keyblade? He was the only reason Vanitas knew how to use it in the first place. Vanitas was only strong because his master had made him strong. What did it matter that the methods he used hurt him? It made him cautious. It kept him alert. It made him strong. _

_ Aqua was just as strong as he was, and the guardian-king didn’t even touch her. _

_ But that was just because she was that good. If Vanitas were perfect, his master wouldn’t hurt him. He deserved it. _

"You don’t deserve it. There’s nothing you could do to make you deserve what Xehanort does to you. Nobody deserves to be hurt like that."

_ Vanitas shook Ventus’s words out of his head. He was a wimp. _

_ But what if he didn’t deserve it? _

_ Of course he did. He was a Heartless.  _

_ Was he? Heartless didn’t cry. Heartless didn’t wield Keyblades. Heartless didn’t even talk. Vanitas was different from everyone else, but maybe it was because he was the only one with a heart of pure darkness. Ventus had a heart of pure light, and he could do things Aqua couldn’t, even with all the light in her heart. Maybe pure darkness was the same. _

_ Vanitas huffed. All of a sudden, he felt like an idiot. Of course he wasn’t a Heartless. He wasn’t born a Heartless. Why did he think that he was? _

_ Was it because he thought he was Xehanort’s Heartless, not just a Heartless? _

_ That was ridiculous. Even if Vanitas were a human, he’d still serve Xehanort until his last breath. _

_ Why? _

_ Because Xehanort was strong. The strong ruled the weak.  _

_ Aqua was strong, Guardian-king Eraqus was strong, but Vanitas didn’t serve them.  _

_ Xehanort was stronger than both of them, and he was the one who made Vanitas strong. Why had Vanitas wanted to be strong? Because if he was strong, he wouldn’t have to be afraid of anybody. And Vanitas wasn’t. He was only- _

_ He was only afraid of Xehanort. Just thinking of his master made Vanitas’s heart speed up. His master was stronger than him, of course he was scared of him, he wasn’t stupid. People were supposed to be afraid of their masters. _

_ Ventus’s master was stronger than him, but Ventus wasn’t afraid of the guardian-king. _

_ Ventus was a naive idiot. _

_ But if Vanitas was strong, why was he afraid of his master? _

_ Because he was stronger, duh. He had been over that.  _

_ Vanitas served his master because he was strong, and because he made Vanitas strong. He was the Unversed only because of Xehanort. _

I’m sorry for doubting you, Master.

_ Why had he even been thinking about this? Because Kairi made him. And Kairi made him because- _

_ -because she said that Xehanort was the one who destroyed Radiant Garden, even though Ansem did it. _

_ But how did he know Ansem did it? Xehanort told him. And Vanitas knew Xehanort lied. What if he lied about that, too? Why would he lie? _

_ Because on that day, years ago, Vanitas was about to leave. Why wouldn’t he lie if it meant Vanitas would stay? It was because he wanted Vanitas to stay. Because he cared about him. _

_ Or because he wanted to use him. _

_ But that was fine! He was… fine with being used by Xehanort. And if he was the one behind Radiant Garden after all, it didn’t even matter. The city fell because it was weak and because it was weak, it deserved to fall.  _

_ The memory of a child’s soft face flashed through Vanitas. _

"Don’t leave me."

_ His eyes flew open. If Xehanort was behind Radiant Garden, he was responsible for the death of his family. He was responsible for Dad and Hikari (when was the last time he had even thought about them?) and Sora and Roxas and Xion and- _

_ If Xehanort was behind Radiant Garden, he was responsible for Ventus. _

_ Rage flowed through Vanitas. It took him back to the cobblestone ground of Radiant Garden, looking up at the man he would call his master. He remembered the fury and the grief he had felt, and it all flowed through him again.  _

“I’ll kill you!”

_ The snarl wasn’t just a threat, it was a promise. Vanitas had known he was going to kill Xehanort. He knew it in his heart. _

_ Maybe Xehanort knew it, too. Maybe Xehanort had known that if he tried to take down Vanitas then, he would have survived and gone after him anyway. Maybe Xehanort hadn’t chosen him because he was weak and had potential, but because he was strong, and the only way Xehanort could see himself not being killed was if Vanitas killed for him. _

_ Maybe Xehanort was afraid of him. Maybe he was afraid of what Vanitas could do. So he tried to control him with threats and pain and scraps of affection.  _

_ Maybe that wasn’t true. The idea of Xehanort fearing him was too… weird to even consider. _

_ But the lying? The manipulation? The control? Vanitas had seen Xehanort do it to countless people; fuck, he did it to his entire realm. So why wouldn’t he do it to Vanitas? _

_ Was Vanitas really okay with being used by Xehanort? The man who had taken everything and dared to call it a favor? _

_ The man who had nearly killed his brother? _

_ “FUCK NO!” _

_ Vanitas screamed as pure rage flowed through him, not just from the broken boy on the cobblestones on the fallen city, but from every time he had swallowed his rage to protect himself from Xehanort’s fear. His anger was power, and Xehanort knew it, so he never let him feel it at him. Vanitas let five years of pent up fury and hatred flow through him for the first time. _

_ The explosion of darkness cracked the walls and shattered the windows. It dented the floor and incinerated the cushions. The entire room was filled with darkness so thick it was almost smoke. _

_ He was going to kill him. He  _ needed _ to kill him. He needed to kill  _ something _ right now. _

_ “Vanitas!” _

_ Aqua burst through the door and immediately stumbled back from the weight of Void Gear against Stormfall. _

_ “I’ve got you,” she said. _

_ Vanitas could do nothing but roar in anger. He leapt after her, and she leapt back, blocking and weaving. He chased her through the castle, and whenever his eye caught on something else, she struck him with a dull Stormfall, which pissed him off even more. _

_ At some point, Aqua stopped running. She blocked with her barrier instead of Stormfall, and she began hitting back more. Vanitas spared a glance to their surroundings: they were in a pit with sand in it. She had lead him to the arena.  _

_ That was the last coherent thought Vanitas had for the next few hours that they fought. The sun was starting to shine through the windows by the time Vanitas collapsed. Aqua sunk to the ground the instant after, leaning on Stormfall for dear life. They sat there, gasping for air. _

_ “Are you okay?” Aqua finally asked. _

_ “Fuck Xehanort,” he croaked weakly. _

_ “So he was the one who hurt you,” she murmured. _

_ “He made me his dog. I was licking his boots for praise.” Vanitas grimaced. “I was so stupid.” _

_ “It wasn’t your fault,” Aqua said. “It has nothing to do with being stupid or smart. It was his fault.” _

_ Vanitas didn’t have the energy to argue with her. He lay there for a few more minutes before sitting up. _

_ “Why were you there?” he asked. “The bedrooms are on the other side of the castle.” _

_ “I felt your heart calling me,” Aqua said. “You needed someone to fight, and I’m more experienced with defense than Ven.” _

_ “My heart told you that?” Vanitas asked sardonically. “Was it with words, or a dream-” _

_ “I felt your bloodlust.” _

_ Vanitas whistled. “Damn. Lightners really are something.” _

_ Aqua stood up straight. “I need to ask you something. Why do you want to hurt Princess Kairi?” _

_ “I don’t anymore. I owe her. She blackmailed me into facing how shitty Xehanort is.” He chuckled. “What a little brat.” _

_ “Princess Kairi is a very sweet girl. I love her dearly. I would not only trade my life for hers, I would do so gladly.” Aqua looked up with a smile. “But she can be a bit of a brat, can’t she? Don’t tell her I said that.” _

_ Vanitas smiled. “Your secret’s safe with me.” _

  
  


_ Time passed. Vanitas stuffed his face with food, played stupid games with Ventus and Aqua, and focused every spare thought into taking revenge on Xehanort. Vanitas could only kill him once. He would have to make it count. _

_ If he could even kill him at all. He accepted the possibility that Xehanort would kill him first or he would die in the attempt. The more he thought about it, the more real it felt, but that didn’t dissuade him.  _

_ The winter solstice was a quiet affair. Vanitas awoke to powder-sugar snow on the windows and outside. He spent some time watching it fall. He had never seen snow in his life.  _

_ Breakfast was a collection of pastries and baked goods. And, when he sat down, Ventus and Aqua each handed him a box. _

_ “Happy solstice!” Ventus cheered. _

_ Vanitas blinked. The last time he had received a gift was during his and Ventus’s eleventh birthday party five years ago. _

_ “I didn’t get you anything,” Vanitas said.  _

_ “It’s a gift, silly,” Aqua said. “We don’t expect anything in return.” _

_ That wasn’t true. Gifts were always conditional and held over his head. _

_ But they weren’t- only Xehanort’s were. He could trust Ventus and Aqua. _

_ He opened Aqua’s box. It contained more baked goods. _

_ “I figured with a variety, you could finally choose a favorite,” she said. _

_ “Sugar, sugar, and more sugar,” Vanitas grumbled. “Are you sure this isn’t a gift for Ventus in disguise?” _

_ Aqua laughed. “They’re not that sweet. Let me know what you think.” _

_ “Open mine!” Ven said as he shoved the box in Vanitas’s face. _

_ “Fine.” _

_ He did it extra slowly just to make Ventus squirm. It was a scarf, sturdy enough to strangle someone with, embroidered with an emblem on each end. _

_ “Do you like it? I made it myself.” _

_ “I can tell,” Vanitas said. “It’s signed ‘Loser.’” _

_ “It is not!” _

_ “It is so. Right here, it says ‘Ventus.’” _

_ Aqua put up a barrier between them before they could start throwing pastries at each other. _

_ After breakfast, they took him outside and taught him how to play in the snow until his new scarf was soaked in it and he was losing feeling in his fingertips. When they went inside, they were greeted with mugs of some warm, sweet chocolate drink. Vanitas took a cup of spiced cider instead. _

_ He followed them to a sitting room, where a fireplace was lit. Ventus practically attached himself to Aqua the second she sat down. Vanitas sat beside them and held his hands out to the fire. It cracked and popped and flickered, but it never stopped being anything other than pleasantly warm. _

_ “I think I’m actually going to miss this place,” Vanitas said.  _

_ He felt Ventus and Aqua tense. _

_ “You won’t have to,” Ventus said with fake cheer, “because you’re not going back.” _

_ “Don’t be naive,” Vanitas snapped. “It’s a temporary exchange. Once spring rolls back around, I’ll go back to Xehanort, and you guys will have Terra back.” _

_ Ventus sat up. “No. We’re not going to send you back to him.” _

_ “So you’re making the exchange permanent then?” Vanitas bore his teeth into a grin. “I can’t believe you’d betray your best friend, Venty. What would Terra say if he were here? I don’t think he’d be happy about being traded for a rabid dog.” _

_ “Stop this,” Aqua said. “We’re not trading you or him. It’s a false choice.” _

_ “Don’t fool yourself,” Vanitas said. “Diplomatic negotiations aren’t solstice gifts, and this one was made hundreds of years ago. I’m going back, and there’s nothing you can do to stop that.” _

_ “No,” Ventus said. “I’m keeping you safe- you and Terra both. And I’ll do anything to do it.” He smiled smugly. “I’m your big brother, after all. It’s my job.” _

_ Vanitas shoved his shoulder and accepted the change in subject. _

  
  


_ Vanitas paced up and down the guardian-king’s study. Behind his desk, Guardian-king Eraqus looked just as agitated, but only to Vanitas’s keen senses. His heart was beating faster than normal and he kept adjusting his hair. _

_ He wished Guardian-king Eraqus would just yell at him and get things over with. The sooner Vanitas dealt with the consequences of his impulsive confession, the sooner he could forget everything again. The air in the castle had been so tense since the day before Vanitas felt like he could cut it with Void Gear. Ventus and Aqua were somber and morose. Princess Rapunzel picked up on the tension, and Princess Kairi probably knew exactly what had happened with her eerie powers. Even the plates’ movements had been stiffer than usual. _

_ “I would like to begin with a clarifying question,” Guardian-king Eraqus finally stated. Vanitas acknowledged it with a flick of his eyes and kept pacing. “But I am afraid there are many things I do not know about you and your comfort zone, Vanitas. For that, I apologize. I have left the door cracked open. Feel free to lock it for your sense of privacy or use it to leave if this conversation becomes too difficult. There is no shame in doing so.” _

_ “Right.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus took a deep breath, swallowed, and took another deep breath before continuing. “Yesterday, you stated that King Xehanort of the Realm of Darkness performed nonconsensual sexual acts with you. Is this correct?” _

_ “Yup. That’s what I said.” _

_ “Forgive me,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “The word you used does have a non-sexual connotation in certain situations, and I wanted to clarify.” _

_ “Uh-huh.” _

_ “Secondly, I would like to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I have known your history of trauma since before your arrival, and the nature of the trauma became more apparent as the year went on. For years, I knew in my heart that something was wrong-” Guardian-king Eraqus’s voice broke. He took a shuddering breath and began again. “I apologize for my dismissive behavior. It was unbecoming and against my very duty as the guardian of this land.” _

_ Vanitas blinked. He stopped pacing. “The fuck did you say? You’re… apologizing?” _

_ “Yes. I apologize for doubting your story yesterday. I took the hurt I felt from hearing the truth and turned it on you, and it was wrong of me. I apologize for not accepting it immediately.” _

_ “Immediately…?” Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “What the fuck are you saying, old man? Don’t hide it behind diplomatic bullshit.” _

_ “I was wrong to doubt you yesterday. I’ve accepted the truth of the situation, and I would like to discuss how you would like to proceed with the situation.” _

_ Vanitas turned Guardian-king Eraqus’s words over and over. “You… believe me?” _

_ “Yes, I believe you,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “I should have the moment you made the accusation. I am aware that fabricated accusations of this nature are unspeakably rare, even among... precocious children as yourself.” _

_ During any other time, Vanitas would have laughed as Guardian-king Eraqus’s description of him, but he was too fixated over his first sentence. _

_ “You believe me.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus nodded. _

_ Vanitas snickered, which turned into a chuckle, which turned into a laugh, or maybe it was a sob. _

_ “You know,” he said between laughs, “the first thing the old fuck said to me after was ‘no one will ever believe you.’ And I shout it out without thinking to win an argument- no tearful confession or soliloquy about pain- and you believe me within a day.”  _

_ “I should have believed you immediately,” Guardian-king Eraqus said solemnly. _

_ Vanitas cackled as tears rolled down his cheeks. _

_ “The old fuck played us like fiddles for  _ years _ , and all of that was just ruined for him. Because you believed a broken fucking kid over the person you thought was your best friend. I can’t believe it!” _

_ “If it is alright with you, I would like to discuss how to proceed from here. Normally, my first priority would be separating the survivor, yourself, from the abuser, but there is a political aspect that cannot be ignored. The exchange ends in a matter of weeks, and Xehanort-” Guardian-king Eraqus’s voice broke. “He has my son. He’s had my son for a year. If anything happened to him-” _

_ Ah, the great and wonderful Terra. Vanitas was sick and tired of hearing about him, but hearing the guardian-king’s voice twist in fear made him realize what he actually meant to him. He meant every praise that he sung. _

_ “Don’t worry about it, old man,” Vanitas said. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. “You’ll get your son back. You don’t need to pull any political bullshit just for me.” _

_ “No.” Guardian-King Eraqus’s voice was as steely as his Keyblade. “It is my duty to protect those that have been hurt. If I do anything less than my fullest capacity to protect you from him, I am not worthy of my title.” _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “You really mean it. All of that talk of protection and compassion and honor, and you mean every single word.” _

_ “I strive to in everything I do,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.  _

_ Vanitas chuckled quietly. “Damn. You Lightners really are something.” _

_ “If there is something I can do to make you more comfortable, please let me know,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.  _

_ Vanitas could use that. He could use that offer and the guardian-king’s guilt to bring him to his knees. But that was exactly the kind of thing Xehanort had done. So, instead, Vanitas said the one thing he knew would have pissed Xehanort off the most. _

_ “Thank you.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I make you cry? Because I made me cry writing this.


	38. Let me protect you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: graphic violence

5 days until the Darkner deadline

Ven stretched as she stood up from morning meditation. The sun was hiding behind clouds today, but that was okay. He refused to let something like that get him down.

“I trust you had a good time yesterday,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“Yes, Master,” his students said in unison.

“Excellent. I talked to the Princesses of Heart yesterday. We came to a decision. There will be a strategy meeting in the war room after breakfast. Vanitas, you should be in attendance, just as you were last time.”

Okay, that got him down. Ven’s heart was telling him he was not going to like what was going to be said at the meeting.

He drooped. “We can’t even relax in post-vacation bliss.”

“Did you return the Gummi Ship?” Aqua asked.

Ven nodded. “I wasn’t too tired last night, so I emptied it out and took it back to Traverse Town.”

“Is that why the dishes were in a pile in front of the castle?”

Ven looked away. “I thought they would float back.”

“Luckily, they did,” Aqua said. “It’s almost a shame. It would do you some good to learn responsibility.”

“Man, it’s like you have to be boring every time you open your mouth,” Vanitas said. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“We don’t have any more time to play around,” Terra said. “The Darkner deadline is in five days and we still don’t have a plan of attack.”

“That’s probably what the meeting is about,” Ven said. Every meeting these days seemed to tie his heart and stomach into knots.

“Speaking of,” Vanitas said. “Terra, we’re training again today. Meet me in the arena after the meeting.”

Guilt and sadness flickered across his face. “Okay.”

Ven sighed. The meeting hadn’t even started and there was already tension. 

The sight of breakfast cheered Ven up a little. The pots had made an egg and rice bowl with seaweed. He dug in with gusto. By the time he looked up, he noticed that Terra was actually eating his food. Ven smiled.

He got up and shoveled the last of the rice into his mouth as he approached the pots again. The bowl floated to the sink, where brushes started scrubbing it.

“Can I please have another?”

A second bowl of rice floated toward him. Ven took it with a small bow of thanks and started shoveling it in his mouth as he walked back to his seat.

Aqua didn’t even frown at him. She had given up on getting him to stop eating and walking years ago.

Terra moved to get up. Ven stopped him and peered into his bowl, making sure it was empty before letting him go back to the kitchen. He came back with another bowl of rice. Ven smiled.

“Come in,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Sit.” 

Guardian-king Eraqus looked at him and Vanitas as they sat down.

“I remind you two that you need to raise your hands before you speak. If you refuse to do so, I will not hesitate to throw you out. This is a meeting you two do not want to miss. Do you understand?”

Ven nodded. Vanitas did the same.

His heart was beating quickly.

“As you may be aware, I spent yesterday talking with the eldest Princesses of Heart. This morning, I consulted Princess Kairi. Together, we have come to a decision about the Darkners’ ultimatum. Vanitas, may I confirm you are willing to be given to the Darkners?”   


_ Oh no. Nonononono. _

Vanitas raised his eyebrows. Guardian-king Eraqus sighed.

“You may speak.”

“I’m not excited about it, but I don’t want to drag civies into a personal conflict. I killed enough of them, and then I avenged them. Xehanort’s gone. That’s good enough for me.”

_ No. _

“It does not bring me pleasure to say this,” Guardian-king Eraqus, “but since you are willing to be given to the Darkners, and since you are the one who killed Xehanort, we have decided to hand you over in accordance to their demands.”

“No!”

The shout slipped out before Ven could contain it.

“You can’t do this. I’m-”

“Ventus,” Vanitas hissed, “don’t you fucking dare.”

His eyes burned like glowing coals. But Ven was done being cowed by his anger.

“No! I won’t let you do this. I won’t! Especially when-”

“Shut up! We agreed about this!”

“No, you told us what to do. I never agreed to anything!”

“Ventus, Vanitas.” Guardian-king Eraqus’s voice was steely. “Take it outside.”

Vanitas grabbed Ven by his shirt. He would have protested or pushed him away, but they needed to have this conversation, so Ven let Vanitas drag him outside of the war room.

“Vanitas-”

“Shut up! We’re going somewhere private, so I can yell at you without ruining everything.”

They both fumed as Vanitas dragged him to Ven’s room. Ven locked the door with Wayward Wind.

“I’m not letting you do this,” Ven said.

“You can’t stop me.” Vanitas’s jaw was set. “You’re being selfish. You’re putting innocent people in danger because you’re too much of a coward to let me go. How come I’m the only one who cares about this? How is the Darkner killer with no light in his heart more concerned about innocent people than the rest of the Lightner court?”

“You’re innocent!”

Vanitas laughed. “You can’t seriously believe that. Did you forget what I’ve done? Or are you just pretending it didn’t happen so you can pretend I’m a good person?”

“You didn’t kill Xehanort.”

“Didn’t I?”

Ven’s heart twisted at the memory.

“You’re not the reason he’s dead! That’s what matters!”

Vanitas scoffed. “Are you seriously blaming yourself for this whole situation?”

“No,” Ven said, “but I think you are!”

“Me? Taking the blame for something? Please!”

“Then why else would you be so eager to do this?” Ven shouted. “I don’t believe that this is just about civilians!”

“I outlived Xehanort and I got my revenge! That’s all I care about!”

“If you do this, you’re letting him kill you! Xehanort is dead, but he can still take you! I’m not letting h-”

“JUST LET ME PROTECT YOU, VEN!”

Vanitas’s words felt like they echoed within Ven’s tiny bedroom. His fists were clenched, and he was shaking ever so slightly.

Ven relaxed. “So that’s what this is about.”

“Shut up. I hate when Lightners say that.”

“You already protected me,” Ven said.

“You know that’s not true,” Vanitas said. “If Terra didn’t come when he did, Xehanort would have killed you.”

“I would have died a thousand times over in the Darkner castle if you hadn’t taken me.”

“But I couldn’t protect you when it mattered.” Vanitas bared his teeth and punched the bed in frustration. “That bastard almost took you from me! I didn’t even hear him coming! After everything he did to me in the name of making me stronger, I still wasn’t strong enough to take him out!”

“It’s okay,” Ven said. “I wasn’t strong enough to evade him. But I’m okay. We’re all okay. We survived, and he didn’t. That’s all I care about.”

Vanitas said nothing.

“I’m not letting you do this. You didn’t kill Xehanort. I’m going to tell the Master what really happened, and you can’t stop me.”

He barked out a laugh. “You’re going to make your precious Terra take the blame? Because you better not-”

“I’m just going to say that it wasn’t you.”

Vanitas scoffed. “Fine.”

“I’m not letting you pay the price for Xehanort’s crimes.”

Vanitas turned away. “Okay. Fine. Ruin any chance of peace.”

Ven frowned. “If they get you, that’s not peace.”

“Ugh, Lightners,” Vanitas scoffed.

There was a pause.   


“I love you.”

Vanitas turned back around. “What?”

“I love you,” Ven repeated.

Vanitas looked incredulous. “Why?”

“What do you mean, ‘why’? You’re my brother,” Ven said.

Ven reached forward. When Vanitas didn’t flinch back, he cradled the back of his head with one hand and touched the top of his head to Vanitas’s.

“Is this okay?” Ven asked.

“It’s fucking ridiculous. Why are you doing this?”

“You don’t like hugs. I thought this could be a good compromise.”

“It’s stupid.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

Vanitas scowled. “You Lightners are so damn sentimental. It drives me up the wall. And I still don’t get why you love me.”

Ven narrowed his eyes. “There is no ‘why’ in love, stupid. Explaining why I love someone is like… well, I don’t know, but it’s stupid.”

“Well, I love you too, but don’t ask me to repeat it.”

Ven smiled.

_ “I’ll kill you!” Vanitas snarled. _

_ Ven felt like a fish flailing in the claws of a crane. Should he struggle? Or would Xehanort just kill him faster?  _

_ “Ah, this brings me back to when we first met” Xehanort said. His tone was far too casual. “You said you would kill me then, too, but you can do it now. I only have one hand available, and I’m not nearly as young as you are. You most certainly can kill me. So what’s stopping you?” _

_ “Shut up!” Vanitas shouted. “You put one more finger on him and I’ll rip you apart with my bare hands!” _

_ “Does the boy really mean that much to you?” The grip on Ven’s neck tightened. “How sad. I sent you to the Lightners because I thought you would be immune to their control. But I was wrong. This boy owns you more than I ever did.” _

_ Ven found the strength to hiss, “Shut your stupid fucking mouth.” _

_ “I never fell under their control,” Vanitas said with a voice sharp as his Keyblade. “I just escaped yours.” _

_ Ven felt Xehanort’s chuckle as much as he heard it. “Have you? I think I have you under control quite well at the moment.” _

_ If Vanitas said something, it was lost in his growl. _

_ “It’s a shame. Your heart was teeming with darkness. You were my masterpiece: a creature with no light weakening his heart. But your time with the Lightners tainted the purity of your darkness with hesitation and sentimentality.” _

_ “No it hasn’t. My heart is as dark as ever, old man. I just got sick of your shit!” _

_ Xehanort held Ven in front of him and stared at his chest. It felt like he was physically tearing his chest apart with his gaze. _

_ “Your twin brother, I presume? The resemblance is clear. And his heart has no darkness at all. Fascinating. Perhaps all of his darkness is in your heart, and all of your light is in his. I never considered the possibility that your light was simply transferred.” Ven saw Xehanort’s smile an instant before he spun Ven back around so he was facing Vanitas. “And if I destroyed that light, would your heart become pure again?” _

_ Ven could see the fear on his brother’s face. It sharpened his wildcat eyes and tightened his grip on Void Gear. “I swear, if you hurt him at all, you won’t live long enough to find out!” _

_ Ven felt Xehanort’s spindly fingers tighten. _

_ This was it. He was going to die. _

_ But then, movement caught his eye from the other end of the hallway. _

_ “Terra?” _

_ He was wearing Darkner robes and terror on his face once he saw Ven. _

_ “Ven?” He could barely hear Terra’s voice. _

_ Despite the situation, Ven smiled. At least he got to see Terra one last time. _

_ Xehanort’s hand loosened ever so slightly. “Ah, Lord Terrax. What an excellent opportunity-” _

_ Terra roared in fury. _

_ “XEHANORT!” _

_ Ends of the Earth was in Terra’s hand, and he was running towards Ven. Xehanort’s grip on his neck tightened. Terra wasn’t going to make it in time. _

_ Ven blinked, and then Terra was right next to him, chest heaving, like he had held back time itself to get to Ven. _

_ And then Ven heard the dull sound of a Keyblade stabbing through flesh and felt a warm spray on his back as the vice on his neck fell away completely. _

_ He landed on his feet and turned, Wayward Wind instantly in his hand. Xehanort fell back. His lifeblood sprayed the ceiling and floor in a pulsing, crimson fountain. Ends of the Earth was drenched in it.  _

_ Ven let out the breath he had been holding.  _

  
  


Aqua looked at the door for a few seconds after Vanitas had dragged Ven away. She listened carefully, but they said nothing incriminating as they stomped away to have their fight.

Terra watched them go. His brow was furrowed in concern. When he noticed Aqua’s eyes, he blanked his face, but she could still see his hands flex the way they did when he was nervous.

But Aqua already knew Terra was hiding something; he had told her as much.

“Master,” Aqua said, “we looked into the exchange agreement like you asked. Ven and Vanitas had the right to be there within the rules of visitation.”

“Technically,” Terra added.

“I don’t think it matters much at this point,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Just because someone has the right to be somewhere doesn’t mean they have the right to kill someone, let alone a king.”

“But he was protecting Ven!” Aqua insisted. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Guardian-king Eraqus looked up at her. “The Darkners are within their right to request extradition. Vanitas is willing to go. Civilians are at stake here, Aqua. We don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice.” She turned to Terra. “You’re okay with this?”

“Of course not,” Terra said. “But we have to think about our people. Vanitas is right- they don’t deserve to get caught up in this. Vanitas is willing to go. So I think he should.”

“Even if he wasn’t the one who killed the king?”

Aqua felt their eyes lock on her: Terra’s in apprehension, and Guardian-king Eraqus in calculated inquisition.

“Are you discussing hypotheticals?” Guardian-king Eraqus asked softly. He knew she wasn’t.

She flicked her eyes to Terra. His face was stony.

“Am I, Terra?”

No response.

“Aqua, explain yourself at once.”

She looked at Terra. His face was still as blank as he could manage and he grabbed his own elbows, but Aqua could still see his hands flex.

“Master, Vanitas said that Terra didn’t meet up with Ven and Vanitas until after the king was killed, correct?” Guardian-king Eraqus nodded. “But he walked out of the castle with his armor on. And then he went into the baths. I never saw his clothes.”

Guardian-king Eraqus looked at Terra with growing horror.

“No…”

Terra looked away.

“Did you kill Xehanort?” Aqua asked quietly.

Terra took a deep breath and looked back up at them.

“He was going to kill Ven.”

Aqua’s hands flew to her mouth. This wasn’t happening. Why wasn’t it Vanitas? Why did Terra have to be the one who did it? If the Darkners found out…

Guardian-king Eraqus gritted his teeth. “This is exactly the kind of thing I needed to know about  _ eight days _ ago. Why did you keep this from us?”

Terra looked at Guardian-king Eraqus. “Vanitas needed to take the blame if there was going to be any chance of peace between the realms.”

“I see your point,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “but why didn’t you tell us?” He faltered. “Did you distrust me that much?”

“It wasn’t just that,” Terra said. His face was stained with guilt. “I wanted to tell Aqua, but secrets have a way of getting out, and keeping it was the only chance we had to keep peace.”

“I understand,” Guardian-king Eraqus said quietly. “No matter. Although it would have been nice to have this information a week ago, there is no use wishing on the past. We must act now. I cannot extradite Vanitas with this new information. We have to start over at stage one.” Guardian-king Eraqus closed his eyes. “It’s manageable.”

“Evacuate the civilians near the border,” Terra said. 

“But then the Darkners will know we’re preparing for war,” Aqua said.

“The Darkners know we care about civilian life. They might think that we’re denying extradition, but evacuation alone won’t be enough to tell them for sure.”

Guardian-king Eraqus almost smiled at them. “I’ll tell the Princesses of Heart that we are changing plans. Hopefully they will be able to tell us if there is any movement of Darkner troops.”

They were starting over at square one and had no plan. But Aqua couldn’t bring herself to mind at all. 


	39. Case of Isa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saïx and his lover(s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: sexual assault mention, abuse, violence

_ Isa was dead. _

_ Saïx made the realization as he was organizing missions for the people in the castle late at night. The children were sleeping, and adults were starting to want to do the same. Saïx always dreaded going to bed, because that was where Xemnas lurked, and he never knew if it would be a night where Xemnas wanted his body. _

_ He had said no the first couple of times, but Xemnas was… persistent with the smooth, cold words that had drawn Saïx into his web in the first place. It was easier to just give in. _

_ Some time between seducing Xemnas in an attempt to get answers and telling Lea to stay away from him, the person he used to be died, and he changed permanently into Xemnas’s puppet.  _

_ If Isa was dead, then Saïx could stop thinking about the past and focus on his job. He looked down at the list of people and reports Xemnas had given him earlier. There was discontent in the south- there had been less rain, and famine seemed inevitable. It was a shame; food riots were a bitch to deal with. _

_ (Isa would have been horrified to see such a disaster lurk on the horizon and done anything to stop it. But Isa was dead). _

_ Normally, the king would send in Vanitas once any leaders were found and increase missions in the area in order to help maintain morale and loyalty. The sight of the king’s black-cloaked warriors striking down the wild Heartless that constantly prowled in the shadows reminded the people that they needed their king, as he was their protector. And if they still doubted his generosity, his dog would tear them to shreds. However, Vanitas wasn’t back yet. That meant increasing missions was the only solution. _

_ Saïx looked at the list of people at the king’s disposal. Terra was efficient at clearing Heartless quickly, and the fact that he was from the Realm of Light made it even more of a spectacle. However, due to what he had done in the brothel the night before, Saïx had to be cautious about any of his public appearances and see if the information would spread from city to city. He marked him for a town in the south-east and looked at the next person. _

_ A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts on where Luxord should be sent. _

_ “Enter,” Saïx said. _

_ It was as if Terra was summoned by Saïx’s thoughts of him. He entered and closed the door behind him. _

_ “There’s a gift for Prince Xemnas,” Terra said. “I was told to bring it to you.” _

_ He held up a bundle of red sunflowers with a green ribbon around them.  _

_ Saïx stomped over and grabbed them from Terra’s hands. _

_ “Damn idiot thinks he’s subtle,” he muttered. “What a fool.” _

_ “You’re Axel’s husband,” Terra said, as if it was something he was realizing. _

_ “I was his husband, yes. Then he abandoned me.” _

_ “He still loves you,” Terra said quietly. “He told me he wants to keep his wedding vows.” _

_ “He left me for children,” Saïx said, “one of which isn’t even real.” _

_ Did he even believe his own words anymore? _

_ Terra narrowed his eyes. “I don’t understand. Do you think he can’t love you and Roxas and Xion?” _

_ Saïx pursed his lips. His voice was cold. “You wouldn’t understand what love is like- unless the rumors about you and Naminé are true.” _

_ It was such obvious bait that Saïx was almost surprised to see Terra snarl and stalk away. _

_ Saïx looked down at the flowers in his hand. He would have to burn them. If Xemnas saw them, he... wouldn’t be happy. There was fire in the kitchen, but the Heartless working there would see him do it and report it to Ansem, who might report it to Xemnas. Saïx knew better than to take his chances. _

_ He squeezed the flowers in frustration. Something fell out. Saïx picked it up. _

_ It was a note. He unfolded it and started to read it. _

Isa,

I hope you’re happy. I don’t mean that in a bitchy way. I really hope you’re happy. I hope Prince Xemnas treats you well, because it’s what you deserve.  <strike> even if you are a bitch to the kids. </strike> If you really want our marriage to be over because you’re happy where you are, I’ll accept it.

But I’m worried about you. I wouldn’t be writing this letter if I weren’t. I know we’ve stayed in this castle so we can find the last human experimentation subject taken from Radiant Garden, but we need a new plan. I haven’t given up, and I know you haven’t either, but if you need to escape, I’ll do everything I can to help you. If you need to leave, I’ll come back to look for the kid. 

I still love you. I’ll always love you.

You know, when I sent you to Prince Xemnas to see if he knew anything about Shio, it wasn’t because I didn’t want you anymore. I just knew that the life of a child was more important than my need to sleep with you. I never told you that, because I thought you knew, but I want to make sure you know it.

I love you,

Lea

P.S. When you’re done, flip this over. I know how much you hate me leaving a mess

_ Saïx read the note twice more before flipping it over. The note and flowers burst into flames as hot as the sun and cool as a kiss. They burned for an instant, red and gold and everything in between. _

_ It was the most beautiful thing Saïx had seen in a very long time. He didn’t deserve Lea now; perhaps he never did. But it didn’t stop Saïx from curling into Xemnas’s chest and dreaming the impossible fantasy he had sometimes where he could become Isa once again. _

  
  


_ The instant the Lightners took Terra away into another room, the king’s placid smile snapped off. _

_ “Why are they here? The rumor isn’t urgent enough to warrant an in-person visitation with less than a month before the end of the exchange.” _

_ “Father,” Prince Ansem said, “the Heartless have told me of two intruders in the castle.” _

_ “Why was I not informed of this immediately?” _

_ “They were detected during our discussion with the Lightners. Besides, one of them was indistinguishable from a Heartless.” _

_ King Xehanort smiled in a way that would send shivers down Isa’s spine.  _

_ “Ah,” he rasped, “the prodigal son returns home at last.” _

_ Saïx felt a distant beat of sympathy towards Vanitas from one royal puppet to another. _

_ “Find them,” Xemnas ordered. “Whoever does will be greatly rewarded.” _

_ The members of the court filed out of the room. Saïx instinctively did a headcount; Demyx was the only one missing, but he knew it was safe to assume incompetence over malice. _

_ Xemnas pulled Saïx aside. He had his hand on the rapier at his side, like he always did when he was scheming. _

_ “Find them for me,” he purred. “It will grant me favor with the king. And it would be an excellent birthday present,” _

_ “Yes, my prince.” _

_ Xemnas kissed him. His lips were cold. _

_ Saïx didn’t know Vanitas very well, only the king did, so he didn’t know where to start looking. He stalked the halls aimlessly as he thought. _

_ Why would Vanitas return? It wasn’t an order from the king, or else he would know he was coming. Was his return what caused the Lightners to visit? Or was there something else going on? _

_ Frustration rose within Saïx as time passed. It was useless to curse his lack of knowledge about Vanitas, but he did so anyway. Without it, he was just as blind as the rest of the castle. If he wanted to find them, he would have to have something greater than luck on his side. _

_ “Isa.” _

_ There was only one person in the castle who ever called him that. Saïx spoke without turning around. _

_ “Axel. Do you have any news about the intruders?” _

_ “Did you get my letter?” _

_ Saïx turned around with a roll of his eyes. “Now is hardly the time to speak of such a thing.” _

_ “Now is the only time I have. I’m leaving.” _

_ Saïx’s breath caught in his throat. _

_ “Why? What about Roxas and Xion?” _

_ Lea smiled. It was beautiful. “You called them by their names.” _

_ “You didn’t answer my question.” _

_ “They’re outside with Lady Aqua. I came back for you.” _

_ Saïx was incredulous. “Lady Aqua? You’re deserting to the Lightners? What about Shio? We’ve been looking for him for so long.” _

_ “I told you I haven’t given up,” Lea said. “But you’re more important to me right now. You were always more important to me.” _

_ “Then why did you leave me behind?” Saïx’s shout surprised him. _

_ Lea held out his hand. “I’m not leaving you behind now. I’ll never leave you again. We can have a second chance.” _

_ “I don’t deserve this.” Saïx made his words as cold as he could. “This is an offer for Isa. He’s dead.” _

_ Lea stepped forward. Slowly, he reached out his hand to Saïx’s face, giving him enough time to bat it away. He didn’t. Lea stroked his cheek. _

_ “There’s only one way I know of to revive dead princesses.” _

_ “I’m not a fucking princess,” Saïx snarled as he grabbed Lea’s robe and yanked him closer. _

_ “Yeah,” Lea chuckled. Saïx could feel his breath on his lips. “I was always the pillow prince between the two of us.” _

_ Lea’s lips were warm and soft. Isa melted into the kiss. _

_ They pulled apart, resting their foreheads together like they used to. _

_ “I love you,” Lea whispered. _

_ “I was looking for two intruders, and instead I found two traitors.” _

_ Xemnas’s voice froze Isa’s blood.  _

_ “My father trusted you to deal with traitors, Axel. And now you have betrayed me, your prince, by stealing away my love.” _

_ Isa’s heart was yelling that he was in danger. He wanted to run, but he didn’t know if Xemnas could catch him. _

_ “I am not yours,” Isa said. “I’m leaving you. I mean it this time. You can’t stop me.” _

_ Xemnas raised his hand, and a bolt of black energy knocked Lea away. He slammed against the wall with a cry and fell to the ground. Xemnas drew his rapier and stalked towards them. _

_ “This will hurt me far more than it will hurt you,” Xemnas said. _

_ The last time he said that, he carved an X into Isa’s face. Isa summoned his claymore.  _

_ “I refuse to bow to you anymore,” Isa snarled. _

_ He was right- Xemnas was fast. His rapier was in his stomach before he could react. _

_ “ISA!” _

_ Isa dropped to the floor with a cry, clutching his stomach. He gasped for air as blood leaked from his abdomen. There was so much pain he could barely see or hear or think. _

_ “What’s going on?” _

_ Dimly, Isa recognized Terra’s voice. He was using Zalaamic, which Isa struggled to understand even when he could concentrate. _

_ Xemnas’s response was unfriendly. Isa caught the word ‘Lightner’ spat like an insult. _

_ His stomach hurt. It really hurt. Isa writhed on the floor. _

_ Terra’s reply was calm. _

_ Isa’s hands were soaked with his own blood. _

_ Xemnas said something with a haughty smile. Isa caught the word ‘traitor’. _

_ Was he going to die here? _

_ “...deal with them later.” Was Terra’s voice cold, or was Isa’s hearing affected by the blood loss?  _

_ He didn’t catch Terra’s next sentence, but understood Xemnas’s reply perfectly. _

_ “Hmph. Very well.” _

_ Xemnas walked away. Isa hoped it would be the last time he would see him. _

_ (A part of him ached at the thought.) _

_ “Isa!” Lea rushed into his field of view. _

_ “Princess Rapunzel is outside,” Terra said. To Isa’s relief, he switched back to Common Tongue. “She’s the best Healer in Scala ad Caelum. But until then…” There was a ripping sound, and Isa hissed as he felt pressure applied to the wound. _

_ “What are you doing?” Lea yelped. _

_ Terra reached under Isa to tie something around his body. _

_ “I’m putting pressure on the wound. It’ll buy us enough time to get him out. Take his right side.” _

_ Isa was dragged out of Castle Oblivion with blood oozing from a horrific wound. He figured it was a fitting way to leave. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I don't think Subject X is Xion in KH III (my money's on Skuld), but adding in the dandelions to this AU would be too much


	40. Wintermelon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aqua shares a snack with Axel, Isa, Roxas, and Xion

Aqua was in a good mood. The thought of having to extradite Vanitas had been weighing on her since the night of Xehanort’s death. It was funny- almost a year ago, she would have given anything to make him go away, and now she was glad he was staying.

She was walking by the dining hall when she heard shouting.

“Fuck you!”

The voice was familiar. She poked her head in, and sure enough, Roxas was leaning over the long feast table and practically spitting at Isa.

“What’s going on?” Aqua asked as she entered the dining hall.

“You don’t need to worry about it, my lady,” Axel said. There was no energy in his voice. “He’s… grumpy.”

“I’m not grumpy! I just fucking hate him! Why is he even here? What do you even see in him, Axel?”

Roxas was nine. He might be grumpy all the time, but that could be exacerbated by something else, like hunger, without him even realizing it.

“I’ll get everyone a snack,” Aqua said, “and then we can talk this out.”

They were lucky. The kitchen had the last wintermelon of the season. After a few minutes, the knives and plates prepared a perfectly arranged platter of wintermelon slices. Aqua bowed and took the plate into the dining hall.

“I brought snacks,” Aqua said.

The instant the platter hit the table, Roxas and Xion grabbed a piece of melon in each hand and started chomping down on them. Axel grabbed a piece with equal enthusiasm and handed Isa a slice.

“Let’s start talking this problem out,” Aqua said. “Is everyone okay with this?”

“I don’t wanna,” Roxas said through a mouthful of melon. “He’s a dick bag. Why are you even letting him in the castle? He’s Prince Xemnas’s bitch.”

“Roxas!” Axel and Aqua shouted at the same time.

“That is an incredibly rude thing to say about someone,” Aqua said. 

“He’s not wrong,” Isa admitted quietly. “But I’m not anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter if you think it’s true,” Aqua said, “it’s still very rude.”

“He deserves it,” Roxas spat. “Right, Xion?”

“No! I’m sick of this!” Xion shouted.

Roxas’s eyes got wide, then narrowed. “But he was so mean to you! Calling you a puppet and stuff. He should know how it feels.”

“He does now,” Xion said. “And I don’t want to hear it anymore. I didn’t like hearing him be mean then, and I don’t like hearing you be mean now.” She took an angry bite of the melon.

“But he deserves it!”

“Roxas,” Axel said quietly, “we’re finally out of Castle Oblivion. We don’t have to be the people we were there. We all got a second chance. Can you give him one, too?”

Roxas finished his bite of melon.

“Fine.” He glared at Isa. “I’ll give you one chance.”

“If he messes up, I’ll kill him,” Xion said with another bite of wintermelon. “I’ll let you join in.”

Aqua was about to object when Isa said, “Those seem like fair terms.”

“Don’t patronize us,” Roxas muttered.

“I’m not patronizing you. I’m accepting the fact that if I ever act as cruel as I did in the castle, I’ll be sliced in half by two children.”

Roxas opened his mouth to say something, but bit it back at the last second.

“Thank you,” Axel said.

“I’m only doing it for you,” Roxas said. “You like the guy. You  _ married _ him for some stupid reason.”

Axel kissed Isa’s hand. Roxas and Xion made joint sounds of disgust.

“I’m glad you worked something out,” Aqua said. “You didn’t even need me.”

“Thanks for the snack,” Axel said. 

Aqua got up to leave, but then she remembered something.

“That’s right. Axel, I want to talk to you.”

He looked up with a gulp of wintermelon. “Is it about Terra?”

Aqua nodded.

Axel got up and said, “If I don’t come back, Xion’s in charge.”

They walked to the kitchen table and sat down.

“Axel, how did people in the Darkner Castle treat Terra?”

“Starting with the easy questions, huh?” Axel sighed. “I won’t lie to you- it was pretty bad. The young prince hated him, and everyone followed his lead to score points with him. Terra was the butt of every joke. I don’t think he knew people were making fun of him sometimes, but that was probably for the best. It didn’t help that he was always hanging on to every word that came out of the king’s mouth. When a royal likes someone, everyone else knows better than to associate with them.”

“Why not?” Aqua asked. “Wouldn’t associating with someone the king favored be beneficial?”

Axel laughed bitterly. “The king didn’t favor people. He owned them.”

Aqua’s blood ran cold. “What do you mean?”

“The royals are snakes, you see.” Axel paused. “Well, that’s not fair. Isa always said snakes hunt rodents and actually are helpful. But the royal family…” His face darkened. “I saw it happen a couple of times. First it was Vanitas, then it was Isa, then it was Terra. I knew he was fucked the second Xehanort handed him his water skin.”

“Terra said Xehanort was nice to him.”

“They’re always nice at first. Isa told me about all sorts of grand gestures Xemnas did to woo him. He pretended to fall for them, and then he did for real. Xehanort treated Terra like a prince at first. But slowly, the preferential treatment stopped.” Axel narrowed his eyes. “The way Isa explained it, it’s like... eating wintermelon. At first, it’s so sweet you eat it all up. But then, as you make your way closer to the rind, it doesn’t taste as sweet anymore, but you keep eating it. You get a bite of sweetness, and it tastes better than all of the sweetness before, just because you’ve been eating flavorless fruit. Soon, there’s nothing but the tasteless stuff, but you keep eating, just for a chance to get half the sweetness you would get if you just got another slice.”

“The affection gets rarer, so it becomes more valuable,” Aqua summarized.

“Exactly. I can’t say for sure, but Terra’s probably just remembering the good things he did for him,” Axel said.

“Do you know if anyone put a curse on him?”

Axel blinked. “A curse? Where did this come from?”

“Terra used to empty the entire kitchen by himself. Now Ven has to make him eat. And he sleeps more than Ven now, which is… eerily impressive.”

“I don’t know anything about a curse,” Axel said. “Dark magic isn’t my specialty. But Terra’s already doing a lot better than he was in Castle Oblivion. His skin actually has color now. And I’ve seen him smile. Whatever the curse is, it’s fading.”

Aqua smiled. “Thank you for telling me that. Do you and the kids need anything else?”

“Xemnas’s head on a stick.”

Sometimes she forgot how violent Darkners could be. No wonder Roxas and Xion acted like they did.

“There’s already one dead royal,” Aqua said. “More would be adding fuel to the fire.”

Axel smiled. He held out his hand, and flames burst from it. “In my opinion, you should let the fire grow until that entire family is nothing but ash.” He closed his hand. “My lady.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Aqua said. She got up and thought through her checklist of people to talk to.

Axel didn’t have any more suspects, but his explanation was… illuminating. Maybe Xehanort was the reason Terra felt so bad about himself and he didn’t even realize it. Perhaps the curse didn’t need to be looked into further because it was fading, but it was better safe than sorry. Besides, any improvement might be temporary.

She was close to getting to the truth. She could feel it.


	41. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King Xehanort learns of a secret, and Terra pays the price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: self harm, child prostitution mention, physical abuse, emotional abuse/ gaslighting

_ “I’m mad at you,” Naminé said. _

_ She was healing a burn on Terra’s forearm from three nights ago. Terra had done his best, but healing himself was still harder than it was a year ago. Naminé had an innate talent for healing magic, or maybe it was just her affection for Terra, but she had only been practicing it for a few weeks. Besides, it was a nasty burn. Terra wouldn’t let the young prince get in another hit like that. _

_ “Thank you for telling me,” Terra said. “You know I have trouble with figuring things like that out. But why?” _

_ “You keep hurting yourself.” _

_ “I’m not invincible,” Terra said. “It’s bound to happen. I’m sorry.” _

_ Naminé healed the last of the burn. Terra exhaled in relief. The darkness had given him the power to consistently match the young prince’s ferocity, but it also swallowed the light in his heart. Gone were the days where his heart would tell his body where the next strike would come from. Now he simply had to learn to take advantage of the pain. _

_ “If you’re sorry, then stop fighting the young prince! I don’t know why you keep doing it. Are you trying to get yourself hurt?” _

_ Terra took back his arm and looked away. _

_ “Please tell me you’re not doing this on purpose,” Naminé said. _

_ “You know I don’t lie,” Terra said quietly. _

_ The heartbreak was clear as day on Naminé’s face. “Why? Why would you want to hurt yourself?” _

_ Terra put his head in his hands. He wasn’t going to tell Naminé that he didn’t feel much of anything anymore. He wasn’t going to tell her that being hurt was the only time he felt alive anymore. He wasn’t going to tell a child that pain was the only thing that made him feel like a human and not a lifeless statue dragging through these cursed halls. _

_ “It makes me feel better,” he said instead. _

_ “What about the girls? Don’t you feel good when you rescue them? Doesn’t that make you feel better?” _

_ It did. The only time he felt like himself again was when he saw families sobbing in pure joy as their children were returned to them. But any light he gained from it drained the second he stepped back into Castle Oblivion. _

_ “Finding brothels takes time. In between, this helps.” _

_ He realized Naminé was crying. _

_ “Stop! Please! It hurts seeing you like this. I know you’re hurting, but isn’t there something else you can do?” _

_ Terra watched as she wiped the tears from her face. “I’m sorry. You’re right- I should be spending the time to help more people. It doesn’t do anyone else any good if I’m hurt.” _

_ “It doesn’t do you any good either,” Naminé said. _

_ There was a knock on the door. _

_ “If it’s the prince, tell him no,” Naminé said. Her voice didn’t leave room for negotiation. _

_ “I will.” _

_ It wasn’t the prince. It was a Heartless with a note. _

My study. Now.

_ It wasn’t signed, but Terra knew King Xehanort’s handwriting by now. _

_ “Is it from the king?” _

_ Terra nodded. _

_ “Be careful,” Naminé said. “I think he’s mad.” _

_ Even Terra could figure that out. It made his heart race in what he could finally admit to himself was fear. However, he knew better than to tell Naminé. It would just make her more upset. _

_ He kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back. Don’t worry.” _

_ “Be safe,” Naminé said, quiet as a mouse. _

_ Terra breathed deeply as he made his way to Xehanort’s study. He hadn’t meditated in a while, but it did something similar, clearing his thoughts and bracing himself for his king’s anger. _

What did I do wrong?

_ Did he make a mistake in one of his missions? Was he not training hard enough? Did he misinterpret something the king said again? _

_ Or did the king finally hear about the rumor? _

_ Terra took a deep breath. He had been dreading this day, but he knew it was only a matter of time before the king heard about it. This was… fine. Terra would tell him why the rumor had been formed, and together, they could help more children than Terra ever could on his own. He had done research on sex work laws in the Realm of Darkness, the Realm of Light, and even the Central Kingdom, and he had sketched out some ideas for how regulation could be implemented in the Realm of Darkness to prevent child trafficking and prostitution. True, most of them were very similar to the policy in the Realm of Light, but Terra wasn’t being disloyal, he was just deriving a system from one he knew already worked. _

_ This was fine. Terra could use this as an opportunity to help people. _

So why am I so scared?

_ He wasn’t scared, he was… nervous. Why would be be scared of his king? _

_ Terra knocked on the door. _

_ “Enter,” King Xehanort barked. _

_ Terra did with a swallow and a bow. _

_ The door clicked shut behind him. _

_ King Xehanort stood up and stalked towards Terra. _

_ “I’ve been hearing rumors,” he said. _

_ Terra looked down. _

_ “The people have been whispering in the market and the squares. They speak of nothing but your sexual appetite for children.” _

_ Terra flinched. _

_ “Yes, Your Highness-” _

_ “You admit it?” _

_ “N-no, it’s not true. I was just-” _

_ “I’ve heard of another rumor as well, whispered between brothel girls and street rats.” King Xehanort’s voice was as even as the smooth, white floor beneath them. “There is a… tale of an armored ghost who returns kidnapped girls to their families. Kidnapped brothel girls. The kind you have been paying for- yes, I’ve noticed your funds disappearing at an alarming rate.” _

_ The hair on the back of Terra’s neck stood up. His money was in his room. The king had searched his room. _

_ “My king,” the words tasted like ash on Terra’s tongue “if you are insinuating that I have been paying for kidnapped brothel girls and returning them to their homes, then you are correct.” _

_ “You admit it?” Did Terra imagine the flicker of darkness around King Xehanort’s hand? His heart thudded in his chest. _

_ “Yes, Your Highness.” _

_ That was a mistake. King Xehanort strode up to Terra, and Terra couldn't help but step back. _

_ “You have disrespected me in the worst way possible! How do you think I felt when I heard that an agent of the Realm of Darkness has been smearing his name just to fulfill his childish, traitorous fantasies of being a prince-knight? That stage of your life is over, boy. You need to stop denying who you are.” _

_ Terra’s heart was racing. It felt like his head was spinning. _

_ “Your Highness, I just wanted to help-” _

_ King Xehanort narrowed his eyes _

_ “You are dragging my name through the mud,” he said. “You are dishonoring myself and everyone in this castle. Cease this at once. That is an order from your king.” _

_ “Yes, Your Highness, but I was hoping to speak with you about the laws-” _

_ King Xehanort jabbed his finger at Terra. He flinched and fell silent. _

_ “This conversation is over, Terra. I will do my best to stop this rumor from ruining you more than it has already. I forbid you from speaking of this with me again. I forbid you from leaving the castle grounds outside of a mission. And if I hear of this foolish behavior, this… idiotic naivete again, it will be considered treason. Do you understand me, or do I need to repeat myself?” _

_ “No, Your Highness,” Terra whispered. “I understand what you are saying, and I will obey.” _

_ “Get out of my sight,” the king hissed. _

_ Terra bowed and obeyed. _

_ When Terra returned to his room, Naminé immediately looked up from the chair where she had been drawing. _

_ “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” _

_ His hands were shaking as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He didn’t realize until Naminé took one of them. _

_ “The king found out what I’ve been doing at the brothels. He said I can’t leave the castle or he’ll consider it treason.” _

_ Terra had been trying to hold back his tears, but saying the words out loud made it feel real. They dripped onto the cold marble floor. _

_ “I’m sorry, Terra.” Naminé said. _

_ Terra gritted his teeth to choke back a sob. For the first time in a year, he had managed to help people again. He had hope that maybe he could still live even an echo of the life he had before. He finally had a dream again, even if it was a faded facsimile of his first one, and now it was all gone. He was nothing but a servant of the king. _

_ He berated himself for thinking that way. His master had chosen him. It was Terra’s duty to obey him. That was his purpose now. _

_ Terra didn’t know how long he cried, but it was longer than he wanted to. Finally, he took a shuddering breath and wiped his eyes. _

_ “Let me take you back to your room,” Terra said quietly. _

_ “I want to stay with you,” Naminé said. “Like you stay with me.” _

_ “I have to do something,” Terra said. _

_ Naminé took his big hand in hers. She could only hold four of his fingers in her tiny hand, but she guided him to her room. Terra was glad; he couldn’t focus well enough to navigate the maze that was Castle Oblivion. _

_ When they got to her room, Naminé opened the door and turned around. _

_ “I love you,” she said. _

_ He couldn’t fathom why. _

_ “I love you too,” he said. “Goodnight.” _

_ “Goodnight.” _

_ He stood up straight and walked with purpose to the door he needed and knocked. _

_ The young prince smiled when he opened the door. _

_ “I was wondering when you’d initiate one of these. I suppose it’s only fair I oblige you. Let me change into fighting clothes.” _

_ And Terra let the young prince hit him until the pain from his body overwhelmed the pain in his heart. _

_ Terra awoke to Naminé’s shake. He sat up with a blink. _

_ She didn’t need to tell him she was mad at him. And he didn’t bother trying to hide the evidence of his fight like he had planned to do the night before. _

_ “I can’t be mad at you today,” she said, “because it’s your birthday.” _

_ It was? _

_ Terra checked the date. It was. _

_ He got up without any further prompting. “I’ll be right out,” he said. “I promise not to fall back asleep.” _

_ “You better not,” Naminé said as she left the room while he got changed. _

_ He wanted to. He was so tired, and his body ached from the beating he took the night prior. But it was his birthday. _

_ Birthdays were always a nice day back hom- in the Land of Departure. There would be good food all day, and they would play games outside instead of their normal training routine. After dinner, which was an elaborate array of all their favorite foods, they would open presents. Aqua always baked something, and Ven would always want the first slice, no matter whose birthday it was. _

_ Terra squeezed his eyes shut to prevent tears from escaping. It was going to be a rough day. _

_ “I made you something,” Naminé said once he stepped out of his room. She pulled something out from behind her back. _

_ It was a homemade card. There was a picture of Terra’s Wayfinder on the front. _

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I love you

-Naminé

_ “I love it,” Terra said. His smile was genuine; he didn’t have any strength to fake it. “Thank you.” _

_ He turned to put it in his room- _

_The king had been in his room. _

_ Terra looked around at the place he thought was his one sanctuary in his misery. Now it felt like the king’s eyes were on him as he walked through it. He turned around and closed the door behind him. _

_ “Let’s leave it in your room,” Terra said. He hoped his voice didn’t shake. _

_ “If you don’t like it, you can say so.” _

_ “I love it, really,” Terra said. “I don’t lie, remember? That’s why I want to keep it safe.” _

_ Terra knew when Naminé understood because her face fell. _

_ He swore to carry his Wayfinder with him at all times, even if he never parted with it anyway. _

_ Everyone in the dining room looked at Terra as soon as he entered. Terra cursed himself for not being able to understand if the stares were friendly or not, but it was always safe to assume the latter. _

_ “The king’s got a surprise for you,” Axel finally said. “He’s in the kitchen.” _

_ Terra tried to remain calm and walked into the kitchen. His eyes landed on a frosted cake. The giant yellow Heartless chefs displayed it proudly. The sight brought a small smile to Terra’s lips. _

_ “Happy birthday, my boy!” _ _  
_

_ It took all of Terra’s control to not react at King Xehanort’s voice. He looked up. The cold monarch from the night before was gone. It was like he never existed. The man in front of Terra was his master, kind and patient. He was even speaking in Akarian. _

_ “Thank you, Master.” _

_ King Xehanort smiled. “I’ve been looking forward to this day for a very long time. I wanted to make your special day as grand as possible. There’ll be a feast this evening.” _

_ Terra didn’t have the energy to fake a smile, but he tried anyway. “Thank you, Master.” _

_ “Is something wrong, my boy?” _

_ “You didn’t let me finish talking last night. There’s-” _

_ “Terra, I told you to drop it,” King Xehanort growled. “I'm already spending my precious time trying to clean up the mess you made. Don’t be so manipulative as to ask for more.” _

_ “Sorry, Master.” _

_ King Xehanort slapped him on the back. “All is forgiven, my boy. Now, dig in! It’s your favorite.” _

_ Terra cut himself a small slice and took a bite. It was crystal sugar cake. Ven’s favorite. There were strawberries on top. Aqua always made Ven a cake like this for his birthday, and Terra always gave him his slice and passed the strawberry to the guardian-king with a smile. _

_ Terra knew he was homesick when he started missing _ Eraqus _ of all people. _

_ “What’s wrong, my boy?” _

_ “I-it’s nothing.” _

_ Xehanort opened his hands. “You can tell me. I won’t be mad. If something’s wrong, I want to fix it. Did they mix up the sugar and salt?” _

_ “I don’t like cake. Crystal sugar cake is Ven’s favorite.” _

_ The smile wiped off of King Xehanort’s face instantly. Terra’s heart started beating quickly. Was that anger? _

_ It faded. _

_ “I’m sorry.” King Xehanort put his hand on Terra’s shoulder. Terra flinched. “Eraqus told me it was your favorite. I guess he doesn’t know you as well as he thinks he does.” He smiled again. “I’ll make it up to you. The feast tonight will be extra grand.” _

_ Terra didn’t want a feast. He didn’t like feasts- they were too loud and there were too many people. All he wanted was to have Aqua and Ven by his side. At that moment, he would have been glad to see Eraqus, too. He wanted to go home. _

_ But this was his home now. So Terra faked his best smile, thanked the king, and spent the remainder of the day fighting off tears. _


	42. Xehanort-hating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas shares his new favorite hobby with Terra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: physical abuse mention

Terra meditated as he waited for Vanitas to arrive at the arena. He tried not to stew in his guilt, but it was inevitable.

“I can feel you moping from up here,” Vanitas called from the top of the area as he climbed down the stairs. “Cut it out. The only emotions you’re allowed to feel today are anger, hatred, and spite. And no- self-hatred doesn’t count. It’s Xehanort-hating time!”

Terra never thought he would be relieved to be angry.

“Where do we start, Master?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But you said-”

“I was joking, idiot. Did you not get that?”

Vanitas said no self-hatred, but Terra didn’t like being reminded how stupid he was. 

“No.”

“Hm. I’ll be clearer next time.” Vanitas sat in front of Terra. “Did you do your homework like a good boy?”

Even Terra could tell he was being patronized by an arrogant sixteen year old. 

“Yes,” he ground out.

Vanitas barked out a short laugh. “Now that’s what I call anger. Tell me, can you think of an example where Xehanort tried to control you?”

“I was going to brothels and freeing child prostitutes. Xehanort found out and told me if I left the castle he’d consider it treason. And he- he kept poking me.” Terra grimaced. That wasn’t that bad. Why did he even mention it?

Vanitas hummed. “Classic Xehanort. He didn’t start beating me until about a year in, but I remember that poking shit. Do you have anything else?”

“I’m not even sure those count. He didn’t really hurt me.”

Vanitas rolled his eyes. “It scared the shit out of you, right?”

Terra looked away and nodded.

“Then, as far as I’m concerned, he might as well have been beating you, because it kept you under his control. Is there anything else?” 

“I still don’t think it was that bad. He said-”

“Let’s save ourselves some time here,” Vanitas said. “Let’s assume that everything Xehanort has ever said to you is a lie, especially if it’s about yourself. You have to trust yourself, because no one knows you better than you.”

Terra looked at his hands. “I can’t trust myself. That’s why I’m- ow!”

Vanitas had flicked him in the head. “Xehanort hate only. Be angsty later. Besides, I’d bet Ventus’s best telescope that it’s his fault you’re doubting yourself.”

Really?  _ Ven’s _ best telescope? Terra didn’t understand how Ven could stand him.

“I know you hate him,” Terra said, “and I do too, but I can’t blame him for my own problems.”

“Fuck yeah you can! You weren’t like this before you left.”

Terra narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“You underestimate how much the old man would not shut the fuck up about you. Besides, am I wrong?”

Terra never considered himself a confident person, but he didn’t remember doubting himself as much before the exchange. 

“No.”

“That’s what I thought. Blame it on Xehanort.”

“It’s irresponsible of me to blame my problems on someone else.”

Vanitas tried to flick Terra again, but Terra parried his hand. They both retracted their arms as fast as possible.

“You’re still thinking with your light. If you want to control your darkness, you can’t be afraid of using it. Be petty. Be mean. He’s the one person on Scala ad Caelum who deserves it the most. And if you feel bad, just remember that you’re doing this to not hurt people.”

Terra closed his eyes and blamed all of his problems on Xehanort. It still felt irresponsible, but it also felt good.

(He kept the blame for what he did to Vanitas. That was his mistake and his alone.)

“You’re smiling,” Vanitas said. Terra could practically hear the smile in his voice. “All of your problems are not your fault. It’s all Xehanort.”

“It still feels wrong.”

“I don’t give a shit. Blame it on Xehanort. You can feel guilty about it later if you want, but not right now. Be irresponsible for once in your damn life.”

“Okay,” Terra said. “It’s all Xehanort’s fault.”

“Yes! Xehanort is a liar. He tricked your father into thinking they were best friends for  _ fifty years _ . Doesn’t that piss you off?”

Anger surged in a wave. “Yeah.”

“Great. Now that we’re pissed off, let’s keep going. Do you have another example of when he tried to control you?”

“I don’t… I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?”

Terra swallowed. His eyes flew open and his heart sped up. All of the anger in him was gone, replaced by fear. Something had changed in Vanitas, but he didn’t know what.

Vanitas stood up. “I take time out of my busy schedule to teach you, and you didn’t even do the homework I assigned you?”

Guilt washed over Terra. “I’m sorry. I’m very grateful for what you’re doing. I’ll do better next time.”

Terra blinked, and the energy around Vanitas disappeared. He was grinning.

“So? What did you think of my Xehanort impression?” He moved his fingers. “I even added the wiggles.”

“Xehanort… impression?”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Vanitas said as he dropped back down into a sitting position. “The look on your face told me that it was good enough.” 

“I don’t understand what happened.”

“Xehanort manipulated the shit out of you.” Vanitas pointed at Terra’s heart. “You have light in your heart. Fuck, I had light in my heart once. So you want to be nice to someone who was nice to you. You want to please them, repay them, lick their boots until they call you a good boy. So if he wants you to jump, you’ll ask ‘how high?’, because it’s the least you could do for him after what he did for you.” Vanitas scoffed. “Even if he didn’t do shit for you in the first place. And if you don’t do everything how he asks when he asks it, he’ll make you feel bad about it.”

“But I was manipulative,” Terra said quietly.

“Did Xehanort tell you that? The bastard who we established is a liar?”

“Right.”

“Let me tell you a secret,” Vanitas said. “You can’t tell Ventus or anyone else.”

“It depends on what the secret is,” Terra said. “If keeping it puts someone or the Realm of Light in danger, I won’t.”

“It’s nothing that important.”

“Then I promise to keep this secret until my heart returns to Kingdom Hearts.”

Vanitas snickered. “Damn, you’re so uptight. Makes me feel better. It’s one of my best weapons.”

Terra started to regret his promise.

“The best way to get away with something is to blame the person who’s accusing you of doing whatever you did.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yup,” Vanitas said. “Because the only counter argument is ‘no, you,’ and it makes you look fucking stupid.”

An idea hit Terra like a strike.

“I know how to get out of the war,” he said. He couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face.

“What? Where did this come from?”

“We blame Prince Xemnas for Xehanort’s death,” Terra said. “Everyone knows he wants the throne, it was his birthday the day Xehanort was killed, and his consort had just left him.”

For a second, all Terra could hear was his own breath.

“FUCK!”

Terra winced and grabbed his ears at Vanitas’s sudden shout. He jumped to his feet and began pacing back and forth.

“FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! That’s so good! It’s perfect! It’s ingenious! Why didn’t I think of it? Even that bitch of a prince would start to believe us! It would have worked perfectly- LAST WEEK!”

Vanitas screamed at the ceiling.

“Last week?”

Vanitas pointed at himself. “I already took the credit! The guardian-king told all of Scala ad Caelum I was the one who murdered him. It’s going to be really fucking hard to make them believe Xemnas did it.”

Terra’s giddiness shattered. “Oh.”

He was so stupid! Why didn’t he think of it earlier?

Vanitas plopped down with a huff. “It might not be completely fucked. We can bring it up in tomorrow’s strategy meeting.”

“I don’t think we have one planned.”

“Then I’ll call one.” Vanitas laughed. “I’ve always wanted to run a strategy meeting. Point at the giant map in the war room and look serious...”

Vanitas rubbed his hands together with a smile. At that moment, he really did look like Ven’s twin brother.

“Make it so you have to listen to me...”

And there it was. He was back to being Vanitas, the Darkner who was working with them for some reason.

Speaking of…

“Why are you doing this?” Terra asked.

“You’re going to have to be a little more specific,” Vanitas said. “I’m doing a lot of shit.”

“You’re doing a lot of good, too. Ven said you might have an ulterior motive.”

“Damn,” Vanitas hissed, “he’s learning.”

Terra would never understand Vanitas.

“Self-interest,” Vanitas explained. “We might be fighting together soon. You might not hurt Ventus or Aqua in your rages, but I’m not naive enough to think I’ll be safe if you’re not in control.”

The thought made Terra’s heart twinge.

“But you were planning on turning yourself into the Darkners until today,” Terra said. “So why did you offer to teach me?”

“Hmph. You got me. I hate Xehanort more than I could ever hate you, and undoing what Xehanort did to you is the perfect way to spite him. It fuels everything I do. Every day, I wake up and think ‘how will I piss off Xehanort today?’ Why do you think I’m even here?”

“But Xehanort is dead,” Terra said. “Very dead.”

The thing they didn’t talk about floated between them wordlessly.

Vanitas laughed. It made the hair on the back of Terra’s neck stand up. 

“Dead? I fucking wish. He lives in here” he jabbed his own chest with a finger “in my memories.” Vanitas’s voice broke. “He’ll never leave me. You reminded me of that fun fact the other day. So I’ll live to spite him until the day I die. And you should too. It’s the only way you’ll control your darkness.”

Terra looked, really looked, at the boy before him. He was filled with so much anger and pain it made his heart ache. 

“You better not be pitying me,” Vanitas snarled. “My suffering makes me stronger.”

“That doesn’t mean it was okay,” Terra said. “I wish you didn’t go through what you did.”

Vanitas scoffed. “You have a real talent for pissing me off, Lightner. Lesson’s over. Your homework is to think of more ways Xehanort wronged you.”

Terra got up. “Thank you.”

“Ugh. I hate that you mean it.”


	43. Case of Vexen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vexen, and the children that defined him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: child abuse discussion, physical abuse, CSA discussion

_ Alchemy was the process of failing. Even wished their collaborator understood that. _

_ “I must admit I am running out of patience,” King Xehanort said. “It feels like nothing is going right.” _

_ “That just means we’re on the right track,” King Ansem said with a patient smile. _

_ “These pieces of heart are not infinite,” King Xehanort said. “My heart is strong enough to deal with the damage, but one of the hearts is young and unstable. If too many pieces are taken from it, it will not recover, and all of this will be for naught. The other heart won’t be young enough to bounce back easily forever.” _

_ Even didn’t know what to make of their collaborator. He was generous with his resources, but he was the king to another kingdom. His arcane knowledge was impressive, but uncanny. How was he able to summon pieces of other hearts? Even didn’t trust him, even if Ansem the Wise did. _

_ “I have prepared the next replica,” Dilan called. _

_ “Did you double-check that the joints were attached?” Braig called back. _

_ “I made the mistake once,” Dilan snapped. “Let it go.” _

_ “The sinew is correctly aligned,” Aeleus said. “It’s ready for a heart.” _

_ Even gave the replica body another once over. He sniffed- the goat meat was not yet rotting, which was good. _

_ “Send in the heart,” Even said. _

_ He opened his notebook. Attempt 2001 was larger than most of the previous ones. Perhaps a larger body could hold heart pieces together. Even held his quill and watched the body as King Xehanort muttered something and held up his Keyblade. They eye in its center was unnerving, but Even stopped looking at it long ago. There was a flash of darkness in the corner of Even’s eye from the circle painted on the floor. Even heard, rather than saw, King Xehanort tap his Keyblade against his own chest. He was too busy looking at the replica body to see the other two fragments of heart he called forth combine with the sliver from King Xehanort’s heart. The only time he saw the heart was right before it entered the body with a bright glow. _

_ The goggles Even wore usually allowed him to see the body through the light, but there was an intense flash of light so bright that he had to close his eyes, which was unfortunate. _

_ When the glow faded, there were gasps from around the room. The replica had transformed from a blank sack of meat and bones to a young man with a face similar, but not identical to, King Xehanort’s. _

_ The replica opened its eyes and pushed off the table. _

_ “I… am,” he said simply. _

_ The entire room was vibrating in tense excitement. King Xehanort was beaming. _

_ “You are Ansem,” King Xehanort said. “Named after my dear friend.” _

_ (There was, of course, no guarantee that the replica would survive or grow or change or function as a human. There were some who opened their eyes and some that had twitched, but they never woke up and were eventually disposed of. Even didn’t assume this one would make it, but King Xehanort had spoken with such certainty it was hard not to have hope that it would flourish.) _

  
  


_ “What are you doing, Even?” _

_ Ienzo bounded up and sat next to Even on the edge of the fountain. There was a bar of ice cream in his hand. King Ansem had ordered a custom-made alchemy robe for him, even if he was too young to join them for most of their experiments into the heart. _

_ “I’ve been inside for a very long time. I thought it would do me good to write outside for once.” _

_ “Can I see what you’re writing?” _

_ “Not yet, boy.” _

_ “But I’ve finished all of my readings.” _

_ Even blinked. “All of them?” _

_ Ienzo nodded. _

_ What a talented child. The day he joined them might be sooner than Even expected. _

_ “Excellent work. I’ll give you some of my old notes. Alchemy is always growing and changing, but if you want to become an alchemist, you must be patient and learn from the past. Now run along, boy. I’m sure Aeleus and the king will be very proud of you.” _

_ “The king gave me the ice cream for finishing,” Ienzo said. “And we had a very nice walk.” _

_ Even smiled. The king was famous for his walks, where he could see his people and where they needed help the most. _

_ “I’m sure Aeleus will give you another reward. He certainly is generous with them.” _

_ Ienzo nodded and ran off. Even looked back at his notes. _

Ansem* is still faring well. It has perfectly functioning motor skills, speech, fluency in half a dozen languages, and social skills. Its physical skills correspond to its size and body development. It cannot summon a Keyblade, which disappoints King Xehanort, but it possesses a natural fascination with the Heartless. Personally, this disturbs me, but knowing the common thread that links the three hearts that make up Ansem’s, it isn’t exactly surprising. 

It is too soon to say that it will be able to perfectly emulate humanity. In some ways, Ansem is the same as any other young man, but I shouldn’t let myself get so carried away from this success that I forget that its body may be unstable, or there may be other effects we do not know at the moment.

*Ansem the king will be referred to as “Ansem the Wise” or “the king.” Perhaps the former should be used, as there are two kings working on this project. Ansem the replica will be referred to as simply “Ansem.” It is, after all, the focal point of this project.

_ The progress was certainly encouraging. Even got up and returned to work. He wanted to finalize the specific instructions for making a functional Replica. _

  
  


We have succeeded once more in making a sentient Replica. The two hearts that make up “Xemnas” each possess a Keyblade, but the being itself does not. The next logical step, of course, is to make a body that can manage to hold a sliver of heart by itself. But we must first ensure that Xemnas is stable.

Ansem was brought over from the Realm of Darkness to meet its “brother.” I hope that I can continue monitoring his progress, but as the realm’s newest prince, King Xehanort seems reluctant to let us check up on him. It is a foolish paranoia. No long term issues have arisen so far, but one can never be too careful.

_ “Even, my friend, stop writing and meet my new daughter.” _

_ It was ironic that the queen gave birth to a new child a few days before alchemy gave birth to a new adult. Little Naminé was Xemnas’s opposite in every way. She was small, weak, and helpless. Xemnas knew how to walk and read the instant he found the opportunity to. Even had little interest in naturally-born children when he had his creations to tend to. _

_ However, King Ansem spoke with such pride and enthusiasm it was almost impossible to refuse. Even got closer to the bed where the queen was holding her children. She was trying to make sure baby Kairi didn’t accidentally wake her sister by touching her too much. _

_ “Nam!” _

_ “Yes, dear,” the queen said with the patience only a mother could have. “This is your sister Naminé.” _

_ “Nam!” _

_ “Yes, Naminé.” _

_ Naminé was little more than a pasty glob with a small tuft of her father’s hair. _

_ “She’s beautiful,” Even said, because it was an obligation to people with infants. _

_ “Thank you, my friend. Even with our alchemical success, she is what I am most proud of.” _

_ Even was glad the closest thing he had to a child was already sentient by the time he fell in his care. Ienzo was solving puzzles almost as fast as they could give them to him now. Even resolved to begin his alchemy training soon. _

  
  


_ The queen was dead. _

_ She was out walking with her daughters at night and they were ambushed by Heartless. Only Kairi’s heart of pure light protected her and her sister. Or perhaps it was their mother’s last gift. _

_ King Ansem was beside himself in grief. The rest of the kingdom mourned with him. Radiant Garden’s usual beauty dulled into mourning cloaks and banners. _

_ Even tried to be sympathetic, but he did not know the queen well. King Xehanort also extended his sympathies, but Even could tell he was also counting the days until work could resume on the Replicas. _

_ When the period of mourning came to a close, King Ansem made an announcement to all of the castle. _

_ “Starting today, I am recusing myself from the Replica project.” _

_ “My friend, there is no need to do such a thing,” King Xehanort said. “We’re so close to success I can taste it.” _

_ Even was surprised his tongue didn’t flicker from his lips. _

_ “The rest of you may continue the work,” King Ansem said. “I realize that it is vital to understanding the relationship between hearts and bodies, but my heart yearns to work on another project. I wish to rid the world of the beasts who stole my wife from me. There is no way I can even look at my children otherwise. I doubt I will be able to finish this work in my lifetime, but if I can at least make sure such a tragedy does not happen again within the walls of this city, I will be able to return to Kingdom Hearts with no regrets.” _

_ King Xehanort clapped him on the shoulder. “I will be happy to help you in whatever way I can. The Heartless are a scourge on Scala ad Caelum. It makes me wonder why I didn’t even consider the possibility before.” _

_ “I would be happy to work on this project,” Aeleus said. _

_ “As would I,” Dilan said. _

_ “Count me in, too,” Braig said. _

_ King Ansem looked at Even. “Would you be willing to assist us?” _

_ “My king, as you said, there must be someone to work on the Replica project. I am the one with the most technical knowledge of the project, and Ienzo can assist me with the daily minutiae.” _

_ “Of course,” King Ansem said. _

_ So Even continued his work with Ienzo at his side while the rest of them studied the Heartless that prowled in the darkness. He worked so diligently he almost buried the question that pulsed through his heart like a throbbing headache. _

_ Why was the queen walking with her daughters at night in the tunnel that lead out of the city? _

_ “Mr. Even,” a young voice called. “Are you down here?” _

_ Kairi toddled down the stairs one at a time. _

_ Even looked up from the goat he was butchering. “Child, this is hardly the right time! Ienzo, can you-” _

_ That’s right, Ienzo was eating lunch. _

_ “Mr. Even, do you have any bandages?” _

_ Even sighed and removed his protective gear. “What for?” _

_ Kairi held out her arm. There was a fairly large bruise in the center of it. _

_ “When did this happen?” _

_ “A couple days ago.” _

_ “Bandaging won’t do any good, I’m afraid. Sit with it facing a fire for no more than 20 minutes a day. That should speed up the healing.” _

_ “Can I have the bandage anyway?” _

_ Even took a deep breath to stop himself from snapping at a toddler. “No, you may not. I just told you it won’t speed up the healing.” _

_ “I don’t care bout that! I just need to cover it up and I don’t wanna wear long shirts. It’s too hot!” _

Do not snap at the toddler.

_ “You don’t need to cover it up, child. It looks fine.” _

_ “But Father told me to.” _

_ Even froze. _

_ That was… unusual. King Ansem never seemed like someone who would care about his child’s appearance. _

_ “Did he tell you to cover your skinned knees as well?” _

_ Kairi shook her head. “Just this. Please? I really wanna wear the shirt Grandma got me.” _

Why that injury? 

_ He knelt to Kairi’s eye level. _

_ “Where did you get that bruise, child?” _

_ “It’s a secret. Can I have the bandage?” _

_ Even swallowed. _

_ Even was an alchemist, and alchemists asked questions. They answered the questions to the best of their ability, and they accepted the answer that the data gave them, even if it seemed illogical. _

_ “Did your father give it to you?” he whispered. _

_ Kairi held a finger up to her lips. _

_ “Shhh. It’s a secret.” _

_ “Ienzo?” _

_ He looked up from the book he was writing in. “What is it, Even? Do you need me to take over the goat butchering?” _

_ Even looked down. He had messed up four of the last bone cleavages. “Yes, it seems I do.” _

_ Even removed his protective gear as Ienzo slipped his on. _

_ “Have you spoken with the king lately?” Even asked. _

_ “Yes. He had lunch with me in the gardens. He says that King Xehanort provided us with more supplies.” _

_ “That’s good to hear.” _

_ Ienzo started to work. _

_ “Forgive me if this seems off, but have you ever seen the king angry?” _

_ Ienzo looked back from the goat. “Not that I can recall. He’s King Ansem. There isn’t a kinder ruler in all of Scala ad Caelum. What’s this about?” _

_ “Did he ever…” _

_ Ienzo waited a second before scowling with teenage impatience. “Did he ever what?” _

_ “Never mind.” _

_ Even was beginning to understand why the queen would risk her life to take her two baby daughters out of the city. _

  
  


_King Xehanort always made a mess and left others to clean it up. He did it in his work, and he did it in his siege of Radiant Garden. Even was lucky he wasn’t the one who had to deal with the mess. _

_ That’s what Even- Vexen now- told himself when King Xehanort took the castle inhabitants to his castle in the Realm of Darkness. They didn’t find Kairi anywhere, but Naminé never left her father’s side. Vexen didn’t know which of them was luckier. _

_ The difference in the lives of Even and Vexen were trivial. Vexen had more resources and a vast collection of human subjects. A part of him hesitated to use the citizens of his former home, but he was an alchemist. He asked questions and got the answer to them. _

_ He had done some incredible things. Vexen had made goat meat turn into humans who could walk and talk from birth. But even he wondered if he could conquer death. _

_ The child on the table was on its last breaths. It was a miracle it had survived this long, but Vexen was grateful. It allowed him enough time to hang a Replica body (No. i- the numbers had gotten too long and cumbersome at this point) above it and position his quill on his book. _

_ Vexen had never seen a heart return to Kingdom Hearts before. It phased through the glass of the large bell jar he had placed after the child’s last breaths and rose higher. When it touched the Replica, there was a blinding flash of light. _

_ When it faded, the child was hanging above its own dead body. _

_ Vexen leapt up and cut the child down to take its measurements. It was identical to the body it had left, except for its genitals and the fact it was perfectly functional. All of its injuries were gone. _

_ He smiled as exhilaration filled him. This was… miraculous. In a way, he had cured death itself. True, the gender switch might be unideal for most, but this was revolutionary. The lame would be able to walk again, the sick could be cured, the injured could be healed. Vexen laughed. _

_ Then the child in his arms started crying. _

_ Maybe he didn’t think the experiment through all of the way. _

_ The child had no memory of its life prior to the body transfer, which was not ideal for further applications, but probably for the best for its case. _

_ “Fascinating,” King Xehanort rasped. He held the child up. It was squirming in his grasp, but he didn’t let go. “The child is in the exact same condition as it was previously?” _

_ “More or less,” Vexen said. “There was a sex change; the original body was male and this one is female. Its injuries are gone as well. And it has no memories of its previous life.” _

_ “Lemme go,” the child grunted. _

_ “How old do you estimate it to be?” King Xehanort asked. _

_ “LEMME GO!” _

_ The child squirmed one more time before summoning a Keyblade in its right hand. It dropped it almost immediately. _

_ Vexen took the child back. It relaxed in his arms. _

_ “A Keyblade,” King Xehanort purred. He grinned like a hungry snake looking at a mouse. “This is excellent. I will provide you with a heart shard. Replicate this success, but make sure the result is older. We already have three children in the castle. I do not desire a fourth.” _

_ “Yes, Your Highness.” _

_ “The child- have you named it yet?” _

_ “No, Your Highness. For now it is simply No. i.” _

_ “Give it a name with an X,” Xehanort said. “It will be staying in the castle.” _

  
  


The king gave me a heart in a jar and told me to put it into a Replica. It is more of a heart fragment, but I plan to monitor its mass to see if it changes into something more substantial. The jar itself was covered in a miasma of darkness, which must be to keep the heart contained. As my experiment with <strike>Xion</strike> No. i demonstrated, usually hearts phase through solid objects to return to Kingdom Hearts. Since the heart is at least partially made of light, which fears the darkness, it seems darkness is the only substance that can trap it. A cage of darkness is not the ideal growing conditions for a heart, but I will have to make do.

I cannot help my excitement as I watch the heart fragment. It is common knowledge that hearts ‘return’ to Kingdom Hearts following death, but hearts have never been observed coming down during conception, birth, or any time in-between. If this heart fragment manages to grow into a fully-functioning heart, this will support the hypothesis that invisible heart fragments leave Kingdom Hearts to form into a fully functioning heart. I doubt I will have the opportunity to repeat this experiment, so I must be diligent about notes and observations.

No. i has been growing normally. During the day, Axel takes it and Roxas out, which is helpful. It has also taken to socializing with Roxas and Naminé in an imitation of friendship. I hope neither child gets too attached in case it starts to malfunction, but neither of them are my responsibility.

_ “Vexen, what are we going to do about Xion?” Zexion asked. _

_ Vexen looked up from his book. “You’ll have to be more specific, child.” _

_ “I’m not a child.” _

_ “You’re not an adult.” _

_ “You didn’t answer the question,” Zexion said. _

_ “Because you never gave me specifics,” Vexen grumbled. _

_ “Is she going to stay in the lab with us?” _

_ “I should hope it does,” Vexen said. “I would like it close so I can monitor its progress.” What Zexion said finally hit him. “Why are you calling it a ‘she’? You shouldn’t get so attached to an experiment.” _

_ “It’s easier,” Zexion said. “She looks like a girl and dresses like a girl and acts like a girl.” _

_ “You’re being sentimental,” Vexen said. _

_ But maybe sentimental could be useful. Vexen picked up the jar with the heart fragment inside. _

_ “If you insist on personifying the experiments, do it to this.” _

_ Zexion took the jar with reverence. “Is this a heart?” _

_ “A fragment. If my hypothesis is correct, it will grow into a heart. It needs light, and I don’t have the energy to coo at it all day. I am officially assigning this to you. Make sure to be diligent about your observations and methods. Keep me updated.” _

_ Zexion’s eyes sparkled. “Thank you, Even!” _

_ Vexen didn’t bother correcting him. _

_ “What’s that, Zex?” _

_ Vexen tried to ignore No. i’s voice, but it was very hard to ignore. _

_ “This is your brother. He’ll be put in Replica No. ii, so I think he’ll be called ‘Nixio.’” _

_ “Zexion, gendering a heart is unwise and unsubstantiated,” Vexen said. _

_ “He’s a boy. I can feel it.” _

_ Perhaps assigning the boy such a project when he was young and emotional was a bad idea. Then again, on the other hand, the socialization might do the heart some good. _

_ “Good news, Father,” Zexion said. “The heart has doubled in mass. I’ve started running some simulations on growth based on the rate so far.” _

_ “Let me see.” _

_ Vexen looked at the runes and calculations, but he couldn’t find any grievous errors. _

_ “Well done, boy.” _

_ “Yeah,” No. i said. “You’re really smart.” _

_ “Smart has nothing to do with it,” Zexion chided. “It just takes practice. Have you been working with the puzzles I gave you?” _

_ “I can’t read them,” No. i admitted quietly. “There are too many words.” _

_ Zexion looked up from his notes. “You are a little young to be reading so much. I’ll give you some of the toys Father gave me when I was your age.” _

_ “Toys?” _

_ Vexen grumbled. Zexion really was getting too attached. _

_ Wait. _

_ Father? _

  
  


_ King Xehanort narrowed his eyes at No. ii. No. ii looked away. _

_ “It doesn’t have a Keyblade?” _

_ “No, Your Majesty. I don’t believe the original heart has one.” _

_ “Hmph. And it’s still a child.” _

_ Despite Vexen’s best efforts, No. ii looked to be a few years younger than Zexion. Perhaps he shouldn’t have given it to the boy to raise. _

_ “This is still a remarkable achievement, Your Majesty,” Vexen said. “No. ii is proof that not only can hearts grow from fragments, they can occupy Replicas. It is possible to copy hearts. I do believe that was one of your goals, was it not?” _

_ King Xehanort stroked his goatee. “It works as a proof of concept, but it has no further use to me. You know I do not tolerate loose ends. Dispose of it.” _

_ No. ii turned pale. _

_ “Your Highness, it would be unwise to dispose of it so early after its first functions. If you wish to replicate this process, disposing of the only success could prove problematic in the future. Besides, it’s much older than No. i. It will be able to serve you as a fighter.” _

_ King Xehanort paused. “You’ve twisted my arm. I’ll allow it to stay with the caveat that it becomes and remains useful.” _

_ “Thank you, my king.” _

_ King Xehanort left without another word. _

_ “Thank you,” No. ii said quietly. _

_ How odd. Vexen has never been thanked by one of his creations before. _

_ “What for?” _

_ “For defending me. You saved my life.” _

_ Vexen squinted. “There’s no need to thank me. You represent a remarkable series of successes and will be a model for many more. You are a remarkable experiment. Why wouldn’t I protect my best work?” _

_ No. ii looked troubled. Vexen turned back to work before its face became a distraction. _

  
  


_ “Stand still, child,” Vexen snapped. _

_ “So I’m a child now?” No. ii said snidely. “I thought I was an experiment.” _

_ Before Vexen could respond, a sound from the staircase drew his attention. No. i was crying, and Roxas was trying to comfort it. _

_ Vexen huffed in exasperation and set down the measuring tools. His workspace had devolved into a child care center. If he stopped No. i’s crying, at least he could have the quiet to deal with No. ii’s ridiculous behavior. _

_ “Why are you crying?” _

_ His voice was too sharp. No. i simply cried harder. _

_ “Saïx was really mean to her,” Roxas said. “He said she was a worthless puppet.” _

_ “Worthless puppet?” Vexen echoed. _

_ Fury rose within him. _

_ “The nerve of that foolish man! Why, as if he has the right to call anyone a puppet! That ignorant fool wouldn’t know miraculous progress if it stabbed him in the stomach. And the sheer insubordination. Is he unaware of the fact that you are my work, and I answer directly to the king?” _

_ No. i sniffed and looked up. _

_ Vexen huffed. “It was a rhetorical question. Do let me know if he interferes with your missions at all. I’ll bring it up with the king himself.” _

_ “Thank you,” _ <strike>_ she _</strike> _ it said quietly. _

_ What odd behavior. Vexen found his notebook and recorded it. _

_All three of the _ <strike>_ children _</strike> _ inhabitants of Vexen’s workspace were acting odd. Zexion was referring to him exclusively as “Father,” No. ii refused to cooperate with anything he said, and No. i had taken to bringing him ice cream after _ _ her _ _ its mission. _

_ Regardless, Vexen carried on. He had to ensure his next, and perhaps last Replica was the best yet, per the king’s orders. His natural alchemical curiosity had to be tempered and honed to his task if he were to succeed. He was fixing too much attention on No. i and No. ii outside of what was strictly necessary. _

_ Vexen didn’t know how much longer he dove into his work (he usually didn’t), but sometime later, he was yanked away by a tap on his shoulder. He looked down. _

_ No. i held up a bundle of purple wildflowers. “These are for you, Dad.” _

_ Vexen was too shocked for words. _

_ Finally, he managed to say, “I am hardly your father.” _

_ “Isn’t she?” Zexion said from his workstation. “You made her and comfort her and give her a place to sleep.” _

_ That’s when Vexen knew. _

_ “Is this why you’ve insisted on this ridiculous charade? I am not your father. I am not their father. They have no father. They simply exist. This has gone too far, Zexion. You’ve gotten too attached.” _

_ “Have you considered you haven’t gotten attached enough? These are children. You made them.” _

_ “The king ordered me to make them.” _

_ “That doesn’t matter. They exist. They have hearts. They’re people, so stop treating them like they’re just experiments.” _

_ “That is what they are. They are meat held together with magic and luck. There’s no telling when they’ll collapse.” _

_ “You could die any day,” Zexion said cooly. “I could die any day. Roxas is a child fighting Heartless- he could day any day. There’s no telling when. But you know Roxas is a human.” He sighed. “You don’t have to be ‘Dad.’ But Xion cares about you. Her love for you is real.” _

_ Vexen looked down at the child like he was seeing _ <strike>_ it _</strike> _ her for the first time. Tears were running down her cheeks, and she was still holding up the flowers. _

_ Against his better judgement, Vexen took the flowers and bent down to her eye level. _

_ He had no idea what to say. _

_ Finally, like any good alchemist, Vexen began to ask questions. _

_ “Why me, child?” _

_ “I don’t have anyone else,” she said quietly. _

_ “What about Axel and Roxas?” _

_ She shook her head. “They don’t count. They’re my friends. You’re the only Dad I can remember.” _

_ There was a pause. Finally, he put his hand on her head. _

_ “I will need time to think on this.” _

_ She nodded once before running away. _

_ Vexen got up and looked at Zexion. _

_ “Am I really father-like to you?” _

_ Zexion got quiet, like he did when he was still Ienzo. _

_ “I don’t remember what my birth father looks like. All I can think of is you and Lexaeus, and Lexaeus is gone most of the time.” _

_ Vexen tried to think of his own parents. He was never very close with them. He sometimes struggled to remember their names, let alone their faces. _

_ That night, Vexen took off his white alchemist robe and, instead of falling into his cot from exhaustion as he usually did, he sat down and began to think about the things he wanted in life that had nothing to do with alchemy. _

_ “I have a gift for you.” _

_ Nixio glared up from his choppy bangs. “Is it another test you want me to do?” _

_ He was very good at snide remarks. Did Zexion influence him? Or was that something he learned from Vexen himself? _

_ Vexen dismissed the thought and handed Nixio a package as long as his arm. _

_ “This was made from bones and skin and dark magic, just as you were. I’ve heard Prince Ansem has taken you up as his apprentice. His work is dangerous. You need a means to defend yourself.” _

_ Nixio unwrapped the package and held the weapon up. It was a single-edged blade in the shape of a wing. After admiring it, he shifted his attention to Vexen. _

_ “Why did you make this for me?” _

_ “Weren’t you listening, boy? You are my creation. I hardly want you to fail. And, if you would like… consider it an apology. You do not have to go as far as your brother or sister; it still baffles me on why they insist on calling me father, but I want nothing more than your success.” _

_ Nixio looked at the sword once more. _

_ “Thank you,” he said quietly. _

  
  


_ Vexen did not know what to expect after his paradigm shift, but life became almost dreadfully normal afterwards. Zexion, Xion, and even Nixio began referring to Vexen paternally. They began to insist that he eat and sleep on a more regular basis, and in return, Vexen would ask questions about their day and listen to their conversations. Roxas became a common figure as an extension of Xion, and eventually Vexen caught himself worrying over the boy as well. _

_ He continued to collect data, but the nature of it shifted. He still gathered numbers and data from them, but the data itself felt more personal. Vexen had to bite back a scoff over the notion of numbers feeling personal. _

_ His work marched on his his ultimate Replica began to take shape. Ansem had truly been a slab of meat in comparison to the fine detail in each joint of what was destined to become the king’s youngest son. _

_ When the body was ready, the king entered the basement with an excited glimmer in his eye and a heart jar in his arms. Vexen let his heart control his body, habitually stringing the body up and making the final preparations. _

_ The heart entered the body with a glow. The boy opened his eyes and looked around at the world. _

_ “You are Prince Xehanort,” the king said in Zalaamic. “My son. My heir.” _

_ Vexen couldn’t understand the rest of what he said, but the affection in his voice needed no translation. _

_ He held out his hand, and the boy took it. _

_ King Xehanort led him up the stairs with the excitement of a child with a new toy. _

_ Vexen picked up his notebook, ready to record the success. _

_ He put it down without writing a word. He cleaned his equipment and put it in its proper location. He organized his past notebooks and his reference texts in the bookshelves. He changed the water in the cups Xion was using as vases. Finally, when he ran out of things to do, he picked up his notebook and quill. _

The project was a success. The heart was transferred without any complications.

_ Never had a period felt so final. _

_ What was he supposed to do? _

_ “Nixi, what’s darkness?” _

_ It was evening. It was almost Xion’s bedtime. Nixio was letting her braid his hair while he read some sort of text that looked like an assignment from his master. Vexen was cleaning the floor. Zexion was practicing illusion spells on the wall. _

_ “It’s stuff in your heart,” Nixio explained. “Like anger and sadness and stuff.” _

_ “Does that mean the Heartless are really sad?” _

_ “The Heartless don’t have feelings, stupid,” Nixio said without venom. “They’re just darkness. All they do is eat light.” _

_ “But the Heartless are made of darkness, right? So what’s darkness?” _

_ “It’s energy,” Zexion said. “Just like light is energy. Darkness and light make up the world. They exist in their purest form in hearts, but energy is everywhere.” _

_ “So does sadness make darkness, or does the darkness make sadness?” _

_ “I don’t know,” Zexion said. He turned to Vexen, and Xion and Nixio followed suit. _

_ “Do you know, Dad?” Xion asked. _

_ “No, I’m afraid I don’t,” Vexen said. _

_ He didn’t know. But wouldn’t it be interesting to find out? _

_ “Dad?” Nixio prompted. “Your face looks weird.” _

_ Vexen laughed. “I found my next project. Zexion, how would you like to study the darkness with me?” _

_ “There are so many questions I don’t know where to start,” Zexion said. _

_ “We need a control,” Vexen said. His voice was rising with excitement. “There are citizens in the Realm of Light that have no darkness in their hearts.” _

_ “The seven Princesses of Heart!” _

_ “There are more than seven,” Vexen said. “It’s just that there are only seven ruling positions. There are plenty of retired princesses, or potential princesses that can’t or won’t take the position. But the Realm of Light is fairly protective of them. It might be more trouble than it’s worth to access one.” _

_ “How about the opposite, then?” Zexion suggested. “A heart of pure darkness?” _

_ “Did you read Ansem the Wise’s notes, boy? That would be a Heartless.” _

_ Zexion found the notebook in question and reread the passage. “Not necessarily. Ansem said that Heartless are hearts of darkness, but are they human hearts?” _

_ Vexen smiled. “What an excellent question.” _

_ When he brought the question to King Xehanort, he chuckled. _

_ “Great minds think alike,” he said. “Would you like to see what your old king and I have been working on?” _

_ And King Xehanort brought Vexen to Vanitas’s chambers. _

  
  


_ “Am I done cleaning?” Xion asked. Her voice was still muted from shame. _

_ Vexen put the notebook he was reading back into the shelf dedicated to the study of darkness. It was getting full; maybe he would put the notebooks containing the data on Vanitas’s heart on a completely separate case. _

_ He stopped by the table. The potion that she had knocked over had spilled on the table and not her skin, luckily, and had dried into a sticky mass. She had done a much better job cleaning it than Vexen had expected, but there were still some spots here and there where she had missed or had too much trouble getting off. _

_ “There are still a few spots,” Vexen said, “but you can get them tomorrow.” _

_ “I’ll get them now,” Xion said. _

_ “If you insist.” _

_ Vexen had started getting ready for the next day’s experiment when Xion spoke up again. _

_ “I’m really sorry.” _

_ “Hmph. You’ve already said that, girl. Clean up and make sure you don’t do this again, and all will be forgiven.” _

_ “When are you going to punish me?” _

_ Vexen looked up. “Do you want to be punished more?” _

_ “No! But Naminé said… she said she would help me when you punished me for real. Are you going to make it so I can’t eat ice cream ever again?” _

_ A great sadness filled Vexen. He pulled out a chair and sat down in the chair across from it. _

_ “Sit down, child. There is something I must tell you about Naminé and her father.” _

_ Xion put down the cleaning supplies and sat down. She curled her knees to her chest. _

_ “I never wanted to have children. Among other things, I was worried that I wouldn’t have the time or ability to care for them.” _

_ “But you’re a great dad,” Xion said. _

_ “I wasn’t fishing for a compliment. As I was saying, even though I never wanted to be a parent, there are certain rules that I know about parenting. Children can be irritating and irrational- oh, don’t look so downtrodden, girl, I wasn’t talking about you. All humans can be irritating and irrational, it is simply that children have a tendency to be so more than adults. There are times when they can be frustrating, and that frustration can be overwhelming. Parents need to understand that before they have any children and respect the fact that no child is perfect.” _

_ “What does this have to do with Naminé?” _

_ “There are parents who give themselves a certain manner of leeway when it comes to controlling their children. They do things that they would condemn in others to make them behave. It may work in the short term, but in the long term, all it does is hurt the child…” _

_ “Daaaaaaaaaaad! I hate when you do this! Just tell me what you’re talking about!” _

_ “Naminé’s father decided that he would control his children by hitting them. I had somewhat naively hoped that it would stop when he lost one of his daughters, but it seems to only have gotten worse.” _

_ Xion’s face melted from annoyance to shock. _

_ “Naminé’s dad… hits her?” _

_ “I believe so,” Vexen said. “I’ve never witnessed it, but surely you’ve noticed the bruises she has on occasion, or how she doesn’t like being touched?” _

_ Xion stood up with a determined look in her eye and summoned her Keyblade. _

_ “What are you doing?” _

_ “I’m getting Roxas so we can kill him.” _

_ “Sit down, Xion,” Vexen said gently. “How do you think Naminé would react if she learned you killed her father? How would you feel if she killed me?” _

_ “But you’re a good dad! He’s bad! He deserves to die!” _

_ “Naminé loves her father, just as you love me.” _

_ Xion sat back down, but didn’t dismiss her Keyblade. _

_ “But if she loves him and he doesn’t love her-” _

_ “Her father loves her,” Vexen said. “She is his daughter.” _

_ “Why then?” Belatedly, Vexen realized Xion was crying. “Why would he do something like that if he loves her? He can’t really love her if he does something like that.” _

_ Vexen sighed and got out of his chair to stroke his daughter’s hair. _

_ “He loves her, he simply does not respect her right to live without fear. Maybe he thinks he has the right to do as he pleases because she is his. Maybe you are correct, and he has merely confused possessiveness for love. I always thought he was a selfless king, but no one is perfect.” _

_ “Naminé doesn’t deserve this!” _

_ “No,” Vexen agreed. “No child does. I know you want to free her, but all you can do is be there for her. Keep being her friend. One day, she’ll be free of him.” _

_ “Why can’t she be free of him now?” _

_ Vexen didn’t have an answer for her, so he didn’t give one. He just let his daughter cry as he stroked her hair. _

_ “You’re a good dad,” Xion finally said with a sniff. “I love you.” _

_ “I love you, too.” _

_ It would be rude to not echo such a sentiment back at someone who gave it, but that wasn’t why Vexen did. _

  
  


_ “Come for one last visit, old friend?” _

_ DiZ’s voice was bitter. It practically echoed within the cramped jail cell he was sitting in. _

_ Vexen didn’t rise to the bait. _

_ “All of Scala ad Caelum was horrified to hear about your use of human subjects for our experiments,” he said. “The Realm of Light would not have tolerated the annexation of the Central Kingdom otherwise. So why was this human subject too much for you?” _

_ He sighed and removed the hood he had taken to wearing for what they both knew would be the last time. _

_ “Vanitas is a child,” Ansem the Wise said. “And this research will do no good to anyone other than Xehanort. Perhaps I was wrong to experiment on my own people, but I knew that any findings would be used for the good of Scala ad Caelum and everyone who lives here. Now anything I find would only help Xehanort’s vanity quest to put the whole continent under his rule. Xehanort is hurting him. I refuse to be complicit in the senseless pain of a child.” _

_ Vexen laughed, long and bitter. “It’s a little rich for you of all people to be talking about causing pain in children when you beat Kairi and Naminé.” _

_ Ansem looked genuinely confused. “Why are you bringing my daughters into this? Just because you disapprove of how I discipline my children-” _

_ “Discipline? According to the laws of your kingdom, hitting children is abuse.” _

_ Ansem narrowed his eyes. “If you’ve come just to insult me, I have no further desire to speak with you. I am not an abuser.” _

_ “If hitting your own children isn’t abuse, what is?” _

_ “I barely hurt them! What Xehanort is doing is abuse. You have no right to act so self-righteous when you know that Xehanort is beating Vanitas until he can hardly longer move for no good reason. I can be complicit in such acts no longer. Even if I do die today, I will at least know that my hands will cause no more pain, directly or indirectly.” _

_ “That is something we can agree on,” Vexen muttered under his breath. _

_ There was a pause. Vexen could hear his heart beating and wondered if Ansem could hear his own. Was he counting the beatings of his heart now that he knew how few he had left? _

_ “What about Naminé?” Vexen asked. “Did you ever consider the pain it would bring her to see you martyr yourself like this?” _

_ Genuine grief flooded Ansem’s face. “My daughter. Leaving her is the only thing I will regret. I know you are mad with me, old friend, but will you take care of her for me?” _

_ “I’ve already been taking care of Naminé for years. Why else would I hide her from you?” _

_ Vexen turned away the instant his words left his lips. Ansem was doing the right thing, but Vexen hoped his last moments would be filled with him thinking of the children he had wronged without a second thought. _

  
  


_ “If it isn’t my favorite pair of old men,” Vanitas drawled. _

_ “Good afternoon, Vanitas,” Zexion said. _

_ Vexen said nothing. King Xehanort had given them strict orders not to talk to Vanitas more than was required for the tests. Zexion refused to follow those orders, despite Vexen’s desperate pleading. _

_ Ansem’s sacrifice had not been entirely in vain. There hadn’t been a time when Vanitas had been visibly beaten since Ansem’s execution. The darkness in his heart hadn’t decreased either, which meant Xehanort didn’t have to do anything drastic to make up for it, but the growth of darkness within Vanitas’s heart was slowing. The last light in his heart was holding on, refusing to be extinguished. Vexen the alchemist wondered if it would be possible to extinguish that last light, and, if so, what would do it. _

_ Vexen the father no longer wanted to find out. However, there was no longer any choice if he wanted to escape the same fate as Ansem. _

_ “How I wish I could quantify your eye color.” Zexion’s words snapped Vexen from his thoughts. _

_ “You need to work on your pick-up lines,” Vanitas said. _

_ “I believe the darkness in your heart is changing you physiologically,” Zexion said. “Do you think so, Father?” _

_ “Do you really need your daddy’s advice on how to see eye color?” _

_ “I hope you’ve noted any changes,” Vexen said. “Now that you mention it, his hair does look different.” It was grayer, much less yellow than Roxas’s. It was oilier and matted, too. His eyes were more unsaturated than they used to be. _

_ His body was fading as well. It was little more than lean muscle once he took a closer look. _

_ “Have you been eating, boy?” Vexen asked. _

_ “The Master says I’m not allowed. I’m strong enough to live off the darkness.” _

_ “Live off the darkness?” Zexion echoed. _

_ “Are you deaf? Yeah, I’m using the darkness in my heart for energy. I’ve been doing it for months now.” _

_ “When was the last time you ate?” Vexen asked. _

_ Vanitas fixed hungry eyes at him. “Fuck, you’re stupid. I said I’ve been doing it for months now.” _

_ Vexen wrote “ _ using darkness for energy instead of food_"__ and then fully internalized what it meant. _

_ “You haven’t eaten in months?” _

_ Vanitas glared. “Don’t patronize me. I can take it.” _

_ “What is it like?” Zexion’s voice was filled with an equal mix of pity and curiosity. _

_ “Still feel hungry,” Vanitas said in what was obviously supposed to be a neutral tone. He looked at his hands. Vexen could see that they were trembling slightly. “It’s not pleasant. It feels like my body is becoming a husk.” Vanitas’s eyes whipped back up. He most likely did not intend to say that out loud. “But I’m strong enough to deal with it. Save your damn pity.” _

_ “Well said, my boy.” King Xehanort moved quieter than a man his age had the right to. Vexen hardly heard his footsteps as he descended the stairs. _

_ “Master.” There was an emotion in Vanitas’s voice, but Vexen could not tell if it was eagerness or fear. _

_ Vexen and Zexion bowed. _

_ “Your Highness, there is something I must ask of you,” Vexen said. _

_ “Oh?” _

_ Vexen swallowed. “Is it truly necessary to starve the boy? If his heart is forced to provide energy to the rest of the body, it may stagnate any growth of the darkness within it.” _

_ King Xehanort chuckled. “But it is quite the opposite, my friend. I’ll prove it to you. Watch.” _

_ He summoned his black Keyblade. Vanitas flinched. _

_ “Is this truly necessary, Your Highness?” Vexen made sure to sound as exasperated as possible. _

_ “Why, you’ve surely noticed the slowing of the spread of darkness in his heart, haven’t you? This is merely an experiment.” King Xehanort ran his finger along the edge of his Keyblade. He held it up to show the lack of blood. “My Keyblade isn’t even sharp. I’m not really going to hurt him. Watch his heart. Take notes.” _

_ Then King Xehanort smacked Vanitas with the flat of his Keyblade. Vanitas flew into the table, catching himself before he collided into it. _

_ “Your Highness!” _

_ Xehanort turned, yellow eyes cold. “What is it?” _

_ “Th-the experiments,” Vexen said. “He could knock them over.” _

_ His eyes narrowed. “I see. You make an excellent point.” He gestured, and Vanitas stumbled to the area without any tables. Xehanort continued on his attack. _

_ Zexion’s eyes were wide. His hands were shaking. _

_ “Watch his heart,” Vexen whispered. “Listen to your king. Take notes.” _

_ As Vexen watched, Vanitas’s heart darkened. It must have been from anger and fear, but his face was burning from shame, and Vexen wondered if that was the emotion darkening his heart the most. _

_ Vanitas curled up in an attempt to protect his vitals, but Xehanort kicked him so hard he rolled over. He was clearly used to it, because he kept rolling, but Xehanort stopped him with a final smack that made him cry out in pain. _

_ Xehanort dismissed his Keyblade. It was over. _

_ “I hope that demonstration yielded proper data, but if you have further doubts about my methods, I’ll be happy to do it again.” _

_ Vexen got the message loud and clear: attempting to help Vanitas would just get him more hurt. _

_ “That won’t be necessary, Your Highness,” Vexen said quietly. _

_ Vanitas pushed himself on his hands and knees with a cough. Vexen thought he saw blood, but before he could even think about doing anything, Vanitas glared at him with more fury than he had seen in his life. _

_ Xehanort looked down at Vanitas. “You did very well. You’ve grown strong.” _

_ A thread of light flickered in Vanitas’s heart. It was as bright as a candle in an abyss. _

_ “Thank you, Master.” _

_ Vexen could tell he meant it. _

_ Zexion lasted less than five seconds after they left without crying, which was five seconds more than Vexen expected him too. He was only a few years older than Vanitas himself, far too young to be forced to see something so violent. Vexen felt too young to see something so violent, and he was old. _

_ “I’m sorry you had to see that,” Vexen murmured. _

_ “How- why? Why did he-” _

_ Vexen had no answers to why men were cruel, why even kind men could beat their children and not feel guilt, why Xehanort was their king. Perhaps, if he ever left Castle Oblivion, he would study cruelty, so he would actually be able to protect the people around him. _

_ “If this is alchemy-” _

_ “This was abuse.” The word felt odd on Vexen’s tongue. “Alchemy was just the weapon he decided to use.” _

_ Zexion threw down his notebook. _

_ “If you don’t want to do this anymore, the king will let you go,” Vexen said. “You are only my assistant.” _

_ Zexion sobbed. Slowly, Vexen reached out and rubbed his shoulder. Xehanort’s attack had left a few marks. A circle painted on the ground was stained with a few drops of fresh blood. Vexen resolved to clean it before Naminé- that was right, Naminé was gone, working under the two new recruits with cruel eyes. _

_ “I’ll stay,” Zexion finally said. “I want to do something, even if all I can do is watch. Maybe… maybe one day I’ll be able to tell someone what happened. Then he’ll pay for it.” _

_ Vexen doubted the day would ever come where men powerful as Xehanort would pay for their sins. He did not say this to his child. _

_ “Rest,” Vexen said. “I’ll clean up.” _

_ Zexion trudged to the room with their cots and collapsed onto his. Vexen sat down in front of the numbers tainted with the pain of a child. What was he supposed to do? If there was someone he could tell, he would tell them; he would have told them the instant he knew what Xehanort was doing. He would have told them the instant he suspected what Ansem had been doing. How could there be any good in the world when the powerful had no one to answer to but their own twisted hearts? _

_ He couldn’t do nothing, but there was nothing he could do. _

_ Vexen spent the rest of the day throwing himself into the numbers and estimations until he was finally able to surrender into a restless slumber. _

_ He awoke to a furious sob. _

_ “HOW COULD YOU?” _

_ Vexen jolted awake. Xion was glaring up at him through the tears in her eyes. He could hear Zexion and Nixio stir. _

_ “My child-” _

_ “WHY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE? WHY DIDN’T YOU DO ANYTHING?” _

_ “What-” _

_ “IS VANITAS NOTHING BUT AN EXPERIMENT TO YOU? DO YOU EVEN SEE HIM AS A PERSON?” _

_ “Xion,” Vexen finally managed. Horror was churning in his gut. “How do you know about that?” _

_ “It doesn’t matter!” _

_ “Listen to me, child,” Vexen snapped. “This is not something you’re supposed to know. Get your cloak. We’ll talk about this outside the castle.” _

_ Xion bristled, but she stomped over to her clothes to grab the black cloak that protected them from the corridors of darkness. Vexen grabbed his own, as well as an additional layer for Xion. It could be cold outside this time of the year. _

_ He was right- the desert was cold at night. The wind whipped through them the second they stepped out of Vexen’s corridor of darkness. Vexen regretted not bringing an additional layer for himself. Xion refused to take the coat he brought her. _

_ “I hate you,” she spat. _

_ It wasn’t uncommon for children to shout hurtful things they didn’t mean during an average tantrum. Vexen wished with all of his heart that it was an average tantrum. _

_ “What do you know, and how do you know it?” Vexen made sure to keep his voice as level as possible. _

_ “I- me and Roxas have these dreams. We see each other in these dreams, just doing whatever we did that day. But it’s not just us. Sometimes we see Roxas’s brother, Sora, or his other brother, Ven, or-” _

_ “Vanitas,” Vexen whispered in horror. If Xehanort found out they could watch him without his knowledge, he’d kill them without hesitation. But, more importantly- _

_ “I’m so sorry you had to see that.” _

_ “No you’re not!” she snarled. She summoned Oblivion and swung it back. “But you’re gonna be!” _

_ “Are you going to kill me?” Vexen couldn’t hide the shake in his voice. _

_ “I should! You’re a monster! You deserve to die! You didn’t even care that Vanitas got hurt!” _

_ “That’s not true.” _

_ “Yes it is!” Tears dripped down her face. “You just stood there, taking notes while Xehanort-” she screwed her eyes tight with a grimace. “I hate you! I should kill you right now and save Roxas the trouble.” _

_ Thoughts swirled through Vexen like a whirlwind. He wanted to scold her, comfort her, reason with her, shield her from the evils of the world. By his estimates, she was just under seven years old, but she had already been sharpened into a deadly weapon by the pain of those around her. _

_ She was right. Vexen had done nothing while a child was being beaten into the ground. He was no better than Ansem. Perhaps he deserved to die by her hand. _

_ “Child-” _

_ “DON’T CALL ME THAT! I’m not your child! You’re not my dad. You’re just a freak who mixed me into existence because you were lonely.” _

_ “You’re right.” Her understanding of his motivation was incorrect, but that hardly mattered at the moment. “I gave you life. If it is what you think I deserve, you have the right to take it from me.” _

_ Vexen’s hands were shaking. He tucked them behind his back. _

_ “I will!” _

_ Xion swung Oblivion. _

_ Time slowed down. Vexen could hear his heart beating in his ears. Distantly, he noted Xion had been trained well; she was aiming for the artery in the inside of his leg and not the heart or other vital organs that would be too high up or protected for a child to get to. He saw the glittering teeth of Oblivion (what an ironic name for the Keyblade at that moment) inch closer to his body. _

_ It bounced off as if it were nothing but a stick. Vexen still bit back a wince in pain, but it didn’t even break the skin. _

_ Xion backed away in horror, as if fully realizing what she had tried to do. She dropped Oblivion and collapsed into the dust with a sob. _

_ “I’m sorry. I’m-” _

_ She was cut off by her own wail. Slowly, Vexen approached her and knelt down to her level. To his surprise, she practically tackled him in an embrace. _

_ “I’m sorry, Dad. I know it wasn’t your fault, I just-” _

_ “All is forgiven, child. All is forgiven.” _

_ He stroked her head until her sobs died down to sniffles. _

_ “I wish I could help Vanitas,” Vexen murmured. “I regret joining the project every day. If there were something I could do, I would do it.” _

_ “I know,” she sniffed. “I’m sorry.” _

_ “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to take you back. But first- please tell me if you get any more distressing dreams. You and Roxas shouldn’t have to deal with such visions.” _

_ “Okay.” _

_ He wished she didn’t take him up on that offer so soon. _

  
  


_ It wasn’t very long after their conversation in the desert when Xion woke up with a scream of pure terror. She raced up the stairs before Vexen could so much as ask her what happened. _

_ The worst part was that he already knew. He had felt a sort of tension rise within Xehanort over the past week or so. It was only a matter of time before it exploded out of him, and Vanitas was never able to escape the blast radius. So the horrifying question remained- what had Xehanort done this time that had managed to make Xion scream when she had already seen him beat Vanitas bloody? _

_ Nixio got out of his bed and raced towards the stairs. _

_ “Nixio!” Vexen called as he slowly got to his feet. “This matter does not concern you.” _

_ “My little sister is scared,” Nixio said. “It concerns me enough.” _

_ “Go back to bed.” Vexen’s tone left no room for negotiation. “I’ll take care of this.” _

_ Nixio clenched his fists but returned back to his bed as Vexen grabbed protective cloaks for himself and Xion and climbed the stairs. _

_ Roxas also had the dreams, according to Xion, so perhaps she had gone to his room for comfort. Vexen went to Roxas’s room. He knocked on the door. _

_ “Roxas? Xion?” _

_ No answer. Vexen opened the door. The covers were tossed at the foot of the bed and the light was still on. Roxas had left in a hurry, but Vexen hadn’t run into him on the way to his room, so he wasn’t going to the basement for Xion. Perhaps they were going to Axel. Where was his room again? _

_ Just as Vexen turned around, he heard a pair of fluttering footsteps fly down the stairs. Xion and Roxas fled hand in hand as if Xehanort himself was at their heels. Their faces and tunics were drenched in tears. _

_ Vexen opened the door to Roxas’s room and closed the door behind all of them. For a while, Xion and Roxas just cried. Vexen knelt down to comfort Xion, and to his surprise, they both turned to cry into his arms. If brittle, angry Roxas was allowing himself to be this vulnerable, something truly terrible must have happened. Either Vanitas was killed, or something equally horrible had occurred. _

_ Eventually, their sobs quieted. _

_ “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Vexen asked quietly. _

_ Xion and Roxas exchanged a glance. _

_ “That’s the thing,” Roxas sniffed. “I don’t get what happened. I mean- it was bad and Vanii was so scared-” _

_ He was cut off by his choked sob. _

_ Vexen stroked his head as his gut churned in horror. There was only one act of violence that could still remain a mystery to a child of Castle Oblivion. _

_ “I think I know what happened,” Vexen said quietly, “and I’ll tell you if you wish to know. But it requires quite a long-winded explanation, and it is better if we do not speak of the dreams within these walls. I brought your cloak, Xion, if you wish to hear what happened.” _

_ Xion nodded. Vexen doubted she had the strength to do much else. _

_ Roxas grabbed his cloak in tiny fists. _

_ “I’ll hear it,” he said. “I want you to tell me exactly what Xehanort did to my brother.” _

_ Vexen put on his own cloak. “Very well.” _

_ There was a city not too far from the castle, with a square that reminded Vexen of the ones in Radiant Garden. The square in question was completely empty, both of people and patrolling Heartless. The sun was far below the horizon and the wind was cold. _

_ They sat on a bench. Roxas and Xion curled into each other. _

_ “This is a conversation that all children should have with their parents. Sometimes the subject matter may seem embarrassing, especially to children of your age, but do not hesitate to tell me if you have any questions whatsoever. Do you understand?” _

_ They nodded, and Vexen began his speech. He told them of the nature of genetalia and sexual reproduction and wished with all of his heart that they could have been relaxed enough to feel embarrassed about it and not receive it all with wide eyes and alert ears. _

_ “Sex can feel very good if everyone involved is willing to participate. But humans are very good at hurting others, and sexual contact, too, can be used as a weapon. If one person is unwilling to participate but is forced to through coercion or violence, it is called sexual assault. Am I correct in presuming this is what Xehanort did to Vanitas?” _

_ Roxas nodded. Tears dripped down his face once again. _

_ Vexen sighed. He was an alchemist, and alchemists asked questions. They answered the questions to the best of their ability, and they accepted the answer that the data gave them. In all of his years of alchemy, he had never wished so fervently that he had been wrong. _

  
  


What is darkness?

This is a question I’ve dedicated years to. It is colloquially assumed that “negative” emotions such as anger and sadness are darkness, while “positive” emotions such as compassion and hope are light, but there seems to be more to the heart than this simple binary. For instance, Princesses of Heart must feel sadness, for it is required for empathy and compassion. And they must feel righteous anger against injustice. I cannot confirm this, since I have no access to any Princesses of Heart or other beings with hearts of pure light, but it is not entirely unreasonable. Is this not darkness? And if so, why not? Is sadistic joy considered light? Does twisted possessiveness or a bond forged through trauma and manipulation cause light in the heart? If so, why?

I have observed pain, anger, and shame darken a heart to the point of complete fixation. The case of Vanitas is where we will see darkness’s true nature. Although the pure darkness in his heart could be reversed, I personally doubt such a possibility. The pain and trauma it took for it to reach the point suggests it is a point of no return, although that is merely speculation. If it is reversed, all of the pain will have been for naught.

If his heart remains pure darkness for the rest of his days, the true nature of darkness will be revealed. If the colloquial assumption is correct, Vanitas will never feel love, compassion, or hope, for these are the emotions most associated with the light. However, this is not the only possibility. It seems impossible at the moment, but perhaps the day will come where Vanitas will experience peace and love once more. If this occurs, and his heart remains dark, then the assumed binary between darkness and light will be all but disproven. In such a case, the heart’s state of light and dark will be much more of a mystery, and we must conclude that, despite the undeniable correlation between certain emotions and darkness or light, we cannot conclude causation either way.

As an alchemist, I must say that the most likely event is the former. A heart of darkness feeling love seems contrary, to say the least. But as a person, and as a father, I cannot help but hope the latter occurs. It would be a miracle to see such a broken child heal and somehow still retain the powers of darkness.

But perhaps that is simply the sentimentality of old age speaking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "have you read 'why the sun sets red'?" no not at all haha why would you say that??? /s


	44. Sexy Zexy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aqua inquires about darkness and learns more than she expected

Aqua was headed towards the library when she spotted Vanitas.

“Hello, Vanitas. How was your training with Terra?”

“He manages to piss me off without even trying,” Vanitas grumbled. His eyes narrowed. “Speaking of which, did you tell him about...”

Vanitas didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to. The shame and fury on his face and in his voice told Aqua what he was talking about.

“No,” she said. “I’d never tell anyone about that. I think he knew about it before he came here.”

Vanitas growled. “Do you know who did?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

Vanitas scoffed.

“Oh, that’s right. Vanitas, I have a question about the darkness.”

“Whatever it is, I don’t know.”

“But-”

“Just because my heart is darkness doesn’t mean I know jack shit about it,” Vanitas snapped. “Ventus’s heart is made of light, but do you think he knows anything about light?”

“You have a good point,” Aqua said. “Thank you anyway.”

Vanitas rolled his eyes. “That alchemist is here, right? If you have a question, ask him. He’ll know.”

“The alchemist?”

Vanitas scoffed. “Fuck, everyone in this castle is stupid and so fucking ignorant. I’ll show you where he is.”

Aqua knew better than to take the insult personally. 

“Thank you.”

He took her to one of the guest rooms and pounded on the door. Even opened it.

“Lady Aqua,” he said. “I’ve been meaning to speak with… you…”

His eyes had landed on Vanitas. Shame washed over his face.

Vanitas sighed in exasperation. “What the fuck do you want, old man?”

“I’ve been meaning to apologize,” Even said quietly. “I’m sorry for what I did to you in Castle Oblivion.”

If Vanitas was irritated before, he was pissed now.

“Aqua?”

“Yes?”

“What is it about this castle that gives everybody a MOTHERFUCKING MARTYR COMPLEX?” Vanitas shouted. He spun back to Even. “You didn’t do jack shit! Don’t take the blame for what that old fuck did.”

“The fact that I did nothing is my greatest shame,” Even said.

“Shut the fuck up! I thought you were supposed to be smart! You know that if you did anything, the king would have killed you, and absolutely nothing would have changed.”

“But-”

“Look.” Vanitas was almost seething. “You took care of Xion and Roxas. You saved Xion’s life. I owe you for that. If it makes you feel better, consider it a debt repaid.”

“Why do you care about Xion?” Even asked.

“Because-” most of the anger drained from Vanitas “because I’m the one who left her in the first place. You saved her. Now quit taking the blame for that sick old fuck.”

“Alright,” Even said. “Thank you.”

Vanitas stalked away without another word.

“Come in,” Even said once he had left. 

Aqua did. In the week they had lived in the guest room, they had turned it into an almost identical copy of the basement in the Darkner castle, with runes drawn on the floor and papers in piles. Vexen pulled out a chair for her. Ienzo looked up when she entered and bowed.

“Lady Aqua,” he said, “there’s something I need to tell you.” His voice was soft with apprehension.

“So I hear,” Aqua said with a smile. 

Her smile seemed to only further agitate him. Ienzo looked like he was trying to hide behind his bangs.

“I helped Xehanort forge letters from Terra,” he said quietly.

“What?” Even hissed.

Ienzo shrank back further. “I-I thought I could help. I tried hiding messages in them, but I guess I wasn’t good enough.”

“It’s okay,” Aqua said. “This is actually good news. If you can prove that Xehanort wrote them, it will help in our case against the Realm of Darkness.”

“It’s a simple illusion spell,” Ienzo said. “If I had a copy of one of the letters, I’d be able to undo it.”

“Ven should have some,” Aqua said. “I don’t know where he is, but he might be in his room.”

Ienzo bowed. “Thank you, Lady Aqua,”

He left the room and closed the door behind him.

“You have things you wish to tell me?” Aqua asked.

Even sat down in the chair across from her and crossed his legs. “I am of the understanding that my asylum and that of my family is granted on the condition that I release certain information to you.”

Aqua shook her head. “No. We are technically still allied with the Realm of Darkness, but I don’t know how much longer that will last, and we are not fulfilling any of their extradition requests at the moment. Besides, there haven’t been any extradition requests for any of the seven asylum-seekers currently taking residence in the castle.”

Even blinked. Then he laughed a squeaky laugh.

“You tell me this before I reveal state secrets from the Realm of Darkness? Do you realize that you have lost your leverage in this conversation, my lady?”

“Are you no longer willing to reveal this information?” Aqua asked.

“No, my lady. That is- I am still willing to divulge it.”

Aqua smiled. “Then I see no reason for deception. Besides, as a current resident of the Realm of Light, its safety is your safety by extension.”

Even smiled. “This is true, my lady. I am merely… unadjusted to such unconditional generosity.”

“Regardless,” Aqua said, “this information does sound quite valuable. What kind of information is it?”

“What do you know about the Darkner royal family?” he asked as an answer.

Aqua straightened. “There are currently three living members. Xehanort, the patriarch, rose to power about forty years ago despite lacking any relation to the previous royal family. It was said to be a peaceful transition to power, but I now doubt that story. Either way, he’s dead now.” Terra killed him. The reminder made Aqua pause and bite her lip. Her sweet, gentle brother assassinated a foreign ruler. She shook the thought from her heart and continued. “His youngest son of the same name is the new king. He’s about seventeen years old. Xehanort chose his heir by abandoning his children or never claiming them, leaving it up to them to make their way to him. Since the new Prince Xehanort found his way to the castle at age thirteen, the youngest of his three brothers, the old king decided he was the most worthy of being his heir, taking the position from Prince Xemnas, who made it to the Darkner castle in his late teens. Prince Ansem is the eldest, but spends most of his time managing the Heartless, and has little interest in the throne.”

Even smiled. “Impressive. And almost entirely incorrect.”

Aqua narrowed her eyes. “What?”

“The truth is that none of the current living members of the Darkner royal family are human.” Even paused. “Well, they have human hearts, and therefore the same rights as humans, but their bodies are replicas made of goat meat and dark magic. Thanks to my work, they are indistinguishable from normal humans, much like Nixio and Xion.”

“They have replica bodies, too?”

“Indeed,” Even said. “I have always held an interest in the nature of bodies and hearts, and was commissioned to help King Xehanort create his heirs. His ultimate goal was to create a copy of his own heart. He… I succeeded, and he currently sits on the Darkner throne.” 

Aqua’s heart twisted. There was literally another Xehanort on the Darkner throne. Would he bring as much pain to Scala ad Caelum as his father did?

“But what about Ansem and Xemnas?” Aqua asked.

Even smiled so wide it distorted his face. “That’s where this becomes interesting, my lady. Do you know where the Heartless come from?”

Aqua blinked at the sudden change in subject. “I don’t know. All I know is that they attack humans and are vulnerable to the Keyblade, since they are weapons of heart.”

“Hmph. I suppose not everyone asks questions as readily as an alchemist does. There are many different hypotheses about the subject, but Xehanort believed that they come from a different world. Instead of being dominated by light like this one is, it is made almost entirely of darkness: a true Realm of Darkness, if you will. There is a legend that certain people on Scala ad Caelum are from a bloodline from this true Realm of Darkness and are destined to rule it. At the time of the princes’ creation, only three of these people lived.”

“One of which was Xehanort, I assume.”

Even nodded. “Ansem’s heart was made of an amalgamation of all three hearts. Xemnas was made of two of them. Nixio and the new king are made of one each.”

“Do you know who these other people are?”

“Nixio’s heart is from a boy from the Destiny Islands. That is all I know of him.”

It couldn’t be… Riku? Princess Kairi’s friend? It would at least explain why he looked so much like Nixio. Or, she supposed, why Nixio looked so much like him.

“How about the other one?”

Even smiled unpleasantly again. “Lord Terra.”

“What?”

There was no way that could be true. Terra was a Lightner. He was second in line for the throne of the Realm of Light. There was no way such a kind person could be the ruler of Heartless.

_ I don’t belong in the Realm of Light. I never did. _

Was that what he meant? Was this what he was talking about when he spoke of the alleged Darkner bloodline that linked him and Xehanort?

Aqua’s head was spinning.

“I don’t know what to say,” she said weakly.

“There’s nothing you need to say, my lady,” Even said. “I cannot confirm the existence of such a realm, but Xehanort clearly demonstrated a link between the three hearts years before Lord Terra came to Castle Oblivion. Ansem’s heart is made of all three of theirs, and he possesses an uncanny connection with the Heartless. This is the most evidence to support any of the speculation on the origin of Heartless. Will you be taking this information to the guardian-king?”

Aqua stood. “Would you mind explaining this to him directly? I don’t know if I can convey the information accurately.”

She had a hard time processing it herself.

Even got up from his chair. “I have been meaning to officially offer my services to him. I suppose this is as good of a time as any.”

They left the room.

“That reminds me,” Aqua said. “Vanitas told me you were an expert on the darkness.”

Even chuckled bitterly. “In a way, I suppose. Why?”

“Terra hasn’t been eating and he’s been sleeping too much. Do you know of a curse that would do such a thing?”

Even thought for a second. “No. Although, it does remind me of something. Perhaps it’s completely irrelevant, but-”

“If there’s even a small chance that it will help Terra, I want to hear it,” Aqua said.

“Very well,” Even said. “I worked with goats in the early days of the Replica project, and they, like all animals, could be very sensitive to stress. Under certain circumstances, they would be so stressed that they stopped eating.”

Aqua blinked. “You think that’s what’s happening with Terra?”

“I hardly saw him around Castle Oblivion, but anyone in the proximity of Xehanort deals with a great amount of stress. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.”

“Lady Aqua!”

Aqua turned. Princess Snow White was running towards her.

“What is it, my lady?” Aqua asked.

“Someone is approaching the castle,” she said. “I do believe it is a Darkner.”

“Do you know who it is or if they come in peace?”

“He means no harm,” Snow White said. “But I do not know why he is here.”

“Thank you, my lady.” She turned to Even. “Would you be able to recognize whoever he is?”

“Most likely, yes.”

“Then follow me.”

Aqua raced to the front of the castle, Stormfall in hand, quickly leaving Even behind. She saw a figure in slowly approach the main courtyard.

“Halt! You are approaching the Land of Departure, the castle of the guardian-king and the seven Princesses of Heart. State your business!”

“One sec,” the man said. “It was a long walk here.” He summoned and leaned on a large blue sitar.

Stormfall was at his throat in an instant. “That wasn’t a request.”

“It’s alright, my lady!” Even called from the doorway. He was breathing heavily. “That fool couldn’t be dangerous if he tried.”

“Aw, I could so,” the man said. 

“Hmph. Even if you could, you’d be too lazy to do so.”

The man smiled. “That’s true.”

Aqua’s heart was not warning her of any danger, and Princess Snow White had said he was harmless.

“Do you come in peace?”

“Oh, yeah. Totally,” the man said. His words sounded sincere.

“Then step inside.”

“Thanks,” the man said with a grin. “Like I said- long walk.”

“State your name and business,” Aqua said.

“Demyx. Just want to see my boyfriend.”

Axel jogged over from around a corner. “Demyx? No way! I thought I heard your voice.”

“Axel! Long time, no see, buddy.”

Axel paused. “You’re not here from the king, are you?”

“Are you kidding? I went back to bed on Xemnas’s birthday and woke up with the king dead and half the castle gone,” Demyx said. “Way too much drama. I just want to check on my boyfriend, you know?”

Even scoffed. “I don’t know what kind of irresponsible fool your boyfriend is, but-”

He was cut off by Axel’s laughter. Even glared.

“I don’t know what you find so funny,” he said in an icy tone.

“Lady Aqua!” Ienzo called. “Lord Ven gave me the letters. Now I can- Demyx?”

Demyx held out his arms with a smile. “Sexy Zexy!”

Ienzo dropped the letters to run into his arms and kiss him. Even’s jaw practically hit the floor.

“Sexy… Zexy?”

Axel was bowled over from laughter.

Demyx and Ienzo broke apart.

“What are you doing here?” Ienzo asked breathlessly.

“To see you, babe!”

“Babe?” Aqua muttered. 

“Sexy… Zexy?” Even repeated.

“You really didn’t know?” Axel laughed. “Literally everyone else in the castle knew they were dating. The king knew, Xion and Nixio knew, even Terra knew!”

Ienzo put his hand on Demyx’s cheek. “You crossed Scala ad Caelum just to see me?”

“Of course! I woke up and you were gone. I figured you went with the Lightners. Luckily, a traveling musician can hitch enough rides east easily enough.”

Ienzo looked away. “I’m sorry I left you. I knew you could take care of yourself, and Nixio-”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Demyx said with a grin. “You had to take care of your family, and I still managed to get here.”

“Demyx,” Aqua said. “Are you petitioning for asylum against the Realm of Darkness?”

The question seemed to throw him off his easy attitude. “Do I have to?”

“I suppose there’s no need if you’re not in danger,” Aqua said. 

Demyx smiled sheepishly. “I don’t think they’ll miss me.”

“You can say that again,” Axel said. “I think my husband’s going to flip his shit when he sees you.”

“Your husband… you’re married to Saïx? Wasn’t he sleeping with Xemnas?”

Aqua cut off the conversation. “He goes by Isa now, but that’s not important at the moment. Can you tell us about any movement by the Darkners?”

Demyx thought for a second. “Nah, I don’t think so. I got out of there pretty fast. I could feel the young prince’s anger from across the castle. And I thought he had issues before…”

“What about the others?” Ienzo asked quietly. 

“Sorry,” Demyx said. “I know how much Lexaeus means to you, but I don’t know if he’s staying or not. Xigbar’s definitely staying. That old guy was always glued to the king’s side, and I don’t think that’s changing any time soon. I doubt Luxord’s going to stay. Xaldin could go either way; I never really knew the guy.”

“Thank you for the information,” Aqua said. “If you’d like, we can provide you with a guest room.”

“Thanks, but I’ll just share the room with my Sexy Zexy.” Demyx grinned at Ienzo.

“You most certainly will not!” Vexen snapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there seems to be a lot of confusion on how the princes work in this AU, and that's my fault for not explaining them better.  
Xehanort, through arcane magic, knows how to summon heart pieces, but only of people who share the Darkner bloodline that Even mentioned. Ansem is made of heart fragments of Riku, Terra, and Xehanort; Xemnas is made from Terra and Xehanort; Nixio is made from just Riku's heart and is a prototype for Prince Xehanort, who is made just from King Xehanort's heart.


	45. It was all right there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terra puts the pieces together and learns something that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: self-harm mention, CSA

_ Terra rested for a couple of minutes after the young prince walked away. The healing spell took a lot out of him. A part of him was still wondering why he spent the energy on the young prince of all people, but it had felt… right. Even if the spell exhausted him, the irrational compassion that fueled it brightened his heart ever-so-slightly. _

_ The night air washed over him. As his heart slowed down, the wind changed from refreshingly cool to frigid, but he stayed out. His thoughts stirred around him in a slow, stagnant circle. The young prince’s behavior was confusing. He wanted to fight Terra, but he had chosen to start without Keyblades, even though he almost always lost bare-handed rounds. The weak remaining light in his heart was trying to tell him that something was wrong with the young prince, but Terra was too stupid to figure it out. He was able to figure out that the cuts on his upper left arm were self-inflicted, but that would be obvious to anyone who actually saw his bare arms. The only reason Terra did was because the young prince removed his shirt once their fights got intense. _

_ There it was again- the twinge in his heart. Terra gritted his teeth in frustration. There was something off about the young prince. Yes, they both wanted King Xehanort’s attention, Terra finally realized that, but there was more to it than that. _

_ Terra started to shiver. Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to break through his stupid heart that night. It was Prince Xemnas’s birthday the next day. He knew that he should get some sleep before he would have to deal with the festivities. Terra got up and walked back to the castle. _

_ He was right in front of his room, about to open the door to his room, when he heard another door open. Terra turned. He had never been inside the king’s chambers, but he knew where it was. The young prince limped out of room. The door closed on its own. The king must have closed it with his Keyblade. _

_ Terra’s heart was screaming. Even with the limited light in his heart, he had never been so sure that something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Terra never considered himself very observant, but his eyes were scanning the young prince for any sign of something wrong. The young prince adjusted his clothes. That wasn’t that unusual; he was vain. He even bathed three times a- _

_ The answer hit Terra harder than any strike he had ever taken in his life. He stumbled backwards into his room and collapsed onto his bed. His door swung shut behind him. _

_ It all made sense. Everything about the young prince suddenly made too much sense: his bathing, his aggression, his self-harm, his eagerness for bare-chested wrestling matches to lose… _

_ Terra fought back a wave of nausea. He had been trained as a prince-knight to recognize the signs of a sexually abused child. But he was so stupid it took him almost a year to put the signs together when he was actually faced with one. _

_ He was seething with self-hatred. If he had figured it out sooner, then he could have stopped it. He could have told the king- _

But the king was the one doing it.

_ Terra didn’t want it to be true. The young prince was close with Ansem, and Terra had never liked Xemnas, but he had stumbled out of the king’s room. And whoever was in there had closed the door with a Keyblade, and neither Ansem nor Xemnas had Keyblades. The only other Keyblade wielders in the entire castle were Roxas and Xion. He was so stupid- _

_ Terra breathed a sigh of relief. He was stupid. Even if something this immoral was happening underneath the noses of everyone in the castle, Terra, of all people, wasn’t smart enough to put it together.  _

“You’re not ready to hear the truth about the king. Not yet. When you are, come and find us.”

_ Terra shakily got to his feet. The memory of Roxas’s words gave him hope. Roxas would tell him that he was wrong, and everything would be okay again. _

_ It was a little late for someone Roxas’s age to still be awake, but that didn’t occur to Terra until Roxas was opening his bedroom door. Roxas fixed his Keyblade-sharp eyes on Terra. _

_ “You’re here for the truth, aren’t you? You look ready to hear it.” _

_ He spoke with the grace of someone twice his age and the weariness of someone ten times his age. All Terra could do was nod. _

_ “Get your cloak,” Roxas said. “Meet me here in five minutes. I need to get Xion. Be ready to open a corridor of darkness. Vexen says this isn’t something to talk about within the walls of the castle.” _

_ The place Terra chose was much warmer than the castle, but Xion and Roxas still clung to each other like they were in the middle of an ice field. They sat down and gestured for Terra to do the same.  _

_ “Tell me the truth about the king,” he said. _

_ And, together, they told him about their family. They told him about the dreams they shared, and how they were forced to watch Vanitas’s beatings. Horror crept back through Terra. Xehanort had been hurting children for his own goals. Terra knew he could be harsh, and he knew he deserved the harshness he dealt out, but Vanitas was a child. There was nothing he could have done to deserve that. _

_ “It kept getting worse,” Roxas said. His voice was flat and empty, like he was reciting from a script. “One day, Xehanort sexually assaulted him.” _

_ Terra’s breaths started getting choppy.  _

_ “How do you know?” _

_ “We saw it in a dream,” Xion said. “It was horrible.” _

_ Terra remembered The Nightmare from two years prior, and how Ven had screamed all night.  _

_ Xehanort hurt children and had made Ven watch. _

_ Xehanort had made Ven scream. _

_ Terra almost choked on anger. He was seething in rage. Ends of the Earth materialized in his hand. _

_ “I’LL KILL HIM!” he roared. _

_ “No!” Xion shouted back. “You have no right! He belongs to Vanitas.” _

_ “My brother is strong,” Roxas said. “One day, he’s going to free himself. Then he’ll take his revenge. You have no right to take it from him.” _

_ Terra stabbed Ends of the Earth into the ground. It sunk through the cobblestones like a hot knife through butter. _

_ “Terra?” _

_ Xion’s voice was small and scared now. It sounded like Naminé. The reminder was enough to drain the rage from him. _

_ “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t want to scare you.” _

_ “I wasn’t scared,” Xion said. “It’s just that- why did you ask us? You didn’t look surprised when we told you what happened. Did he- did the king-” she bit her lip and took a shaky breath. “Did he do it to you, too?” _

_ Terra shook his head. “No. Not me.”  _

_ A thought twisted his heart. _

_ “Not yet.” _


	46. Fuck Xehanort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terra and Vanitas get high on caffeine and make a murder pact- not in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: panic attack, suicide ideation, physical abuse mention

4 days until the Darkner deadline

Ven woke up with apprehension in his heart. It was the last day of the bet. If Vanitas made it to morning meditation, he would have to give up sweets for a month, right when Aqua was stress-baking all of the best desserts. 

_ Vanitas, sleep. Please. Please be asleep. I know you have trouble sleeping, but I hope you’re asleep right now. You need it and also I don’t want to lose. _

Ven slipped on his clothes as quietly as he could and tiptoed out the door. Aqua smiled and ruffled his hair in greeting.

“Good morning, Ven.”

“Shhh,” he whispered. “I think Vanitas is still asleep.”

“That’s right,” she whispered back. “Today’s the last day of the bet.”

Ven was smiling as he slipped into Terra’s room. He hadn’t seen or heard Vanitas at all. 

Terra was already up and slipping on a loose tunic. Ven checked the bed, but it was already made. Naminé must have slept through the night.

“Be quiet,” Ven whispered. “Vanitas is still asleep.”

Terra frowned. “Shouldn’t we wake him for morning meditation?” he whispered.

“Then I’ll lose the bet. Aqua made crystal sugar cake last night and I want some.”

Terra smiled. “Alright.”

The three of them crept down the hall and down the stairs. Ven couldn’t stop a grin from stretching across his face. Vanitas still wasn’t awake! He silently celebrated and skipped the rest of the way to the courtyard.

“I did it. I won the-”

“Morning, Venty.”

Vanitas was sitting at his usual spot with his legs crossed and a smug grin on his face.

“NOO-”

“Ventus!” Guardian-king Eraqus snapped. “Most of the castle is still asleep. Be conscientious of those around you.”

“Yeah, Ventus. Some of us are trying to meditate.”

_ Why, you- _

Ven fumed silently as the sun slowly inched above the horizon. The bright gold rays tempered his frustration, but only a little. 

When meditation finished, Guardian-king Eraqus rose.

“Vanitas has proposed a new strategy for dealing with the Darkners,” he said. “Come to the war room after breakfast.”

“Yes, Master,” they chorused.

The second Ven stood, Vanitas pounced, wrapping his arm around Ven’s neck.

“Well, Venty, it looks like I made it to morning meditation thirty days in a row. Now you don’t get to eat dessert for a month.”

“You don’t have to rub it in,” Ven groaned.

“Gonna do it anyway. Now I need to decide your punishment.”

“Punishment? Isn’t a month with no sweets enough?”

Vanitas grinned. “Nope. There needs to be a punishment for when you inevitably give in.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Aqua chided. “He made a deal. We’ll make sure he keeps his word. Now, what’s this about a plan?”

“It’s a surprise,” Vanitas said. He turned to Terra. “Don’t ruin it.”

“I won’t,” he said quietly.

“Gonna make one of your promises?” Vanitas purred.

“Do you want me to?” Terra asked. “I promise not to tell. Until the meeting, at least.”

Vanitas opened his hands. “No grand oath swearing secrecy to your final breath?”

“Vanitas!” Ven snapped. “Leave him alone.”

“It’s okay, Ven.” Terra said.

Ven wanted to protest, but there wasn’t much he could do. He wanted them to be friends, but maybe Terra’s mistake had shut that door forever. 

“After the meeting, meet me in the arena,” Vanitas said. “Don’t want to miss training with my  _ favorite _ student.”

“R-right.”

The rest of the walk to breakfast was filled with tense silence.

  
  


“Get off the table, Vanitas.”

Vanitas glared down at Guardian-king Eraqus. “Why?”

“You’ll get the map dirty. Everyone will be able to see you perfectly fine in front of the chalkboard.”

He jumped off the giant map with a pout. “Fine.”

“Keep the theatrics to a minimum,” Guardian-king Eraqus continued. “Explain your strategy in simple terms and answer questions.”

“You’re no fun,” Vanitas grumbled.

“It’s a war meeting. They’re not ‘fun’.”

“Not with that attitude they’re not.”

Vanitas heard Ventus’s feather-light steps, Terra’s solid strides, and the rhythm of Aqua’s boots.

“They’re on their way,” Vanitas told Guardian-king Eraqus.

A minute later, the prince-knights entered the room. They nodded respectfully to Guardian-king Eraqus and sat in front of them in descending order of rank. Vanitas grinned. They had to listen to whatever he said today.

Aqua noticed his grin with a frown. “Master, can Terra help him?”

“What, you don’t trust me to explain a strategy by myself?”

“No.”

_ Damn, she’s learning. _

“Vanitas said he would keep the theatrics to a minimum,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“No I didn’t,” Vanitas said.

“If you don’t, I’ll have Terra take over,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“Fine,” Vanitas said. “I’ll keep it brief, then. On the day Xehanort finally ate shit and died, it was Xemnas’s birthday. Everyone with a lick of sense knows that Prince Xemnas wants the Darkner throne. It would make sense if he assassinated Xehanort and framed the Realm of Light.”

Ventus raised his hand, but Vanitas deliberately ignored him.

“But yesterday you said it was too late for it to work,” Terra said.

“Aren’t you supposed to raise your hand?” Vanitas quipped.

He was used to Ventus’s rebuttals, Aqua’s eye-rolls, and Guardian-king Eraqus’s bit-back sighs, not flinching and looking away in shame. Antagonizing Terra was losing its appeal very quickly.

Aqua looked to Terra, and when it was clear he wasn’t going to defend himself, she said, “No, he’s not. Do you need him to take over?”

“You’re so bossy. It’s like you’re guardian-king already.”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile.

Vanitas scowled. “It wasn’t a compliment.”

“I’m taking it as one,” she retorted.

“Was every meeting like this when I was gone?” Terra mused.

“No,” Guardian-King Eraqus said in what was supposed to be an imposing voice, “it was not.” 

Ventus nudged Terra and nodded.

“Anyway,” Vanitas said, “to answer your question, it’s too late to blame Xemnas for the actual killing.” A grin stretched across his face. “Besides, anyone who saw his body would know who really did it. But just because he wasn’t the one who did the dirty work doesn’t mean he can’t be blamed for it. I call this strategy ‘no, you.’ I can say that I made an agreement with him to kill the king and flipped on him in exchange for asylum from the Realm of Light. The only problem is that you idiots can’t lie to save your lives.”

“I can lie,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

Vanitas blinked and turned his head. “You? You have your Keyblade shoved so far up your ass I’m surprised you don’t reach down your pants every time you summon it.” 

Guardian-king Eraqus was far too resistant to him by now, but Vanitas still saw him tighten his lips slightly and saw Terra’s stunned reaction from the corner of his eye. 

“I was not always as honorable as I strive to be today,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “I know my tells, and I know how to conceal them.” He looked at the prince-knights. “Perhaps I should have taught you three how to lie earlier. It’s not an honorable course of action, but it can be useful when lives are at stake.”

“We can make physical evidence, too,” Aqua said. “The person who forged Terra’s letters is in the castle. He can forge a note from Xemnas. And Terra, everyone knows you can’t lie. If you work on this, everyone will believe you.”

Terra narrowed his eyes slightly. “It’ll take work. The reason I don’t lie is because I’m really bad at it, so I don’t bother.”

“We have time to work on it,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “but not too much. We may as well get started.”

Terra practically stumbled out of the war room. They sat there all day building and perfecting the lie. They only took a break when the plates brought them lunch and dinner. By the time they were released, it was dark outside and none of them wanted to hear the word ‘lie’ again. Terra was endlessly relieved to be able to stop thinking about his expressions and twitches. He almost looked forward to his lesson with Vanitas.

Almost.

As promised, Terra headed straight to the arena. He had left around the same time as Vanitas, but Vanitas was waiting for him in the sand. 

“You actually showed up,” he called.

“Yeah,” Terra said. “I said I’d meet you.”

“And you’re so honest,” Vanitas drawled. “But I’m fucking sick of the word honesty. Personally, I want to fuck shit up. Your heart is teeming with darkness. And we both want to hit something after that long-ass meeting. So summon your Keyblade.”

Void Gear was already in Vanitas’s hand.

“But what if I-”

“What the fuck do you think the last two sessions were for? Idle gossip? You can control yourself now, you just need to practice. And don’t you dare worry about me. You try and pull the same bullshit as last time” Vanitas grinned “and I’ll cut off your hands. It’s as simple as that.”

Terra nodded and summoned Ends of the Earth. Vanitas leapt at him immediately. Their Keyblades met with a resounding clang.

“This is just a sparring match, right?” Terra asked as he blocked more of Vanitas’s strikes.

“Yup. First to yield loses, but don’t do anything batshit.”

Terra nodded and continued blocking Vanitas’s strikes. He jumped for an overhead strike, leaving his middle unguarded. Terra moved to strike, but-

Vanitas sensed his hesitation almost before Terra did. He grabbed the front of Terra’s shirt and dragged him down to his eye level.

“HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

Terra winced and glanced away. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“And that’s very nice of you, but right now, I don’t want nice. I don’t need it, and neither do you. Right now, there’s a part of you that’s PISSED OFF that a sixteen-year-old  _ bitch _ is pushing you around, and that’s what we need.”

Terra called for his darkness with the ease of summoning Ends of the Earth. Immediately, he moved to attack.

He caught a glance of his opponent’s grin. “Fucking finally!”

They traded blows back and forth. Mostly, his opponent would jump in, and Terra would wait for an opportunity for a counter-attack. Usually he was able to outlast his opponents, but as the minutes wore on, Terra realized this opponent was too damn stubborn. He didn’t slow down or let up on the spells. 

His opponent was winning. He had scored a hit on Terra’s leg and arm, and Terra had nothing to show for it in return. He was too damn slippery.

_ I can’t lose. _

Terra exploded in dark fire and pushed his opponent away with a series of hits that would have crushed bone.

No. That was what  _ Xehanort  _ had told him.

The thought of the man made Terra blank in anger. He heard his opponent chuckle.

“You thought about him, didn’t you?”

Terra answered with a jab that his opponent avoided with ease. That pissed him off even more.

_ I can’t- _

_ No! _

Terra hissed as his opponent sliced into his torso. He managed to block the strike before it did too much damage, but it still hurt.

He took his frustration and shoved it out of his heart. He didn’t want to lose. It would be humiliating and frustrating and painful. But it was better than fighting like his life was on the line, because that was exactly what  _ he _ would want.

Before the fight was over, Terra got in a solid hit on his opponent’s torso. However, his opponent’s determined blows chipped away at him, and, eventually, his opponent’s razor-sharp Keyblade was at Terra’s throat.

Terra blinked.

He had lost. The realization was frightening and frustrating, but also relieving. He hadn’t lost because he couldn’t win, he just happened to not win. And in their next bout, that could change, without Terra having to resort to horrific means. He felt the darkness within him recede. 

“You’re not too bad,” Vanitas panted. “Almost worth your reputation.”

Terra stepped back and took inventory on his injuries. The cuts on his arm and leg were fine at the moment, but the one on his torso would have to be patched up if he wanted to go a second round. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He had beaten Xehanort’s control. He had fought without hurting. It was progress. He was getting better.

Terra took the feelings and channeled them to the wound. The air was filled with the scent of fresh grass.

The wound hadn’t healed completely, but it was shallower than the ones on his arms and legs. Terra looked to Vanitas.

“Can I heal your wound?”

“Can you?”

Terra frowned. “I’m not very good at healing magic, but it’s better than nothing.”

Vanitas paused. Terra doubted he would let him- healing was light magic, and-

“Fuck it. Why not?”

Terra reached out and thought about Vanitas. He wasn’t a bad kid- not too bad, at least. He had helped Terra. He was Aqua and Ven’s friend. There was a connection between the three of them, and Terra was beginning to realize that maybe Vanitas was going to become just as much a part of them as Ven was. Either way, he would do anything to keep Ven safe, and that alone was good enough for Terra.

“Huh. Would you look at that?”

Terra opened his eyes.

“How is it?” he asked.

“You’re not exactly Princess Rapunzel,” Vanitas said, “but that was nice.” He scoffed. “Xehanort always talked shit about Lightners for their healing. He said that healing gave ‘em superiority complexes. Now I know for sure he was full of bullshit if  _ you _ can heal me.”

Terra looked at his hand. “Healing magic stems from compassion. Xehanort never understood that. When I healed the young prince-”

“What?” Vanitas hissed. His entire posture changed into a threatening hunch. He looked a blink away from summoning Void Gear. “You say that healing comes from compassion and in the same breath say that you healed that little bitch?” He barked out a laugh. “I thought I understood you, but once a Lightner, always a Lightner.”

“He was cruel,” Terra said simply. “I still hear his voice saying horrible things to me. But I realized the only difference between him and me was the ruler we grew up under. I showed him compassion because I don’t know if it was the first time he had received any.”

“Fuck that damn Lightner shit,” Vanitas spat. “He doesn’t deserve any.”

“No.” Terra’s voice was hard. “He’s a bad person, but he never had the opportunity to become anything else. You should understand. He was hurt by Xehanort just as much as we were.”

“You think I don’t know that? I had to hold my breath around him, because I could smell it on him. But you know the difference between me and him? He  _ liked _ it.”

Terra lunged in fury-

-and Vanitas flinched.

Terra stopped.

The world came crashing down around him.

“Okay, I deserved that,” he heard Vanitas say softly.

Terra clutched his head in his hands. He had done it again. He managed to scare Vanitas again, and this time was worse, because they weren’t even sparring. He still hadn’t made up for the first time. There was nothing Vanitas could have done to warrant being punished by fear. Terra believed that from the bottom of his heart, but he had lunged anyway.

“Fuck. Are you having a panic attack?”

He had worked and meditated and trained to control himself, but in the end, it was inevitable, wasn’t it? Terra was becoming Xehanort.

“Shit. AQUA! VENTUS! I don’t know how to deal with this shit! Where’s your damn light magic now?”

Vanitas was bad enough, but what if he turned on Naminé or Aqua or Ven? 

He couldn’t let that happen.

“I know this sound condescending as shit, but you have to breathe with me. That’s what you do, right?”

Ends of the Earth appeared in his hand. Vanitas jumped back into a fighting stance.

Terra looked at his Keyblade. He could protect people from himself, but-

But he had promised Ven he wouldn’t. What was he supposed to do?

He looked up at Vanitas. He was still holding Void Gear.

“You- you have to kill me,” Terra said.

“What did you say?”

“Don’t you understand?” Terra gasped. It was hard to breathe. “I’m becoming him. I’m- I’m turning into Xehanort. You have to- you have to protect Ven and the others. You have to protect yourself.”

Vanitas looked down at him. 

“Please.”

He didn’t let go of Void Gear.

“I never thought someone would beg me to kill them,” Vanitas finally said. “Calm down. I’ll breathe with you if that’ll help. And then I’m getting you drunk.”

“I don’t- I don’t drink.”

“Of course you don’t. But there has to be something in this damn castle. I’ll find it. Now, breathe in...”

  
  


There really was no alcohol in the damn castle. At least, Vanitas wasn’t finding any in the kitchen. 

“Is there really no booze in the castle?” he asked the plates.

The plates made no indication they heard him or cared.

“There might be some in the cellar,” Terra said. His voice was weak and hoarse. “There’s alcohol at feasts with the province leaders. Do you want some? The Master says that it’s… unwise for survivors of trauma to drink, but if you-”

“I just freed myself from the control of the creepiest motherfucker in Scala ad Caelum,” Vanitas said. “I’m not handing it over to a beverage. It’s for you.”

“I told you I don’t drink,” Terra said.

“There has to be something in this place other than water,” Vanitas said. “Because having this conversation with water would be fucking stupid.”

“We have tea.”

“No.”

“Wait- we do have something else,” Terra said.

“Juice is even worse,” Vanitas said. “So is milk.”

“The Master has this certain drink when he has to stay awake on official business. He doesn’t like it, and we probably shouldn’t have it late at night-”

“I’ll take it,” Vanitas said. “What is it called?”

Terra turned to one of the teapots. “May we have two cups of coffee, please?”

The entire kitchen burst into life. Dark beans floated out of a cabinet to be ground. A kettle filled itself with water. The fire lit.

Vanitas whistled.

“Damn, how come they listen to you?”

“You have to ask nicely,” Terra said.

“Of fucking course you do.”

They sat in silence as the kitchen moved along with the drink. Finally, two mugs of hot, brown liquid floated in front of them.

“Thank you,” Terra said. He looked down. “Careful. It looks hot.”

“I’m not stupid,” Vanitas said.

“Sorry,” Terra said quietly.

He took a sip and immediately burned his tongue, but he wasn’t telling Terra.

“It’s bitter,” Vanitas said.

“May we have some milk, please?”

A bottle of milk floated from the ice chest and poured itself into their drinks. 

“Thank you.”

They walked to the steps outside of the courtyard. Vanitas sat down, and Terra sat down next to him. The night was cool, but it was pleasant after their fight. Spring was coming. Vanitas could smell the growth and the energy waiting to emerge from the ground in a way he never could before. The wind murmured across the courtyard, gently stirring their clothes.

“So you want me to kill you,” Vanitas finally said.

He took another sip of the coffee. It was still bitter, but less so. With the milk, it almost tasted good.

The grip on Terra’s mug tightened. “I promised Ven I wouldn’t do it myself. But you understand, don’t you? I’m doing the same things he did to you. This will all have been for nothing if I just turn into him.”

Vanitas’s lips quirked into a smile. “I promised Ventus I wouldn’t kill you either. But that’s not a promise I’d mind breaking.”

“Really?”

“Don’t look so excited. Fuck, you really want to die.”

“I don’t want to leave them,” Terra said. “But if that’s what it takes to keep them safe from the fear and control we had to deal with, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”

Vanitas took another long sip from his coffee.

“Why do you think Xehanort hit us?”

Terra scowled into his coffee. “I don’t know. I never really thought about it. I guess we just pissed him off until he lost control and took out his anger on us.” 

“That’s why I thought, too,” Vanitas said. But that man never did anything he didn’t want to do. Even if he got so crazy angry that he did lose control, which he didn't, there was a moment when he gave himself permission to hurt us. I told myself he was doing it to make my heart darker, but he did it even when my heart was all darkness.” He looked Terra in the eyes. He looked away. He never did meet anyone’s gaze, now that Vanitas thought about it. “You lost control, yeah? Got pissed and lunged. Probably wanted me to take it back.”

“I scared you,” Terra said. “It was inexcusable. I’m sorry.” 

“You startled me,” Vanitas said. “Hardly an achievement. But you stopped yourself. That’s the difference between you and him. You actually lost control, and when you got it back, you stopped yourself.” Vanitas took another sip of his coffee. “So I’m not going to kill you. You’re not him.”

“But what if-”

“Look,” Vanitas said. He pointed at Terra. “You and me know that bastard better than anyone in Scala ad Caelum. I guess you can count that bitch in there too, whatever. The point is, if you start turning into him, I’ll know. I’ll give you one warning” he met Terra’s eyes again “and if you don’t clean up your act, then I’ll kill you. Right then and there. No hesitation.”

“Good,” Terra said.

“You’re going to fuck up again. There’s no way you’ll make your way through life without fucking up again. But I’ll know the difference between a fuck up and an attempt to control someone. The only thing I ask in return is that you do the same to me.”

Terra blinked. “You want me to kill you?”

“You know the signs. Ventus and Aqua don’t. Even if they did, they might not have the guts to do it until it’s too late. But you understand. If I start using fear to control people, kill me. Don’t bother with a warning.”

“I’ll warn you once.”

“Fine.”

Vanitas finished his coffee and looked at Terra. He still had half the mug and was looking into it as he swirled the coffee around absent-mindedly. 

“If you start doing the finger-wigglies, though, I’ll kill you without a warning,” Vanitas said.

Terra almost smiled. “Why did Xehanort do that, anyway? Did he think he was playing a piano?”

Vanitas chuckled. “Yeah. It was like- ‘I’ll just wiggle my fingers, that’ll scare them.’” 

Terra started laughing. Vanitas joined him.

“Stupid fucking wiggles,” Vanitas continued. 

Terra started laughing even harder. “Stupid wiggles,” he managed.

“So fucking stupid!”

“Wiggles!”

When their laughter subsided, Terra turned back to his coffee. Vanitas looked at him.

Terra was afraid of him, he realized. He doubted Terra knew it himself. It wasn’t in the way that most people were afraid of the Unversed. He wasn’t afraid of dying by Vanitas’s hand, but he was deathly afraid of hurting him. That kind of fear didn’t send a thrill through Vanitas’s heart, but he knew it was just as powerful, and just as usable.

_ Use it. You can’t trust him. He hurt you once. You can’t trust anybody. _

“Fuck that.”

Terra looked up. “What?”

“We’re going to be friends,” Vanitas said. 

Terra looked unsure. “I’d like to be your friend, but after-”

“Water under the bridge. You fucked up, but you fixed it, and you’re not going to do it again. Man, Xehanort would hate if we were friends. He hated if I talked to  _ anybody _ that wasn’t him. Imagine how much he would hate two of his puppets being friends.”

“It’s interesting you say that,” Terra mused. “He didn’t mind me being friends with Naminé, even after the rumor that said I was…” he trailed off.

“Who do you think started that rumor in the first place?” Vanitas asked. “Made you want to drop her, right? Besides, he was blaming you for something he was doing. ‘No, you,’ remember?”

Terra looked back into his mug. He looked stunned.

“I can’t believe it,” Terra said. “I mean, I can, but…”

Vanitas cackled and punched him on the shoulder affectionately. Terra looked confused. “See? Xehanort would hate it if we were friends. And not just friends. We’re going to be best fucking friends. We’re going to be so close Ventus is going to get jealous.”

“I don’t know if he will…”

Vanitas grinned. “I think I can feel the coffee kick in. It wakes you up, right?”

Terra nodded.

“Let’s get more.”

Terra drained the rest of his cup. “Okay. More coffee please.”

“Is this what black powder feels like?” Vanitas mused. He whooped into the wind. “FUCK XEHANORT!”

“Fuck Xehanort,” Terra agreed.

Vanitas cackled. “Let’s trade stories. Did you know he made me not eat for a year?”

“How- that’s horrible!”

“I know, right?” Vanitas laughed. “Fuck Xehanort!”

“Fuck Xehanort!” Terra shouted. “He searched my room.”

“He took away my bed!” Vanitas laughed again. “For no good reason! Hey, the coffee’s here.” He took a sip. “Fuck Xehanort!”

“Fuck Xehanort!”

They sat out there all night laughing and sharing stories. By the time they both decided five cups of coffee was too much, Vanitas could tell they really had become friends, and not just because Xehanort wouldn’t have wanted them to.


	47. They go to a brothel in this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says on the tin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: human trafficking mention, slang; suicide discussion

3 days until the Darkner deadline

Ven woke up and stretched. He slipped on his usual tunic and vest before looking out the window. He could see the morning sunlight start to peek through the horizon. It was going to be another sunny day.

Ven slipped into Terra’s room. He was asleep, but he jolted awake the second Ven opened the door.

“Ven? What’s wrong?”

Ven cocked his head. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s morning meditation.”

Terra rubbed his eyes. “Already?”

There was something different about Terra. Ven took a closer look as he stumbled out of bed. He looked restless and exhausted at the same time, like Vanitas when he didn’t sleep, but he looked more… jittery.

Aqua and Vanitas were waiting for them in the hall. Vanitas looked like Terra did, but it was less unusual for him to not sleep, and he looked like he was dealing with it better.

“What were you two doing last night?” Aqua asked Vanitas and Terra. “I could hear you two shouting and laughing from my room.”

“Sorry,” Terra said.

“I’m not,” Vanitas said. He held his fist out for a fist bump. Terra hesitated, but obliged. “We’re best friends now.”

“Really?” Ven asked excitedly.

Terra smiled. “Yeah. What did you call it, Vanitas? The-”

“The Fuck Xehanort squad. Fuck Xehanort.”

“Fuck Xehanort,” Terra repeated.

Aqua looked between the two of them like they had grown two heads. Ven, on the other hand, couldn’t be happier. With Vanitas and Terra bonding, they were complete. All of his best friends were friends, too. Everything was shaping up to be perfect.

Another thing made Ven smile as they sat down for morning meditation. Vanitas had already won the bet, but he still came out for meditation anyway. Ven knew better than to point it out.

He was glad his plan worked, even if he had to give up dessert for it to work. Habits were formed in the course of a month, and Ven was glad Vanitas hadn’t seen through Ven’s plan to make him form one.

“Last night, I received another letter from the Realm of Darkness,” Guardian-Eraqus said after their meditation. “Its contents weren’t long enough to warrant a meeting. In three days, the Darkners will meet us at the Destiny Islands. We will arrive there in two days. Tomorrow, we will all be meeting with the Princesses of Heart for final instructions and strategy discussion. It may take all day. Today, I would like you all to practice our strategy, but feel free to wrap up any loose ends. It may be the last day to do so.”

“Yes, Master.”

“One more thing before you all go.”

“Yes, Master?”

“I was in the sparring arena yesterday and I noticed all of the spectator benches have been damaged by flame.”

Ven looked at Vanitas, who said nothing.

“It was my fault, Master,” Terra said. 

Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m the one who did it.”

“If it weren’t for me-”

Guardian-king Eraqus held up his hand, and Terra stopped talking.

“Why did you do this, Vanitas?”

“I was pissed. It was the benches or Terra. I think I made the right call.”

Guardian-king Eraqus paused. 

“I am indeed grateful that you chose not to hurt one of my students. I am proud of you for demonstrating enough control to resist the urge. However, I cannot condone the destruction of property. When this is all over, it will be your job to rebuild or repair what you have damaged.”

“I’ll help,” Terra said. “It was my fault he was mad in the first place.”

“Very well,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Just as long as you let him do the majority of the work.”

“Yes, Master.”

Vanitas turned to Terra.

“It can be the first project of the Fuck Xehanort squad.”

Guardian-king Eraqus flinched at the name. It was little more than a tightening of his hand, but the movement caught Ven’s eye.

“Isn’t preventing a war the first project of the Fuck Xehanort squad?” Terra asked.

“No, everyone’s doing that.”

“I see.”

Ven followed Terra and Vanitas to breakfast. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face if he wanted to.

  
  


Aqua looked down at the cookies she was frosting. The rest of the world didn’t exist. There were no Darkners, no Lightners, just her, the kitchen spirits, and the endless pile of sweets she was baking.

“Afternoon, Aqua.”

Ven’s chirp made her look up.

“Hello, Ven.”

He sat down at the table and perched his head on his hands, staring at the cake she had frosted earlier.

“Say,” he said, “you’re making a lot of desserts.”

Aqua scowled. “Ven, no. You promised Vanitas. How would you feel if you won and he didn’t keep his side of the bargain?”

“I just wanted him to come to meditation,” Ven said. “And he does now, which is great! But there are so many desserts and they all look so good and there aren’t enough people in the castle to eat all of them.”

“There are now,” Aqua said. “Between the refugees and all seven Princesses of Heart, none of this is going to go bad.”

Ven pouted. “Your baking is so good though… can’t I at least lick the spoon?”

“No!”

He sighed dramatically. “Okay. A promise is a promise,” he said.

“Yes, it is.”

Ven looked up at her with big, mournful eyes as he slowly made his way from the kitchen.

“I’ll make sweetbread next,” Aqua said. “It’s technically not dessert.”

Ven’s face immediately brightened with excitement. He ran at her and tackled her with a hug.

“Thank you, Aqua!” He kissed her cheek before letting go. “I love you!”

“I love you, too,” she muttered as he ran off.

A warning in Aqua’s heart made her turn around. Vanitas melted from the shadows. Had he been listening the entire time?

“You know, for the future guardian-king, you’re a real pushover.”

Aqua bristled. “Shut up!”

She threw a cookie at Vanitas and finished frosting the other ones. The utensils she had been using floated back into the sink, except for a frosting-covered spoon that Vanitas grabbed.

“I thought you didn’t like dessert,” she said.

“Not a fan of the taste.” Vanitas grinned. “Big fan of eating them when Ventus can’t. Where do you think he went?”

Aqua rolled her eyes and walked away. There was a diplomacy book in her room she had been meaning to read.

She was hardly a few chapters in when there was a knock on her door.

“You can come in,” she said.

Terra opened the door and walked in. He hadn’t been in her room since the mediation over a week ago. His skin wasn’t nearly as ashen as it had been, and training had returned some of the muscle he had lost. He wasn’t his old self, but he was a lot better than he had been, and that was enough to make Aqua smile.

“We should do something tonight,” Terra said. “Go into Traverse Town and relax before the deadline.”

Aqua closed her book. “That sounds like a great idea. Is there something specific you want to do?”

“Do you want to go to a brothel?” Terra asked.

“What?”

“You know, a place where-”

“I know what a brothel is!” Aqua shouted. She could feel her face getting red. “Why?”

Terra looked away. “I’m sorry. It’s stupid, I shouldn’t have-”

Aqua exhaled and put her head in her hands. “It just surprised me, that’s all. Why would you want to go to a brothel of all places? I didn’t think you were interested in sex at all, let alone with a stranger.”

“I’m not interested in sex,” Terra said. “But I got good at finding brothels when I was rescuing child prostitutes. You know how obsessed I get with things sometimes.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Aqua chided. “You did something good, and now-” And now he was using it to get her laid.

“I figured since I’m not interested, I could take someone who is. Ven and Vanitas are too young, and Axel’s married.”

A thought occurred to her- the reason she had never had a girlfriend.

“We’re supposed to be celibate, Terra,” Aqua said. “That means no sex until I’m guardian-king. Unless you want to overthrow the Master...”

“Well, I was talking to the Master about this,” Terra said, “and-”

“You talked to the Master about this?” Aqua squeaked. She didn’t know her face could get any redder.

Even Terra was starting to look flushed, and that was impressive considering his complexion.

“I didn’t mention you,” he said. “I just asked about the celibacy in general. We’re not allowed to have consorts because it could get in the way with our loyalty to the Princesses and each other, so the restriction isn’t on sex itself. As long as you don’t start dating any of prostitutes, it’s fine.”

Aqua made a sound. Only Terra would ever think of something like this.

“I’m sorry,” Terra said. “I should have known this would be too awkward. It was common in Castle Oblivion, and-”

“I’ll do it.” 

Aqua’s words surprised even herself.

“You shouldn’t just to make me feel better,” Terra said.

“No, I want to,” Aqua said. “I’d like to see what the fuss is about.”

Terra smiled. “Okay, then. We should leave our armor crowns here. It would be best if they didn’t know who we were. And I already have enough money.”

Aqua gave one last exhale. Of course he did.

The sun had just set by the time they made it to Traverse Town. It was a quiet night. Not many people were out. The streetlights shone their familiar glow as Terra and Aqua walked through the streets in comfortable silence.

“I didn’t know there was a brothel in Traverse Town,” Aqua said.

“There are four, actually,” Terra said. “This one specializes in female clients.”

“Four?” Aqua echoed. “I knew prostitution was legal, but I don’t understand how a town as small as Traverse Town could hold four brothels. How did we not know about them before?”

“I don’t know,” Terra said. “Maybe it’s because we’re with the Princesses of Heart, and they don’t go to brothels. Prostitution is illegal in the Realm of Darkness, but-”

“Wait,” Aqua said. “I thought you said people in the castle went to brothels all the time.”

“They did,” Terra said. “I did a lot of research. There was a king who made it illegal more than a hundred years ago, but Xehanort stopped enforcing it.” His face darkened. “I was hoping to convince him to legalize it so he could regulate it to prevent child prostitution. Maybe his son will.”

“I doubt it,” Aqua said quietly. “He’s just another Xehanort.”

“Don’t say that!” Terra snapped. “They’re not the same.”

That was right, he didn’t know.

“He’s not human. I was talking to the alchemist, and he said Xehanort’s son was made from a sliver of his heart. He’s nothing but a copy.”

“No.” Terra’s voice was resolute as the earth itself. “I don’t care if he was made from Xehanort’s heart. He’s not his father. I won’t let him be another Xehanort.”

“Terra…”

_ I don’t know how much choice you have. _

“We’re here.”

Terra opened the door, and Aqua completely forgot about Xehanort’s existence. 

There were so many pretty women. Aqua didn’t know where to look. She was sure staring was rude, but  _ fuck _ .

Terra was chuckling, the smug bastard.

“Welcome!” a beautiful woman with ringlets chimed. “How may we help you today?”

“My sister and I are traveling from out of town,” Terra said. “Give her your best.” He turned back to Aqua. “If you still want to do this.”

Terra was practicing his lies, Aqua noted distantly. Vanitas would have been pleased. But, then again, they weren’t even full lies. Terra had gotten good at half-truths and lying by omission in his year away, she noted. Something at the edge of her heart was trying to tell her something, something that he had said, or what he didn’t say...

“Of course,” the woman said. She smiled, and Aqua’s heart skipped a beat. “Right this way, mistress.”

“Have fun,” Terra called. He sat down on a couch and started reading Aqua’s diplomacy book.

_ I can’t believe I’m doing this. _

It was the last coherent thought she had for a long time.

  
  


The brothel wasn’t the nicest one Terra had ever been to, but it wasn’t in the realm of the worst ones he had been to. Once Aqua was led to the private rooms, he sat down at one of the couches and looked around. He couldn’t see anyone who looked like a madame, but there was a middle-aged man that was probably the pimp. Terra forced himself to relax. This place was accredited. He had checked.

He still had to stop himself from habitually asking where the nearest Kiddie Stroll was. It wasn’t that children were the only ones that were trafficked, it was just that they were the only ones who still had enough hope left to believe Terra when he told them he could save them. The reminder always put a lump in his throat.

Terra did his best to focus on the book. He had just finished a chapter about changing minds when Aqua stumbled out. Her hair was damp, her eyes were slightly dazed, and she smelled of scented soap. 

“How was it?” Terra asked.

“Wow,” she muttered. “I can see why this is a business.”

Terra laughed.

“Come again!” one of the women called as they left.

“I will,” Aqua called back.

She wasn’t stumbling, but her movements were more stilted than they usually were.

“Are you okay?” Terra asked.

“More than okay,” she said with a smile. “But I’m really tired.” She groaned. “I don’t want to walk back to the castle.”

Terra smiled and threw up Ends of the Earth, changing it into its glider form. There was enough room for both of them if they rode sidesaddle, but Terra drifted close to the ground, just in case.

Aqua leaned on his shoulder. Above, clouds were floating across the starry sky. The wind smoothed down their clothes, but didn’t quite muss their hair. Slowly, Traverse Town faded into an orange glowing spot on the horizon, and the white towers of the Land of Departure were becoming more visible against the fresh green on the hills. Kingdom Hearts glowed its gentle, blue light. Terra felt Aqua’s breathing slow.

“You really are tired,” he said. “What was it like, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Aqua took a second to think. “It was sort of like a mixture of the feeling you get when you eat delicious food and what a massage feels like, but very intense. And when it was over, I felt the same way I do when I cuddle for a long time. I’m still feeling that way.”

“Huh.”

“I can see why so many people do it,” she said, “but I don’t think it’s for everyone.” She yawned. “I didn’t know it would make me so tired.”

“If I had known it would do that, I would have taken you there sooner,” Terra said. “We need to be well-rested.”

Aqua stirred. “That reminds me; I finished my Wayfinder Club job.”

“What? Oh, yeah, Ven’s project.”

Dedicated to helping Terra feel better. He loved his friends.

“I talked to the alchemist,” she said, “and he said that you might not have eaten because of stress.”

“That makes sense,” Terra said. “I was talking to Vanitas, and you were right. It was Xehanort. He didn’t put a curse on me, but he made me feel cursed with just his words. He manipulated my emotions to control me.” His voice broke. “I didn’t know people could do that.”

“I’m so sorry,” Aqua said. 

“And everything was so different there. You know how you said that most people have two conversations at once and I can only hear one of them? Everything was so layered with meaning it felt like there were six conversations at once and I couldn’t hear any of them. It was so frustrating. The young prince was cruel. He never passed up a chance to make a dig at me, but at least he told me exactly what he thought and didn’t hide it behind insinuations and riddles.” Terra exhaled. “I’m sorry for venting.”

“Don’t be,” Aqua murmured. “I want to hear what you went through.”

Terra looked to the west, where the sun would have just set behind Castle Oblivion. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to grow up there. Just being there for a year almost…” Terra trailed off. Ven knew, so it was only fair he told Aqua, too. “It almost killed me.”

Aqua pulled out her Wayfinder and looked at it. “So that’s what that was.”

“What?”

“A few weeks before the winter solstice, Ven and I felt your heart calling for help, but you were a continent away. All we could do was sit with our Wayfinders and try and send our strength to you.”

“That sounds awful,” Terra said. “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

“Don’t apologize,” Aqua said with a voice of steel. “Xehanort and his son- they’re the ones who should be apologizing to you.” The steel faded into something more gentle. “I’m just happy you’re here with us.”

“You don’t have to worry as much,” Terra said. “I promised Ven I wouldn’t go unless we went together.”

Aqua smiled. “Would you mind if Vanitas tagged along?”

Terra found himself cracking a smile as well. “My new best friend? Sounds like a plan.”

“You know,” Aqua said, “when it was just you and me, I never thought we needed anyone else, but Ven made us whole. And I keep thinking that Vanitas will make us more whole.”

“Yeah,” Terra said. “I think you’re right.”

“Would you mind if I…” she whispered something into his ear, like she was afraid someone would tell Vanitas if they heard.

“Not at all,” Terra said. “I assume Ven’s on board.”

“He was very excited when I asked,” she said with a smile. “And with what the Master is going to ask him, everything lines up perfectly.”

The Land of Departure’s courtyard came into view. They had returned home.

“Yeah,” Terra said. “It feels like things are working out for all of us.” He stared out back to the west, to where the young king was mourning for his monster of a father. “It gives me hope.”


	48. The boy who is not Ven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The odd evolution of Aqua and Vanitas's friendship

_ “Vanitas is very quiet today,” Aqua mused as she opened her water skin. _

_ “Good,” Ven said. He took a drink from his water skin. “Maybe he’s learning not to be a jerk.”  _

_ Vanitas never drank any water during their breaks, which concerned Aqua, until he opened his mouth or did something cruel to Ven. _

_ “I can’t believe he’s your brother,” she muttered. _

_ “Twin, too!” Ven exclaimed. “Maybe he was switched at birth. Or I was.” _

_ No, they did look alike. They had the same face, just different eyes and hair and opposite personalities. _

_ “Let’s try that drill again,” Guardian-king Eraqus called. “Aqua, work with Vanitas. I’ll work with Ventus.” _

_ Aqua nodded and pretended not to scream inside. Vanitas had been with them for barely a month and she was already counting the days until he was gone. _

_ “I shouldn’t have to do this drill,” Vanitas said. There was something different about the sound of his voice. “I’m already better than both of you.” _

_ “Mmhm,” Aqua said, trying to sound as bored as possible. “Well, this is the first time you’ve been allowed in training since you tried to hurt Ven. We’re starting slow.” _

_ Vanitas rolled his eyes. “You Lightners make such a big deal over nothing.” _

_ “You set his hair on fire and covered his mouth so he couldn’t tell us.” _

_ “Like I said- nothing. Get on with drill.” _

_ Block, block, jab, block the extra strike that Vanitas added just to try and cut her, jab. _

_ “Again.” _

_ Block, block, jab, jab. No extra strike this time? _

_ Block, block, jab, jab. _

_ Block, block, jab, jab. _

_ Vanitas was going to try something any second now. _

_ ...Any second now. _

_ Was Ven right? Was he magically learning not to become a jerk? _

_ Block, block, jab, jab. _

_ Block, block, jab, jab. _

_ Aqua looked up. Vanitas’s eyes were glazed. _

_ She stepped back. “Vanitas, are you okay?” _

_ “What’s it to you?” he snarled. _

_ “You don’t look so good,” Aqua said. “Are you not feeling well?” _

_ “Good enough to kick your ass. Just like I did last week.” _

_ Aqua tried to control her anger at the memory. He snuck up behind her and hit her on the head with his Keyblade, and then said if she didn’t want that to happen, she should have heard him coming. It was infuriating. _

_ Not to mention extremely humiliating. _

_ “Okay,” she said. “Just don’t overwork yourself.” _

_ “I’m not a weakling like Ventus. You don’t have to coddle me.” _

How can you be so mean to your own brother? _ _

_ Aqua wanted to yell at him until all of her anger was gone. But she just reset Stormfall and did the drill again. _

_ Block, block, jab, jab. _

_ “Switch roles,” Guardian-king Eraqus called from his position with Ven. _

_ Jab, jab, block… Vanitas missed a jab. _

_ “I did that on purpose,” he sniffed. _

Sure.

_ Jab, jab… and then Vanitas was on the ground. _

_ “Are you okay?” _

_ He tried to get up. _

_ “I’m… fine… not weak like you…” _

_ He collapsed again. Ven and Guardian-king Eraqus ran over. _

_ “What happened?” Guardian-king Eraqus asked. _

_ “I don’t know,” Aqua said. “He just collapsed.” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus knelt beside him and tried to touch his forehead. Suddenly, he cried out and stumbled back. _

_ “Did you just bite him?” Ven asked incredulously. _

_ “Don’t touch me!” Vanitas snarled. He really looked like a wild animal. A cornered, wounded- _

_ -or sick animal. _

_ “Are you sick?” Aqua asked. _

_ “Sick of your bullshit!” _

_ "Just tell us what’s wrong so we can help you!” _

_ “I don’t need your help.” _

_ “Please cooperate with us,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. His tone was so even- how did he do it? “Or we’ll have to cast a sleep spell on you.” _

_ “You wouldn’t,” Vanitas spat. _

_ “I mean what I say, Vanitas,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “If it’s for your own safety, I will put you to sleep.” _

_ “Then do it!” _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus did. Once he was sure Vanitas was out, he knelt by his side and touched his forehead. _

_ “He’s running a very high fever,” he said. “Aqua, Ven, get the stretcher and clear the way to the infirmary.”  _

_ They nodded. _

_ “You’re a jerk,” Ven’s voice said. _

_ Aqua looked around the hallway. Was Vanitas awake? She hadn’t heard from him since that morning, and it was evening.  _

_ “I don’t get why you’re so mean all the time! I just want to be your friend.” _

_ Aqua silently padded over to the infirmary door and stuck her head through.  _

_ Ven was putting a wet washcloth on Vanitas’s forehead. Vanitas was still out cold.  _

_ “Someone hurt you. And I hope I’m not right about how… but it doesn’t excuse you for being like this. We just want to help you!” _

_ Vanitas said nothing.  _

_ “Ven!” Aqua called as she walked through their bedroom hallway. “Where are you? The Master is looking for you!” _

_ She poked her head into his room and froze. _

_ “Vanitas, what are you doing in Ven’s room?” _

_ He was sitting on his bed, tossing up and catching a wooden Keyblade. It was the one Terra made for Ven, back when Ven was still waking up and healing. When Vanitas heard her enter, he stood up and held up the Keyblade. _

_ “I think Venty’s outgrown such a childish toy, if you ask my opinion.” _

_ Then he snapped it in half like it was a twig and threw it on the floor. _

_ “You freak! Ven spent all day yesterday taking care of you, and you break his prized possession? What is wrong with you?” _

_ Vanitas’s eyes were cold. “Master Xehanort was right,” he said. “You Lightners think that I’m like a wounded dog, and if you scratch my ears, I’ll lay at your feet and lick your boots. And if I don’t, you show your true colors.” _

_ Aqua took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for calling you a freak. That was wrong of me. But you have no reason to act this cruel!” _

_ “It’s too late,” Vanitas said. “I already know your whole game. You think that if you pretend to be nice, I’ll get in line and listen to what you say. But I won’t. You can’t control me.” _

_ “You’re right,” Aqua said. “We can’t control you. We don’t want to, either! There isn’t a lot we can do to get you to listen. It’s your choice. You can continue to act like this for the rest of the year, and we’ll constantly avoid you and lose our patience. You’ll go back, and nobody will have learned anything.” _

_ Vanitas grinned. “Sounds like a best-case scenario to me.”  _

_ “Or,” Aqua said, “you can give us a chance. Ven’s your brother- doesn’t that mean anything to you? Were you like this to him when you were younger? He just wants to be your friend.” _

_ “I know better than to trust people,” Vanitas said. _

_ Aqua looked away and clenched her fists. _

_ “I see,” she said quietly. _

_ It all made sense: hypervigilance, a refusal to trust others, adverse reactions to physical contact- Aqua knew the signs of children exposed to trauma. Ven was right. Someone did hurt him. Badly.  _

_ “Don’t pity me!” Vanitas snarled. _

_ “You can’t control me,” she said as she turned and walked out of the room. _

  
  


_ Many months later, Aqua was meditating at the side of the arena, trying to empty the frustrations from her heart. Vanitas had gotten much better at making his insults more playful than personal, and he hadn’t hurt someone or destroyed something in over a month. She had seen him and Ven play together. Everything was going so much better. They were almost friends now. _

_ So why was she so frustrated that he had beaten her in sparring fair and square? _

_ He was the Darkner representative- he represented the best the Realm of Darkness had to offer. Losing to him was like losing to the Realm of Darkness, and as the future guardian-king, she couldn’t let that happen. They were at peace, but they were still rivals. _

_ That wasn’t it. It felt more personal than that. _

_ Aqua replayed the fight over again.  _

_ They were evenly matched, as they usually were in the beginning, and Aqua had cast a Fire spell. Suddenly, Vanitas had pointed his Keyblade- Void Gear, that’s what it was called- and a stream of water came rushing towards her, extinguishing her Fire and knocking her to the ground. In her moment of shock, Vanitas had pointed Void Gear at her throat with that arrogant smirk on his face. _

_ Aqua huffed. So she had lost. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. She had lost before, and she would lose again. The fear of losing was something to avoid. _

I didn’t know you could cast liquid water.

_ Was that it? Aqua was the best spellcaster in the castle. It had been a long time since anyone had beaten her in that. _

_ Aqua took a deep breath and stood up. Maybe Vanitas could teach her how to do it. The worst he could say was ‘no.’ _

Or he could insult me, or look down at me with that arrogant smirk on his face even though I’m taller than him- but it’s fine. I don’t care what he thinks anyway.

_ She steeled herself and knocked on his door. _

_ The door opened. Vanitas was lounging in his chair, feet on the desk. He dismissed Void Gear from his hand. _

_ “What do you want?” he asked. It was less aggressive than it could have been. _

_ “That spell you used in practice today- the water one. How did you do it?” _

_ “I summoned water and threw it at you,” Vanitas said.  _

_ “Would you mind showing it to me?” Aqua asked. “It was impressive.” _

_ “Don’t be a suck-up. It won’t work against you again. I doubt it’ll be any good in the long run.” _

_ Aqua blinked. “I’m not sucking up to you, I’m being honest. I’ve never seen anything like it.”  _

_ “And you’ll never see anything like it again. I can’t teach it to you.” _

_ “Why not? You won’t know until you try.” _

_ “I don’t feel like it.” _

_ “I’ll teach myself, then,” Aqua said. _

_ Aqua took a deep breath and held out Stormfall. She could summon Blizzard, and she could summon Fire, but could she summon them both at the same time so the Fire could melt the Blizzard into Water? _

_ Her first few tries, she only managed to cast Blizzard then Fire in quick succession. When she tried to combine the spell before she released it, it only exploded in her face. _

_ Aqua grimaced. That hadn’t happened to her in years. Oh well, it was to be expected when summoning a new element. She tried again, but the Blizzard just fizzled away. _

_ Maybe she was going about it all wrong. Maybe there was a moment, an instant that the Blizzard was Water, or the Blizzard could turn into Water. _

_ No, it came to her as Blizzard. If there was a moment that it was liquid, Aqua couldn’t detect it. _

_ “Have you tried summoning water?” A sarcastic voice called. _

_ Aqua traced it to see Vanitas lounging a few lengths away from where she was. She was going to snap at him until she realized what he was saying. _

_ She had been trying to make Water out of Blizzard. She needed to simply summon Water. _

_ That was easier said than done. Aqua couldn’t remember the last time she had trouble simply summoning an element. The first time she had summoned Blizzard had taken her hours of meditation. _

_ She figured she might as well get started. _

_ Aqua sat down where she was and thought of water: the splash of the waves as she played with Terra and Ven on the Destiny Islands, the feeling of it running over her hands as she washed them, the relief of it sliding down her throat on a hot day. Water could be fiercer than a wild animal and gentler than a soft touch. Just like Aqua. _

_ She summoned Stormfall and called for Water.  _ _ A small stream of it spurted forward and splashed on the ground. _

_ Aqua smiled. She did it! Of course, it would take more than that to truly master the skill, and she wasn’t sure if she could do it reliably, but with enough practice- _

_ Vanitas sighed dramatically. “Great. Now you’ll be even more of a know-it-all than usual.” _

_ Aqua got to her feet to look at Vanitas. “Is that what you think of me?” _

_ Vanitas got up and sauntered to her. It looked like he was looking down on her even though he had to look up to see her. _

_ “You think you’re so much better than everyone because you don’t use darkness and because you’re the heir to the throne.” _

_ “That’s not true at all,” Aqua said. “I don’t think I’m better than you. I respect your skills as a fighter, and I respect you as a person, even if you don’t respect me back. Why can’t we be friends? I think we could learn a lot from each other.” _

_ “Why should we be friends? We’ll be in rival kingdoms in a little less than half a year anyway.” _

_ “You and Ven are friends. Me and Ven are friends. I’d like to be your friend. Making friends between kingdoms is what the exchange is for. It’s why you’re here.” _

_ Vanitas barked a short laugh. _

_ “You act like you know everything, but what you said proves that you don’t know anything at all.” _

_ He walked away before she could respond. _

  
  


_ Aqua was not Guardian-king Eraqus. _

_ She was young, not old; a woman, not a man; a prince-knight, not a guardian-king.  _

_ He was able to stay patient with Vanitas all the time. Aqua was not yet that strong. _

_ So when she told him to put his feet off of the kitchen table for what felt like the thousandth time and he said ‘make me,’ instead of talking it out, she held out Stormfall, summoned a length of chains of light to wrap around his ankles, and pulled them off of the table. _

_ For an instant, Vanitas looked stunned. Then he looked up at her. _

_ “You have to teach me that,” he said. _

_ She paused. She shouldn’t have lost her temper, but a small part of her was glad that Vanitas was more interested than mad. There was an opportunity here. _

_ “Alright,” Aqua said, “but under certain conditions.” _

_ Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “What conditions?” _

_ “You have to promise me you won’t hurt innocent people with this. And I would like your help with Water in exchange. I can’t quite get the control right.” _

_ “Deal.” He stood out of his chair. “What are you waiting for? The training area isn’t that far away.” _

_ Aqua smiled. He was just as impatient as Ven. _

_ “By the way, I apologize for striking you. I shouldn’t have lost my temper,” Aqua said. _

_ “Are you kidding? I was wondering when you’d hit back.” _

_ “I shouldn’t have.” _

_ Vanitas sighed. “Lightners.” _

_ They were almost at the training area when Vanitas spoke up again. _

_ “Do you really see me as an equal?” _

_ Aqua looked at him. His face was blank. _

_ “In combat? Yes. Your skills are impressive.” _

_ “I know that,” he said. “I meant in general.” _

_ Aqua thought for a second. “Not quite, but I try not to talk down to you. You and Ven just turned sixteen- that’s close enough to an adult that I can talk to you and Ven like equals.” Aqua smiled softly. “Ven’s a pretty mature kid unless he’s around you, but he’s grown up so much. He’ll be an adult before I know it. But I know he’s still growing. And I know you’re still growing. You’ve already come a long way. I can’t remember the last time you hurt someone, and you’re more respectful to everyone now.” _

_ “Respectful.” Vanitas made a face. “My master doesn’t fuck around with all of this posturing bullshit. He lets me say and do whatever I want as long as I’m good enough to do what he needs me to do. He never made me bow to him- I chose to do it.” _

_ There was something desperate about his words, like Vanitas was trying to convince Aqua that he believed what he was saying. It was another thing to add to the growing list of evidence that supported her suspicions about his master. _

_ “You remind me of Terra,” she said instead of commenting on it. _

_ Vanitas looked like someone had descended from Kingdom Hearts and bopped him on the nose.  _

_ “Excuse me?” _

_ “He doesn’t like posturing either. He doesn’t like diplomatic meetings, because he’s afraid he’ll say the wrong thing at the wrong time without meaning to.” _

_ “I never say anything I don’t mean,” Vanitas said. _

_ “I think he’d like you, then. He’s very straightforward.” _

_ Vanitas made a face. “You’re starting to sound like the old man.” _

_ “He does bring him up a lot, doesn’t he?” _

_ “We need a sign- ‘it’s been zero days since someone mentioned Terra and how fucking amazing he is.’” _

_ Aqua laughed. “We miss him, that’s all. Isn’t there anyone in the Darkner castle who misses you? Besides your master?” _

_ Vanitas’s face became blank again. It looked like he was intentionally wiping the emotion from it. _

_ “Maybe one person does. But if he knows what’s good for him, he would have forgotten about me a long time ago.” He scrunched up his face. “Enough talking. We’re at the training grounds.” He summoned Void Gear. “Teach me how to use the chains.” _

_ “Show me how to use Water, first. I don’t think it’ll take as long.” _

_ “Fine.”  _

_ Vanitas got into a fighting stance and summoned Water. It swirled around him in a sphere. _

_ “Water isn’t like the other elements. It needs your energy to hold its shape until-”  _

_ He aimed the spell at one of the training dummies. The force of the rushing tide knocked it over and splashed on the ground. _

_ Aqua summoned Stormfall and summoned Water. She swirled it around her- _

_ -and hit Vanitas right in the head. The spell broke, and all the water splashed down on him. He looked up beneath sopping bangs with a pout that made him look like a surly, wet cat. _

_ Aqua giggled. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to- AH!” _

_ Vanitas soaked her with a blast of his own. _

_ “I’ll get you for that!” Aqua shouted. _

_ They shot Water at each other until the training grounds were flooded and they were both panting from exertion from so much spellwork. _

_ “So much for maturity,” Vanitas grumbled. _

_ Aqua laughed. “You have a talent for taking it out of me.” _

_ Vanitas chuckled. It wasn’t smug, condescending, or sadistic, just amused. It made Aqua’s smile grow wider. _

_ “I’m glad I got to meet you, Vanitas.” _

_ He tilted his head. “Do you really mean that?” _

_ “Of course.” Aqua held out her hand. “Friends?” _

_ Vanitas hesitated, but took it. “Why the fuck not?” _

  
  


_ Aqua was trudging to bed, only a few hours before morning meditation, when she heard shouting and thrashing from Vanitas’s bedroom. The door was ajar, as it normally was, allowing Aqua to look through and see what was happening. _

_ She could tell Vanitas’s nightmares were nothing like Ven’s. Ven didn’t make any noise until he awoke and sought her or Terra for comfort. Vanitas, on the other hand, looked like he was fighting in his sleep. _

_ Aqua sighed and leaned against the doorframe. She knew better than to try and wake him, but there had to be something she could do. _

_ “Oh, Vanitas,” she murmured. “I wish I could take away your nightmares. You’ve fought enough battles already.” _

_ Vanitas stopped thrashing and tilted his head. _

_ “Did I wake you up?” _

_ No. Kingdom Hearts’s light was muted by heavy cloud cover, but there was still enough light in the room for Aqua to see that his eyes were still closed. He muttered something and turned towards her. _

_ “Can you hear me?” _

_ He didn’t nod or acknowledge her voice, but he relaxed a bit every time she spoke. _

_ Aqua kept talking in a slow, soothing voice. _

_ “I’m glad you came here. You’ve taught me so much, and challenged me, and you’ve grown so much. You’re so different from that sadistic little brat that showed up on the first day. I know you’ve been through some hard things, but…” _

_ There was an odd sensation. Aqua wasn’t thinking about her words. It was like they flowed directly from her heart to her mouth without any processing through her thoughts. _

_ “You’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. This is your home now. Just as you are Ven’s brother, you’ve become mine.” _

_ Her heart glowed with the ferocity of her compassion.  _

_ “If you ever need me to, I swear I will keep you safe.” _

_ Vanitas stirred. As Aqua watched, he sat up and blinked. _

_ “Mom?” he whispered. _

_ Aqua’s heart twisted. _

_ “No. I’m sorry. It’s me. It’s Aqua.” _

_ He finally seemed to see her. _

_ “Oh.” _

_ He turned to look out the window. Kingdom Hearts was still hidden by clouds. _

_ “Can I come in?” Aqua asked. _

_ “Why not?” _

_ His voice lacked its usual energy. _

_ Aqua slowly walked through his room and sat on the edge of his bed. It made him stiffen and whip his head towards her, but he slowly relaxed and went back to looking out the window. _

_ “Is your mom up there?” _

_ “Both of them are. Dad, too.” Vanitas’s voice shook. “I don’t like thinking about them.” _

_ “They would be proud of you,” Aqua said. “You’ve been through so many hard things, and they didn't break you.” _

_ Vanitas turned to face her. His face was soft, and his eyes were big. Maybe it was the dark vulnerability of the night or the disorientation of sleep that took away the brittle set to his jaw he always had when he was awake. He looked like the child he was for the first time, exactly the same age as Ven. _

_ “You don’t know what you’re talking about. He did break me.” _

_ “Then you put yourself back together, because I don’t see a broken boy in front of me. I see a survivor.” _

_ “I shouldn’t have survived.” _

_ “Don’t say that. You deserve to live.” _

_ “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Vanitas said. He said it simply, like a fact, without a shred of condescension in his voice. “You don’t know what I’ve done.” _

_ “No, I don’t. Was it bad?” _

_ “Horrible.” _

_ “Do you regret it?” _

_ Vanitas looked at his hand. _

_ “I wish I hadn’t done it. I’m worse than the old man.” _

_ “Do you want to make it up?” _

_ “If I could, I would,” Vanitas said. “But part of me would want to do everything the exact same way.” _

_ Aqua didn’t understand that, but that was okay. _

_ “One day you will be strong enough to face whatever it is that you’ve done. And one day you will be able to make up for it.” Aqua slowly reached for his head. Vanitas watched her hand the entire way until she lightly ran her fingers through his hair. “But for now, get some sleep.” _

_ He layed back down.  _

_ “Okay.” His voice was flat. There was no energy in it. He stared up at the ceiling.  _

_ “Do you want me to stay?” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “It makes Ven feel safe.” _

_ He glanced toward her. _

_ “You keep him safe.” _

_ It both was and was not a question. _

_ “I do. And I’ll keep you safe, too.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ Aqua smiled. _

_ “Because you’re my friend.” _

_ If Vanitas was his normal self, he probably would have burst into laughter. But in the dead honesty of night, in between dreams and wakefulness, with Kingdom Hearts hidden behind late winter storm clouds, he just blinked. _

_ “I don’t understand you.” _

_ “That’s alright,” Aqua said. “You don’t have to.” _

_ Vanitas looked at her again. Then, he grabbed his pillow and put it closer to Aqua, curling around her and pulling the blankets around him. Aqua stroked his hair again, and he relaxed into the touch.  _

_ “Will you keep me safe until I fall asleep?” Vanitas asked quietly. _

_ “And after,” Aqua said. “Forever.” _


	49. 413

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Guardian-king Eraqus pulls the biggest rank-pull in the history of the Realm of Light and Aqua still manages to upstage him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: addiction mention, human trafficking/ child prostitution mention, PTSD flashback

2 days until the Darkner deadline

Vanitas didn’t realize he was even present at morning meditation until Guardian-king Eraqus stood to signal its end. Damn, Ventus really had tricked him into forming the habit. But it wasn’t too bad, and Ventus still had to pay for it.

“Today we will all meet with the Princesses of Heart for our final orders,” he said.

That’s right, even the guardian-king had to bow to them. Little Kairi got to tell Guardian-king Eraqus what to do and when to do it. The reminder put a smile on Vanitas’s face.

“I hope I don’t need to remind you that you must be on your best behavior,” Guardian-king Eraqus continued. 

He looked at Vanitas meaningfully. Vanitas didn’t even realize he was being invited. But, unfortunately for the guardian-king, nonviolent backchat was Vanitas’s best behavior.

As if he read Vanitas’s thoughts, Guardian-king Eraqus looked into Vanitas’s eyes.

“Vanitas,” he said. “Please meet with me in my study after you have finished your breakfast. That is all.”

Vanitas would never admit that his heart sped up a little.

Ventus elbowed him playfully.

“Ooooooh, you’re in trouble!”

“I’d ask what I’ve done, but what haven’t I done?”

They all smiled, which was normal, but they kept smiling for the rest of breakfast.

Something was up.

The guardian-king looked much more relaxed than he had during their last private conversation. He sat poised on his desk chair as if it were a throne.

“Hello, Vanitas,” he said. “Once again, feel free to leave the door however you want it, and remember that you may leave at any time.”

Vanitas didn’t respond as he left the door open a crack and collapsed in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

“What do you want, old man?”

Guardian-king Eraqus moved to stand up, but stopped when Vanitas flinched, which pissed him off. It was a telling start to what Vanitas knew would be an awful conversation.

“You have grown immensely since you’ve arrived,” he began. Vanitas groaned- not another monologue. Guardian-king Eraqus continued with hardly a pause. “I’ve seen you-”

“Quit sucking my dick and tell me what you want.”

Guardian-king Eraqus really had become too immune to him, because he immediately responded with, “I am offering you the position of apprentice prince-knight.”

Okay, maybe Vanitas understood his desire to ease into the conversation, because he was genuinely speechless. He opened and closed his mouth for more than a minute, trying to think of something to say.

“You’re out of your damn mind,” he finally managed. “I thought you were the only sane one here, but you’re crazier than the rest of them put together.” Vanitas grinned his Unversed grin. “I’m sitting pretty here now, but you don’t know what I’ve done. Yeah, I went through shit, but I’m not a perfect little victim. Xehanort didn’t keep me around to be his little fuck toy” he managed to make Guardian-king Eraqus flinch with that “he made me into a weapon.” An echo of the old rush from fear made him chuckle. “And I was damn good at it. I  _ burned _ through the Realm of Darkness, old man. I was the Unversed, Xehanort’s dog, the monster story parents were too afraid to tell their kids at night! Do you know how many people I’ve killed?  _ I _ don’t know how many people I’ve killed!”

“Four hundred thirteen,” Guardian-king Eraqus said without hesitation.

Vanitas blinked. “What?”

“In your service to Xehanort as the Unversed, you killed four hundred thirteen Darkner citizens.”

“Four hundred and thirteen,” Vanitas mused quietly. “I thought there would be more.”

It was still a big number, an unimaginable number. He wasn’t even the Unversed for that long. And he had never really thought about the people he had killed after they died. It was a scary thought to face.

“As I would have said if you hadn’t interrupted me,” Guardian-king Eraqus continued, “I’m not offering you this position out of misplaced pity. A prince-knight is selfless. They dedicate their lives to serve not only the Princesses of Heart and the guardian-king, but every innocent citizen of the Realm of Light and beyond. Criminals are locked away to keep the rest of society safe and to force them to think about what they have done so that they might atone. But, due to your history and abilities, the only way to contain you would be so inhumane that death would be a mercy. Do not misunderstand me, Vanitas- if I think for an instant that you pose a danger to an innocent or the Princesses of Heart, I will cut you down where you stand.”

“So you’re not completely insane,” Vanitas said. “That’s good to know.” 

“I am under no obligation to judge you for your crimes, and I technically lack the ability,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “All of these crimes were committed on Darkner soil and we are currently refusing any extradition requests for mostly unrelated political reasons. Furthermore, it is illegal, both here and in the Realm of Darkness, to send a child to combat against other humans, which includes assassinations. On Lightner soil, you are considered a former child soldier and are thus considered under a different light.”

“Isn’t that sweet of you,” Vanitas drawled.

“You are the only one who can judge if you are worthy of redemption. I assume you have yet to tell the others about your past?”

“Ventus definitely saw a bit of of my work,” Vanitas said. “And Terra might have heard of me during his time in the Realm of Darkness. I doubt Aqua knows anything.”

“I leave it up to you to tell them,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “but you are under no obligation to.”

“What if I say no?” Vanitas asked. “I’m sure you’re patting yourself on the back for this  _ generous _ offer, but what will you do if I tell you to shove it up your ass?”

“You will be free to leave the Land of Departure and live elsewhere in the Realm of Light, but, due to your past, your movements would be watched. You would be free to return to the Realm of Darkness, but I doubt you would do so.”

“Damn right,” Vanitas muttered. Louder, he said, “I still don’t think you understand. I wasn’t forced to kill all of those people. I liked it.” Vanitas smiled. “When I was little, I never understood why evil villains laughed in puppet shows and plays, but I get it now.” The smile grew into a sadistic grin. “There’s no greater feeling than being feared and knowing you have the power to end someone’s life. It’s-”

“Exhilarating,” Guardian-king Eraqus finished for him. “A rush. You want nothing more than the next experience, and you’ll do anything to get it. The desire controls you.”

Vanitas looked up at the guardian-king. “Is this where you tell me your tragic former-assassin backstory?”

Guardian-king Eraqus didn’t hesitate. 

“I was addicted to black powder through the majority of my youth,” he said. 

Damn. So that was why the guardian-king knew how to lie. It probably explained why there was so little alcohol in the castle, too.

“I used and hurt others just to get my hands on more. You must understand- I was born into the role of prince-knight. Most guardian-kings are. I was treated as a noble. It was far too easy to get my hands on a substance that would otherwise be forbidden. I tried to stop a few times, but I kept finding ways to get some. It got to the point where my mother almost revoked my birthright. I swore to be a better person, and I haven’t used since.” 

Guardian-king Eraqus looked at Vanitas, and Vanitas saw something he never expected to see in his eyes- hunger.

“I have no illusions about my own strength,” Guardian-king Eraqus continued. “Addiction is a disease that can consume even the strongest hearts. Even now, a part of me desires the drug. I know that I am always a few mistakes away from falling back to rock-bottom.”

“Why are you telling me your biggest weakness?” Vanitas asked. “You’re acting crazy again.”

“Although I do not discuss it much, my past is not a secret. The stigma makes recovery twice as hard, and I do not wish to perpetuate it. Aqua and Terra are aware, but I don’t think Ventus is. You may tell him, if you wish. And I tell you my story because I can truly say that helping others is the best way to heal. It is the best way to atone for the sins of the past. When a heart hurts another, it becomes damaged in the process. Likewise, when one helps another, the healing is reflected. My sins do not hold a candle to yours, but I offer you this position because the quiet contentment of a life of service is much better than a temporary rush of exhilaration. I can tell you this from experience. I want nothing more than to grant you peace from the sins of my... counterpart.” Damn, Guardian-king Eraqus wasn’t even calling Xehanort his friend anymore. Things really had changed. “This, I believe, is the best way to accomplish this. Even if you accept this position, you will never be eligible to be guardian-king due to your past, and, frankly, the darkness in your heart. But a life as a prince-knight can be just as fulfilling as a ruling position, if not more so.”

As if he wanted the throne. Aqua could keep that responsibility all to herself. 

Princess Kairi had told him he could be a prince-knight. He had laughed in her face, but the possibility was in his reach. But it was crazy. Serving the king of the Lightners? Giving his life to seven women he didn’t know? 

“I’ll think about it,” Vanitas said. His voice was quieter than he thought it would be. 

“I will give you the time to do so,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “For the moment, you are being treated as an apprentice prince-knight, but that is merely a positional guideline. I hope this does not pressure you in your decision either way. Officially, for the upcoming talks, you are outside of any formal definition of a political body. You may wear our insignia, but you may also choose to arrive in neutral garb.”

So much bureaucracy over clothes? Vanitas had to get out of there before he would be told how he was supposed to walk.

“Can I leave now?”

“As I said in the beginning, you are free to leave our private conversations whenever you wish. I will keep this policy for as long as you remain in the castle. You had many choices taken from you in your time under Xehanort. I wish to give some back.”

Guardian-king Eraqus lived and breathed under rules and guidelines. Those guidelines had plagued Vanitas since his arrival at the Land of Departure, but he finally saw them for what they were. He always thought of compassion as a soft thing, like Ventus and Aqua’s easy affection, but the solid support of consistent rules was the guardian-king’s form of kindness. 

Lightners were fascinating.

“Okay then,” Vanitas said. “See ya.”

“I hope to see you at the meeting this afternoon,” Guardian-king Eraqus called after him. 

Was that his version of a casual parting phrase or an order? Vanitas didn’t know. He was musing on the possibility of either when he spotted Aqua.

She was meditating at the other end of the hall, probably just out of earshot from their conversation. When she heard Vanitas, she opened her eyes and sprang up.

“How did it go?” she asked.

“You all knew what he was going to ask, didn’t you? That’s why you three were all smiley this morning.”

Aqua smiled. “He asked all of us first, and every single Princess of Heart. We all agreed that you have the potential.”

“Don’t get too excited,” Vanitas said. “I’m still thinking about it.”

“I figured you would,” Aqua said. “I’m here to give you something.”

She reached into her pocket and pulled out-

“No fucking way.”

She pulled out a Wayfinder. It was made of the same pewter and glass as the other three Vanitas had seen, but the color scheme was red and black. The middle was emblazoned with the insignia of the Realm of Light.

“It’s a good luck charm,” she said. “I made some for Ven and Terra, too.”

It was more than that, and they both knew it. Vanitas’s dark heart sensed the sheer magnitude of the light magic poured into it. He doubted even Aqua knew how much there was. Vanitas could feel three connections emitting from it. One was stronger than the other two, his connection to Ventus, but Aqua and Terra’s bonds were stronger than he would have thought. 

This was more than a good luck charm, it was her heart. More importantly, it was Ventus and Terra’s heart as well. 

Vanitas had been vulnerable in front of Aqua more times than he would have liked, but for the first time, she was giving Vanitas the power to hurt her in ways that he never could have before. He knew he had the power to crush the Wayfinder in his hand and leave her devastated and ashamed. A part of him was tempted just to see what she would do.

But most of him was still reeling from the sheer magnitude of the gesture.

“It’s not an unbreakable connection,” she said quietly. “Not yet. But it could be. You could become part of our family.”

“No fucking way.”

And Vanitas had thought the guardian-king’s offer was shocking.

“It’s yours whether or not you choose to be a prince-knight, and I don’t want you to feel pressured because of it.”

Slowly, carefully, Vanitas took the Wayfinder, his Wayfinder, from her hands. He held it up for a closer look. It was perfect, down to the smallest detail. Light glowed through the ruby-red glass. Vanitas stared in awe for more than a minute, absorbing every aspect of the gift.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Then he kicked her in the shin.

“Ow!” she yelped. “What was that for?”

“I’ve been too sentimental lately,” Vanitas said as he slipped his Wayfinder into his pocket. “I don’t want you to think I’m getting soft.”

“You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to,” she said.

“Fuck off- I’m keeping it forever.”

Aqua smiled, dodged his second kick to her shin, and returned it with one of her own. They spent far too long play-fighting before Guardian-king Eraqus left his study to tell them to get ready for the meeting with the seven princesses.

  
  


Aqua adjusted her armor crown one last time before entering the war room. She wasn’t in full regalia or full armor, but her cape flowed from her back like a waterfall of cerulean cloth. Her crown was in its finest form, with water drops and waves decorating the band around her brow, and the silver insignia of the Realm of Light in the center.

She bowed to the Princesses of Heart when she entered. They were seated around the giant map of Scala ad Cealum. Princess Snow White, the eldest, sat in the middle, and the rest of the princesses gathered around her based on seniority. Princess Kairi was at one end and Princess Rapunzel was at the other. They each wore crowns. They were just as beautiful as Aqua’s, if not more so, but they lacked the metal wings that each of the prince-knights and guardian-king had on theirs. 

Guardian-king Eraqus was seated at the side of the table. His crown looked heavier on his brow than it normally did. Terra was seated two seats from his right. He also wore the glittering form of his armor crown with his golden cape behind him. Aqua took her seat directly to Guardian-king Eraqus’s right, between him and Terra.

Ven came running in a minute before the meeting started, slowing to a formal stride once he entered through the door. He, too, had set his crown in its elevated form with wind-blown dandelion seeds decorating the brow. Unlike her, Terra, and Guardian-king Eraqus, he lacked the insignia of the Realm of Light in the middle.

He saw their capes and immediately summoned his own. The pale green cape fluttered down his back as he took his seat next to Terra.

Vanitas entered through the doors last. He wore no crown and no cape, but even he seemed to sense the formality in the meeting, because he wore the black silk robes he had arrived in with those odd red spike-shoes that looked like they could be used as weapons. Something around his neck caught the light with a glitter. It was a necklace with a symbol of the Realm of Light. Aqua smiled at the quiet symbol of his alignment.

“Damn,” he whistled. “Everyone looks so fancy. And here I was worried I was over-dressed.”

Aqua bit back a sigh. Either he didn’t sense it after all, or he did but didn’t care. He took his seat behind the three prince-knights. Aqua desperately hoped with all her heart he understood the message: he was invited to listen, but not to speak.

Once Vanitas took his seat, Princess Snow White stood.

“Welcome, friends and servants of the Realm of Light. It is not often that all seven Princesses of Heart are gathered, and I am glad to see my sisters of heart, but I do wish it was under better circumstances. Before we begin our discussion on our conflict with the Darkners, we must formally address the original cause of our gathering. Lord Terra.”

He rose with a bow.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Word has reached us of a dreadful rumor,” Princess Cinderella said. 

Guardian-king Eraqus looked at Princess Kairi. “Perhaps we should take care on how we discuss this matter.”

“You don’t need to shelter me, Eraqus,” Princess Kairi said curtly. “I’m not ignorant to the crimes committed against girls my age.”

Vanitas snickered. Aqua blinked- where had Kairi learned to talk like that?

“Very well then,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“Lord Terra,” Princess Aurora said, “we have heard that you have been hiring child prostitutes in your time in the Realm of Darkness. In addition, we have heard that you have resorted to violence and intimidation to access them. Is this true?”

“Yes, my lady.”

A wave of discomfort rippled through the room.

“Did you use these prostitutes for their intended purposes?”

Terra looked nauseated at the mere thought. “No, my lady. I’ve never felt sexual desire towards anyone, least of all a child. I hope I am struck down before the day comes that I even think of harming a child in such a manner.”

Relief flowed through the room. They all must have sensed the truth of the statement in their hearts.

“You should have started with that,” Princess Rapunzel muttered.

“Explain to us why you hired these prostitutes,” Princess Snow White said.

“Yes, my lady. A few months into my stay at Castle Oblivion- um, the Darkner castle, I had grown close to a small child about Princess Kairi’s age. She would come to my room during the night for comfort against nightmares. A rumor started that I was sexually abusing her.”

Snow White held up a hand. Terra stopped talking.

“Has this rumor been investigated as well?” she asked.

“The girl he speaks of is my little sister, Naminé,” Princess Kairi said. “She didn’t accuse him of anything, and what she said matches what Lord Terra said. Lord Aqua can back up what I’m saying.”

“Lord Aqua?” Vanitas whispered.

“She’s not a Princess, so she’s officially Lord Aqua,” Ven whispered back. “Now shh!”

_ We can all hear you, you know. The room isn’t that big. _

Aqua stood.

“Yes,” she said. “There was no accusation levied against him, which is why we did not strip him of his rank and complete a full investigation.”

“Damn,” Vanitas muttered, “you don’t fuck around about this shit.”

Aqua had to fight the urge to shush him.

“Very well,” Princess Snow White said. “You may continue.”

“The rumor faded in time,” Terra said. “In the Realm of Darkness, it’s common for people of the castle to visit brothels as a social gathering. A friend convinced me to come along for the socialization, but we saw a child prostitute. My friend recognized her and knew where she came from, so I payed for her for the night so I could take her home. I figured since the rumor would spread anyway, I would continue to do this for as long as I could. It’s true that I had to resort to violence, sometimes even deadly violence, to keep these children safe during and after their rescue. I promise that I only used only as much force as was strictly necessary for their safety. Human traffickers are merciless and not above punishing others for an escapee.”

Deadly violence? So Xehanort wasn’t even his first kill?

Aqua resisted the urge to put her head in her hands. He did the right thing if it meant saving innocent lives, but she had known his since they were children. It was unnerving to hear how deadly he had become.

Princess Cinderella smiled. “We can sense the truth in this story. It is a relief to hear the motives behind your actions.”

“I’m sorry for causing my ladies to worry,” Terra continued. “I know that my actions cast dishonor on myself, my fellow prince-knights, and my people, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t do it again a thousand times.”

“On the contrary,” Princess Aurora said, “you have brought yourself and your realm honor through your selfless and brave actions. The people will be proud to hear what you have done.”

Terra nodded his head. “Thank you, my lady.”

He sat down.

“I’m happy that’s over,” Princess Anna said. “Our hearts told us the rumor wasn’t true, but it’s nice to hear the truth directly.”

“I wish we could move to a lighter topic,” Princess Snow White said. “But in two days, King Xehanort has asked that we go to the Destiny Islands and extradite the one who killed the old king.”

“Who is it?” Princess Jasmine asked. “Last week Guardian-king Eraqus said that Vanitas was the one who did it, and we voted to extradite him.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Princess Kairi said. “We aren’t handing them over.”

“I was made aware Vanitas was not the true culprit,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “We formulated an alternate plan.”

“We’re framing Prince Xemnas for orchestrating the murder,” Aqua said. “Apparently Vanitas desecrated Xehanort’s body too much to blame him for the murder itself, but he desires the throne enough that this sounds like something he would do.”

“We’ll say Vanitas flipped on him in exchange for asylum,” Terra said. “We’ve practiced the lie extensively.”

“How confident are you in this plan?” Princess Aurora asked.

“Fairly confident,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “But we require an alternate plan, in case this one falls through.”

“Ven and Vanitas were allowed to be in the castle in accordance with the rules of the exchange,” Aqua said. “Xehanort attacked first and was killed in defense of another.”

“You are correct,” Guardian-king Eraqus said, “but this truth in inherently incompatible with our primary strategy of framing Prince Xemnas. Once we make this claim, we deny Ventus’s presence in the castle and any justification that would come from it. If this plan falls through, we need another approach to prevent the Darkners from declaring war. Luckily, I have formulated one.”

Aqua’s heart twisted. She had a bad feeling about Guardian-king Eraqus’s next words.

“The Darkners are a proud but fair people. If they believe we have taken their king, they may be satisfied by taking ours.”

“Master, what are you saying?” Terra cried.

“If this plan falls through, I will exchange myself for peace between the realms,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. 

The room erupted into chaos on the prince-knight side of the table. 

“No!” Terra shouted.

“This is such fucking bullshit!” Vanitas shouted. “I’m not allowed to martyr myself, but you are? You fucking hypocrite!”

“Master, please don’t do this,” Ven begged.

“I live to serve the Realm of Light,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “If there’s even the slightest chance that giving my life will grant peace to the realm, it is my duty to give it.”

“No,” Aqua said quietly. “I won’t let you do this.”

Guardian-king Eraqus looked at her with steel in his eyes. “We’re not giving you a choice. We are your master, and you will obey us until we take our final breath.”

Aqua gulped. She could count on one hand the number of times he had used the royal we, and it had never been at her. 

“We don’t even know if they’ll be satisfied with you,” Aqua said. “What if they take you and attack us anyway?”

“Do you fully understand the situation?” Guardian-king Eraqus asked. “The Darkner army hasn’t been assembled in ten years. Xehanort replaced them with Heartless. If they declare war on us, we will lose. They will come in the night and consume our armies and our people. They are strongest at night, when we cannot see. They don’t need to sleep. They don’t need to  _ eat _ . If there is the smallest chance that giving my life will prevent the massacre of our people, then it is my duty to take it. You are being selfish if you try to stop me.”

“I don’t care!” Aqua shouted. “I’m tired of seeing Xehanort hurt the people I love. I refuse to let you pay for his crimes. Giving your life is not what I meant when I said we need to clean up his mess!”

“This isn’t a negotiation, Aqua. It is an order.”

“Because you are my guardian-king?”

“Yes. Because we are your guardian-king.”

“Fine then,” Aqua said quietly. “If you insist on this strategy, then in the presence of all seven Princesses of Heart, I swear I will overthrow you.”

“What the fuck?” Vanitas yelped.

“Aqua!” Ven shouted. “You can’t just do that!”

“I will if that’s what it takes to keep my family safe.” 

“She’ll do it,” Princess Kairi said. “When it comes to the people she loves, Lord Aqua is capable of anything.”

Aqua smiled. “Thank you, my lady.”

Terra and Ven exchanged glances, but before Aqua could ask what it was about, Guardian-king Eraqus spoke up again.

“I’m not eager to leave this world, but this isn’t about me. If we had any other strategy, I would gladly take it.”

“We kill Prince Ansem,” Terra said.

Everyone looked at him. He bristled slightly under their gazes.

“It’s not personal,” he said. “I don’t want to do this either, but he’s the one who controls the Heartless. If he dies, they’ll go back to being mindless and unorganized.”

“He’s right,” Vanitas said. “The Heartless are only powerful because Ansem organizes them. They require an outside force to control them.”

“We should only do this as a last resort,” Terra said. “The Heartless are everywhere in the Realm of Darkness. Xehanort made them a part of the societal infrastructure. If no one is controlling them, they’ll attack the Darkner civilians, and they’re even less equipped to defend against them.”

Silence descended on the war room. 

“This can’t just turn into a choice over which civilians die,” Princess Rapunzel said. 

“There’s always a middle road, a compromise, a peaceful alternative,” Princess Anna said. “The second it becomes available, it is your duty to take it.”

“Until then, here are your orders,” Princess Snow White said. “Sisters, feel free to interject if you disagree or if you have something to add. Go to the Destiny Islands. Execute your plan to frame Prince Xemnas. If, for some reason, it fails, do everything you can to prevent the Darkners from attacking our people. I will leave the specifics to you. We will remain in the castle, to guide the people in case things go wrong.”

“I’ll come with you,” Princess Kairi said. “And Naminé’ll come, too.” 

“Naminé?” Terra asked.

Princess Kairi nodded. “We need her powers. Don’t worry- I’ll keep her safe.”

“Powers?”

“And we should bring Roxas and Xion, just in case,” Princess Kairi said.

“Not fucking happening,” Vanitas said.

“Vanitas,” Aqua hissed. “It’s not your place to speak.”

“Fuck that! I’m not bringing my kid siblings into a possible war zone! The last time they were in a battle, one of them  _ died! _ Ventus, back me up.”

“No,” Ventus said quietly. “It’s their choice.”

“They’re kids!”

“So is Princess Kairi! So are we!” Ven looked around, as if looking belatedly for permission to speak, before continuing. “Sora’s already at the Destiny Islands.”

“So you’re saying we should bring all of the children to the war zone?”

“We’ll be fine, Vanitas,” Princess Kairi said. 

He looked at her with fire in his eyes. Princess Kairi didn’t even blink.

“Are you sure? Do you know it with your freaky heart magic?”

“Vanitas!” Aqua snapped.

“Yes,” Princess Kairi said. “I know it in my heart.”

“Fine.”

As if he had any choice in the matter.

“If there are no further matters to speak of, I call this meeting adjourned,” Princess Snow White said.

The tension did not fade from the room with her words, even after Vanitas stormed off.

Ven could tell Vanitas was in a bad mood. He heard it in the angry stomp of his high-heeled shoes as he stalked away from the war room. He saw it in the half-snarl on his face. He could feel the irritation radiate off of him. 

He followed Vanitas into the kitchen. Vanitas sat at the kitchen table and snatched a cookie from a plate. He propped his feet on the table, so the spikes at the ends of his shoes were less than a hand’s-length away from the rest of the crystal sugar cake. As Ven entered the kitchen, Vanitas stared at him and took another bite of the cookie, simultaneously taunting him and daring him to call him out for putting his feet on the table.

Ven ignored both and sat down in the chair next to him. 

“No, I’m not letting you off the hook for the bet,” Vanitas grumbled as a greeting.

“Do you need to fight something?” Ven asked.

“I don’t feel like changing and I can’t fight in this,” Vanitas said. 

“Okay.”

He took another angry bite of cookie. “Lightners are so fucking crazy. I can’t believe Aqua threatened to overthrow the guardian-king, and everyone walked out of the room like nothing even happened. Do you want to know what happened at meetings with Xehanort? People talked about taxes for six hours!”

“Taxes are important,” Ven said. “They reinforce governmental power-”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Ven laughed quietly. He could feel Vanitas begin to relax.

Vanitas perked up and looked to the door. A few seconds later, Ven heard the sound of running feet. Xion and Roxas came racing past them and through the kitchen. Naminé was on their heels. The three of them ran past them without a word. Roxas opened the door to the courtyard, and he and Xion slipped through it. Before it could close all the way, Naminé grabbed it and flung it open, giving her enough room to keep up the chase.

The door slammed behind her.

“I wonder what they’re playing,” Ven mused. “Do you want to see?”

Vanitas’s eyes were blank. His feet fell off the table. He gripped the edge of the table as if holding on for dear life. His breaths came in shallow pants.

“Ventus,” he managed.

Ven acted automatically, casting a small Blizzard spell to the back of his neck. Vanitas gasped. A little more focus came back to his eyes. He slipped his hand between his teeth and bit down.

Ven cringed. 

“Please don’t do that. Here, tell me what you see.”

Vanitas sighed and took his hand out of his mouth. Ven could see the bite marks on his skin.

“It’s the table. It’s black stone. I can see your stupid fucking face. I can see the sink and the oven and all of the sweets Aqua baked that you can’t eat.”

“Speaking of” Ven pulled out a candy from his pocket “eat this.”

“Why do you have sweets in your pocket?”

“For you, just in case.”

“You still fidget when you lie, Venty. You need to work on that.”

Vanitas took the candy and put it in his mouth.

“What does it taste like?” Ven asked.

“It’s your candy. Don’t you know?”

“Vanitas-”

“It’s lemony. Sour. Just like me. It’s not too bad, actually.”

“That’s good to hear,” Ven said. “Tell me what you hear.”

“Your stupid fucking voice, my stupid fucking voice, the kids outside still running around, the fire in the stove.” Vanitas closed his eyes and cocked his head. “There’s a clock that’s ticking in one of the rooms next to this one.”

Ven smiled. “Good. Can you breathe with me?”

“Don’t fucking patronize me,” Vanitas snapped. “I can breathe by myself.”

And, to Ven’s pleasant surprise, he did. He swore Vanitas was trying to breathe in a way that sounded obnoxious as possible, but they were still long, deep breaths.

After a minute, Vanitas leaned forward and practically collapsed onto the table.

“Stupid fucking door,” he muttered. He flexed his hands and bared his teeth in frustration. “All it takes is a stupid fucking door! What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you-”

“I told you to stop patronizing me!”

“You know,” Ven said, “you’ve said that a lot, so I finally checked what it meant. It means pretending to be nice, but only to feel superior to someone. And I can say that I’ve never done that to you, because I think you’re really strong.”

“Beating Terra in an arm-wrestling match isn’t that big of a deal. It’s all about leverage. Aqua could do it if she knew what to do. Fuck, you could do it if you knew what you were doing.”

“Vanitas-”

“I know what you mean!” he snarled. “But you’re wrong. Xehanort made me into the deadliest weapon in Scala ad Caelum, but I didn’t even try to fight back!” Angry tears filled his eyes. “I could have killed him! I know that now! But I just let him- I just let him do it to me!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Ven said. “Don’t blame yourself for something he did. You did what you needed to do to survive, and you survived. That’s all that matters. You did nothing wrong.”

“You keep talking about survival like it’s something impressive,” Vanitas said. “I rolled over, and now I wake up every day, and that’s supposed to make me strong?”

“Are you telling me it’s easy, waking up every day with all of that pain in your heart? I know some days are easier than others, but I can’t even imagine how hard it can be to carry that much hurt. You carry it well, but that doesn’t mean it’s not heavy. Surviving everything you’ve been through is the strongest thing you can do. And I’m happy to help however I can.”

Vanitas scoffed. “Because you’re such a  _ good person _ .”

“No, because you’re my brother and I love you,” Ven said.

Vanitas looked at him.

“You total fucking sap.”

Ven smiled. “Yup! Now do you want to see if you can catch Roxas and the others in those shoes, or do you want to change?”

“I’m just gonna fucking lie here,” Vanitas said, “and keep eating sweets just to spite you.”

“Okay! Do you want a pillow?”

Vanitas laughed quietly. “Why the fuck not?”


	50. The strongest weapon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Realm of Light prepares for the final confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO APPARENTLY 413 IS THE HOMESTUCK NUMBER. This was not intentional. This was the opposite of intentional. I chose that number because 4 is death and 13 is... you know, the KH number associated with evil. 
> 
> Anyway, on to the chapter in this Kingdom Hearts fanfiction that has NOTHING TO DO with Homestuck. Enjoy.

1 day until the Darkner deadline

Vanitas paced the Gummi ship. What a stupid fucking name for a stupid fucking ship. Why couldn’t they just go through the corridors of darkness? The guardian-king and prince-knights had their armor, Roxas and Xion had their cloaks, and Princess Kairi and her sister could always borrow some. But noooooo, they had to fly in a stupid fucking ship and make the trip take hours.

Why the fuck was Naminé coming with them anyway? Princess Kairi said that she had some kind of power, but whatever it was, it couldn’t be very useful, or else she wouldn’t have had to hide like a mouse in Castle Oblivion. Terra had survived almost a year in Castle Oblivion, and that was impressive on its own, but he also managed to protect the only person in Castle Oblivion who didn’t have a weapon, and that was a miracle.

“Stop pacing and sit down,” Aqua snapped, except it was Aqua, so her voice was obnoxiously even instead of angry like a normal person's would be. “We’re landing soon.”

“How soon is soon?”

“Now.”

“Fucking finally.”

Vanitas sat and tapped his foot until the stupid ship landed on the same strip of shore it had last time. He practically jumped up and paced in front of the doors until they opened. Roxas looked just as eager.

He covered his eyes as the bay doors opened. It was still early morning, but the sunlight at the Destiny Islands was so much brighter than anywhere else in Scala ad Caelum. The second Vanitas stepped from the ship, the warm, humid air hit him. Luckily, the fancy Lightner clothes he had been given were loose and free-flowing, but they were also black. It might have fit Vanitas’s aesthetic, but it would also be too fucking hot in the island sun. The Lightner pendant he had stolen from Ventus for the meeting the day before still swung from his neck, and his Wayfinder (he still couldn’t believe that he could say that) was tied around his waist sash and tucked into his pocket.

Once his eyes adjusted, Vanitas spotted Sora waving from the shade of a nearby tree.

“Sora!” Roxas called. He jumped from the ship and ran to his brother.

“Roxas!” They embraced like two gears slotting together. “I knew you’d be back! I knew it!”

Vanitas waited until he could walk off the ship before joining them. Xion was right behind him.

“Vanii! Xion!”

Sora gave Xion a quick hug and squeezed Vanitas’s hand before hugging Roxas again.

“What are you guys doing here?” Sora asked. “And why are you dressed up so fancy?”

He didn’t even know about the deadline, Vanitas realized. Most Lightners probably didn’t know how close war might be.

Before anyone could answer him, he must have seen Ventus approach.

“Ven!”

He tackled him with a hug.

“Hey Sora!”

Sora looked up at him with a grin. “We’re together again again!”

Ventus laughed and ruffled his hair. “Yeah, it seems so.”

“But why are you here?”

Ventus looked at Vanitas. He didn’t know how much to tell him, Vanitas realized. He wondered exactly how much Roxas and Xion knew, too.

Vanitas sat in the shade and patted the ground next to him.

“Family meeting,” he said. “Circle up.”

Ventus sat down next to him and elbowed him. “Family meeting? Since when are you in charge? I’m the older one, aren’t I?”

“You’re older by four minutes, that doesn’t mean shit. And I’m in charge since your dumb ass got amnesia.” Vanitas elbowed Ventus right back.

“Vanii, that’s not nice!” Sora whined.

Ventus stuck out his tongue, “Yeah, Vanii.”

Vanitas shoved him. “Shut up. You’re not allowed to call me that. Besides, we have serious stuff to talk about.”

“Is this about why you’re here?” Sora asked.

Vanitas nodded. “Did you hear about what happened to the king of the Darkners?”

Sora cocked his head. “He’s dead, right?”

“That’s right!” Roxas cried. “Vanii’s the one that killed him!”

“Really?” Sora looked at Vanitas. “Did it make you feel better?”

Vanitas blinked. “What?”

“He hurt you, right? So did it make you feel better when you hurt him back?”

Vanitas didn’t know what to say. Only Sora would ask a question like that.

“The important thing is that he’s gone now, so he can’t hurt anybody else,” Ventus said. “But a lot of things can happen when kings die.”

“Tomorrow, the new king is going to come here, and the big kids and the grown ups are going to talk to him,” Vanitas said. “We have a plan, and if everything goes well, he’ll go home, and everything’s going to be okay.” Vanitas’s heart twisted into an unfamiliar fear: a protective fear, the kind he hadn’t felt since he had seen Ventus helplessly dangling from Xehanort’s hand. “But things might not go well.” He looked at Roxas and Xion. “I was mad when Princess Kairi told me that you two were coming, but I’m glad you’re here. If things go wrong, there might be a lot of Heartless. Ventus and I will be able to watch each other’s backs, but you guys will be far from the action, and we might not be able to protect you.”

“We can take care of ourselves,” Xion said. “We’ve probably killed more Heartless than you have.”

“I know,” Vanitas said. “That’s why I’m glad you’re here. Sora’s got a Keyblade, but he doesn’t have nearly as much practice as you two. If things go wrong, I need you three to watch each other’s backs. Keep each other safe.” Vanitas looked away from Xion. “Don’t leave anyone behind. It isn’t worth it.”

“Is this about me?” Xion asked.

Vanitas forced himself to look at her. She was Shio, he knew it, but it still felt like looking at Shio’s ghost.

“I should have never left you,” Vanitas said. He hated the crack in his voice. 

“You had to save Roxas,” Xion said. “And Dad saved me. It all worked out. It’s okay.”

“You asked me not to leave you,” Vanitas said. “You were four. It was my job to protect you, and I failed.” Tears blurred his vision. He was crying way too much these days. “I’m sorry. I came back for you, I swear, I ran as fast as I could-” he choked on a sob. “But I was too late. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s my fault,” Roxas said quietly. “If I hadn’t dragged you down, you would’ve been able to-”

“Stop it!” Xion snapped. “Both of you! It already happened, but everything worked out! Stop wasting time feeling bad about it. I’m not mad! I’ve never been mad. Quit dwelling on the past. Tomorrow, I’ll keep my brothers safe, and they’ll keep me safe.”

Vanitas forced himself to look into her eyes. They all had the same color eyes, but the ones Vanitas looked into were the ones he had hoped he would see again so long ago. He was so lucky he was able to see them again. 

“I hate this.”

Vanitas tore his eyes away. It didn’t sound like something Sora would say, but he had said it.

“What do you mean?” Ventus asked.

Sora gestured to all of them. “Ever since the battle, all of you have gone through so much. I wanted to get strong so I could see you again, but all I could do was watch as you guys got hurt, while I was playing on the beach.”

“Playing on the beach is where I wanted you to be,” Vanitas said. “It’s where you all should have been.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt anymore,” Sora said. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Vanitas didn’t know what to say.

“Look, all of this talk of protection is an emergency plan,” Ventus said with a gentle smile. “Stick close to each other, and if Heartless appear, do your best to keep everyone else safe.”

Sora, Roxas, and Xion nodded.

“I’ll tell Mom I’m sleeping over with Kairi or Riku,” he said. “Oh! Maybe I can introduce you guys!”

That was Sora- turning cloudy days back into sunshine. Vanitas was so glad he had found him.

“Maybe in a few days,” Ventus suggested. “Stick with us once you tell your mom where you’re going.”

Hopefully, they and Sora’s mom would still be alive by then.

  
  


“There.”

Terra leaned stepped back to admire his handiwork. In order to keep civilians as far away as possible, they had packed war tents and cots instead of boarding with locals. The tents set up themselves through magic, but they still packed one for each person on the Gummi Ship, and someone had to decide how to arrange them. That someone was Terra.

The tents were in a half-circle facing the ocean, with the fire pit in the middle. Aqua and Guardian-king Eraqus had casted a protective bubble around the camp to prevent anyone ‘unwanted’ from entering. Terra wasn’t sure how the magic worked, but he trusted them.

“Terra!”

Terra turned to the sound of small feet in the sand. It was Naminé, carrying what looked like a bundle of flowers. She wore a flower necklace around her neck. 

“Sora and Kairi were teaching us how to make flower necklaces, so I made you one.”

Terra knelt.

“Thank you, Naminé.”

He bent forward so she could put it around his neck, but he never felt it.

“It’s too small. I’m sorry.”

Terra felt where it was. “No, it’s perfect where it is. It’s like a flower crown to go over my armor crown.”

She smiled, and he did too.

“Where are the others?” he asked.

Naminé pointed into the trees. “They’re still making them for everyone else. I just wanted to give you yours first.”

“Thank you,” Terra said. 

Terra waited for her to run back to the other children, but she didn’t. He stretched and sat down facing the setting sun, content to listen to the waves before the others returned with dinner.

Naminé sat down beside him. Suddenly, she looked very nervous.

“What’s wrong?” Terra asked.

“I have something to tell you,” she said. “It’s the reason I’m here.”

Terra had been curious as to why Naminé had been invited to the meeting when she didn’t have a Keyblade to potentially fight with, but he figured Princess Kairi wanted her by her side. She had promised to protect her, after all.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Terra said. “But if you do, I’ll listen.”

Naminé looked to the crashing waves. 

“I didn’t tell anyone for a very long time. I told Kairi and I told Father, but Father told me not to tell anyone else. The only other person I told was Xehanort, because he would have kicked me out of the castle otherwise, and he made me tell Larxene and Marluxia. And if I told Larxene and Marluxia this, you deserve to know it, too.”

Terra shook his head. “You’re not obligated to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“But I do want to. Besides, it’s important.”

“Okay,” Terra said. “I’m listening.”

Naminé took a deep breath.

“I can see things nobody else can. There are chains that connect everybody to the people they have a connection to, and I can see them.”

“Like what you draw?”

“Yes. It took me a while to understand, but I can learn a lot about a person just by their chains. That’s why Kairi needs me here. Or maybe she needed me here so I could tell you what I know.”

“What are my chains like?” Terra asked.

“You don’t have a lot of them, but the ones you do have are very strong, like your connections to Ven and Aqua. Your chain to Vanitas shines in the same way as theirs do. I don’t understand why.”

The spell on the Wayfinders, perhaps.

“That’s okay,” Terra said. “What about my link to the guardian-king?”

“It’s very strong as well. You respect and love him. I’m happy that you’re not mad at him anymore.”

Terra frowned. “Xehanort tricked me into hating my own father. I can never forgive myself for that.”

“You should,” Naminé said. “It wasn’t your fault.”

A thought occurred to Terra.

“What about my chain to him?” he asked quietly.

“Most chains are from heart to heart. Xehanort only had one chain on his heart. The rest were on his hands. He controlled the entire castle like they were puppets. Most of his chains were to hearts or wrapped around bodies. Yours... Some people had them wrapped around their necks. You were one of them.”

Terra rubbed his throat. “Is it still there?”

“When someone dies, their chains become invisible. The bonds are still there, but I can’t see them anymore… most of the time. Even after Xehanort died, I could still see the chain around your neck.”

Terra paused. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer to the question he thought.

“Is it still there?” he asked anyway.

Naminé shook her head. “It’s gone.”

Terra smiled in relief. He was free.

“What about Vanitas?” Terra asked. “And King Xehanort, the new one?”

“How did you know they had chains around their necks?” Naminé asked.

“We were all his puppets,” he said bitterly. “And if I’m free, they should be too.”

“Vanitas’s is still around his neck, but it used to be choking him. Now… it’s like he wears it, like he chooses to keep it.”

“And King Xehanort?”

Naminé looked at something in front of Terra’s chest- a chain, he realized.

“His chain was so tight I didn’t know how he could breathe. I doubt it’s gone now.”

Terra frowned.

“You’re worried about him,” Naminé said, “but I don’t understand why. He was so mean to you!”

“I know,” Terra said. “He hurt me. But I forgive him. I want to help him. I don’t know if anyone else does. He was hurt, and it’s my duty as a prince-knight to help people when I can, if I can. And that includes him.”

“Prince Ansem has a strong connection to him, but I don’t understand it. If anyone else can help him, it’s you. He trusts you.”

“He does?”

Naminé stared at the chain. “It’s not a nice trust. He thinks he knows you well because he thinks you’re simple. There’s more to your bond than that, but it’s complicated and I don’t know if I want to know the details.”

“Then don’t. You’ve told me enough. If he trusts me, then maybe I can help him, no matter how twisted that trust is.”

“If anyone can do it, you can.” Naminé said. 

The waves breathed their gentle song. Naminé leaned against him, and, together, they watched the sky light up in pale pinks and purples. The breeze brushed against them. Terra looked down at Naminé.

“What’s my chain to you like?” he asked. 

She curled closer to him. 

“I don’t have chains to anybody,” she said. “It’s like Father said- I’m a nobody.”

“You’re not nobody,” Terra said. “It’s just that you’re so kind that the chains would be too solid, and you wouldn’t be able to see anyone else’s.”

Naminé didn’t say anything.

“I can’t see the chains like you can,” Terra said, “but I know we have a connection. And you can believe me, because I don’t lie. Your friendship was the one good thing that came from my stay in the Realm of Darkness.”

Naminé looked up at him with big, periwinkle eyes.

“Thank you, Terra.”

“You’re welcome, Naminé.”

  
  


It was late at night. It wasn’t so late that Aqua was ready to sleep, but it was definitely too late for Princess Kairi to be awake. Despite that, she was sitting in a meditative position on the beach, staring up at Kingdom Hearts with big eyes. 

“My lady, it’s past your bedtime,” Aqua called. 

Princess Kairi didn’t move. 

“I can’t sleep,” she said. “Not yet. Not until my heart shows me what’s going to happen tomorrow.”

Aqua sat next to her. 

“If your heart has a vision to show you, it can do so in your dreams.”

Princess Kairi turned, and Aqua noticed that she had tears in her eyes.

“But what if it doesn’t? I have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow. My heart isn’t showing me anything! If things go wrong tomorrow, it’ll be my fault.” She grimaced as tears dripped down her face. 

“Shhhh. My lady, it’s okay. Everything’s going to work itself out.”

“How do you know that?” Princess Kairi sniffed. “I don’t know that, and I’m supposed to know! It’s my job! If I don’t, I’m just a worthless little kid!”

Aqua wiped her tears from her cheeks with a smile.

“That’s not true,” Aqua said. “I know you feel like the entire realm rests on your shoulders, but it doesn't. This is our burden to carry, and we’ve been preparing for it since before you were even born. You have an incredible power, and you’ve done nothing but good with it, but that doesn’t mean the entire realm is resting on your shoulders.” Aqua looked into Princess Kairi’s eyes. “It’s okay if you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Your worth isn’t determined by how useful you are.”

“But I want to help.”

“You do, and you will. If you happen to have a vision, I know you’ll share it with us, but we’ll be okay without one. You don’t need to grow up just yet. You are perfectly fine just the way you are.”

Princess Kairi looked away. “But what if the reason that I’m not seeing anything is that we’re destined to lose tomorrow, no matter what happens?”

“There’s always a way,” Aqua said with an intensity she didn't know she had. “If you’re not seeing anything, it just means that everything is going to be fine without you, and you don’t have to worry. Now, come on. It’s past your bedtime, my lady. If you go to sleep now, you’ll have plenty of energy to play with Sora tomorrow.”

“I’m not a kid, Aqua.”

Aqua kissed her on the forehead and picked her up in her arms. 

“Yes you are,” she said. “And that’s perfectly alright.”

  
  


Vanitas stared at the top of his canvas tent, fully prepared to spend the night not-sleeping, when there was a thump against the entrance.

“Vanitas?” Aqua’s voice called quietly. “Are you still awake?”

“You know it.”

“Can I come in?”

Vanitas sat up. “Why not?”

Aqua ducked into his tent. Vanitas almost did a double take. She was wearing her fancy clothes, her cape, and the fancy version of her armor crown.

“Why are you dressed like that?” he asked. “Are you going to sleep in it?”

“There’s going to be a midnight meditation tonight,” Aqua said. “The Master says it’s a ritual for when the Realm of Light prepares for war.”

“Why are you telling me?” Vanitas asked.

Aqua smiled. “I’m inviting you, silly. I don’t know what it’s going to be like, but if war does break out tomorrow, I’ll be honored to fight by your side.”

“How do you know I’ll even fight with you?”

Aqua pointed at his chest. Vanitas looked down and saw the Lightner necklace he had stolen from Ventus.

“You chose to wear our sigil. And I know you want to protect us, and we want to protect you. I think that’s what it’s about. So, will you join us?”

“I guess.” Vanitas looked down at his sleeping clothes. “I’ll change into better clothes.”

Kingdom Hearts shone bright over the ocean. It turned the three prince-knights and guardian-king standing in front of it into silhouettes. As Vanitas got closer, its light reflected off of their crowns and glinted on their silk capes. The sound of the waves’ murmur calmed him.

“Welcome, Vanitas,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. To Vanitas’s surprise, he sounded genuinely happy to see him. “Please, sit.”

Whether by habit or ceremony, they all sat facing Guardian-king Eraqus in the way they did at morning meditation: Aqua, Terra, Ventus, and Vanitas. Guardian-king Eraqus sat facing them.

“Tomorrow, we will meet with the Darkners and do everything in our power to prevent war. The Realm of Light has not faced war against a human opponent in over five hundred years. The exchange agreement was created in order to prevent conflict, and now, it seems, it has created one. I know we all may be grappling with guilt over what we could have done to prevent this, but it is all in the past now. We must focus on the future, no matter how scary it may be.”

Guardian-king Eraqus summoned Master Keeper. Vanitas flinched, but Guardian-king Eraqus continued to speak without even pausing. Vanitas was grateful.

“Tomorrow, if things go wrong, I am prepared to fight for this land until my dying breath. It is not something I wish to do, but it is what we have been preparing for every day of training. Protecting the innocent is not always easy, nor is it always righteous, but it is something that must be done at any cost. I call upon my ancestors and all of the guardian-kings before me from their place within Kingdom Hearts. May you lend us the strength, knowledge, and courage to protect the Realm of Light. However, it is not only our citizens I wish to protect.” Master Keeper began to glow with light. To Vanitas’s surprise, he did not recoil from it, for it was a gentle light. “It has been my honor to teach each and every one of you, for you all have taught me just as much. Tomorrow, I may fight for the Realm of Light, but I will also fight for you.”

Aqua summoned Stormfall and held it to Master Keeper. This time, Vanitas saw the light travel from her heart and into her Keyblade.

“Tomorrow, I may fight for the Realm of Light, but I will also fight for you. You are my family, and I will do everything in my power to keep you safe,” she said.

Terra summoned Ends of the Earth and held it to the other Keyblades. His light was mixed with a protective, comforting darkness. Vanitas did not know darkness could feel soft.

“Tomorrow, I may fight for the Realm of Light, but I will also fight for you,” he said. “It’s why I’ve trained to get strong.”

Ventus summoned Wayward Wind, but he and his Keyblade were a bit too short to reach the others. He scooted forward to reach, and everyone smiled as his pure light joined theirs.

“Tomorrow, I may fight for the Realm of Light, but I will also fight for you. All I want is for everyone to be okay.”

Vanitas felt their eyes on him. Void Gear came to his hand, and, not without hesitation, he put it in with the others. Darkness of the blackest shade rushed from his heart into the pillar of light created by the Keyblades.

“Tomorrow, I’m not going to fight for the Realm of Light, the Realm of Darkness, or even Radiant Garden. I’ll only fight for you.”

Once Vanitas had said those words, the coalescing light and darkness began to swirl around all of them in a glowing storm.

“This is the secret of the Realm of Light, and maybe of Scala ad Caelum,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “Your strongest weapon is not your Keyblade. It is your heart, for it is our hearts that connect us all. Your friends are your power, and you are theirs.”

The power swirled around them for a few seconds longer, before expanding into a final burst. It rained down on them like falling stars. They all looked up at it in awe.

When the last sparkle had faded, they all silently stood up and took their leave. To Vanitas’s surprise, he easily slipped into sleep.


	51. Case of Prince Ansem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince Ansem and the hearts that make up his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: CSA mention, discussion

_ Ansem was made of three hearts. He felt all three of them, but he was only one heart. The contradiction fascinated him. He often wondered if Xemnas felt something similar with his two hearts, but they were not a ‘family’ that asked such personal questions. _

_ “Do you think it’s better for a ruler to be loved or feared?” _

_ Ansem looked up from the chess board. Xemnas’s voice was emotionless, but his eyes were challenging. _

_ “I think the question is a bit reductive, don’t you?” Ansem asked. “Father isn’t foolish enough to rely on simply one or the other. The people love him for keeping them safe from the Heartless, and they know better than to challenge him.” _

_ “Oh, I am aware. I was simply thinking of the guardian-king. Do his people fear him at all? They must, to some extent. There is no way one person could be completely beloved.” _

_ “There’s no way no person can be completely feared, either.” _

_ Xemnas took one of Ansem’s pieces, the earth piece, off the board. “Are you saying there is a person out there who does not fear Father? Surely you are not foolish enough to not fear him.” _

_ Ansem was not foolish enough to say it out loud. His father relied on the Heartless for control, and the Heartless were Ansem’s. They were his, and, in extension, so were the people. His father knew this and Ansem was sure he lived in constant paranoia of overthrow. _

_ His father could not understand how a person could possibly be content when there was more power to gain. His father was an old fool. Ansem had no desire to deal with people. His father and brother and the other workers in the castle were enough to deal with; he had no desire to deal with the rest of the populace in any manner other than hegemonic control. _

_ “Of course not,” Ansem finally said. He blocked another advance from Xemnas’s gear piece. _

_ “The real question is how much of each to use,” Xemnas mused. “Too much fear and they’re no fun. Too little fear and they refuse to listen.” He advanced another piece. “You should get yourself someone to play with. Then you’ll understand.” _

_ Ansem moved a piece. “I find no desire to waste time playing games with women when I can pay them for what I want.” _

_ Xemnas chuckled. “The game is half the fun. Surely you know how to play it.” _

_ There was a third of Ansem’s heart that knew exactly what he meant. The knowledge was just below the surface of waking thoughts: woo the prize with large amounts of gifts and affection, and start withdrawing it slowly. Eventually, with the correct mixture of fear and love, they would dance in the palm of his hand and do anything he asked. _

_ Father had Vanitas. Xemnas had Saïx. _

_ Ansem had the Heartless. They did what he asked them without question, no games needed.  _

_ “Do you really think I get myself someone?” _

_ “It’s the best way to understand the balance of love and fear. Check.” _

_ Ansem moved his king. Xemnas moved another piece forward, and Ansem did the same. _

_ “My water piece made it to the other side. I believe this means I get my earth piece back,” Ansem said. “And that puts you in check.” _

_ Xemnas looked down at the board. His face betrayed neither frustration nor goodwill as he moved his king closer to his gear knight. _

_ “Very well,” he said. “ But do think about getting yourself someone. It would be an excellent bonding subject with Father.” _

_ Xemnas’s voice dripped with false sincerity. _

_ Ansem moved his wind piece forward. “I will. Checkmate.” _

_ Xemnas said nothing. _

_ That night, Ansem ran into the boy Nixio. He was made by the same man who had made Ansem, and made of the same heart that made up a third of Ansem’s. _

_ He extended his hand to the boy. “You are looking for a job, correct? How would you like to be my apprentice?” _

_ Nixio’s eyes lit up.  _

  
  


_ It wasn’t long after Ansem gained his apprentice that Father gained a new toy.  _

_ Ansem narrowed his eyes at his new brother. He was much smaller than he or Xemnas had been when they were made. It made two-thirds of his heart whisper thoughts of protection. _

_ How ridiculous. _

_ His yellow eyes looked much bigger and brighter than those of Xemnas or their father. If Xemnas’s had ever been that bright, they faded very quickly.  _

_ “My name is Ansem,” he said. _

_ “Like the king Father overthrew. Does that mean he’ll overthrow you?” _

_ Ansem chuckled. “Hardly. How can a king overthrow his son?” _

_ “My name is Xehanort, too, so perhaps I will overthrow you.” _

_ Ansem laughed again. His new brother was much more amusing than Xemnas. _

_ “Well, my prince, Father can be very busy. If you need something and he cannot help, come to me, and I will help you. As I do, perhaps you will find my weaknesses.” _

_ The young prince narrowed his eyes. “Are you mocking me?” _

_ Ansem smiled. “That I am.” _

_ The young prince scowled. _

_ But he came to him anyway. Ansem found that he did not mind in the slightest. In fact, he almost enjoyed it. _

  
  


_ The days passed. Nixio’s job changed from simple busywork to occasional Heartless management. He had been trying to summon a small Heartless for weeks without success.  _

_ “Perhaps you will manage next time. Perhaps not. But you will manage it eventually. It would be foolish to give up,” Ansem said. _

_ “I’m not going to give up. Ever.” _

_ Frustration darkened Nixio’s heart, but not as much as the shadow of the hope of success.  _

_ A third of his heart whispered that he was being too nice to the boy. If he was harsh and only gave praise and encouragement on occasion, it would be even sweeter for the boy, and he would work extra hard to receive it. _

_ But he was working hard enough for Ansem’s tastes. When Ansem was working, he hardly had the energy to speak lies such as ‘you disappoint me’ or ‘someone else could easily take your place.’ Nixio was a child, children made mistakes, and children leaned. It was something Ansem knew in the same instinctive way he knew how to talk and walk and read. _

_ “Master?” _

_ A small Heartless was in Nixio’s hands. _

_ Besides, why would Ansem speak anything but encouragement when Nixio’s success tasted so sweet? _

  
  


_ Castle Oblivion was filled with Heartless. They flitted from room to room and shadow to shadow. It was almost as if Castle Oblivion itself was a single Heartless whispering its secrets to Ansem. _

_ Ansem knew of the rules of Castle Oblivion: never say anything you wouldn’t want the king to hear, never do anything you wouldn’t want the king to know about, and never love anything you wouldn’t want to lose. But the Castle Oblivion was his, not his father’s. His father only knew what Ansem wanted him to know.  _

_ The Heartless that was Castle Oblivion told Ansem almost too much. Nixio’s little sister and Vanitas’s little brother had the same nightmares, Axel and Saïx were married but Xemnas got in the way of that, Demyx was sleeping with Nixio’s older brother behind the alchemist’s back, their father- _

_ “The king is doing  _ what _ to my little brother?” _

_ Heartless did nothing but consume. They were never satisfied. The more they took, the more they wanted. King Xehanort was a Heartless. He wasn’t satisfied with Ansem, Xemnas, or Vanitas, so he had gone after his youngest son. _

_ Heartless caved to Ansem's whim or they were destroyed. King Xehanort would be no different. Ansem would challenge his father for his little brother’s heart. _

_ After all, he already had Xemnas for a brother. He didn’t need two. _

_ It had nothing to do with the protective instinct from two-thirds of his heart. Not at all. _

  
  


_ Nixio was grumpy and irritable that day. It made Ansem grumpy and irritable, and it made the Heartless restless. _

_ Finally, Ansem sighed. _

_ “Tell me what is wrong with you, boy, so you can focus on your work.” _

_ “Sorry, Master.” _

_ “Don’t apologize, speak.” _

_ “Y-yes, Master. Yesterday, Larxene was chasing Naminé, and I tried to protect her, but I wasn’t strong enough.” His eyes filled with frustrated tears. “Larxene wiped the floor with me. I wish I could kill her!” _

_ “Directly killing your opponents won’t solve your problems, Nixio.” Ansem could kill his father in seconds, but his little brother would never forgive him for it. “The castle is filled with people who could kill her. The king himself would do it, under the right circumstances. And if you stalk around the castle shouting about stabbing hearts and slitting throats like Vanitas and his little brother, no one will expect you to dump poison in a cup.” _

_ Nixio’s eyes lit up. “Thank you, Master.” _

_ “Now clean your mess up, boy, unless you want to be out here all night.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ Many months later, when Larxene and Marluxia were caught trying to assassinate Xemnas, Ansem pretended to act surprised, and didn’t tell anyone about the secret meetings between his apprentice and Axel’s two wards. _

  
  


_ There was a knock on Ansem’s door. _

_ “Enter,” he called without looking up from his book. _

_ His little brother stormed in with a comb tangled in his hair. _

_ “Your Heartless are utterly useless. How can you rely on them for anything?” _

_ Ansem closed his book and set in on the small table he had between the two couches in his room. “They do lack a hand for fine detail. Are you having trouble with your hair?” _

_ His little brother plopped on the couch across from him. _

_ “I don’t understand how you keep yours so neat all the time.” _

_ “I keep it up when I’m working and I brush it regularly. Do you need help with it?” _

_ His little brother pouted. “Maybe.” _

_ “I can comb it for you, it you’d like.” _

_ His little brother sat in front of him. “If you insist.” _

_ He handed Ansem the brush. _

_ “May I touch your hair?” Ansem asked. _

_ “I already said you could brush it, didn’t I? Why do you feel the need to ask?” _

_ “Just as a prince should not touch others without permission, no one should touch him without permission. Not even his brother.” _

_ “Father doesn't need to ask.” _

_ Ansem ran the comb through his little brother’s hair. He paused as he approached a tangle. _

_ “This may hurt.” _

_ “Don’t patronize me. I can take it.” _

_ Despite the length and amount of tangles in his brother’s hair, Ansem managed to get it untangled in less than half an hour. _

_ “I can teach you how to braid your hair, if you’d like. That should help. And your hair is greasy. Cleaning it should make your hair easier to deal with as well.” _

_ “I don’t understand why it is. I clean several times a day.” _

_ “That explains it,” Ansem said. “I don’t know why you insist on bathing three times a day, but if you do, wash your hair only every other day at maximum.” _

_ His little brother stood up and ran his hands through his hair. _

_ “A prince must be clean, mustn’t he?” _

_ Ansem didn’t answer. He knew that his little brother wouldn’t feel clean no matter how many times he bathed. _

  
  


_ Xemnas frowned over a map of Scala ad Caelum. Ansem, their father, and his adviser Xigbar did the same. _

_ Xemnas pointed at a province in the south of the Realm of Darkness. _

_ “There is unrest here. A mining accident a few weeks ago sparked protests about conditions.” _

_ “I can send some unmarked Heartless there tomorrow,” Ansem said. “After an hour and a few civilian casualties, you can send in some of the castle members to take them out. Then they’ll remember-” _

_ There was a knock on the door. _

_ “Master?” Nixio called. He opened the door. _

_ He froze the second he saw Xemnas and King Xehanort. _

_ “My apologies,” he said with a bow.  _

_ Then he closed the door. Ansem could hear him run away. _

_ Xigbar chuckled.  _

_ The meeting continued as if nothing had happened, except for the condescending smiles on everyone else’s faces. When it was over, their father and his adviser left, but Xemnas stayed behind. _

_ “How embarrassing,” Xemnas said. “Saïx would never make such a mistake. Even Vanitas would know better.” _

_ “Don’t worry,” Ansem said. “I’ll make sure it never happens again.” _

_ Xemnas smiled and left. Ansem went to find Nixio. _

_ He was in the stables. Ansem entered to find him desperately cleaning. When Nixio heard him enter, he dropped the broom and straightened. _

_ “Master! I’m sorry for interrupting your meeting. I’ll make sure it never happens again. And I didn’t understand most of what you said, because I still don’t know a lot of Zalaamic, so I didn’t hear anything secret.” _

_ Ansem tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “Nixio, do you fear me?” _

_ The question definitely sent fear through him. _

_ “Answer honestly. I won’t be angry either way. I am merely curious.” _

_ “No, Master, I’m not afraid of you. I just don’t want to disappoint you.” Nixio looked up. “Do you want me to be afraid of you?” _

_ Ansem smiled. He had a toy without fear, only due respect. He thought back to the chess game where Xemnas had suggested that he get a toy in the first place. Would he be able to keep him without using fear at all? _

_ “No, boy. I’ll be sure to tell you when I have meetings in the future, so we do not have a repeat of today’s incident.” _

_ “Yes, Master.” _

_ Nixio went back to work without prompting. _

  
  


_ “You wished to speak to me, Father?” _

_ Xehanort loomed down on Ansem from his throne. He had forgone the crown, but he didn’t need it to look imposing. _

_ “You have been spending time with my youngest son,” His tone was casual, but he was using Common Tongue, which the royal ‘family’ didn’t tend to use in casual conversations with each other. _

_ “That I have, Father.” _

_ “So you admit that you’ve been trying to turn my heir against me?” _

_ “Not at all, Father. You are a busy king, and there are many trivial things concerning my prince that you do not have the time for.” _

_ “I’ll decide what I do and do not have time for,” King Xehanort snapped. _

_ “So I should take you away from a meeting with a mining boss if my prince cannot find his favorite book? Or would you prefer I or Xemnas led the meeting instead?” _

_ “I tire of your insolence, Ansem.” _

_ “I am but your humble servant, Father,” Ansem purred. “I have no desire to take away your toys.” _

_ King Xehanort narrowed his eyes. “Leave me.” _

_ “Yes, Father.” _

_ His little brother slammed Ansem’s door open and shut. _

_ “Are you manipulating me?”  _

_ Ansem put down the hairbrush he had been using. “Did Father tell you as such?” _

_ “Answer the question!” _

_ King Xehanort was a fool if he thought Ansem was stupid enough to fall into his trap: to insist that he was the one manipulating his little brother, not Ansem. His little brother treasured their father above all else, and would never believe Ansem if he told him the truth. It would only make him completely distrust Ansem. It would sow a seed of uncertainty that Ansem would only be able to reap when it was far too late. _

_ “Father is old,” Ansem said instead. “He cannot rule forever. I am quite satisfied with my current position, but I am unsure if Xemnas would allow me to. If I gain your favor, I can keep it when you ascend to the throne. So why wouldn’t I want my prince to succeed?” _

_ “So I was right,” his little brother said quietly. _

_ “All altruism is inherently selfish. Even Lightners only engage in it because it is mutually satisfactory. I assist you because I enjoy it. Your success is my success. I will assist you if you need me, my prince, even if it is to hide something from the king.” _

_ “That’s treason! I should have you killed for that!” _

_ “Not at all, my prince. You are destined to be a greater king than Father. Why else would he dote upon you so? He wants you to become greater than he is, even if he does not say so. Serving you is the best way I can serve him.” _

_ His little brother narrowed his eyes. _

_ “Very well.” _

_ He didn’t stop coming to Ansem, but Ansem could feel something was gone between them. It didn’t matter. Every opportunity Ansem found to hide his little brother from his father was a victory in his eyes. _

  
  


_ Ansem’s door opened. His little brother slipped through and silently closed it. His hair was still wet from his bath, and Ansem could see that the skin on his arms was rubbed raw. His little brother limped to the couch without saying anything and curled up on it. He stared straight ahead. _

_ Ansem’s heart raged in frustration and disappointment. _

_ “I’m sorry I failed to protect you from him this time,” he did not say. _

_ His little brother just breathed and stared ahead blankly.  _

_ Ansem didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he should say anything or leave him alone. He didn’t know if he needed comfort or space. And he did not know how to ask him. _

_ The only thing he could do for his brother was answer the silent question in his eyes. _

_ “The things Father does with you are not what fathers normally do with their sons. It is usually reserved for two consenting parties of the same age.” _

_ “It’s because he loves me more than most fathers love their sons, that’s all.” _

_ Ansem said nothing. _

_ Eventually, his little brother slipped into a fitful slumber. He was curled tightly and he was shivering slightly. _

_ Ansem took a blanket off his bed and draped it over him. _

_ “I wish I could love you normally, little brother,” he found himself murmuring. _

_ His little brother stirred, but he did not wake. _

  
  


_ On the morning of Xemnas’s birthday, Ansem awoke early and found Terra on the balcony, staring blankly at the gray sunrise. _

_ After a moment of deliberation, Ansem sat next to him. Terra started. _

_ “Good morning, Ansem,” he said in Zalaamic. He had been using it more lately, especially around the king and his sons. _

_ “You rose early.” Ansem responded in kind. _

_ “I couldn’t sleep,” Terra said. “In the Realm of Light, I used to watch the sunrise every morning. I thought it might help.” _

_ Sorrow dripped from his voice. That was right- Xehanort’s deadly mixture of love and fear had even managed to tear a prince-knight from the Realm of Light. Xehanort had informed Ansem and his brothers that Terra would be joining their ranks as a prince. His little brother had been furious. _

_ Almost a year had passed since Terra had arrived. It had taken a long time to understand how such a soft man could be a third of Ansem’s heart and half of Xemnas’s heart. Ansem understood that his heart fragment was the major source of his protective instinct. Xemnas, on the other hand, had twisted Terra’s protectiveness into possessiveness and turned his softness into a deadly weapon. It was fascinating. _

_ “Why couldn’t you sleep?” Ansem asked. These days, Terra slept like a hibernating bear.  _

_ Terra didn’t answer, but his eyes burned gold in fury. _

_ “Ah. I was wondering if you would find out.” _

_ Terra turned his glowing eyes onto Ansem. “You knew and didn’t do anything?” _

_ “It’s hypocrisy for you to criticize my father for what he’s done.” _

_ Terra looked away. The light in his eyes faded. _

_ “I know you might not believe me, but I don’t lie. I’m not good enough at it. So when I say I’d rather die than even think about hurting Naminé or anyone else in the way your father hurts your brother, I mean it. Besides, you know what I was really doing with the children, right?” His voice turned bitter. “How else would Xehanort know?” _

_ Ansem never thought of Terra as very clever, but he knew who really held the power in the castle. Interesting. _

_ “I try to protect my brother from my father, but I don’t always know when a conversation between them will turn.” _

_ “What Xehanort is doing is punishable by death in the Realm of Light,” Terra spat. His eyes flashed. _

_ “Then will you kill him,  _ Lord _ Terra? Will you commit the ultimate treason against your king?” _

_ Terra didn’t answer. _

_ “It was fascinating to meet you, Terra,” Ansem said. “I’m glad that I could. But I think, if we do speak again, it will be as enemies.” _

_ Terra turned to face him. “Why?” _

_ “Because, despite everything, you remain a good man. And that means you will never remain by my father’s side.” _

_ Ansem turned around and left the balcony. _

  
  


_ Vanitas was a tricky opponent, but Ansem was confident he could beat him. _

_ True, he had only noticed him and his companion for the first time during Lord Aqua’s audience with the king, but now that he knew they were there, Ansem was sure he could capture them. He stayed in the throne room as the others departed, his eyes closed in concentration. _

_ Vanitas’s dark heart was almost indistinguishable from a Heartless, but his companion had nothing but light in his heart. Unfortunately, Vanitas’s darkness masked his companion’s light in all but close range. Furthermore, Vanitas could speak to and hear the Heartless almost as well as Ansem could. He was not used to his detectors being able to lie to him. It was quite a challenge. _

_ Some time into the game of cat and mouse, Xemnas stormed back into the courtroom. His eyes were alight in uncharacteristic fury and sorrow. _

_ “What ails you, Xemnas?” Ansem asked with false concern. _

_ “My traitorous consort left me.” _

_ Ansem bit back a smug smile. _

_ “What makes this different from his six previous attempts? Is the seventh time the charm?” _

_ “Axel,” he growled. _

_ “So he didn’t give up on his husband after all,” Ansem mused. “It isn’t like you to let him go unpunished for something like this.” _

_ Xemnas smiled. “I’ll show him what our love means to me.” The smile faded. “But Terra interfered. Besides, I can take more time once I find the intruders. What do you know, Ansem?” _

_ He knew that Terra was currently carrying his consort out of the castle and out of his hands, but, like any brother, Ansem lived to take toys from Xemnas. _

_ “The intruders are avoiding the third floor for some reason. Perhaps Vanitas is avoiding his old room. Other than that, I cannot speak for any specifics.” _

_ Xemnas stalked off. Ansem closed his eyes and continued his search for Vanitas and his companion. _

_ “Master!” _

_ Ansem opened his eyes and stood up. Nixio ran to him. _

_ “What is it, boy? Have you located the intruders?” _

_ Nixio shook his head. “My father and the others are leaving the castle, but I want to stay with you.” _

_ They were? _

_ Ansem turned his attention to the front of the castle to discover that, yes, there was a growing crowd outside of Castle Oblivion. Were they all leaving? He was so focused on Vanitas he didn’t even notice. _

_ The crowd included Nixio’s father. And his older brother. And his little sister. _

_ “You would leave your family for me?” _

_ “I don’t want to, Master, but you’re my family too.” _

_ Nixio’s confession was quiet and fragile. _

I win, Xemnas.

_ His toy had pledged loyalty to him, against his own family, without him using a hint of fear, while Xemnas’s consort, who he thought he had by the neck, had slipped out of his control despite all of his fear. Ansem bit back a laugh. Did love really win against fear? What a Lightner concept. _

_ Ansem turned back to his apprentice. If he stayed, he would never see his family again, and, one day, he might even have to oppose them on the battlefield.  _

_ “You should go with your family.” _

_ Nixio looked up at him with sad eyes. _

_ “Master?” _

_ Ansem turned away. _

_ “Even if you stay, I will teach you no longer. You have learned all I have to teach you. There is more to seek, boy, so go out and seek it.” _

_ He could hear Nixio’s breath change into an angry sob. _

_ “Fine, then!” _

_ The second Nixio was out of earshot. Ansem could bite back his laugh no longer. It was love that had brought Nixio back to him when Saïx had fled, but it was love that had made Ansem let him go. How utterly ridiculous. _

_ He took a second to take a deep breath and blink what were not tears out of his eyes. Then he turned back to the chase with Vanitas. _

_ Ah, his father had finally pinned them down. Fascinating. And Terra was on his way. Ansem finally began to move. He would want to see this with his own eyes. _

_ He was only halfway there when he felt the crack. It forced him on his knees with a gasp. The Heartless would later tell him that his both of his brothers had done the same thing, but his little brother was immobilized by the sound for minutes on end. They all knew, without being told, what it was. _

_ Well, now,  _ that _ was hardly necessary. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "why is Ansem stannable when his dialogue with Riku in COM is right there?"  
look, do you know how mentally draining it is to write abusive characters? having prince ansem be another perpetrator would have been gratuitous and unnecessary. not only does this fit the narrative better, it also explains why prince xehanort is relatively well-adjusted for someone in his situation.


	52. The answer that you did not want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the Darkner deadline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: graphic violence

Terra understood why the meeting was at midday. It was an auspicious time for the Lightners and it gave everyone plenty of time to talk without having to worry about meals or sleep. At the same time, he wished the meeting was at any other time. Terra had adjusted to the dry desert heat in the Realm of Darkness, but the humidity of the Destiny Islands was a different sort of unpleasant, even in the winter.

Well, the first day of spring was tomorrow. The spring equinox marked a year since Terra had been sent to the Darkners. The reminder made him scowl. 

Guardian-king Eraqus turned to face Vanitas. “You have had trouble holding your tongue in important meetings before. The only reason I am allowing you here is due to your involvement with the conflict. However, if I feel as though your back-chat will interfere with the negotiations to any extent, I will not hesitate to silence you through magic. I do not wish to do this, but I will if I see the need. Do you understand me?”

“No speaking unless spoken to? Understood,” Vanitas said.

Terra hoped with all of his heart that he truly did.

A meeting tent was already set up on the beach. There were two tables underneath it, clearly marking a line between the Lightner side and the Darkner side. On the Darkner side, King Xehanort and Prince Ansem were already waiting. 

An army of Heartless were gathered behind them. Soldiers almost as tall as Terra flanked them. A small batch of winged archers perched on the roof of the tent. A giant suit of animated armor floated behind them. They were all emblazoned with Ansem’s sigil, as all of his Heartless were.

King Xehanort was already seated at the table with Prince Ansem at his right. Prince Ansem looked the same as he always did with his flowing robes and long, silver hair. King Xehanort, on the other hand, looked quite different. He wore the Darkner crown that his father rarely did. It looked very big on him. He had cut his hair, whether in mourning or in preparation for war, Terra did not know. At first, it made him look older, but when his eyes fixed on Terra, the illusion was broken. They were daggers of broken glass.

“You have arrived,” King Xehanort said. 

“We have,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“I have no desire for excess pleasantries,” King Xehanort said. “Are you going to give me the one who killed my father?”

Guardian-king Eraqus sat down. Aqua sat to his left, Terra took the seat to his right, and Ven and Vanitas stood behind them.

“As you will see, the truth is more complicated than it seems,” Aqua said in a steady voice.

“Very well then,” King Xehanort said. “In that case, I wish to speak with Terra. Alone.”

Guardian-king Eraqus turned to Terra.

“Do you accept this request for a private audience,  _ Lord _ Terra?”

Terra stood. “If Xehanort has no desire for titles and pleasantries between the two of us, I don’t mind. There is a certain familiarity between us. I accept his request.”

What did he want? Terra hoped his face did not betray the unease he felt.

King Xehanort stood and walked out of the tent. He stayed behind the invisible line that separated them as he paced away from the tent and the others. Not even his Heartless guards followed him.

_ He trusts me. Naminé was right. _

The instant Terra stood across him, King Xehanort took something from his pocket and threw it on the sand.

Terra instinctively guarded for an explosion, but one never came. When he dropped his guard, he saw King Xehanort’s unpleasant smile.

“No need for alarm,” he said in Zalaamic. “It’s merely a Stopza orb.”

Terra looked around. They were surrounded by a grainy bubble. Kicked-up sand remained suspended mid-air. Everyone outside the bubble was perfectly frozen.

King Xehanort followed Terra’s gaze to his friends.

“This way we won’t be disturbed by nosy, sniffling dogs.”

Was he talking about Vanitas? Terra wasn’t surprised his animosity towards Xehanort was reciprocated.

“Let’s cut to the chase.” King Xehanort bored into Terra’s eyes. He forced himself not to look away. “I know you were the one who killed my father.”

_ Oh no. _

Terra tried to keep his expression stony, but he doubted he succeeded.

“I passed you in the hallway that day, and you were walking towards where I found my father’s body. I even heard you bellow his name. And his body-“ his steady expression faltered for an instant “Vanitas might have desecrated his body like the animal he is, but I’ve been hit by your Keyblade enough times to know exactly what a stab wound from it looks like. Vanitas’s isn’t wide enough.”

Terra said nothing. 

King Xehanort smirked. 

“Not even bothering to deny it?”

“No.”

“Because you’re too dumb to lie?”

Terra looked away from his eyes. 

“Because I don’t want to.”

King Xehanort’s smile became more even. 

“No matter, because I’m willing to forgive you.”

Terra narrowed his eyes. “You are?”

King Xehanort’s face twisted. “All I want is Vanitas. I know what he did, and I’ll do anything to get my hands on him. I’ll burn through your people if I have to.”

“Then I will do anything I can to stop you,” Terra said. “How much are you willing to pay to avenge your father? He isn’t worth your energy. You deserve better than to pay for your father’s crimes.”

“It’s a little rich for you speak against vengeance, when-”

“Why do you think I killed your father, Xehanort?”

He faltered. “Because you were mad at him. I could hear the fury in your voice.”

“Why do you think I was mad at him?” Terra asked.

“Because he loved me and thought of you as a tool,” King Xehanort said.

“You’re wrong,” Terra said. “It had nothing to do with me. I chose to do what I did because what he did to you the night before was monstrous, and I wanted to kill him for it.” 

Xehanort bore his teeth in a snarl.

“How dare you blame me for what you did?”

Terra blocked Xehanort’s Keyblade strike with Ends of the Earth before he realized he had attacked.

“I’m not blaming you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself. What happened to your father wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own. No one else should pay for it.”

Xehanort pushed off and dismissed his Keyblade.

“I’m done talking to you,” he said with a sudden calm. “I understand that you’ll need time to think about this. We’ll meet tomorrow at the same time. Give me Vanitas or your realm will burn.” He looked at Terra with his glass dagger eyes. “That isn’t a threat. It’s a promise.”

He waved his hand, and the time bubble disappeared. The sand hit against Terra’s cape.

“Ansem!” Xehanort called. “RTC.”

“Yes, my king.”

The Darkners and their Heartless disappeared into a corridor of darkness. 

When they were gone, the others gathered around him.

“What happened?” Aqua asked. 

“We can’t use ‘no, you.’ King Xehanort knows too much.”

“Damn it!” Vanitas shouted. “Are you sure?”

Terra nodded. “He knows you didn’t kill him, but he still wants you.”

“Still? I turned him down once already.”

“Why does he want Vanitas?” Aqua asked.

“Because I’m so much fun,” Vanitas drawled.

Guardian-king Eraqus looked back at the empty tent.

“The Darkners gave us another twenty-four hours to strategize,” he said. “We should get to work.”

Terra looked at where the Darkners had disappeared. He didn’t need Naminé to understand that the chains around Xehanort’s neck were tighter than ever.

  
  


Aqua stared at the tent ceiling and shifted in her cot. She had barely closed her eyes, but she doubted she would get much sleep that night.

Despite all of their brainstorming, they still only had their backup plan: argue that Xehanort’s death was justified, and kill Ansem if the Darkners attacked anyway.

She refused to let Guardian-king Eraqus and Vanitas to give up their lives to pay for Xehanort’s crimes and give into his son’s demands, but if they killed Ansem, they would make Darkner civilians pay instead. Would the new King Xehanort be satisfied unless blood was spilled?

Her heart told her that Xehanort would kill Guardian-king Eraqus if he gave himself up, but it wouldn’t stop him. He wanted Vanitas, and Aqua didn’t know why.

It didn’t matter what he wanted. Aqua would protect Vanitas, because he was her friend. If they gave him up, Ven would never forgive her. She would never forgive herself. She had promised to protect him, and she couldn't break it. She couldn't. Besides, if they acted to appease the Darkners now, they would never stop using the threat of war against the Realm of Light.

But civilians were on the line, even if they weren’t Lightners. They didn’t deserve to be dragged into such a personal conflict.

Aqua shifted again.

_ I have to think of something. I’ve trained all my life for this moment. What kind of guardian-king would I be if I let innocent people die? _

The front of her tent rippled.

“Aqua?”

It was Ven.

“I’m awake. Come in.”

He opened the tent, slipped inside, and closed it. He locked it behind him with Wayward Wind. There was a wary look in his eye.

Aqua sat up.

“What’s wrong?”

Ven was in his sleeping clothes, but he had his Wayfinder in his hand. He was fiddling with it in the way he did when he was nervous. His entire body looked like it was vibrating with energy.

“I have to tell you something,” Ven said. His voice shook and cracked. “And I should have told you earlier, but there was the plan, and Vanitas and Terra really didn’t want me to, but you deserve to know. Maybe the Master does, too, but-”

“Ven. It’s okay.” 

Aqua held out her hands, but Ven shook his head.

“I need to tell someone, or it feels like I’m going to explode, or throw up.”

“Okay, then. I’m listening.”   


“It’s… it’s about Xehanort’s death…”

His nervous twitching increased double-time.

That’s right, he wasn’t in the room when Terra told her and Guardian-king Eraqus the truth.

“It’s okay,” Aqua said with a smile. “I already know Terra did it.”

Ven looked at her with wide, fearful eyes.

“But that’s just it. He didn’t kill him. It was me. I’m the one who killed Xehanort.”

_ Ven landed on his feet and turned, Wayward Wind instantly in his hand. Xehanort fell back. His lifeblood sprayed the ceiling and floor in a pulsing, crimson fountain. Ends of the Earth was drenched in it.  _

_ Ven let out the breath he had been holding. _

_ Terra had killed Xehanort.  _

_ But then Ven breathed in, and time slowed down. _

_ Guardian-king Eraqus told them that sometimes, in battle, time slowed down. It wasn’t the same as Darkner time magic, but from their hearts going so fast that they would have the time to see exactly what to do. _

_ Xehanort had stumbled back, clutching his stomach, and blood was pumping out of him with every beat of his dying heart.  _

_ But if Terra had killed him, why did Ven smell healing magic? _

_ Xehanort began to raise his black Keyblade with a smug smile on his face. He had just enough energy for one last attack. Ven didn’t know which one of his brothers Xehanort was aiming at, but it didn’t matter. He felt Vanitas running at Xehanort, but he wasn’t close enough, and Terra had used all of his energy on whatever time magic he had used to get to Ven in the first place. _

_ Ven was fast. _

_ He wasn’t strong enough to completely cut off Xehanort’s head, but he was exactly as strong as he needed to be to sever his windpipe. Xehanort dropped his Keyblade and fell to the ground completely. _

_ Xehanort was old and grizzled and wrinkly. How could such a shriveled husk make so much blood? It was still pumping from the wound in his torso and spilling from the gash Ven had made in his neck. And then Vanitas jumped on his body and was using Void Gear and his bare hands to rip him apart. He took his head and he- _

_ “Ven!” _

_ Terra was in front of him, cradling his face and looking into his eyes. _

_ “Ven, are you okay?” _

_ “Terra?”  _

_ Ven’s voice was a hoarse whisper. _

_ “I’m here, Ven. You found me.” _

_ “You’re… here.” _

_ Ven put his hand on Terra’s, but there was something wrong, it was sticky… oh, his hands had blood on them. And he could hear Vanitas ripping flesh and spitting in rage from behind Terra- _

_ “Spit it out, you old fuck!” _

_ And there was so much blood- _

_ “Hey, hey, look at me,” Terra said in gentle Akarian. “Look at me, Ven.” _

_ That’s right, Terra was there. He had found him. _

_ “Terra.” _

_ “That’s right, Ven, I’m right here. I’m here now, and everything’s going to be okay. Are you hurt?” _

_ Ven took a second to think. _

_ “No… No, I don’t think so.” _

_ “Are you sure?” _

_ Ven nodded. He felt Terra’s healing spell flow through him anyway, like a kiss on the forehead. _

_ Terra was crying now, Ven realized. Was he crying, too? _ _   
_

_ “I love you so much,” Terra said quietly. _

_ “I love you, too. I missed you.” Ven managed a small smile. _

_ Terra smiled back. _

_ Everything was okay now. _

_ Ven let his heart slow down. Xehanort was dead, and Terra was here, and they were all safe. Everything was okay, and everything would be okay. He stood there, just breathing with his friend. _

Aqua covered her mouth.

“Oh, Ven…”

His eyes were distant.

“Terra stabbed him, and he was dying, and he should have died, but he had healed himself somehow, and he was going to attack one of them, and I had to keep them safe-”

“Ven, it’s okay. You did the right thing.”

Ven blinked, and his eyes went back into focus. This time, he ran into Aqua’s open arms. His breathing was shaky.

No wonder they hid the truth from everyone. No wonder Vanitas was so eager to be sent away. No wonder Terra let him take the blame until he took it himself. They, like Aqua, would do anything to keep Ven safe.

“You did everything right,” Aqua murmured. “You kept them safe. That’s what matters.”

He was trembling, but he wasn’t crying.

“I-is it weird that I don’t even feel bad? I mean- I killed someone. And he had a family, he had kids, but I don’t feel anything.”

“He hurt our family, and he tried to kill you,” Aqua said. “You shouldn’t feel bad. I’m so sorry you had to keep that trapped inside you for so long.”

Ven lifted his legs so he was curled against her completely.

“I feel better now,” he said.

Aqua smiled and stroked his hair.

“That’s good. I’m glad you feel better.”

“Still don’t think I can sleep, though.”

“Me neither,” Aqua said. “I can’t stop worrying about tomorrow.”

“Things’ll work out fine,” Ven said. “I know it in my heart, and I believe in you.”

She collapsed back onto her cot. Ven snuggled next to her. 

“How am I ever going to be guardian-king?” she asked. “The Master has to deal with this kind of pressure all the time. How does he sleep?”

“Like this.” Ven mimicked someone sleeping, with fake snores and everything. 

Aqua laughed. 

“You know, with you and Terra, and maybe Vanitas, by my side, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“That’s right,” Ven said. “Your armor crown might get heavier, but we’ll always be here to help you carry it.”

Aqua smiled. It was nice to just lie there with one of her best friends, listening to his long, even breaths. Eventually, Aqua started to feel relaxed enough to feel the tugs of sleep. She kissed Ven’s forehead.

“Do you know how loved you are?” she asked.

Ven nodded sleepily. 

“Mmhm,” he said, “because I love all of you just as much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone see this coming? I hope at least someone did. Every other plot twist of mine has been foreshadowed enough that careful readers have caught them, but no one's caught this one. If someone saw it coming, that means I did my foreshadowing well.


	53. The exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know your plan sucks if you get nervous when it's working.

1 day after the Darkner deadline

Ven shifted in the sand. They were exactly the same way the day before: Guardian-king Eraqus was flanked by Aqua and Terra at the table, and Vanitas stood next to Ven. Even the young king and Prince Ansem were in the same seats as yesterday and brought the same Heartless. The only difference was that they had one less plan. It took all of Ven’s focus and effort not to fidget. He doubted he succeeded.

“Have you made your decision?” The young king asked.

“There is no decision to make,” Guardian-king Eraqus said with steely confidence in his voice. “Lord Ventus had the right to visit the Darkner castle according to the rules of the exchange. Furthermore, we have proof that King Xehanort had broken several terms of the exchange. His attack on our prince-knight was an unjust act of aggression. The fact that he was killed in defense of a citizen of ours is not our burden. We have chosen not to punish your realm further for his breach in the exchange rules. For that, you should be grateful.”

The young king narrowed his eyes.

“So you are basing your defense on the rules of the exchange. Is that correct?”

Something was wrong. The king was way too pleased. There was no way that had escaped the notice of everyone else.

But they really couldn’t deny it.

“Yes,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

“We are willing to accept this,” the young king said.

This was too easy. Something was wrong.

“We are more than willing to follow the rules of the exchange as they were originally written,” Prince Ansem said. “Is that not what our current peace is based upon?”

Oh no. Oh no no no. Something was wrong something was  _ wrong _ .

“What’s the catch?” Terra asked. 

The young king smiled. He looked way too pleased.

“Why, if you know so much about the exchange terms, I shouldn’t have to tell you what day it is.”

“What about today?” Aqua asked. “It’s the spring equinox, but-”

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands.

“Aqua?” Ven whispered. “What’s wrong?”

The young king laughed.

“That’s right. Today is the last day of the exchange. It’s been a year since our representatives were sent to the other kingdom. Due to outside circumstances, your representative has already been returned to you.” The young king’s eyes locked onto Vanitas. The smile grew. “But ours hasn’t been returned to us.”

That’s when Ven knew.

“You gave us another day on purpose!” he shouted out before he could stop himself.

The young king looked very pleased with himself.

“We’re just following the rules of the exchange,” Prince Ansem said. “I’m terribly sorry my father broke them before, but if you are willing to defend the actions of your prince-knight based around them, you can hardly disobey them.”

The young king held out his hand.

“Vanitas, it’s time to return to your king. The exchange is over.”

Ven stood in a fighting stance, ready to summon Wayward Wind at any second. He wasn’t going to let them take Vanitas, and he knew no one else would either. Ven looked at Vanitas, expecting to see defiant rage or sadistic amusement, but his face was blank.

“Okay.”

“What?”

Ven grabbed at his wrist, but Vanitas yanked it away. His eyes were deadly calm.

“Vanitas!”

Ven dove after him again, but something held him back. Ven looked up. Terra was holding him back.

“Terra? You can’t let him do this! We can’t let him do this! VANITAS!”

Ven kicked and thrashed as Vanitas calmly stepped to the Darkner side of the table. The instant he did, Heartless sprung up from shadows, forced him to his knees, and bound his hands and feet. He kept his deadly calm until one started to wind around his chest- then Vanitas started to thrash with bared teeth and wild eyes. Ven kept kicking, but Terra wouldn’t let him go.

“You have to stop him! How can you let him do this?”

“It’s going to be okay,” Terra said quietly. 

The young king sauntered over and grabbed Vanitas’s chin. His lips curled into a grin.

“How long have you jerked off to this?” Vanitas spat.

The young king ignored him and pawed at Vanitas’s neck. Vanitas snapped at him, but a Heartless yanked his head back by his hair. The young king grabbed something around Vanitas’s neck and yanked. It glinted in the light.

“What a cute toy. Were you playing at being a Lightner?”

It was the Lightner necklace Ven had let Vanitas borrow.

“I believe this satisfies the exchange,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. 

How could he be so calm about this? Didn’t he understand what they were going to do with him?

“Indeed,” Prince Ansem said. “We can say that the exchange is officially over. Right, my king?”

“Right,” the young king purred. “I’ll take my time with you. I’ll do things to you that even my father would find too horrific.”

“I still don’t understand your problem with me,” Vanitas said. “Is this because I wouldn’t sleep with you that one time? Or are you mad about the toads? Or about the time I-”

“I know what you did!” the young king snarled. “You’re a monster!”

Vanitas smiled coyly.

“You can thank your daddy for that.” He paused, as if in thought. “Oh, wait- I guess you can’t.”

The young king lunged-

But Vanitas wasn’t there. He leapt out of the shadows and rolled back to the Lightner side of the table. The Heartless lunged after him, but they were repelled by Aqua’s barrier.

Vanitas made a rude gesture.

“Fuck you! Fuck your whole fucking family! I’m a Lightner now, bitches! Suck it!” Vanitas looked at his hands. “I can’t believe I said that,” he murmured.

“Vanitas!”

Terra finally let Ven go. He ran at Vanitas, ready to tackle him with a hug-

But he didn’t like that, did he? Besides, he had just been bound by creatures of darkness. He probably hadn’t recovered from that.

Vanitas seemed to sense his hesitation, because he sighed.

“You know, one day, I’m not going to flip my shit every time someone touches me. When that day comes, you’re going to jump me every fucking day, and it’ll be annoying as hell. But until then-”

Vanitas took the back of Ven’s neck and put top of his head against Ven’s.

Ven sniffed and blinked back tears.

“You scared me, idiot!”

“You’re the idiot,” Vanitas laughed softly. “Everyone else saw the loophole. The exchange is done, so I’m free to do what I want. Did you really think I would let that little bitch have me? At least your little scene really sold it.”

Ven bristled. “Shut up!”

Vanitas laughed louder this time.

“I thought I told you, Terra.”

The pure anger in the young king’s voice made Ven look up from their embrace.

“I told you that I would have Vanitas or the Realm of Light would burn. I don’t make a lot of promises, but I make sure I keep them.”

“Stand down!” Terra shouted. “If you choose to do this, we’ll be forced to put your civilians in danger to save ours. Don’t let your father control you! Don’t hurt your own people in his name!”

“I’ll have your head, too,” the young king said. “I’ll be sure to take my time with both of you. Ansem!”

Ansem signaled, and Heartless erupted from the ground. They were only the small ones, but they formed a carpet of twitching black bodies.

Guardian-king Eraqus summoned Master Keeper. Everyone followed suit with their Keyblades.

“I’m afraid we have no choice,” he said. “Prince-knights, Vanitas, commence our back-up plan.”

“Yes, Master,” the three prince-knights said.

“Regicide part two,” Vanitas said quietly, so only Ven could hear him. “Try not to steal my kill this time, Venty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're really in endgame now


	54. To be a prince-knight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: PTSD flashback, internalized ableism

Vanitas wasn’t feeling well.

It wasn’t because their plan fell through and they had to kill Prince Ansem. He was excited about that. But there were a lot of Heartless. Individually, their sickly-sweet smell was bearable, but this many made Vanitas wrinkle his nose. The last time Vanitas had seen and smelled this many Heartless was-

The world got blurry. Vanitas’s heart started racing.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he managed, right before he went back to

_ the streets of Radiant Garden, where he’s fighting with all of his strength to keep them from Roxas and Shio because Dad’s dead and Hikari’s dead and Mom’s been dead for four years so if he can’t kill them all they’ll get his little siblings and where’s Ven where’s Sora the city is burning he can smell it he can hear the screams and the explosions he’s so scared- _

COLD.

Vanitas panted as the world came back into focus. He was sixteen and on the Destiny Islands where Ventus was-

“Ven… tus?”

“You’re safe,” Ventus said softly. “You’re at the Destiny Islands with me, Ven, your brother. You’re safe.”

There was a barrier around him and four pairs of concerned eyes looking at him. Guardian-king Eraqus was looking up at the Heartless crawling over the barrier. Ventus was crouched at his level, retracting an ice-covered hand from the back of his neck. Terra and Aqua were crouched down as well. 

“What happened?” Aqua asked.

Vanitas glanced outside the barrier, where the Heartless crawled with their glowing eyes-

The world blurred again. Vanitas stuck his hand and his mouth and bit down; he wasn’t stupid enough to let it sneak up on him again.

_ I am sixteen years old, not eleven. I’m at the Destiny Islands with Ventus and Aqua and Terra and King Stick-up-his-ass. We’re trying to kill a Darkner prince. If we’re lucky, we’ll get the king, too. _

Ventus stuck his hand behind his neck again. Vanitas tensed but tolerated it.

“Breathe,” Aqua murmured. “Is this a flashback?”

Vanitas’s breath was still short, but anger replaced his fear.

“Yeah, it’s a flashback to the  _ Battle of Radiant Garden _ . This hasn’t even happened before! I didn’t even know I could get flashbacks to that! It’s all of the fucking Heartless that did it. There’s too fucking many of them.” He summoned Void Gear and stabbed it into the ground with a frustrated snarl. “I can’t even look at them for more than three seconds without it hitting me.” 

“It’s okay,” Ven said. “We can get you back in no time. You just have to breathe.”

_ But I can’t _ .

The realization made fury flow through him and paint a snarl on his face. Vanitas gritted his teeth and summoned all of his strength to admit it.

“You have to leave me. This isn’t the kitchen, where you can talk me down and the problem will disappear. The triggers are crawling everywhere. I’m not strong enough to block it out. You have to go on without me.”

“We’re not going to leave you,” Ventus said. 

“You’re not going to be able to do the job if you’re babysitting me,” Vanitas snapped. “I’ll be fine. The Heartless see me as their own. I can curl up and cry like the useless fucking baby I am, and they won’t even touch me.”

He took another shaky breath.

“I can retreat with you,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “You can take us to another point on the island with your corridors of darkness. It’s unwise for a commander to be on the front lines.” He looked at the prince-knights. “Is that alright with you?”

“Yes, Master,” Aqua said. 

Terra stood up.

He was preparing to leave, Vanitas realized. Because they still had to kill someone, and Vanitas couldn’t be there to protect them. 

It might be the last time he saw them.

Before he could think about it too much, Vanitas pulled out his Wayfinder.

The rest of the prince-knights followed suit with a smile. Terra crouched back down so the Wayfinders were almost touching each other.

“Let’s see how fucking unbreakable this connection really is,” Vanitas said with a wry smirk. He looked at Terra. “Punch the young bitch in the face for me.”

“No.”

Vanitas smirk grew into a smile. Terra slowly returned it.

“Fuck Xehanort,” Terra said, holding out his fist.

“Fuck Xehanort,” Vanitas said, bumping it with his own. 

Terra stood.

He turned to Aqua. “You managed to beat me. You’ll be fine out there. Don’t embarrass me by losing.”

Aqua smiled. She had a very warm smile, Vanitas realized. He had never appreciated that before.

“Of course.”

Aqua stood.

Vanitas looked at Ventus.

“Vanitas-”

Vanitas grabbed his head and practically crashed the top of it on his own.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE DIE ON ME, VENTUS! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE! AND DON’T PULL THAT SHIT YOU DID IN RADIANT GARDEN WITH THE AMNESIA BULLSHIT! I’M NOT WAKING YOU UP AGAIN, DUMBASS, SO YOU BETTER COME BACK SAFE! YOU HEAR ME?”

Ventus smiled like the sun. Vanitas felt its light shine on his dark, twisted heart.

“I’ll stay safe,” he promised. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Vanitas said quietly.

Ventus stood.

“You are the finest prince-knights the Realm of Light has ever seen,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “I have faith you will all return. Please take care of each other.” His voice cracked with emotion. “You are all my children. I love you more than anything in this world.”

“I love you too,” Ventus, Terra, and Aqua said.

They had said all there was to say. The prince-knights put their helmets back on to face the onslaught of Heartless. Vanitas made a corridor of darkness and followed Guardian-king Eraqus into it.

The silence of the corridors of darkness was comforting. Vanitas could feel the power his surroundings gave him. Still, the darkness was a small comfort against the lingering fear from his flashback. His heart was still beating irrationally erratically.

_ What the fuck is my problem? I’m so fucking weak I can’t even face some Heartless? I see Heartless all the time! I control Heartless! And now I’m leaving them because I’m too weak to be on the battlefield. Maybe Xehanort didn’t do enough to me. _

Guardian-king Eraqus pointed to the distance. Vanitas tilted his head and, sure enough, he felt that it led to a small cave not far from where the talks broke down. They walked through the corridor, and Vanitas opened it to the other side.

The cave was small and already crawling with Heartless. Guardian-king Eraqus blasted them away with a light spell that left spots in Vanitas’s vision. He walked to the entrance of the cave and knelt. Vanitas looked away from another blast of light.

“That will keep the Heartless out,” Guardian-king Eraqus said.

Vanitas collapsed against the walls. They were covered in drawings that Vanitas would look at if he gave a shit.

“Are you sure you still want me as a prince-knight, old man? What good will I do if I can’t even face more than three fucking Heartless at a time? Do you want a prince-knight who gets a panic attack if someone fucking touches him wrong? I’m only good at one thing, and it’s not the kind of thing prince-knights are known for!”

Guardian-king Eraqus opened his mouth to respond, but Vanitas tilted his head and held out his hand. He heard the sound of five pairs of small footsteps.

“The kids are coming,” Vanitas said. “Something’s wrong.”

Princess Kairi and Naminé burst into the cave first. Sora and Roxas were next, and Xion brought up the rear.

“Vanii!” Xion called. “Something’s wrong with Roxas!”

Sora was holding his hand and talking to him quietly.

“Vanii’s right here. We’re going to be okay now, alright?”

“What happened?”

“We were fighting a swarm of Heartless and Roxas started to panic,” Xion explained. “It happens sometimes, but it’s never like this!”

Vanitas knelt and looked at Roxas. His eyes were unfocused and his breathing was heavy. When he saw Vanitas, his eyes focused on him, but they were still off.

“Vanii?”

Vanitas took his hands.

“I’m right here, Rox. What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean what’s wrong? Heartless could come any second now, we need to go!”

So he was reliving Radiant Garden, too.

Vanitas looked into his eyes.

“I know everything’s really scary right now, but you’re safe. Vanii’s right here, and so is Sora, and Xion. Nothing’s going to hurt you anymore. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe. Everything’s alright. Now, we’re going to breathe together, okay? Deep breath in… hold it, and let it go. Good. Again, deep breath in… hold it, and let it go. Deep breath in...”

Roxas reluctantly breathed with him. Some of the panic left his eyes.

“Now I’m going to touch the back of your neck, okay? I’ll help you, I promise. Is that okay?”

Roxas nodded. Vanitas covered his hand in ice and touched it to the back of Roxas’s neck. Roxas gasped.

“Deep breaths, Roxas. Deep breaths, just like we were doing before. In… out. In… out. One more time- in… out. Can you do it by yourself now?”

Roxas nodded. He looked tired.

“Congratulations, bud. You just survived your first flashback. How do you feel?”

“Bad.”

Vanitas laughed quietly. “Yeah, they suck. But you did a great job. The worst should be over. Let’s sit you down. Keep breathing.”

Roxas practically collapsed onto the wall. Sora sat next to him, and Roxas curled against him.

Vanitas felt eyes on him and looked up.

Guardian-king Eraqus was smiling at him.

“The fuck are you smiling at, old man?”

“You were just worrying about your ability to be a prince-knight, but you just cleared my last doubts,” Guardian-king Eraqus said. “A prince-knight’s job is not to fight people, or even Heartless, but to help those who need it. You did an excellent job just now, and without any formal training. I couldn’t have done better myself.”

“It’s not that impressive. You hear the words ‘breathe’ a couple thousand times and pick it up pretty quickly. Besides, it’s my little brother. It’s easy to be nice to him. That doesn’t mean I have the patience for some random dumbass Lightner.”

Still, it felt nice to be praised. But Vanitas was pretty sure Guardian-king Eraqus just wanted another Keyblade around. Just like Xehanort.

Nope, fuck that. Guardian-king Eraqus had a stick up his ass, but Vanitas would trust him way faster than he trusted Xehanort, if only to spite him. Besides, it would be nice to have a different face associated with the word ‘Master.’

Vanitas dug the Wayfinder from his pocket and held it out. Maybe he would accept his ridiculous offer, but it all depended on the battle he couldn’t fight.

“They’re still alive,” Naminé said quietly. She was sitting next to her sister in the far end of the cave, staring at something outside.

“How the fuck do you know?”

Naminé looked at Vanitas without a trace of fear in her eyes. “The whole world is connected by chains. Each link is a memory that connects us together. And I can see all of them.” She looked back at Vanitas’s chest. “They’re not dead.”

A chain of memories, huh? Vanitas thought of the length of chain wrapped around Void Gear. He thought it was an eternal shackle to Xehanort, but chains were connections by nature, not bindings. Maybe they were his link to his family.

He tightened his grip around his Wayfinder.

“You better tell me if that changes,” Vanitas said.

“I will,” she said quietly.

Vanitas held up his Wayfinder, and stared through it into the bright entrance of the cave, waiting for the rest of his family to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "wow did you really give vanitas a ptsd flashback so he could get out of the final battle?"  
no, actually, it was the other way around. i was going to have him fight in the final battle, but his cptsd from the battle of Radiant Garden wouldn't let him. It ended up better this way, but I didn't intentionally make his ptsd worse to get him out of the way. it was always there, it just had never popped up before, which happens sometimes.  
just wanted to make that clear.


	55. Long live King Xehanort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: graphic violence

Terra shifted on his glider. They had flown up to get a better look at the battlefield and to avoid most of the Heartless, but they couldn’t find Prince Ansem amongst the swarm of Heartless that crawled over every surface. 

He was worried about Vanitas, but he knew that he would want Terra to focus on the mission.

_ Kill Prince Ansem. _

Deep in his heart, Terra didn’t want to kill him. Ansem was the only Darkner royal with anything approaching a good heart. Besides, from what Naminé had told him, he was the closest thing King Xehanort had to a healthy familial connection. But the alternative was Lightner civilians falling to endless droves of Heartless or turning in Vanitas, and Terra wouldn’t trade his people or his family for the Darkners’. 

Ven pointed. Terra looked and saw Ansem looking over the flow of Heartless with his arms crossed.

Aqua signaled, and they dove. The second they hit the sand, Aqua put up a barrier around all of them.

They didn’t waste time talking. Ven and Terra leapt at Ansem, Keyblades razor-sharp. Aqua stood back, blasting Ansem with a flurry of spells. Ansem curled his fists, and darkness rose from the shadows and covered him like a second skin. When Terra swung Ends of the Earth at Ansem’s neck, he simply blocked it with his arm. Ven swiped at his leg and leapt back.

Ansem tried to shoot a ball of dark fire at Aqua, but she dodged it and returned fire with a thunderbolt from Stormfall. He staggered back, and Terra used the opportunity to swing at the back of his neck. Ansem ducked and punched Terra in the face so hard his helmet splintered.

The crack in his helmet was distracting, so Terra retracted it into his crown. Ven covered him enough to do so. When Ansem turned his head towards Ven, Aqua pummeled him with a storm of fire.

Ansem kept trying to aim for Aqua; he knew exactly who was responsible for the barrier that kept them from the Heartless. But between Terra’s heavy blows and Ven’s quick jabs, he never had the ability to aim very well. When he did, Aqua merely leapt out of the way and pummeled him with a series of spells.

Terra and his friends weren’t making much progress either. Even the hardest and sharpest of strikes merely knocked Ansem back. Some of Ven’s swipes managed to break the armor, but they were hairline cracks in an otherwise smooth surface.

He tried to hit Ven with an overhead strike, but Terra blocked it with Ends of the Earth and kicked him in the stomach. Ansem stumbled back. Terra pressed him further back with hard, punishing strikes. Ansem struck back with a kick of his own. Terra blocked it, but the force pushed him back to almost where Aqua was.

Ansem turned back to Aqua. He opened his hand, readying a blast of dark magic. Ven leapt forward, Wayward Wind ready to slice his arm.

Suddenly, Ansem changed direction. Before Ven could jump out of the way, he grabbed his helmet. Ansem crushed it with his bare hands, threw Ven to the ground, and stomped on his back.

Terra could hear the bone crack from the other end of the battlefield.

“VEN!”

Terra screamed in rage and blasted his enemy with dark fire that made him stumble back. Anger flared through him so potently he could feel his eyes glow. His darkness flared around him in a miasma of fury.

He rained down blows on his enemy with the force of an avalanche. The one who dared to hurt Ven could do nothing but cower and fruitlessly try to block as Terra tore his armor away with every swing of Ends of the Earth.

Terra swiped at his enemy’s knee. The armor around it shattered, and his enemy collapsed onto it with a hiss. Another blow sliced through his arm and dented the armor around his ribcage. His enemy screamed and grabbed the remaining stump. Terra smelled burning flesh.

He kicked his enemy in the stomach and stomped on it, just like he had done to Ven. His enemy gasped. Terra pinned him to the ground with his foot and raised Ends of the Earth, ready to kill the one who dared to lay a finger on his friend, his  _ family _ -

“ANSEM!”

-and instead looked up and met shattered-glass eyes with his own. 

Xehanort was raining blows on Aqua’s barrier, and it was cracking under the strain.

Terra felt his rage lessen. He looked at Aqua. She had retracted her helmet into her crown and removed Ven’s all together. His head was in her lap, and Terra could smell healing magic.

“How is he?” Terra asked. His voice was hoarse.

“Ansem missed his spine. He’ll be okay.”

Terra relaxed a little. The fire died from his eyes. “Let him in.”

Aqua’s barrier flickered as Xehanort put his weight into a strike, causing him to stumble in. Before he could recover, Terra whipped his Keyblade, just as Xehanort had done so many times before, and struck his right hand. The tip was dull enough to shatter the bones. Xehanort cried out, looked forward, and-

It was not his heart that told Terra to grab behind him, but his memories of countless battles with Xehanort. He wrenched Xehanort’s left hand and dragged him so he was in front of him.

“Stop this,” Terra said in deadly calm Zalaamic. “All of it.”

“Why should I?” Xehanort spat.

“Because if you don’t, I’ll kill your brother.”

“I’m not sure you have the guts.”

“I don’t bluff. You know that.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“Do you know what will happen if I kill him? Every single Heartless under his control will become wild again. Your people will fall to them in droves. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Walk away. Go home. Heal. Lead your people into a new era of prosperity, not war.”

“Oh, I see,” Xehanort drawled. “When you Lightners take vengeance it’s alright, no matter how gruesome, but if I want to avenge my king, my  _ father _ , the burden of forgiveness is on me? I didn’t ask you to avenge me!” His voice cracked. “What you did was wrong. I don’t care what your guardian-king said-  _ you had no right! _ ” 

“It wasn’t just for you,” Terra said. “I saw him holding my brother by the neck. I was going to talk things out, to ask why he was doing what he was doing. But then I remembered what he had done and I wasn’t going to let him hurt another person. I had to stop him. Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did-”

“You’re right.”

“-but it’s too late now. It already happened. Now you’re the only one who can stop this from going any further. What your father did to you- did to  _ us _ \- was wrong. You deserve so much more than a lifetime in his shadow. Let him go. You are so much more than your father- don’t define your rule by his death. Don’t give your people- don’t give your brother for the slim chance of vengeance that won’t heal you. Be more than him. Be better than him. I know you can be.”

Xehanort tilted up his chin and looked down his nose.

“You’re stupid, Terra. I’ve said it so many times that you don’t believe me anymore, but it’s true. I’m nothing but my father.”

“No you’re not,” Terra said. “I know you were made from his heart, but you’re not him. You’re cruel, but at least you are honest in your cruelty. And that doesn’t have to be the only difference between you. Be your own person. Free yourself from him. You might not be mad at him yet, and that’s okay, but you deserved a better father.”

“How dare you?” Xehanort hissed. “My father loved me.”

Terra’s voice softened. “Yeah, he did. There was nothing and no one he loved more in all of Scala ad Caelum. But it wasn’t the love you deserved. It doesn’t make what he did to you right. Don’t hurt your people; don’t hurt your brother; don’t hurt  _ yourself _ in his name. Walk away. Please. You don’t have to do this.”

Xehanort was quiet. Terra’s heart stewed in fear and hope. 

He could still hear the scratch of Heartless claws as they scurried like ants over Aqua’s barrier. Terra didn’t dare to tear his eyes away from Xehanort, but he could hear Aqua and Ven’s breathing. Below them, Ansem huffed in pained pants. Terra didn’t move his Keyblade from its position.

“You’re wrong,” Xehanort finally said. “I’m my father’s son. It’s my duty to avenge him, no matter the cost.”

Terra’s heart wrenched. It felt like it had broken in his chest. Tears blurred his vision.

“Hmph, you really are pathetic. Crying as you kill your enemies? Or do you not have the guts to do it?”

“I’m sorry,” Terra said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough to figure out what was happening sooner. I’m sorry I couldn’t see past your anger and see the pain underneath until it was too late. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” He choked on a sob. “I’m so sorry.” 

Xehanort looked like he had been struck.

Terra took a shuddering breath. “But that’s not going to stop me from protecting my people. If it’s a war you want, get ready to lose it.”

Terra raised Ends of the Earth above Ansem’s neck.

He slammed it down.

“STOP!”

Terra looked up. For an instant, he saw the chains around Xehanort’s neck. A single link cracked and split, and the entire noose slipped free.

Ends of the Earth was balanced on the tip of Ansem’s throat. A trickle of blood ran down his neck and into the sand.

“Ansem,” Xehanort said quietly. “Withdraw the Heartless. We’re going home.”

“Yes, my king.”

The Heartless instantly froze in place. They stood there, still as statues, before dipping into the shadows and racing towards Ansem. Aqua lowered her barrier to let them in. It only took a few seconds for all of them to melt into Ansem’s shadow. The sun felt warmer on the Destiny Islands without the Heartless staining the bright sand.

Terra smiled.

“You win,” Xehanort spat. “Are you happy?”

“I am happy,” Terra said, “because you won. You freed yourself from your father. You have shown that your heart is incredibly strong.”

Xehanort scoffed and looked down at Ansem.

“Get some Heartless to carry you home. I’ll open the dark corridor.”

“Yes, my king.”

A few of the Heartless with Ansem’s mark formed a palanquin for him and lifted him up.

Terra walked over to Aqua and Ven. Ven blinked up at him as he kneeled down.

“Did we win?” he croaked.

“No, we stopped fighting.”

Ven smiled. “Good. I’m glad.”

Aqua ran her hand through his hair. Terra took his hand.

“Did you mean what you said that night?” Xehanort asked quietly.

“I had no idea you even heard it,” Ansem said. “I wouldn’t bother lying to someone who was asleep.”

Xehanort laughed. It was short and dry, but it was the first time Terra had ever heard him laugh.

“I hope you find peace, Xehanort,” Terra called.

If he heard Terra, he did not turn around to acknowledge it.

Right before he stepped through the corridor of darkness, Xehanort’s image flickered, and Terra saw the man he would become. He didn’t know if he would be a good man, or even a decent one, but he would be his own man.

And for Terra, that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cycle of abuse is not a guarantee. You are not destined to become your abuser.


	56. Epilogue: It’s all right

Aqua stretched with a smile. The Destiny Islands were just as warm and humid as they were a week ago, but it was less horrible in swimming clothes. She was still wearing her armor crown, but it was only to blend into all of their new apprentice prince-knights. They were all so excited to receive their armor crowns none of them wanted to take them off.

Even Vanitas.

His armor crown was black and blood red, with lighting-bolt shaped wings that went back like antennae. He was trying to sneak up on Guardian-king Eraqus, who was reclining in the shade, but Guardian-king Eraqus summoned a barrier around him without even summoning Master Keeper. Aqua could hear Vanitas’s sigh in disappointment from her own shady spot. It made her smile.

Princess Kairi was chatting with Riku. Her crown had wings now; she would be starting prince-knight training on top of her Princess of Heart training. Aqua had no idea how they would balance the curriculum, but they had managed crazier things. Besides, Princess Kairi was an eager student. She would make it work.

Riku couldn’t stop touching his armor crown. It made Aqua smile. She did the same thing when she first received hers.

Boyish laughter drew Aqua’s gaze to her right. Sora had shoved an entire bunch of grapes in his mouth, but they didn’t fit, and Roxas was laughing as he coughed them up. Roxas’s spiky armor crown shone in the sun. Sora’s was different from everybody else’s- it rested on top of his hair instead of around his brow. Aqua had no idea why, and if the fairies did, they didn’t tell her.

“Aqua!” Xion ran up to her. Her armor crown was the best of the new prince-knights in Aqua’s opinion, because her wings were a pair of spikes on the side of her head that looked like little ears. “I saw a Heartless.”

Aqua stood up and summoned Stormfall. “Where?”

“By the drink table.”

“Alright. I’ll check it out. You can keep playing.”

“Let us know if there are Heartless to kill,” Xion said. “We’re very good at it. We can help.”

She joined Roxas and Sora by the snack table.

Roxas and Xion were the students Aqua was most worried about. Growing up in Castle Oblivion had made them violent and deadly. But if  _ Vanitas _ could learn how to talk someone out of a flashback, they would be able to learn how to resolve conflict without summoning their Keyblades.

Aqua went to the drink table. Sure enough, a small Heartless jumped off it and onto the sand, balancing a cup full of water in its small arms. She followed it as it waddled down the beach and into the trees. It stepped in between two bushes.

“Thank you,” a familiar voice whispered.

Aqua stepped through and found Terra leaning against a tree. Ven and Naminé were fast asleep on his legs. Terra had the cup of water in his hand and a guilty look on his face when he saw Aqua.

“I didn’t want to wake them,” he whispered.

Aqua tiptoed away so her laughter wouldn’t wake them.

It was inevitable that Keyblades would be summoned. Less inevitable was the crowd of children chanting her and Terra’s name.

“What do you say?” Terra asked with a cocky smile. “Should we give them a show?”

Aqua summoned Stormfall and her armor. “Why not?”

“I call fighting the winner!” Ven shouted.

Despite the setting, the two of them went all out. Spells flew from Stormfall, and Terra’s eyes flickered to gold early into the fight. Aqua didn’t even pause when she saw it. Just because darkness covered his Keyblade didn’t mean that he was more likely to hurt her than he normally was. 

And it didn’t mean he was more likely to win. At the end, Terra was on the ground, and Stormfall was at his throat.

The gold faded from his eyes.

“Good fight,” he panted.

Aqua held out a hand to pull Terra up. Terra took it and dragged her down.

She yelped, and they rolled on the sand for another minute, laughing and trying in vain to get the other’s armor to behave like clothes long enough to be used for a choke. Finally, Terra used his overwhelming size to get Aqua into an arm bar.

“Cheater,” she mumbled as she tapped out.

They were both grinning.

“Me next!” Ven called. His armor was already on.

Aqua gave herself a minute to breathe before returning to a fighting stance.

“Let’s go, Ven.”

In a way, fighting Ven was just as familiar as fighting Terra. He was a lot trickier, jumping in and out of her range and rolling away from her most powerful spells with ease. She let her heart take over, instinctively blocking, dodging, and attacking as she looked for an opening.

Ven’s eyes were narrowed in determination. Aqua realized hers were, too.

He jumped in for a strike. She blocked with Stormfall, but Ven twisted the teeth of Wayward Wind in an attempt to disarm her. Quick as a flash, Aqua dismissed Stormfall and summoned it in her left hand. Before he could change positions, she tapped the side of his neck with Stormfall.

“Good fight, Ven.”

Ven scowled and dropped Wayward Wind. He dismissed it before it hit the ground.

“Good fight,” he mumbled back.

Aqua retracted her armor and looked around, but the crowd around them was completely gone. She saw everyone crowded around the food table, making eyes at the cake Guardian-king Eraqus was bringing from the Gummi Ship.

The sound of a sniffle drew Aqua’s attention back to Ven. He had retracted his armor and was wiping his eyes with his hand.

“What’s wrong, Ven?”

“I- just- I really wanted to win. I put everything into that fight, and you still won, even after fighting Terra! You and Terra are equals, and Vanitas is just as good as you are. I want to be just as good as all of you, but it feels like I’m never gonna catch up.”

Aqua wiped the tears from his cheeks.

“Oh, Ven. You fought really well. I had to try my hardest to win. There’s a reason the Master discourages comparing ourselves against each other. You’ve grown so much and so quickly since you first came to us. I wish you could see that. Besides, we’re all good at different things. Being a prince-knight is more than fighting. You know that. You’re better with people than Terra is. And you’re much faster than I am. Vanitas might be good at fighting, but he’s going to have to learn things that come naturally to you, like compassion. You’re going to become a full-fledged prince-knight soon. He’s going to have to work very hard if he wants to be promoted with you. And even with fighting, it’s not going to be long before you stand equal with us. By the time you become a full-fledged prince-knight, you’ll be just as good as we are. I can feel it in my heart.” 

Ven smiled. It made Aqua’s heart glow.

“Thanks, Aqua.”

“Of course. Now let’s get some birthday cake.”

Ven pouted. 

“I can’t, remember?”

“Maybe Vanitas will let you have some," Aqua said with a smile. "And if he doesn’t, I’ll sneak you some.”

Ven’s eyes lit up. 

“Really?”

“Just make sure to keep it a secret. Lie if you have to. Think of it as practice.”

He grinned.

“Alright!”

Everyone looked at them impatiently as they jogged up to the table.

“The Master wouldn’t let us start without you,” Vanitas said. “What took you so long?”

Before Aqua could answer, Guardian-king Eraqus spoke up.

“Now that we’re all here, I would like to propose a toast.” Everyone picked up their drink glasses. “I can’t say if there’s ever been a time that we’ve had this many apprentice prince-knights at the Land of Departure. It is a gift to have so many Keyblade wielders with us, and I look forward to teaching you all.” The new apprentice prince-knights smiled. Guardian-king Eraqus smiled down at Sora and Roxas. “And, of course, happy tenth birthday, you two. May it be the first of many more we all share together.”

They all drank.

“This is already the best birthday ever,” Sora said. 

Roxas nodded in agreement.

“We get the first slice of cake, right?” he asked.

Aqua smiled. She couldn’t stop smiling. Their truce with the Realm of Darkness was fragile and uncertain, but they had time to figure things out. Meanwhile, they could train the best batch of prince-knights to ever walk Scala ad Caelum. Terra and Vanitas would heal, in time, growing around the scars in their hearts, and they and Ven would help Aqua carry the burden of the throne. 

Her heart glowed with so much light she felt like a Princess of Heart. The future was as bright as her heart was, and it made it shine even more.

Everything was alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a special shout-out to my beta readers: adraggynamedjade and IWP_chan. Your support meant so much to me in the days before submission.
> 
> And thank you so much for reading!


	57. Secret Ending: The death of King Xehanort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: blood mention

Here is what Ven never told Aqua- not because he didn’t trust her or love her enough, but because even Vanitas knew it was not something to speak of.

He had been breathing with Terra in the halls of the Darkner castle, Xehanort’s blood on his hands and at his feet, when he heard Vanitas say something.

“Fucking finally.”

The hair on the back of Ven’s neck stood straight up. He looked past Terra and towards Vanitas.

He was standing on the bloody ruins of Xehanort’s body, holding something in his hands. It shone through the gaps in his fingers.

Vanitas was holding Xehanort’s heart.

“Vanitas, what are you doing?” Ven called.

Vanitas laughed, but it wasn’t at him. All of his focus was on the heart in his hands.

“Finally, you feel just as afraid as you made me feel then! You feel just as afraid as you made me feel every day!” Vanitas’s voice had risen in anger, but it shifted into a laugh so sadistic Ven had never heard anything like it, even at Vanitas’s darkest moments. “You’re right to be afraid. You know exactly what I’m going to do with you. And I’m going to enjoy it.”

“Vanitas!” Ven shouted.

Slowly, Vanitas closed his hands around the heart.

First it was a splintering sound. Ven felt it with his heart as much as he heard it. He clutched his ears and screwed his eyes closed with a cry of pain. He heard Terra do the same thing next to him.

The sound shifted to something like the slow splitting of crushed glass, but it kept going. It felt like his skin was being turned inside out. Terra was whimpering and gasping at the sound. Ven couldn’t even cry out any more.

Finally, it ended with a sickening crack that threw Ven on his knees.

He looked up at Vanitas.

“What did you do?”

Vanitas brushed his hands together. Small shards of Xehanort’s heart flew off and dissolved into nothing. It was beautiful and horrible.

Vanitas was smiling.

Then Ven heard the scream.

He clutched his ears again and briefly saw Vanitas do the same thing before squeezing his eyes shut again. 

“Ven? What’s wrong?”

Terra couldn’t hear it, Ven realized. He couldn’t hear the countless hearts wailing in pain. He couldn’t hear the endless cry of Kingdom Hearts itself at the eternal loss of one of its parts. He couldn’t hear the mournful howl of a being forever broken in a way that could not be replaced.

Ven knew that somewhere in Scala ad Caelum, the rest of his siblings could hear it, too. Whatever magical force that bound them together made them all hear the cost of their brother’s vengeance. 

Finally, right as Ven thought the sound would never end, it faded. 

He slumped on his hands, gasping for breath, before looking up at his brother. 

“What did you do?”

Vanitas looked down at him with Heartless-yellow eyes. 

“I killed Xehanort, just as I was destined to do.”

Ven had no words for the crime that Vanitas had just committed. War criminals didn’t deserve that; no one deserved that. No one deserved to be deprived of the redemption of Kingdom Hearts. There were parents, friends, loved ones who would always feel something missing, a piece of their heart that could never be filled. 

Because of Vanitas. 

“How could you?”

Vanitas cocked his head and narrowed his monstrous, glowing yellow eyes. His voice was serious, but not solemn. 

“I didn’t know if he would face justice for what he did. I didn’t know if Kingdom Hearts would make him pay for it. So I took matters into my own hands.” He looked down at the hands that had wiped out someone’s existence. “Heh. Hands.”

Vanitas was joking at a time like this?

“I understand.”

Ven whirled his head to look at Terra. His face was stony. 

How could Terra understand? What had happened to him in the year he was gone?

Ven could never understand. He would never understand the crime of his brother; no, he would never understand his brother. Not really. 

“He can never hurt anyone ever again,” Vanitas said quietly. 

But just because Ven couldn’t understand him didn’t mean he couldn’t love him. 

Vanitas looked at Ven. 

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Ven looked up, shook his head, and forgave Vanitas for his unforgivable crime. Terra helped Ven off the blood-drenched floor. 

Vanitas was looking at his hands again with a smile. 

“I killed Xehanort.” He looked at Ven and Terra. “Things will be a lot simpler if we say I stabbed him, too, but anyone with a lick of sense will figure out what happened if they see how much blood you both have on you. Put on your armor.”

Ven put on his armor. Beside him, he heard Terra do the same thing. 

Together, they turned and walked away, leaving Xehanort behind them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. For real this time.  
If you're the kind of person who likes re-reading things and you liked this fic, I highly recommend you do so. There's a lot of foreshadowing for ever this twist early on, and I think you'll have a lot of fun spotting it.
> 
> On a more serious note, abuse is a big problem. Around 12-18% of girls and 5-8% of boys experience child sexual abuse (Martin and Silverstone 2013). You probably know someone who has been impacted by this. It's scary common. I over represented male survivors in this story, but they certainly exist.  
Throughout the story, Vexen and Prince Ansem both struggle to help children they know are going through abuse, because Scala ad Caelum doesn't have resources to help people going through abuse. Luckily, we do.  
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) is the largest organization dedicated to combating sexual violence of all kinds, including CSA. You can go to their website at https://www.rainn.org/ or call them at 800-656-4673  
If the relationship between Xehanort and Terra or Xehanort and Vanitas feels too familiar and you are suspecting that you might be in an abusive relationship, know that it is not your fault. I highly encourage you check out the books I mentioned in the beginning of the fic, go to https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-7233 for the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. You deserve to treated with respect.
> 
> On a less serious note, I made some shitposts for this fic. Here are the links:  
https://twitter.com/Rudolphsd2/status/1230892270972354568  
https://twitter.com/Rudolphsd2/status/1230892275347050496

**Author's Note:**

> I made an official twitter account for my ao3 account. Follow me if you'd like for (perhaps) more commentary: https://twitter.com/Rudolphsd2
> 
> I'll be updating this several times a week because goddamn it is LONG. 150k words. I want to say every other day-ish, but it won't be nearly as regular as updates on A Second Chance. It's all done, though, so you don't have to worry about abandonment.


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